It was benign and it's slowly becoming malignant

It's bad. It's so freaking bad.

I can't stop thinking about him, as cheesy and 'urgh!'-making as it sounds.

I keep thinking about how close I was with him that day. How I actually saw him so close to me and even though I did make eye contact from time to time and did my best to look at him normally, I completely forgot how he looks like on a closer inspection and I feel like I spaced out through out that entire time.

Now when I see him online I don't know what to do. I want to message him but I don't have a valid reason to do so and unlike my other friends, whom I've talked with and hung out with a couple of times before, it would be odd to just say "Hello!" out of the blue.

So I don't message him, which in a way is a good thing so I don't come off as desperate.

But even though I hate to admit it, I am. =-=

I want to know him even more.

And this is one of the reasons why I don't like having these kinds of feelings. I'll start to change and before I know it, I'll be some horrible girl who can't mind her own business and I really don't want to be that kind of person at all.

I really want to talk with him and see him smile and grin again but that'll be a bit impossible now.

I added him to our class's group today and I guess that's enough interaction for today. I meant it as a nice gesture because none of his other friends added him in and I still wonder why. I hope that he's a bit happy with that. I know I'm happy that he's taking part in it.

Why oh why do I always raise my hopes so high up?