Deriving from the past

At certain moments today, I felt like I fell a bit for Prince. I guess when you're in the middle of trying to let your feelings fade away it really doesn't help if you can visibly see that person at least a couple of times a week.

Maybe it's influence from this manga I've just started reading called Strobe Edge by Sakisaka Io, a mangaka which I admire because her stories are not your typical ones.

Anyway, that manga sounds almost like my story whereby the heroine fell for a guy who's already going out with someone and that one of her classmates like her. Of course there're the differentiating elements like the sister of the classmate that likes her is actually going out with the guy she likes but that's a different story. I haven't finished reading it though although it is a completed series. Reading the manga also made me realise that I tend to fall for kind guys, like Prince. XD

But back to today. We didn't make eye-contact or anything at all but we sat relatively near each other today, almost side by side but he sat a desk behind me and an aisle separated us. We got pretty close at some points like when we were taking back our test papers but all he did was approach me quite timidly to look at my paper before going away. I need to do something to lighten the atmosphere.

Tia almost dared me to rap in front of him. XD I think I would have done it but at the moment that she dared me to I wasn't quite prepared. Ah well.

Prince and I have almost similar minds, really.

For instance if he was in my place, taking back his papers and looking through them with some friends, I would timidly approach him as well.

Also, and this was totally unexpected, we both said the same thing at the same time when the professor asked the class a question.

Well, he didn't really ask a question, he just said "So we can have smaller amplitudes and more subdivisions within this interval so the amount of subdivisions that is possible in this interval is...?"

And then Prince and I said "Infinite." XD

It was about integrals if you were wondering hahahaha. I wonder if he noticed that but I guess he wouldn't.

I do hope that he at least finds me interesting enough to become his friend.

Maybe that's possible. He could've overheard me rapping 'Love the Way You Lie' to Tia and some of my other friends. XD

And that's all for today. :)

Speak Your Mind

I think because I have an empty feeling inside of me, I always read mangas to make myself better. I really like reading those in the Slice of Life genre and these days, I've been reading them together with a hint of Romance and Comedy.

There was one that I had noticed since last year and I only got around to reading it today. It's called Love Blog!! by Fujiwara Akira.

The heroine is basically doing the same thing as me, blogging about her love life.

The difference is that she's working and she actually has a love life hahaha.

I feel somewhat comforted after reading that manga though.

There's no reason for me to feel upset for not being single. When my perfect guy comes, he'll come.

And I don't mean perfect in the sense that he's as hot as a model, as smart as a 15-year-old Harvard graduate or as rich as Bill Gates but rather in the sense that we are compatible with each other and that we will love each other unconditionally and for as long as life will last for us.

I mean, using Prince as a reference here, I might really like him and we might get together but if he cannot accept the fact that I love mangas and drawing and I might not like one attribute that he has and this causes problems that are too big to handle, then it'll be a pity wouldn't it?

I think people who really get that one person who they can't help but just love and that one person feels exactly the same way are really really lucky.

I pray that one day I will be able to experience such love as well and when I do get it, I'll be able to cherish it and protect it for as long as I live.

Blooming Sakura

I just finished reading Usami Maki's Haruyuki Bus and I love it. It touched me a lot.

Aside from that, it got me to thinking and wondering when will I ever experience something as beautiful as the manga expresses.

Is it wrong to like someone and wish to expect something in return?

Ever since I stopped liking Law, I've been too afraid to pursue anyone as seriously as I pursued him. I constantly rain down dark thoughts on myself when it comes to Prince and I am so scared of falling for him for real, just like the Law case.

Sometimes I wish I went to a Japanese school cause it seems like it's so easy to fall in love there and to hook up and get a boyfriend.

I wish I wasn't the only one with this interest and that the person that I'm interested in is also interested in me.

Mangas make you believe in such a soft-cushioned reality.

I start to imagine things, like if I do this and that something good will happen to me. Just like in mangas.

I can only wish they were real.

Remember

I have always been a seriously huge fan of manga drawings and stories and currently I am in a shoujo romantic comedy mood and even though I have assignments to be done, I can't stop reading them which is to say I'm sacrificing sleep in order to read them cause I read them in the afternoon and stay up at night to do my homework.

I love the idea of being in love, of being in a relationship, of finding that one guy who would love you for all your idiosyncrasies and flaws. I can always see it happening for others. I just can't see it happening to me.

All these manga main heroines have it easy, don't they?

A typical story goes like this: Girl falls in love with guy after guy bullied her/was kind to her and she's too afraid to say anything. Then some conflict arises and she realises how much she loves the guy so she confesses and it turns out that the guy loved her all the time.

So basically it's a happy ending.

I have yet to experience something like that. I'm actually very pessimistic about that I mean, seriously, I don't think I'm that lucky.

I could continue liking Prince, like the Law case, but this doesn't mean he likes me or that he might fall for me.

And then I begin to doubt myself.

When will I get to experience a good relationship?

All, and I mean all, of my siblings have had or are in a relationship, including my younger sister and brother and yes, I am incredibly jealous of all of them. I am also incredibly jealous of all those manga heroines cause they're living my dream.

I just wonder when it'll be my turn next.