It was benign and it's slowly becoming malignant

It's bad. It's so freaking bad.

I can't stop thinking about him, as cheesy and 'urgh!'-making as it sounds.

I keep thinking about how close I was with him that day. How I actually saw him so close to me and even though I did make eye contact from time to time and did my best to look at him normally, I completely forgot how he looks like on a closer inspection and I feel like I spaced out through out that entire time.

Now when I see him online I don't know what to do. I want to message him but I don't have a valid reason to do so and unlike my other friends, whom I've talked with and hung out with a couple of times before, it would be odd to just say "Hello!" out of the blue.

So I don't message him, which in a way is a good thing so I don't come off as desperate.

But even though I hate to admit it, I am. =-=

I want to know him even more.

And this is one of the reasons why I don't like having these kinds of feelings. I'll start to change and before I know it, I'll be some horrible girl who can't mind her own business and I really don't want to be that kind of person at all.

I really want to talk with him and see him smile and grin again but that'll be a bit impossible now.

I added him to our class's group today and I guess that's enough interaction for today. I meant it as a nice gesture because none of his other friends added him in and I still wonder why. I hope that he's a bit happy with that. I know I'm happy that he's taking part in it.

Why oh why do I always raise my hopes so high up?

Behind

I thought that Prince would go to on the class field trip to Venice to see the Biennale exhibition but he didn't so I was a bit disappointed but since I have been working hard on not trying to raise my hopes too high up, I wasn't that upset.

Today I was a bit late for class so when I finally got to class, almost everywhere was full so I had a hard time trying to find Yu but I found her roommate who was sitting near her bag after a minute or so. 

During that time, I was also scanning the class for Prince and I found him but he was sitting on the other side of the room and for a moment, I considered going to sit there since, at that time, I couldn't find Yu. When I found her bag though I made the decision to sit where she sat.

A few seconds later, Prince got up and walked over to our side and sat behind us cause his friends were sitting behind us and naturally I became just that bit more happy. Throughout the lesson, I was partly listening to him mock the teacher in English which is weird cause he usually speaks Siberian with his friends.

Now I'd like to think he spoke in English so that I could understand but that is just a fantasy.

Before the lecture started, I talked a lot with Yu which is a habit of mine whenever I'm near the guy that I am interested in. And it could be just my feelings or something but when class ended and he was talking with his friends (most of them are girls), he looked at me as I passed him.

During lunch time, I sat together with Yu and Isa outside the lecture hall and Yu and I talked about Prince with Isa. 

It surprises me that Isa never felt attracted to any guy before but then again, everyone is different and has their own preferences.

When Prince appeared in front of us, Yu began openly staring at him and she asked Isa to stare at him as well so both of them began to openly stare at him which was okay since he was around 3-4 metres away from us but still. 

And somehow I felt like he looked in our direction sometimes. I felt that his friend also looked our way a couple of times but it's just a feeling.

I was hoping that he'd sit behind us again for the afternoon lecture and he kind of did although we were separated by one seat. This time though, he sat directly behind me unlike that morning where he sat behind Yu.

Yu thinks he's very good looking as well, by the way hahaha. We have a lot of things in common. Typical for A blood type people to stick together hahahaha. XD

Anyway, during the break for the afternoon class, I went in front to ask the professor some questions and at first Prince stayed in his seat but he got up and started to follow his friends out of class.

But instead of immediately going out, he paused in front of the professor desk and I thought he was going to ask questions as well but then he began talking with another guy there but he stopped after some time and just stood there for awhile before he went out.

I don't know why but I felt like he was looking at me. It's just a feeling though.

Notice the amount of uncertainty I'm using. It's cause I don't want to raise my hopes too high up.

I feel sad that we only have four days of school cause I won't be able to see him till next Monday but it's okay cause there's no point in being sad if he doesn't even notice me.

I hope though that we'll be able to talk and become friends one day, unlike in Law's case.