Split ends

I'm occupying my time with the most irrelevant things like watching cooking shows on YouTube at 2 in the morning because I'm doing anything I can to get my mind off him.

But I just can't.

I've been thinking about him the whole day, even when I was at the exhibition with Yu and Xia though I doubt that they noticed that I wasn't as cheerful as usual. I did my best to hide it but I just couldn't enjoy the exhibition as fun as it was.

I attended Mass and had some shopping done for my dinner tomorrow and I ate dinner out by myself and yeah, it really does sound sad but I needed some time to think alone.

I actually considered going to a bar but I wasn't wearing the correct outfit for the occasion and neither did I feel hot enough to be a beautiful woman, alone at the bar.

I'm really not in the mood to be productive now and I just want to laze all day but I just can't seem to bring myself to do that. I actually get guilty when I indulge even the slightest bit.

The thing is, I'm just... lost. In a way.

I'm pretty much thankful that he isn't avoiding me on Facebook (like going offline when he's actually on, which I actually did to a guy a couple of years back...) even though he didn't reply to my birthday wish to him but oh did he like everyone's wall post on his wall. Yeah. That stings just a little bit.

I feel a bit better when I write all of this out instead of only keeping it inside my head. My mind feels so heavy and stuffed like a grandma's armchair.

He's probably indifferent towards this situation and doesn't think of me more than once in a week. Such a big contrast to what's on my mind hahaha.

Okay, guess that's just it. Hopefully I will get to move on slowly.

I still would like to be his friend though, a real one. I'd like to experience what it's like to have a real guy friend since I actually don't have any.