Two roads

After that big mental breakdown yesterday, I am surprisingly more calmer today.

Also, I am now 60% sure that Carl is interested in me.

One; The lecturer was taking the attendance and calling out our names and even though Carl was aware that I was in class, he still turned around to look at me of which I was indifferent to.

Two; While it was break and I was probably just at the beginning phase of being asleep, I heard someone call my name but it was very blurry and then I heard my name a second time and I recognised that it was his voice and I did want to respond, to be polite, but by the time my mind realised that it had to respond he said "Never mind."

Three; Prince came late and sat down next to Carl and they both started talking in fairly audible voices so I grew more awake and I eavesdropped their conversation. I couldn't really hear clearly but at one point I could make out the words "She's sleeping?" or something like that and after that, both of their voices became so low I just gave up on trying to listen in.

When I woke up later, Carl didn't say anything to me so yeah, whatever it was that he wanted to say to me earlier on wasn't important hence, he wanted to make a conversation with me.

Thinking too much? Maybe. But the possibility is there.

And now that it is, it makes it even harder for me to get Prince to like me, I think.

So I have decided that if I do see him online tonight and if I just feel okay and alright, I'll Facebook chat him and just talk. Talk about what? I don't know but I'll just make up something.

If I were to get rejected, it's fine. I'm sick of playing mind games with myself and I'd rather just get this out as soon as possible so that I can concentrate on other things.

That is all. We'll see how things will go.

Battleship

Got screwed by mom cause I went out with my friends to watch Rihanna act in Battleship which was a quite okay movie if you love gun fights and all (especially if you like Transformers).


Somehow, going out with them turned out to be one of the best things yet that's happened to me this week.


For one, I don't feel so depressed about the whole thing.


Second, I don't really feel all so dramatic about what I'm going to do tomorrow.


I mean, I still like him cause this feeling is really hard to shake off (especially since he's a really nice person), but, I'm not going to be some meany by ignoring him completely or making it obvious that I'm ignoring him.


In a way, maybe, but not as extreme as I had initially planned to do.


My initial plan won't work anyway since I'll be coming to college late. =-=;


I wonder if he'll wonder if I don't text him tomorrow.


I mean, it's kind of like a routine, you know, wishing him good luck and asking how his exam was.


Yeah... I'll miss that routine. :')


And I'm feeling quite calm now really even though I didn't get to talk to Helen last night (she was fast asleep).


As for me, it took some time for me before I finally went to sleep, listening to all my nostalgic songs.


I felt really awful in the morning.


When I went to visit my sister and her team, their energy really affected me and I got frustrated and upset (they weren't bad, it's just that they were trying to portray those emotions and they were really good).


I got very depressed because all these flashbacks of how I treated him and how I expected him to treat me went through my mind.


Like the times when he helped me and the times when he smiled and grinned.


Especially the times when he smiled and grinned at me.


Suddenly, I can see his face vividly in my mind.


The way how his smiles and grins are slightly lopsided. How his eyes sparkle when he's excited or when he's pissed off. His awkward slouch.


I realise now why I was so attracted to him.


He was being himself.


The first time I got crushed by a guy that I like (I didn't confess to him, just that I gave up hope), I changed for the worse.


In Law's case, I feel like I need to improve even more.


That's why I'm actually exercising and studying more now.


Cause, I hope that the next time he sees me, he'll at least regret for a bit.


I want to be myself. Not a changed-for-the-worse person.


But I don't hate him.


He treated me very nicely and I'm so thankful for that.


I feel like I have matured a bit more.


I don't want to be mean to him and treat him badly.


Okay, going to play Dragon Nest before I sleep. :)

Calmness

I actually feel more calmer now and maybe it's because I just attended the Easter Mass.


I think I've been feeling really angsty and sad was because I really expected Law to reply my message.


He didn't of course.


When I reread my blog today, I realised that I did have a lot of opportunities just that I was too much of a coward to do anything or more like there were too many butterflies in my stomach to actually think straight.


Now that I feel more calmer, I really do feel as though if I do see him, I'll be able to say "Hi! Good luck!" and then smile at him.


I can actually picture how the whole thing will go like.


I don't feel as calm as I was just now though cause when I went on Facebook, I saw that Ivy posted pictures of kittens on his timeline.


And one of them said "ARE U IN LOVE WITH ME NOW??".


Another says "hello im cute!".


And the final one says "so damn cute!".


Isn't it obvious that she likes him?


I envy her cause she can actually talk to him while all I can do is hope that the both of us will be able to sit next to each other in the cafeteria.


His reply to her posts "Did you just spam my timeline with kitteh pictures????"


From what I can see based on his choice of words, he doesn't seem like he likes her in that way.


June said that maybe they're just close but I do know for a fact that she isn't really in his circle of friends.


Still, I can't help thinking that she's making a move to secure him while here I am, blogging about how much I really want to get to know him.


I just don't have the type of personality to do what she can do (even though we're both Capricorns).


By the way, I'm going to start my transformation process today cause I want to look really hot for Prom Night.


If I see him tomorrow, I will wish him luck. :)


And that's the most I can do cause even though I do like him, I don't want to scare him off either.


Yes, I still like him.