Okay, to keep things short; I told Tia two weeks or so ago that I kind of felt attracted to Ken.
Yesterday, the meter escalated a bit more because I saw him for two days in a row and I couldn't help but just stare at him. A slightly perverted thing happened also on Monday while I was fixing my model.
I was bending and gluing my model, paying no attention whatsoever to the people around me when I heard someone say 'Sorry' and when I looked up I saw that Ken needed to pass behind me. Since I was practically in the middle of a tight alley made by tables on either side, my only option was to press myself forward because I needed to protect my model in order for him to pass.
And I'm sure you guys can guess what it looked like when he passed behind me and the thing is he kind of laughed or chuckled or something like that but quietly; so quiet that I almost didn't hear it.
But I didn't really give much of a reaction because I was super panicked about my model.
And then throughout the rest of the day and the day after that, my eyes followed him and I shamelessly sat next to him on one occasion but that is it.
Okay, back to the main topic.
I went to a dinner party yesterday and somehow or another, I ended up staying till 6 am because we were playing Truth or Dare. Now, during the party, I was busy telling Tia how afraid I am to pursue anything further because I know I'm not good enough for him when a friend of mine's boyfriend leaned in to listen and started guessing his name and when he found out he was all up for it to give me tips.
Needless to say, some other people found out that I like him, even a friend of mine who is a close friend of his so I still feel pretty embarrassed about it until now.
Oh gosh. I would like something to happen but at the same time I'm hoping for nothing to happen.
Okay I really need to sleep.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Thursday, January 30, 2014
After almost a year
Would you believe that Prince finally initiated a conversation with me?
Nope, I couldn't believe it either. It happened two days ago.
Maybe it's because Carl first started talking with me for a bit that afternoon. And then I let both of them get their review first although I arrived earlier than them but I only did that because their appointment with the professor was supposed to be before mine.
I got their attention while I had my review after theirs because of the drawings that I came up with for my building and they couldn't stop looking at it and yes, I felt flattered but soon after that I forgot about them and just concentrated on my work.
And then later on while we were having our group review in the evening, they came to look at our layout and stayed to look especially when it came to my part because of all the materials that I had. Heck, they even played with the models I made. Well, not played but you get the gist.
Before the review though, they were already looking at them again and Carl asked me a really stupid question.
The conversation happened as I was packing up my models which were next to where they were sticking tape to their boards. Prince suddenly came near me and I didn't really pay attention to him because I just assumed that he was only going to look again but then he suddenly spoke up.
Nope, I couldn't believe it either. It happened two days ago.
Maybe it's because Carl first started talking with me for a bit that afternoon. And then I let both of them get their review first although I arrived earlier than them but I only did that because their appointment with the professor was supposed to be before mine.
I got their attention while I had my review after theirs because of the drawings that I came up with for my building and they couldn't stop looking at it and yes, I felt flattered but soon after that I forgot about them and just concentrated on my work.
And then later on while we were having our group review in the evening, they came to look at our layout and stayed to look especially when it came to my part because of all the materials that I had. Heck, they even played with the models I made. Well, not played but you get the gist.
Before the review though, they were already looking at them again and Carl asked me a really stupid question.
Carl: Beth, what's the function of this thing? *points to the roof plan
Me: It's a roof of course. What else could it be?
And Prince chuckled a bit at my blunt sarcasm and I felt a bit surprised. But anyway.
Prince: How did you do your models?
Carl: Yeah, did you get someone to help you hold them while you put them in place?
Me: No, I wish I had three hands at that time hahaha.
We talked for a few minutes but basically the conversation revolved around the models and how Prince had tried to do it before but he couldn't. I was surprised that I wasn't having irregular and fast heartbeats so I guess I am pretty much over him which somehow saddens me a bit though I don't know why.
When I left I thanked both of them for their suggestions and Prince smiled. I couldn't help but just look at him every time I held a conversation with both of them. Guess I'm still a bit disgusted and disturbed with Carl and I just can't help feeling that way about him sadly.
Anyway, I want to talk about Ken for a bit, if you guys still remember him.
I really think he is such a sweet guy and I really think I would have fallen for him if I hadn't restrained myself and if I thought that I had a chance with him because I know that I don't.
On the same day that I talked with Prince, I had a few encounters with Ken.
One was when a friend of mine had borrowed a pen and I walked away after that so later on when he wanted to give it back to me I just asked him to throw it and as expected, I couldn't catch it. Ken happened to be in the middle and when he saw the pen drop, he stooped to pick it up despite it being further away from him than me but I managed to pick it up before him and I felt too embarrassed to look at him to even thank him for his attempt so I just moved away.
And then I needed to go to the front of the class for some reason but one path was blocked so even though I didn't want to go near Ken (because I'm overly conscious of him and I'm sure he'd realise it if I went near him) I had to go through the path he was at.
So since he was blocking it I decided to go behind him but he instead stepped back so I could move in front of him and then we kind of danced on the spot, trying to give each other a way to pass or to stand in place and in the end he kind of chuckled and stepped in front and I also smiled and giggled a bit as I passed by him. (I know chuckled and giggled sounds so ugh but it did happen OTL).
He saw me being utterly shameless by trying to get over a table in a skirt but I pretended that he couldn't see anything. I hope he didn't.
And on one occasion he sat next to me as we both listened to a group getting their review. I also went to see him get his review which was a bit embarrassing cause I was kind of the only one doing that but it's all cool.
And I think that he noticed that I was staring at him a lot. I think he even caught me staring at some times but oh well.
And thus ends my so-called adventures with Ken.
A long post after a long hiatus. Amazing huh? But I guess since I'm trying not to focus too much on finding love, I didn't have much to say. It will come in it's own time and I really believe in that.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Guys in Milan
I think I'm developing a small crush on Ken now but this time I know that it's just a crush, an attraction based on shallow facts, and whether I like it or not, I'm not going to allow myself to take this seriously because for someone like me who feeds off romanticism and such, I'm ready at all times to fall into love which is really pathetic.
Also, while my group mates and I were waiting for our turn to have our desk critique yesterday, I walked inside the room (which isn't our usual one) and saw a guy who was just sitting there at the table, reading. He looks Japanese to me but Yu thinks he's Chinese because he had an electronic pocket dictionary with him.
He just fascinated me, the way that he was so absorbed in the book, reading each page carefully as if to fill up his thoughts with each word. He had black hair which was a bit shaggy and long so that they covered his eyes but he is pretty cute. The major turn-off is the fact that he smokes which I caught him doing while I was looking outside. Oh well, no one's perfect.
I think that Ken knows me, at the very least, and that he recognises me. I felt that he looked at me at certain points while his group was having their pin-up but I didn't dare rest my eyes on him for too long because if he caught me staring I wouldn't know what to do so instead I just stared at his other group mates. As he was leaving, he said 'ciao' to one of his friends which is also my friend and my tutor and my friend said 'ciao' back to him and in Italian culture, whether you've met that person for the first time or not, you would normally say 'ciao' back. So yeah, I feel a bit sad that I didn't.
Nevertheless, this isn't something serious so it's okay.
Got to sleep now, I'm really tired.
Also, while my group mates and I were waiting for our turn to have our desk critique yesterday, I walked inside the room (which isn't our usual one) and saw a guy who was just sitting there at the table, reading. He looks Japanese to me but Yu thinks he's Chinese because he had an electronic pocket dictionary with him.
He just fascinated me, the way that he was so absorbed in the book, reading each page carefully as if to fill up his thoughts with each word. He had black hair which was a bit shaggy and long so that they covered his eyes but he is pretty cute. The major turn-off is the fact that he smokes which I caught him doing while I was looking outside. Oh well, no one's perfect.
I think that Ken knows me, at the very least, and that he recognises me. I felt that he looked at me at certain points while his group was having their pin-up but I didn't dare rest my eyes on him for too long because if he caught me staring I wouldn't know what to do so instead I just stared at his other group mates. As he was leaving, he said 'ciao' to one of his friends which is also my friend and my tutor and my friend said 'ciao' back to him and in Italian culture, whether you've met that person for the first time or not, you would normally say 'ciao' back. So yeah, I feel a bit sad that I didn't.
Nevertheless, this isn't something serious so it's okay.
Got to sleep now, I'm really tired.
Thursday, December 12, 2013
And it happens only now?
I finally dreamt about Lay properly today. Yes, not last night but today, when I went back to sleep after I snoozed my alarm clock.
What I remember clearly is that I was with some people (presumably my sisters and friends) when someone said it was time to greet the crowd so we went on stage and EXO was there too. I really have no idea why my sisters, friends, and I were there since I somehow knew it was a special stage for EXO but we got ushered in front so there we stood. Initially I was standing at the back but I got pushed forwards until I was in the front line and in the middle at that.
Then someone asked me to say the greeting and so I said it surprisingly enough, in Mandarin. And as soon as that happened, I heard someone snigger and I turned around to look and it was Lay and soon enough, everyone was laughing. And strangely enough, instead of what happens in typical Korean dramas, I laughed along and it was a pretty hearty laugh.
And that's when I heard someone say "How can you do that to your girlfriend?" and Lay was apologizing while still trying to hold back his laugh and just like that I felt this weird sense of clarity in me, as though I really thought I was his girlfriend.
I can't remember much now since it's late but yeah, it was pretty nice to get a dream about him.
And now to work.
What I remember clearly is that I was with some people (presumably my sisters and friends) when someone said it was time to greet the crowd so we went on stage and EXO was there too. I really have no idea why my sisters, friends, and I were there since I somehow knew it was a special stage for EXO but we got ushered in front so there we stood. Initially I was standing at the back but I got pushed forwards until I was in the front line and in the middle at that.
Then someone asked me to say the greeting and so I said it surprisingly enough, in Mandarin. And as soon as that happened, I heard someone snigger and I turned around to look and it was Lay and soon enough, everyone was laughing. And strangely enough, instead of what happens in typical Korean dramas, I laughed along and it was a pretty hearty laugh.
And that's when I heard someone say "How can you do that to your girlfriend?" and Lay was apologizing while still trying to hold back his laugh and just like that I felt this weird sense of clarity in me, as though I really thought I was his girlfriend.
I can't remember much now since it's late but yeah, it was pretty nice to get a dream about him.
And now to work.
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Whisper of the Heart
耳をすませば - Mimi o Sumaseba.
It's a Studio Ghibli movie and it's become a new favourite to my list of Studio Ghibli favourite movies.
I've been watching Studio Ghibli movies non-stop for the past 2 weeks or so. I'm not too sure why but I think it's because I'm trying to find a part of me that's missing or that is still yet to be discovered.
When I watched this particular movie I couldn't help but think "Yes! This is what I want my own romance story to be like!" and yes I know it's a fairytale anime story but I really can't settle for negativity these days so I'm just going to be positive and hope that I too will find my soulmate.
Cheesy and corny through and through, I know, but that's just how my brain operates and probably the only thing that keeps me motivated throughout this long period.
I really love this movie. It makes me feel more alive somehow and more inspired to pursue my dreams and goals because maybe, just maybe, this will enable me to meet him one day.
Right, to shower and then to tackle my assignment. :D
It's a Studio Ghibli movie and it's become a new favourite to my list of Studio Ghibli favourite movies.
I've been watching Studio Ghibli movies non-stop for the past 2 weeks or so. I'm not too sure why but I think it's because I'm trying to find a part of me that's missing or that is still yet to be discovered.
When I watched this particular movie I couldn't help but think "Yes! This is what I want my own romance story to be like!" and yes I know it's a fairytale anime story but I really can't settle for negativity these days so I'm just going to be positive and hope that I too will find my soulmate.
Cheesy and corny through and through, I know, but that's just how my brain operates and probably the only thing that keeps me motivated throughout this long period.
I really love this movie. It makes me feel more alive somehow and more inspired to pursue my dreams and goals because maybe, just maybe, this will enable me to meet him one day.
Right, to shower and then to tackle my assignment. :D
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
It's all just attraction
Well I have a tiny crush on Ken now and it's just a crush, rest assured, not a real feeling. I think whenever I write these things I'm doing my best to convince myself that it's just a crush and not a real thing because otherwise I'll confuse both of them up.
I don't know, I just like the way he holds himself. When he presented his work to the class yesterday with the rest of his group mates, he didn't even interject them while they said their part (and my group mates kept interrupting me even though I never interrupted them) and when the professors were giving their opinion on the project, he just listened to them and slightly raised his eyebrows but overall he didn't even raise his voice or went against them.
I just think that he's sweet. He even stayed for a bit to look at our presentation and smiled when a joke was cracked but he left after that.
But I know that this is just a crush and that I have no chance whatsoever with him because I'm not a hot Italian girl, I can't speak a lot of Italian, and I'm pretty sure he has a girlfriend because he is too cute and well-mannered to not have one.
In any case, I'm not going to hunt for romance here in Italy because I really can't trust the people and myself here. I might end up going against my own beliefs and I somehow feel that it's much more safer in Asia than here, for goody-two shoes type girls like me.
So for now I'm just going to content myself by thinking of Lay. He always makes me more inspired and makes me feel more happier.
I really wish I could meet him or a guy like him in real life. I'm just going to have to believe that this is possible.
I don't know, I just like the way he holds himself. When he presented his work to the class yesterday with the rest of his group mates, he didn't even interject them while they said their part (and my group mates kept interrupting me even though I never interrupted them) and when the professors were giving their opinion on the project, he just listened to them and slightly raised his eyebrows but overall he didn't even raise his voice or went against them.
I just think that he's sweet. He even stayed for a bit to look at our presentation and smiled when a joke was cracked but he left after that.
But I know that this is just a crush and that I have no chance whatsoever with him because I'm not a hot Italian girl, I can't speak a lot of Italian, and I'm pretty sure he has a girlfriend because he is too cute and well-mannered to not have one.
In any case, I'm not going to hunt for romance here in Italy because I really can't trust the people and myself here. I might end up going against my own beliefs and I somehow feel that it's much more safer in Asia than here, for goody-two shoes type girls like me.
So for now I'm just going to content myself by thinking of Lay. He always makes me more inspired and makes me feel more happier.
I really wish I could meet him or a guy like him in real life. I'm just going to have to believe that this is possible.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
To not step beyond the border
To keep things short and simple (cause I need to go do my work after this) I will sum everything up that happened to me last Friday night during my friend's birthday party even though originally I wanted to make a long post. Anyway, let's see how this post will turn out.
Technically on that day I got a little bit more tipsier than usual but don't worry, I was still able to think clearly and to notice certain things around me.
I was dancing most of the time after the food and I noticed that guys were looking at me, in particular some of my Italian coursemates who never even talked much to me in the previous semester, and I wasn't even dancing like some sexy girl and I'm sure my moves were extremely uncool. My friends said it was because I had a tremendous amount of energy.
So tremendous that the entire room was staring at me. =-= Yeah, I'm still embarrassed as hell about it because one, that wasn't even a club but more like a bar.
And two, some guy just came over and started dancing with me. At first I thought he was dared to do so but apparently he wanted to dance with me because I was alone which happened a lot because my friends always left me. =-= I tried to stop several times but they wouldn't allow me to sit.
Those situations just made me more aware about what men, in general, wants. It makes me fear relationships even more and I really would just like to remain single for now. Their eyes really terrified me.
Anywho I'm going to go to another party this weekend (wow, I'm so popular suddenly OMG) and I hope that I won't cause something like that to happen again and yes, I'd love to dance again but I'd rather dance for myself than for other people. I don't mind dancing in a corner and being alone as long as I can dance.
Truthfully, I only started getting into dancing ever since I began liking Lay. I will do my best for him. My Chinese has also been going well. I really do hope that I can meet him and talk to him in Chinese but that's a long way from now.
Okay I will go take my shower soon, play a few games of candy crush, read and research, study Chinese, and then sleep. I have a feeling I'll only be sleeping at 2 but that's okay. :)
On a side note, I've become more wary of an Italian guy in my class, let's call him Ken, and I somehow think it's because of his personality. He's really quiet among people but more open to his friends and he doesn't boast and he is ready to admit his mistakes. It's also a bonus that he is quite cute; blonde hair and blue eyes. Although he is on the shorter side (I keep falling for guys shorter than me or those who are around my height :|), he really is attractive.
Rest assured though, I won't let this get to me. I have Lay already for that and I'll be waiting for someone like him. :)
And Carl on the other hand (just to let you guys know) is the complete opposite of Ken. He made a mistake during the pin-up review and when the professor corrected him, yet again, he refused to admit his fault.
Well anyway, that's all for now. I need to get my act together and to push harder for my dreams!
PS. Did I mention that the party this weekend will be partly for Carl?????????? Initially I decided to click the 'join' button on Facebook because it was to celebrate one of my guy friend's birthday but suddenly it became Carl's one as well. Let's just hope that I don't talk much with him.
Technically on that day I got a little bit more tipsier than usual but don't worry, I was still able to think clearly and to notice certain things around me.
I was dancing most of the time after the food and I noticed that guys were looking at me, in particular some of my Italian coursemates who never even talked much to me in the previous semester, and I wasn't even dancing like some sexy girl and I'm sure my moves were extremely uncool. My friends said it was because I had a tremendous amount of energy.
So tremendous that the entire room was staring at me. =-= Yeah, I'm still embarrassed as hell about it because one, that wasn't even a club but more like a bar.
And two, some guy just came over and started dancing with me. At first I thought he was dared to do so but apparently he wanted to dance with me because I was alone which happened a lot because my friends always left me. =-= I tried to stop several times but they wouldn't allow me to sit.
Those situations just made me more aware about what men, in general, wants. It makes me fear relationships even more and I really would just like to remain single for now. Their eyes really terrified me.
Anywho I'm going to go to another party this weekend (wow, I'm so popular suddenly OMG) and I hope that I won't cause something like that to happen again and yes, I'd love to dance again but I'd rather dance for myself than for other people. I don't mind dancing in a corner and being alone as long as I can dance.
Truthfully, I only started getting into dancing ever since I began liking Lay. I will do my best for him. My Chinese has also been going well. I really do hope that I can meet him and talk to him in Chinese but that's a long way from now.
Okay I will go take my shower soon, play a few games of candy crush, read and research, study Chinese, and then sleep. I have a feeling I'll only be sleeping at 2 but that's okay. :)
On a side note, I've become more wary of an Italian guy in my class, let's call him Ken, and I somehow think it's because of his personality. He's really quiet among people but more open to his friends and he doesn't boast and he is ready to admit his mistakes. It's also a bonus that he is quite cute; blonde hair and blue eyes. Although he is on the shorter side (I keep falling for guys shorter than me or those who are around my height :|), he really is attractive.
Rest assured though, I won't let this get to me. I have Lay already for that and I'll be waiting for someone like him. :)
And Carl on the other hand (just to let you guys know) is the complete opposite of Ken. He made a mistake during the pin-up review and when the professor corrected him, yet again, he refused to admit his fault.
Well anyway, that's all for now. I need to get my act together and to push harder for my dreams!
PS. Did I mention that the party this weekend will be partly for Carl?????????? Initially I decided to click the 'join' button on Facebook because it was to celebrate one of my guy friend's birthday but suddenly it became Carl's one as well. Let's just hope that I don't talk much with him.
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