I will not be swept away

Okay lets do the minor stuff first.

I think that Prince and I are finally on an okay-ish base. I thought that he hated me because he didn't come to see Tia and I's project yesterday despite the fact that we got an A on it (he got an A-) but he liked a post I put in our course's Facebook page and I feel that it's a sign that he's okay with me now. And yes, that does makes me feel happy and I can finally breathe. :)

On the other hand, Carl isn't. I think he's finally given up on me because he didn't even say 'hey' to me yesterday when we passed by each other even though he used to and he's a bit cold to me but I don't mind that haha. He's still trying to get a bit of my attention though.

Yesterday, the guys in our design studio started to lift themselves off the ground using the visible metal beams on the ceiling. My back was to them so when I finally turned around, I saw one of my guy friends pulling himself off the ground and so I said "Bravo!" to him since he was Italian. Tia was facing them though so she told me that before my guy friend went up, Carl also attempted to do it but he couldn't. And he also proceeded to do it after I said "Bravo!" to my guy friend and this time he managed to do it once and the guys erupted in cheers for him.

Prince could do it several times and he even managed to touch the ceiling with his feet. And then the other two guys also tried to do the same but they couldn't hahaha. I jokingly said to Tia that I had good taste in guys because Prince was strong enough to do that.

And I don't know whether I mentioned this before (perhaps I did but I couldn't find the post when I went through a few of them) but I'm actually starting to take an interest in another guy in class whom we shall call Peter. Such a safe name I know but it kind of suits him.

Yet again, he's a Chinese guy but he is only slightly taller than me, if not the same height, and he isn't what you would call good looking. Maybe cute but that's about it. From there I realised that Prince is the only guy I liked that was definitely taller than me compared to the people I liked before and that for Peter, he's the only one that isn't on-the-spot gorgeous. Not that I like him just yet as it's only an interest, not even an attraction.

So you could say that I'm not interested in his physical attributes at all, rather his personality and his taste.

For one, he actually likes Haruki Murakami I mean, seriously??? That is such an attention grabber for me because one, he reads books and two, he likes Haruki Murakami.

Two, he doesn't smoke despite the fact that some of his Chinese friends smoke as well. Or maybe he does, I don't know, but I never saw him with a cigarette between his fingers.

Three, he's really passionate about architecture and he always goes around, looking at other people's projects and listening to what the professors have to say and he also got an A for his project which he did alone (at this point Tia said that I really do have good taste in guys XD).

This has been going on for around two weeks I think and Tia was teasing me all the time about it but I didn't really mind.

I started to talk with him bit by bit though and I'm not too sure myself why but he's also being very nice to me so I'm happy with that.

Yesterday, I was feeling really insecure about the perspective drawings that I did for our perspective and at one point I felt like Tia wanted to ask him to come over and to reassure me but she didn't and I felt a bit sad by that.

But then later on, Peter himself came over and I looked up at him, made eye-contact and said "Yes?" and he smiled and said "It's very nice" with a smile and for a moment, my heart skipped a beat but it quickly disappeared. It did make me a smidgen bit happier.

He came back several times to look at it and I talked with him a bit more after the reviews ended and he said 'bye' to us when he left so I felt happy at that as well.

Naturally though, I'm not going to let myself fall for him and I know I probably said this a hundred times with reference to my past crushes but I'm definitely not going to be lenient on this one because for one, even though he's single, I have a feeling that he already likes another girl who keeps commenting on his profile pictures and statuses.

And yeah, I guess that's it for now. Exams will start next week and hopefully I'll be able to do well for them despite the fact that I'm really lazy now. I will study a bit tonight though.

Out of the blue

I was having my lunch when I got a phone call from one of the friends I made during the exhibition and she asked me if I'd like to hang out with her and her Greek friend and naturally the old me wanted to protest but I found myself croaking out a weak "Yes", partly due to my illness.

Which is why I found myself shopping with the both of them, walking round and round the shops and talking about random stuff.

On a side note, this made me wonder why the heck do girls bring their boyfriend to shop on the basis of wanting to "spend more time together"? I really feel sorry for all those men and I'm thankful that I'm not a shopaholic because then my ideal date wouldn't be one that my boyfriend will despise.

Anyway, let's go back to the main point.

Eventually the topic of guys came up and I more or less admitted that I was interested in Al and the friend was surprised and said that he is a nice guy.

And then she mentioned that she heard that he was interested in another woman who was at the exhibition helping out as well and even though I know that that particular woman is already in a relationship and is way older than him, I couldn't help but hear my heart sink a little. And it doesn't help that she's a model as well.

On a positive note, I feel more inspired to be healthier and prettier but even though I am not that interested in him compared to the other guys I've wrote about, I just felt a bit sad. It's as though all the guys I'm interested in have no interest in me.

I think I also felt disappointed by the fact that I thought that he was interested in me and now I fully suspect that he was just being friendly.

And come on Beth, do you really think that him liking your photo on your Facebook means anything? You're such a fool and you know that and yet you still allow yourself to place your hopes on a freaking shooting star.

But... But... The friend said something that got me thinking.

She also said that he's actually a shy person, well, seems like the type to be a shy person.

So if he is a shy person, why did he add me on Facebook only after knowing me for two days and was all chummy around me? The woman that he is (or was, I don't know) interested in only came on the third and fourth day which I don't know what my point is in bringing that up except maybe that he noticed me. But maybe after that he lost all interest.

Or he just wasn't even interested at all since shy guys tend to be even more shy around people they like.

Or if my theory is right and he is a bit like me, then he should have a bit of interest in me. Oh my brain, you make me laugh.

And this is when I think I should be better off as a lesbian cause one, I talk much more easier to girls and two, I can never get the guy I'm interested in to be interested in me.

It gives me a useless headache just thinking about it.

Why oh why are you just a helplessly desperate romantic???

Anyway, I'll be going out for an aperitif this Wednesday and for a dinner on Friday and as much as I'd like to deny it, I'm hoping to find someone to connect with. Oh man am I such a fail. My calender is actually starting to be less empty and I'm being more sociable but somehow I feel like I'm being pushed more into a dark corner.

Darn it. Where is the flashlight?

All the way home

And no, I don't mean it in the sexual way hahahaha.

I honestly, honestly thought that today would be a very bad day. Why? I only got two hours or so of sleep and I didn't have much for breakfast.

When I got to class, the professor wasn't there (she came late, typical Italian timing) and by the time I got in line so that she could check my work, I was number 12 and I wanted to finish early so that I could go back home fast and sleep.

Well, guess what?

I gave up my 12th spot to another for the 19th and again from the 19th to the 24th. Why? Because I rather see myself suffer than see others in torture, especially if they have better things to do than me.

But I actually felt less depressed and much better after doing those small tiny acts of kindness. I even gave a homeless woman some coins because I'm sure she's way more hungry than I am. It felt good to give back to the world.

Also, I talked with both Tia and Rosa today (on separate occasions that is) about Prince and they both thought that he wasn't pissed off with me, just that he was in a bad mood. Tia even went so far as to think that he's interested in me and he's in a conflict with a girl or with Carl about me and yes, that would be a fantasy but I highly doubt it. It really made me feel better to talk about these things with someone, although I was positively blushing the whole time. I can't believe that I can blush so easily these days. I never could when I was a child and oh how my younger self wished she could and now she can. You happy now?

But anyway, how does all of this relate to Prince?

First off, he came only in the afternoon and I didn't want to believe it at first (since I got such a short glimpse of him) but I know that I can't mistake him for another person. He confirmed his presence for me though, by writing his name on the blackboard.

I have a feeling that he kind of overheard my conversation with either Tia or Rosa but I also doubt it since we were talking in low voices in front of the class while he was sitting at the back.

After my turn, I just knew I wanted to talk and apologise to him. It's because I watched a YouTube video last night, a motivational one, about how we can make ourselves better by thinking "How do I make today the best day of my life?" so I was eager to try it out.

Besides, my lack of sleep prevents any rational thinking so it was the perfect time despite the rising fear in my heart.

I actually had two choices.

1. To exit through his side (since he was sitting next to the main door).
2. To exit through the back door. Which has Carl. Who suddenly came back. After having finished his turn 2 hours ago. =-=;

Naturally I actually wanted to avoid Prince's door but thanks to Carl, I chose option 1. Luckily.

So I was opening the door, carrying a heck load of things with me, thinking that Prince would probably not notice me but he actually stopped to look at me and my insane amount of baggage for awhile and I took that as a 'Go' sign to talk with him. And thus, I did.

I can't remember exactly how it went but I'm sure I opened it up with a "Prince, I'm really sorry about yesterday." and I probably added "I'm sure you were in a bad mood" and "I'm sorry for always annoying you" to that mixture as well to which he responded in mumbles of "No, no" and I think I even heard him say either "It was my fault" or "It's not your fault".

But what made me smile all the way home was the fact that the second I spoke to him, he grinned and his eyes were the same friendly looking eyes like last time.

It really seemed like the smile of an angel's and if I had been alone in the hallway, I tell you I would've cried in relief and joy.

Really.

I immediately felt a weight being lifted from my shoulders and I felt my face lighting up and I smiled back at him and the eye contact we made was magical again.

He had very positive body language as well; his whole upper part turning to face me as we talked.

I forgot to mention two things about the Switzerland trip.

While we sat side-by-side on the first night, he had a very open body language with me, sitting with his legs wide apart and him sinking in his seat so I know that he was comfortable sitting next to me.

Also, I had a really long dream about him that first night and I don't know about what. I had another dream about him last night as well but I don't know about what either.

But anyway, I am just super relieved and happy and glad and overjoyed that he grinned at me.

And I will stop here for today because I am tired and I think I will cook dinner now and then sleep and then wake up and take a shower before working. I really need to rest and I think my body clock is seriously out of whack now.

Thank you so much, God, for today. :)

Skirts

Boy do I have a heck load of assignments to finish! In fact, I shouldn't even be on here but I want to update this blog since I won't be here for the next three days since I'll be in Switzerland and Liechtenstein for our class trip. I really do hope Prince and I will be able to become more friendlier and more comfortable with each other.

I went to class very early today because I wanted to do a wire transfer before going to class but I couldn't because it can only be done online (which I am slightly panicking about now since I don't have a specific card that I really need now).

I wore a very nice outfit today, one that I had planned to wear to class since December (sad I know right?). It consists of a cream white cardigan, a black top, a short white skirt with gold flowers on it and grey tights along with my old Converses.

And yes, I felt pretty good about my appearance today and my confidence got a little boost from Xia because she said I looked very sweet today.

I was the first one in class and I began reading some Physics notes which I need for one of my assignments and somehow I caught myself thinking "What if Prince doesn't come today? It'll be such a waste for a good outfit!" and I am really not the type of girl who normally thinks like that. All I wanted was for him to see me looking good.

Much to my surprise, he came very early, earlier than Yu and Xia even. I think he was third person to enter the classroom and at first he sat in front of me, his usual seat but then he moved far away.

And immediately I felt really sad and depressed and tired, like the all-nighter I did last night went to waste.

You can 100% bet that my spirits immediately sank and I began thinking that he really hated me and was avoiding me.

During the break, I really did want to go talk with him, especially since Carl wasn't there, but I just couldn't so I hung out around Tia instead who was sitting quite near him.

My mood got worse when I saw him talking a lot with Carl and I just felt really mad with myself.

For that whole morning, I really felt like there was a really bad energy between us. We didn't even make eye-contact when we each had to present our idea for our project in class which is odd since we almost always do.

It was as though there was something between us and I don't know about him but I was aware of it.

Like when we standing across each other, we sometimes copied each other's movements and I really felt that he glanced my way once or twice but we were kind of wary of each other.

By lunch break I couldn't stand it anymore. I was being so pitiful with myself and that was when I realised that I was just as foolish as those manga heroines that I always curse since they don't attempt to clear up the situation so I decided that I wanted to talk with him.

So I stood up and walked over to his place (Carl had already gone home and Prince was taking his time to pack up) and I asked him if he was going home already and he said no and we talked for awhile about the lecture that afternoon and I felt like my English was becoming slightly less formal and he was relaxing as well.

He smiled a lot and we even kind of made a small joke and I sure am pretty obvious now because when he said that he was coming back later I said to him "See you later!" before I left him standing there, most probably dumbstruck by how obvious I am being.

I really observed him while I was being depressed though and I kept thinking: "Why the hell did I fall for him?" He isn't very hot and he isn't a very good speaker but something in him just attracts me somehow because I feel like he is kind of like the guy version of myself.

You see, the only reason why I actually dared to go and talk to him during the lunch break is because he looked at Yu and I's drawing as he was re-entering the classroom (I was sitting right in front of the class next to the door) and it was obvious that he was looking so when that happened I couldn't help but smile and sigh in relief. If it was me, I think I would've done the same to show someone that I don't hate them. Assuming he doesn't hate me that is.

So after lunch break I really wanted to go over and talk to him because he was alone (he and Acia really don't talk a lot anymore) but I couldn't since I was already talking with some other people so I kept waiting and by the time I had the courage to, Carl was back and I didn't want to go there anymore. Carl shaved his hair off by the way.

After that, everyone left just looked at drawings and when I finally felt brave enough (because there were so few people there) I stood next to him but after that I had to go since Yu was calling me.

Yu and I had to go out though while another group was presenting their project to discuss ours and I was really a bit disappointed cause I wanted to talk with Prince, I really did.

Carl came out of the room while Yu and I were talking and he glanced our way and my heart cheered that he was going home without Prince but no, he just had to turn back after walking down the hall and he walked back inside the classroom and then he came out with Prince and he said "Good bye, Beth" and Prince mumbled something but honestly, need I say who I was actually looking at?

I said "Good bye, guys! See you tomorrow!" and at that point both of them turned around, Carl a major turn while Prince did a minor one.

However, I only looked at Prince and yet again, he had the uncertain look on his face although he was smiling slightly. I don't know, maybe he was expecting me to talk with him, I just don't know.

I hope that I'll get to sit somewhere near him on the bus tomorrow. :)

That's it for now, I have to go take a shower and get right into drawing!!!!!

Busy busy busy. But I sure am progressing and hopefully in the right way.

I would like to think that we have some kind of secret bond that only the both of us know but that is just wishful thinking.

P.S. I can't believe I missed out this part. And it's the title of my blog post as well haih... But anyway, due to the fact that I was wearing a skirt and tights, people (guys, generally) kept on looking at my legs and I don't know if that is because they look good or if they're just thick but it felt reassuring to know that I can get people's attention with the outfit I'm wearing.

The important part here is that I know that even though Prince cares about his looks and style, he is definitely not gay.

How?

At the beginning of the lunch break, while the professor was talking with some girls about their models, I had to go over to the professor to ask some questions and Prince and Carl were both approaching the professor as well.

I think it's because it's the first time that he's ever seen me in anything else but jeans and skinnies so when I stood next to the professor, awaiting my turn impatiently while fidgeting my leg up and down, I saw from the corner of my eyes that as Prince was approaching, his eyes looked down and he looked at my legs. For quite some time. So I shifted my legs and turned my head and he quickly looked away.

The fact that he looked doesn't really gross me out somehow. Maybe it's cause it's him. Maybe it's because the way that he was looking at them wasn't like the gaze of a molester, more like someone in shock.

Yeah, I sound so full of myself right now and I hate it but I'm just typing out the truth. And now I really got to get moving.

When it fills you up

Sometimes I wonder why I even fell for him in the first place.

I seem to be drawn to him even more with every passing moment and this invisible pull is almost impossible to shake off.

Sometimes all I want to do is curl up in bed and just think of him.

Other times I just want to say his name repetitively and annoy the heck out of people just by talking about him. That's probably one of the reasons why June is so bored of me already.

I can't help but keep hoping that, one way or another, we'll get closer and form a special bond. That we'll become really close. That he will fall for me.

Why must it be him? Why why why why why did I fall for him?

Also I just compared his pictures with Jong Hyun and no, they don't look alike however, the aura that they both have is frighteningly similar.

Sometimes I can't believe that I can actually like him so much that I can just think about him all the time.

Previously when I daydreamed about guys, I'd really make all these idiotic love fantasies that are way too good to be true (but which I found highly enjoyable and entertaining) and now I don't even dare to try make one up about Prince. I guess I'm too scared to dream big cause it might not happen and I could mix things up with reality and become delusional.

I seriously can't wait to go back to attending the classes because I want to see him and I want to talk with him.

I really hope with all my heart and might that we will somehow get closer during the trip.

I hope that he feels the same but then again that's a pretty big wish that I have.

I wonder if I have ever crossed his mind. Even if it was for a fleeting second. Even if it only is because I'm a classmate.

On another note, maybe the reason why I get more dreams of him then I used to have of Law is because I actually meet him in person more than Law.

Okay, I will sleep now.

My type?

I just re-watched this video about Lee Jong Hyun just now while going through my other blog: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhMwgR3yGRE&feature=g-like and I realised that I actually do have a type that I subconsciously fall for.

Well, apart from the fact that all the guys that I've had a serious interest in so far are Asian, they all hold some similar attributes and in this case, I'm going to compare Prince and Jong Hyun.

One, they are a bit awkward around people, especially around those that they aren't comfortable with.

Two, they have some kind of good boy aura around them but they kind of have some kind of hidden spice that they don't really show either.

Three, their smiles are really innocent and their entire face seriously lights up whenever they do. I don't know if Prince has any dimples or not though, unlike Jong Hyun, since I mainly make eye contact with him whenever I talk with him.

Speaking of which, Tia is plotting something so that I can get his number and although I don't really want that to happen, I'm curious enough to see how it'll go.

Anyway, continuing on, some of their physical features are also the same and they have the look that I would go for as well, dark hair, athletic build (not supremely muscular, mind you) and big eyes.

Well that's all that I'll be writing about now, I need to sleep.

Like a fluffy piece of cotton

My sister, Rainie, finally came! :D And surprisingly, or not, I wasn't a socially awkward penguin with her friends. I guess I am making some progress in the social area. :)

On the train ride from Bergamo to Milan, Rainie began to publicly discuss about Prince and even though I did mind it a bit, I wasn't pissed or anything like that. In fact, even when she and her friend began to say that Carl was really cute (since he's European) and that I should choose him since he's interested in me and that Prince wasn't really that cute, I didn't mind it at all.

I proved them wrong however about Prince. I showed them another picture of him and they began showering compliments, saying that he looks like a Hong Kong singer (that was Rainie's friend and she doesn't know that he is from Hong Kong). AHAHAHAHAHAHA. XD

Rainie was a bit worried for me about that because it seems as though I'm the only one initiating things (conversations and Facebook chats) and I can't blame her for that. In fact, sometimes I wonder if he even views me as a friend.

Just now though, while I was drawing away and doing my assignment, Rainie suddenly spoke to me.

Rainie: Beth. Beth!

Me: What?

Rainie: Prince commented on your photo.

Me: Huh? Really?

Rainie: Ya! Check it now!

And so I did and yeah he did.

It was a picture that I uploaded two hours ago that I tagged Yu in since it had the measurements for the building that we're studying now so I typed in "Measurements! :) Have a good holiday!" because she's taking off for France tomorrow.

Prince typed "pain in the ass". XD

I am shocked really, that he commented. This means that he does at least view me as someone he can communicate with through Facebook and I am happy about that.

I typed "Hahaha I know but what to do?"

When Rainie said that he commented on my photo I felt some kind of cotton candy like happiness forming inside me and amazingly, I didn't go into a hysterical euphoria unlike the time I liked Law and when he commented on my status. I'm experiencing more of a soft kind of joy somehow.

Speaking of which, I got another dream of Prince yesterday. I can't remember the content but I just know that I talked a lot with him. Funny how most of my dreams about him revolves around the both of us just talking.

Well, at least I know that he didn't forget me. I thought he already did. Really.

However, Rainie pointed out that he doesn't call me by my name. 

"So how does he know you?" 

Very true Rainie, very true. I have yet to hear him say my name.

I read back the early parts of my blog about Prince the day before yesterday and I can't help but feel a bit proud of myself for having come so far that it slightly scares me now, but I will not falter.

I will sleep now. It's late and I need to sleep and get some rest.

Thank you, God, for making me able to move forward step-by-step in the social arena.

A metal mesh

I pulled an all-nighter last night woohoo so I need to sleep soon. :D All-nighters will make me very hyperactive the next day and with an added dash of coffee, I was literally shaking in excited jitters the whole day. I love my school work now hahaha.

Anyway, getting off topic from the start already hahaha, I am here to talk about Prince. :)

I came on time today (and as usual, the lecturers weren't =-=;) and I waited for Yu at the front row but when she came she said that we should move to the second row (since the first one is always used to present drawings and such) so we did.

While we were discussing our project, the door opened and I looked up (which is something I rarely do these days, mainly because of Carl) and I saw Prince, which is a bit shocking since he usually comes very late. Again we made eye contact and I watched as he went to the furthest seat in the same row as Yu and I before my attention was forced to return to our project.

I didn't get the chance to talk with him because not long after that, Carl walked in and went to the opposite side of the room and Prince quickly changed his seats to be next to Carl. I felt like he glanced over every now and then (like when I was laughing out loud at one point) but I couldn't tell for sure since I wasn't really glancing at him.

I wanted to talk with him but it didn't seem as though I had any time to spare to do so.

In fact, as soon as the lecturers came in, Yu and I became busy because one of the assistants came over to our drawings and began making a lot of comments and giving a lot of critiques so we gave our full attention (I got very excited over the project ahahahaha XD).

I wanted to go over to where Prince had put up his and Carl's drawings to look at them but I just couldn't get away so I had to remain there, giving the occasional glance in their direction where they had taped the papers to the wall.

When another guy (a professor maybe) came over to discuss about our model for the project, more people started to come and Prince and Carl also came over.

I thought that Prince would leave, really, since he had already walked past our drawings and had glanced at it several times but instead, Carl was the one who left and he remained there, standing on my side of the table, looking at the drawing for quite some time before he left. Yeah, I really wanted to talk with him then but I just couldn't since I needed to listen to everything that the professor had to say.

Maybe him coming over was a sign? I don't know, I won't read too much into it.

Towards the end of the class I started to get a bit agitated and I even made a couple of foolish reactions in class (=-=;) and because of that he looked my way and I blushed really badly, but I couldn't help it. I really wanted to talk with him.

And me being foolish was one of the ways to get it out of my system, even if it is a bad one.

Yu still wanted to discuss with me so I tried to wrap things up faster and by the time they were taking down their drawings from the walls, I couldn't pay much attention to Yu anymore since I was so afraid of him leaving without me exchanging any words with him.

Yu: Okay. Now let's go to buy the materials.

Me: Wait, Yu, can I please go talk with him?

Yu: No, we need to go now.

Me: Please??? For a short while only.

Yu: Fine.

And with her understanding smile in my mind, I just walked over to where Prince was and I pushed back all my fear deep down inside.

Me: Prince, what kind of material are we supposed to use for the building? Is it only one type?

Prince: For your building facade, I think you should use a metal mesh, or something like that.

Okay, I actually don't know how it really started but it's somewhere along those lines. I just remember that I asked one question and then he immediately went into another topic that was somewhat related to the topic I introduced but wasn't exactly what I had wanted to ask, you know? All I can recall is that he said that he has been to a modelling class before and he has two friends who know some stuff about it so he will help me by asking them about it and then telling it to me later.

I completely zoned out after that because he actually offered to help me. He's being so nice and friendly and all and here I am, just awestruck. Or lovestruck. Which ever it is, I really didn't expect him to do that for me so yes, I was extremely euphoric on the inside.

When I called his name, I didn't even look at Carl and just did my best to make eye contact with him. Carl kept trying to interrupt though by asking "What is a metal mesh?" but Prince kind of ignored him and just continued talking with me about the possibilities of creating the facade of my project. At one point though, when there was a short break in the conversation, Carl re-asked the same question and Prince answered him so I broke eye contact for a couple of seconds. When we resumed talking again though, I resumed making eye contact with him and he really does have brown eyes.

Anyway, we made eye contact throughout the conversation and I made sure to smile at some points and he smiled sometimes as well. My body position was initially facing away from him (since Carl was nearby) but when I noticed that his feet were pointing towards me, I immediately faced him as well to show positive body language and I just don't know but it was the eye contact that made that conversation for me.

He rarely blinked and I just felt like he was looking at me. I was both nervous and happy at the same time and at certain points, my voice cracked and shook a bit (I blame the coffee here too) but I did my best to cover up. In fact, whenever he was nearby, I'd get nervous and I'd push my hair away from my face.

At the end of the conversation, I gave him a really big smile (I think even my smile trembled from time to time when I was talking with him) and then I said "Thank you so much!" and then I touched his right shoulder before making a kind of awkward retreat.

Heck yeah did he look surprised. I was also surprised with myself because I thought about doing it but I didn't actually think I would. Maybe it's because I saw him shaking hands with Carl that morning that I felt jealous that both of them are close enough to make physical contact. Regardless, at least he didn't flinch away from me. He just looked shocked.

Speaking of which, while he was talking with me, his eyes seemed really big the whole time, even though he was wearing glasses. Also, he didn't dress very fashionably today. Maybe that's why I felt much better approaching him.

He's very thin though, I felt like I barely felt any flesh on him. He should eat more. :|

And I got really excited after talking with him so I left as soon as possible with Yu and I did my best to mask my excitement.

Heck yeah am I happy and I am still excited hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha. XD

Oh gosh, I really need to sleep.

I am happy that he doesn't hate me, that he is treating me slightly more than just a classmate, that he actually wants to help me, that he made eye contact with me etc. etc. etc.

I have definitely learnt my lesson from Law's case and I am thankful that I went through it so that now, at least and I hope, I won't screw up as badly as I did last time.

I felt like Carl felt defeated somehow. I think it's quite obvious that I like Prince now, that I'm interested in him. Oh, and I actually told two other friends about Prince, Shay and Elle. Shay knows more though and she knows about Carl liking me and she's kind of helping me in this sector. Thanks to her, I really wouldn't have been the person I am today socially, really.

Okay, I guess that's it for today. I am glad that I am progressing slowly, but surely, in making a friendship with Prince! I hope I won't screw up and that I will continue to have this kind of mindset because I really want to use it when completing my projects as well.

Today has been a really good day despite the sudden icy weather and cloudy sky.

Thank you so much, God, for this wonderful blessing that you have given to me. :)

Feeling better

Again, I'm speculating it's because of the good weather. When I walked into class, I really did feel like my spirits were higher. I'm probably craving for human companion so when Rainie comes over during the Easter Holidays, I'll feel better hopefully.

I came very early with Xia today and there were really few people in class. When one of our professors began talking to one of our classmates and commenting on her work, we started to gather around her table. At that point Carl walked in and people started turning around to see who just came in but I didn't cause I could see who it was through the reflection of the window panes. He stood next to me and I kept shifting further away from him because I didn't like him being close to me.

I went back to my seat after that though but I got called back again by another professor to join in the discussion and luckily I wasn't standing next to him.

5 minutes later, the door opened and I saw that it was Prince who just came in. After putting his bag down, he stood behind me and I felt really happy about that.

We went back to our seats after that but I didn't remain behind Prince for long cause I had to sit next to Yu to talk about our project (a building we're studying for the upcoming trip) that we had to present in front of the class.

When it was our turn, I really crapped a lot while putting on a heck lot of cheap confidence and I was mainly starring at the professors the whole time but I also wanted to see if Prince was looking at me or not so I looked at him and he was and he looked a bit shocked but we made eye contact alright ahahaha. He never got to present his one though so I felt a bit disappointed (cause I wanted to stare at him openly AHAHAHAHA).

We also had to go in front of the class to listen to some of our classmates at one point and I felt Carl move behind me so I tried to move away from him because initially, he was too close to me since I could hear him breathing. I withstood it for as long as I could before going to the toilet and when I came back, I moved to a different space but I did feel slightly sad that I had to give up that spot since Prince was standing behind me as well.

After the lunch break though I had to move my things to sit next to Yu, which meant sitting next to Carl, and I did my best to not look at him although Prince was sitting to his left so yeah.

Yeah, I'm mean. But at least I still respond to him.

Carl asked me a question some time after that. "Beth, do you know when is the deadline?" And I said gibberish hahahaha but I was too cheerful cause I was about to laugh my head off since Yu was teaching me Mandarin. I looked at Carl for a second really but since Prince was looking in my direction, I made eye contact with him instead.

Also, after I sent Yu off after we bought our paper, I came back and realised that I missed some important announcements by the professor so after they left I wanted to ask Prince about it but lo and behold, Acia came over with her friend and began complimenting Prince's sketches, saying that they were really good.

And here's when I noticed that they aren't really close anymore. Maybe she's reaching out to him since he's the last guy in the room who is really attractive.

Speaking of which, I told Yu about how Prince wasn't really warm with me when we chatted on Facebook yesterday and she said that she didn't like guys like him because she said that those guys know that they are hot and what not and are arrogant about it.

I think, however, that what she said is probably not true. He seems like a really down-to-earth kind of guy and he helps people out a lot. And yes he might curse and make fun of what the professors say sometimes but it isn't really all the time. I'm seriously making him sound like some kind of jerk but he isn't, really. He doesn't have that kind of aura.

Anyway, back to the topic of today.

After Acia left him, I got up to throw rubbish and some untouched coffee and just as I got up, Carl began bragging (kind of) that he's been going to the gym but I didn't hear what else came after that since I went out of the classroom to throw those things.

I do for a fact know that he goes to a gym.

How?

He keeps posting those kind of pictures that says 'A summer body is earned during winter' on his Facebook profile so I assume that he is the kind of guy who wants to get attention. Well, maybe my attention for that matter but honestly, I don't really care whether or not a guy has six packs or not, as long as he's healthy. And as far as I'm concerned, Carl doesn't drink a lot of water or he just prefers alcohol or something (again, one of the things that he posted up saying something along the lines of 'Drinking water is good but then again it never solves any problems' and then he mentioned something about alcohol being better; on that same post though, Prince said "It re-hydrates you :)  and yes, Prince drinks a heck load of water).

Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked again.

I went back inside and I packed my things up before walking in front of them and I looked at Carl for a brief moment before focusing my attention on Prince and I asked whether or not I missed out any important announcements and lo and behold, after Prince said "No" Carl sputtered out a long sentence.

I kept asking Prince questions and sometimes he answered but really, Carl tried to elbow himself in and I felt like Prince was allowing Carl to do so but whenever I talked with Carl, I used body language to show that I wasn't interested like using wandering eyes and I even made eye contact with Prince instead.

I'm just glad that Prince was nice enough to me. He talked with me and smiled a couple of times and we made a lot of eye contact. Even when I said "Bye guys" I made eye contact with him and he probably just gave a small smile or something but I felt like the whole world tuned out so I don't even remember whether or not Carl said anything.

Sometimes I really hate this other side of me, the one where I'm mean to guys who are interested in me but I don't reciprocate their feelings. I just don't want to raise their hopes up high.

Oh yeah, another thing, while the assistant was talking with Yu and I regarding our project, Prince came over to look for a short while before he went back to his seat and then after that, Carl came along and stood for a long time. Luckily, Yu was between him and I and it was also unfortunate that Yu was between Prince and I.

I told Yu about Carl today. I guess she'll be observing him from now on.

Tonight, I don't feel as sad or as empty as I did the past few days. I feel quite contented somehow.

I'm slowly working my way to becoming Prince's friend and I can only hope that he will regard me as one and that I will be able to talk more with him. I'm becoming more comfortable when talking with him and I can only hope that he'll notice that I do act a bit more differently around him then around other people but then again, I'm sure he has an inkling that I like him from my previous oh-so-obvious actions.

Anyway, I'm beat and I need to sleep soon so hopefully I will wake up early tomorrow and get some work done. :)

Today was quite good.

Maybe the weather controls me

I wanted to post this up yesterday but my wifi was being crazy with me again so ha-ha-ha. =-=

Actually, nothing much happened yesterday.

He sat in the front row for once (I'm actually even more surprised that he turned up for that lecture) and he sat to  my north east but I controlled myself from looking at him too often.

During the break, he went in front to talk with the lecturer while I stayed at my desk because I wanted to finish my sketch for the tea house that we have to design.

One thing that I'm certain is that he doesn't hate me or anything like that because (and yes, even though this fact is insignificant) he leaned against the table next to mine. Then, he went of with some friends.

When break time was ending, I rubbed my hands together since it was starting to get really chilly and when he walked in and sat down, he also did the same and I felt like he was copying me. Also, I heard him crack his knuckles and that was the first time I ever heard anyone else except me cracking their knuckles. (I sound crazy, I know, for noticing all these tiny things).

I also felt like he wanted me to approach him at the end of the morning lecture but the feeling wasn't strong. In the afternoon though, he didn't sit in front and I thought that he didn't go for the lecture but when the lecture ended and I went in front of the classroom, I think he came along as well but I'm not sure about that since I didn't look at him at all but the next time I did, he was gone.

We both wore hoodies yesterday hahaha. A faded dark blue one at that. And most certainly, I did not look good at all yesterday.

I wasn't in the best of moods either yesterday and the weather then was really cold, wet and not really comfortable to be in.

But today, I felt different, at the very least, I felt a bit more happier than yesterday.

Maybe it's because I baked profiteroles today (I feel happy when I bake :D) or maybe because the sun was shining brightly today, but I just felt like no matter how crappy I'll be today, I'll be able to take things in a stride and be happy by the end of this day.

He came late for class but it didn't really matter since he was there. I felt like he looked at me every now and then and I came close to him and retreated from him at intervals as well.

And as much as I want to deny it, I baked the profiteroles for him, so that he could taste them. But I kept giving them out to people and so by the time I only had one left, he was just passing by a metre in front of me so I called out "Prince! Have one!" and stretched out my hand that was holding the container and he took the last profiterole and I don't remember him saying anything (maybe he said "Thanks") because I just remember making eye contact with him and looking at him slowly forming a smile, though it wasn't a big one.

He then walked back to the group he was talking with and I just watched him take a bite out of it and I had to look away otherwise I'd be smiling and grinning too stupidly. Tia also texted me, thanking me for the profiterole, and said "Prince is going to enjoy it :)" not knowing that I did give it to him and I just squealed for goodness knows what. Thank goodness I was already at home that time.

To get my nerves out though, I offered one to Carl and then he began talking with me about Bamboo tablets (It was around this time when Prince passed by in front of me). I actually thought that he lost interest in me already but looks like my suspicion has been raised to 80% already. I'm treating him nicely like a friend though. I treat all guys the same way.

But now, I honestly couldn't care what other people might say, I want to pay a bit more attention to Prince when I talk with him. I want to talk with him more and even if he can obviously see that I'm interested in him, I won't care too much and just persevere. One must be brave in facing risks, even if it will hurt you.

Also, I got a dream about Prince again last night. I really can't remember how it went but I am thankful that I got that dream somehow. I hope that it means something good.