A lucky strike

Guess what???

:| :) :D XD

I finally talked with him!

Finally. Finally. Finally. :)

At first I thought he wasn't going to come to the lecture today but surprise surprise, he did. He sat on the other side of the room while I sat on the other side.

How it happened was that I had just finished discussing some things with my lecturer when I noticed that he and a group of other guys were standing near our table, talking about our project (which is to draw a map showing the route we take from our home to the campus).

I didn't look at him of course, so I went on to my seat and thought about how to do my drawing when my friend, Anna, came back from her discussion with the lecturer so she showed her map to the people there which was down to just Anna's workmate (Derek) and Prince.

I felt a bit more courageous than usual, so I leaned very far to my left to join in the discussion to get an idea of what I should do, also partly to try to get the chance to talk with Prince.

Then, while she was talking with Prince, I wanted to approach Derek first, before approaching Prince but I wasn't too sure of his name so I was in a bit of a dilemma haha. I called him a couple of times but I gave up so I talked to Anna instead.

Me: Anna, he's Derek right? Can you call Derek for me?

Anna: Derek-

Derek: Hmm?

Me: How big is the scale of your map?

Derek: It's around 1:2000.

Me: Really? Do you live near campus?

Derek: Yeah. *Shows map* It looks like this.

At this point, Anna kind of went back to her seat (next to mine, she was in front of the table initially with the other two) and Derek was just about finishing up and Prince somehow moved a bit closer to me instead of getting ready to go.

Me: How's your map? What scale did you use?

Prince: Ah, not good. I didn't use the standard scale. *Shows map*

Me: Do you live near campus?

Prince: Yeah, I live nearby.

Me: If you walked from your home to campus how long would it take you?

Prince: 10 minutes by walking.

At that point, the lecture was going to start again so Prince went back to his seat.

Naturally, I tried to keep my cool but after a few minutes, after I sent messages to June and Helen and my sisters about the step I took, I couldn't help smiling. I wanted to squeal and whatnot but I couldn't hahaha.

After that he left class together with some people for lunch and I thought he wouldn't come back but he did. He sat together with one of my guy friends from my current residence at the back and continued their work. I found this a bit odd since he usually never comes back after lunch but I just went on with my work.

And so I continued with my work when suddenly I noticed two people approaching me so I took off my earphones and looked up and saw Prince with my guy friend. It's pretty sad though that since the friend needed help, I only talked with him and Prince went back after a couple of seconds. I couldn't help it though.

That's when I started to think that it was a tiny bit odd, since Prince lives in the opposite direction from my friend and I.

Which leaves me wondering, why did he come over? To accompany the friend?

It was nice though when we talked. He smiled and but we didn't make much eye contact. Probably only once. I feel really shy to look at him.

I also noticed that after we talked and when he went to talk to the lecturer while I was chatting with Isa, he looked in my direction, as though he wanted to come over and talk.

But overall, I'm really happy and glad that this time, I did not pass up the chance to talk with him and I initiated the conversation.

So maybe next time, I'll be able to talk with him again. :)

Last week was a very depressing week for me and I think that maybe this is the reason why, so that I'll be able to fully appreciate the small miracle that happened to me today.

These days, I am less awkward socially and I actually talked a lot with some of the guys that I know.

Maybe that's why God didn't want me to talk with him previously. He maybe wanted me to be more prepared and relaxed so that when I finally talk to Prince, I won't be all over the place with things.

On another note, my heart didn't really beat fast. I just felt overjoyed.

I feel really good today. :)

This gives me the motivation to work harder in my studies as well.

Thank you so much God, for letting me speak with him, even though it was only for a few seconds. :)

Too soon? Maybe...

Wow this has been a long hiatus indeed.

About Law, I don't feel too bad now. I mean, I do regret certain things but I can't help it if he likes someone else cause I can't control other people's feelings.

I thought that I wouldn't feel attracted to any guy at all when I got to Italy, since I like Asian guys more than those who aren't.

The first week I got here, I saw a hot Italian guy who is really nice and friendly but because I found him attractive, I didn't dare to talk with him and I acted really distant and cold so he probably hates me now. Not like I really liked him, I just don't want people to misunderstand me. I have to change so that people won't misunderstand me.

Anyway, the point is, even though I found him really, really, really hot (hot enough to be a model, seriously, with the height and killer abs and smile and blue eyes), I didn't feel anything that I felt like when I first saw Law.

Thinking back, I wonder how I fell for him so fast.

I really must re-read back all my posts about him one of these days when I'm super bored and in the mood for lukewarm humour haha. Too busy with university assignments these days anyway.

But the main thing here is that on the first day of university, a week ago, I saw a guy and I got a really good vibe from him, like I can tell he's a really nice guy.

He's really, really good looking (in my opinion, although not as hot as the Italian guy, whom we shall call Red) and he's also quiet when needed, smart, doesn't really care about style and has black hair. I don't know why, I just like guys with black hair than those who are blonde.

Yes, these are all my first impressions of him.

Those girls he usually talk with are lucky to be friends with him, seriously.

I bet all the girls are attracted to him. He's half Siberian and half Chinese.

On second thought, I think I saw him even before the first day of university but I just can't remember when.

But, I'm not going to do the same thing like what happened to me earlier on this year, falling for someone before getting to know them any better. It'll end up like Law's case again, maybe.

I hope that this time, I'll have more courage to talk with him.

Our age difference is bigger this time too, if I'm not mistaken.

He's 6 years older than me hahahaha. XD

And for me, that's a good thing cause I think the age difference should be at least 3 years and not more than 8 years.

But for Joseph Gordon-Levitt, 13 years is no problem for me either. XD

I hope that I'll be able to talk with him as our lessons together lengthen. Maybe that's why God made me switch lecturers haha.

I was initially with a different one but I realised I was in the wrong one so I switched.

When I first got into the classroom, I didn't see him. So, I thought he wasn't going to be in the class but hey-ho, he showed up late for the lesson and sat behind me which is a nice surprise for me. :) 

And I seriously don't know if it was because I was running a fever or something but I was blushing the whole time like a fool. I could feel my cheeks burning up especially towards the end of the lesson.

I must not stare at him though. I have to do my best to not bring my hopes up high like the last time.

I just hope that now I'll look forward to going to university more. :)

He shall be called... 

Wow, this is difficult. I can't think of anything at the moment.

...........

Prince.

Kill me but that's the best name that I can come up with. Haih...

So I have to sleep early tonight so that I can see Prince tomorrow! :D

I was a bit sad previously (last week) cause we only had 3 classes that were the same but now all our classes are the same! XD

Okay, I really have to go now.

After a month

Hey there. :)

I haven't posted anything up in a month and it's not like I'm not experiencing any love-ish related subjects but because, well partly, I've been busy studying and getting ready to go to Milan, Italy to sit for my entrance exams there for a university and well, I need to work hard.

The other reason is, well, I've been trying to distract myself from Law. Like really.

I tried to look at other guys and I must admit, I make myself get really high and all but that feeling is only for a moment, nothing that I've experienced when I liked Law.

So...

I didn't even dare to look at his Facebook page after the last time that I texted him.

And I just went to look at it a few moments ago cause I thought I was brave enough for, I don't know, anything that'll disappoint me cause, I mean, it's already been a month, it should be okay right?

The first thing I saw was a couple of status updates and I was all cool and okay.

And then, I saw him taking a picture with Ivy and I just know that they are together already.

I won't go into much detail but let's just say that she's part of his group already.

And even though it's been more than a month, my heart still beat fast and I was really disappointed.

I felt upset. Crestfallen. Sad. Whatever other sad word that you can put in here.


And wow my song player just had to give me a sad song right now haha.

The song is called "Kissしたまま、さよなら" by 東方神起 (Tohoshinki). I love this song, really.


Anyway, whenever I tried to look at another guy or whenever I was a within a close proximity with any of them, my heart never did beat hard for them and I did not get whatsoever butterflies in my stomach.

Yes, I got high when I was near them, but not for the reasons that I got high whenever I was near Law.


I found out someone liked me, even during the time when I was like super ugly, and yes, that's flattering but I just can't seem to like him. Interested is probably as close as I can get to right now.

I tried liking this guy, whom June penned "Broccoli" but whom I shall coin Victor, and yes he's sweet and all and he and I actually talk but I know he isn't interested in any relationship at the moment cause he wants to concentrate on his studies and all and I also don't feel anything much for him.


And wow again, my song player is now playing 東方神起's With All My Heart which is a sad song as well.


Anyway, I just can't seem to forget him that easily. Just like Pablo Neruda's Tonight I can write the saddest lines haha. 

Never thought I could really relate to that poem but hey ho I just did!

I keep thinking about that photo of him and Ivy but I will do my best to forget it.


And so, I also found another distraction, Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

I've had a crush on him ever since I saw him in 500 Days of Summer and I watched him in Inception as well but I just started to admire him even more in The Dark Knight Rises.

He owns this company called hitRECord which I intend to join once I'm partly satisfied with my skills and when I have the time to.

I'm actually supposed to be studying now... but Law just set me off.

Anyway, this "regular Joe" inspires me to be myself and to become better and I really hope that I'll get to meet him one day and impress him. :)


There was something that I wanted to say but I forgot haha. Never mind.

But I plan on posting a post about every single text between Law and I before I leave and I know I still like him cause even though I just got a smartphone (woohoo for me), I still cherish my old Sony Ericsson. I still can't bring myself to delete the texts.

And I just remembered what I wanted to say.

I'm now more afraid and cautious when I try to like someone and now, more than ever, I feel so discouraged to like any guy cause I feel like I don't deserve anyone or that I don't deserve to be liked by anyone.

Not like I'm going to turn into a lesbian but I now am leaning more to one sided crushes (i.e. Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Lee Jong Hyun) cause it's safer cause I won't be anywhere near them embarrassing myself and not making any weird moves to get closer to them.


And that's about it for now I guess. I'm still going to update from time to time and I will definitely be more of myself haha.

It'll really take some time for me to heal but hopefully, I will.

Weary Blues

I am in love with Madeleine Peyroux's Weary Blues. Oh gosh, it really takes me back to an unknown past, one that I seem to remember but can never exactly place in my memory.


I love nostalgic songs a lot. Like a lot a lot.


Anyway, I am really... sad now.


In short, and I want to keep this short, I texted Law today.


He was extremely curt and not really responsive except for the part when we talked about computer games for a short while.


Then somehow or another, I asked him whether he was going overseas or not and if he knew anyone who was so he said Angel was and then I texted Angel.


Then, Angel said something like "Oh, yes. Hahaha. Law was telling you the truth."


So I asked her how did she knew I asked Law so she said that Law was with her then.


And then, somehow or another, she asked me whether or not I liked him.


I was really tempted to lie but I decided, 'You know what? Let's just get this over with.' So I said yes. But I told her I wasn't going to do anything more cause I just wanted to be his friend.


Then... She told me that...


That his heart was somewhere else.


We texted for a bit after that and I asked her if she told him and she was like 'Don't worry, I won't' so I just left it at there.




If anything, I knew he liked someone else, most probably Ivy.




I feel upset but if anything, I'm okay. I'm not going to be crying anytime soon hopefully. Hopefully.


Hopefully.




It hurts a bit though.


But it's not a big deal...  You know what, it is.




I'll do my best to not let it show though.




For now, I'll let it slowly fade and I'm just thankful I'm not too crazy about him as I was previously cause if not, by now, I'd be super depressed.




I'll probably not be writing in here for a long time. Like a really long time cause I don't fall for people that easily.


I guess what I'm saying is that I'm forcing myself to let go.


Oh gosh I just want to cry now. And whimper. And whine. And complain.


But that's not who I am. I won't succumb to such embarrassing actions.


I just hope that he at least felt a bit happy knowing that I liked him, even a bit is okay with me. I bet he knew from the beginning anyway.


So, good bye for now. All my memories of him will be forever preserved here. Who knows when I'll start posting again.


............


I hope, C, that you know that I really truly and sincerely liked you and that is why, I won't make it any harder for you by trying to be nice to me.


I hope, C, you'll get that girl you're after. She is really lucky that she got your attention.


I hope, C, that at least at one point, you found me interesting.


And I hope, C... that we will still be friends.


:)

I Will Forget You... perhaps...

A stranger on Omegle advised me to forget about Law because I'll only hurt myself by wrapping up myself in illusions.


What he said is true but I just want to be his friend for now, not become his girl friend.


Funny thing is, last night after I decided that I'd try to at least let him fade a bit to the back of my memories, I immediately got another dream about him.


For some reason, he was jealous and there's more to the whole story (Angel was there too) but the important bit was that someway or another, we eventually began talking with each other.


We talked at top speed about a whole lot of things, like we were finally making that connection.


I don't really remember what it was that we were talking about but I just remember that both of us sat in armchairs, side-by-side, looking at each other and chattering away excitedly.


There was an umbrella between us and somehow, our fingers met underneath that umbrella and I could really feel his fingers in my dream. They were really soft.


I wonder if I should text him this coming Sunday. I feel like I made it a kind of ritual already.


I know that he doesn't care much about me, but, I would really like to become his friend, not only a junior he knows. That isn't really too much to ask is it?


But I know, deep inside me, I still do like him. I really do.


And it hurts to think that there is a possibility that I might have to let go of him.

And it goes on

I can't bring myself to stop liking him even though it has already been 6 months.


I just can't seem to.


Maybe I'm just too stubborn but really, honestly, I truly like him. It's probably because he's really one of a kind. And he actually lives here where I am and he's not some celebrity.


I've been going on omegle a lot to get some practice for texting and all.


I just hope that, you know, we'll at least become friends.


Going to only text him on Sunday so that I can ask about his tournament. :)

My faith lives on :)

He replied!


He replied!


He replied!


XD


Who would've known I'd get to where I am today????


At least I know that he thinks of me as a friend. :)


But I'll have to work harder on that, but for sure I won't text him everyday. That's be just too weird.


Maybe if I see something that reminds me of him, then I'll text him. :)




We mostly texted about computer games, RAM and him playing in a game tournament (League of Legends) and I did have fun texting him. :D


He's the type to reply almost immediately so I feel quite happy about that.




I've been on omegle the whole day cause I couldn't do what I was supposed to do so I must study hard tonight (well, what I can study) and then I must do as many things as I can tomorrow.




His messages really made my day! :D


We texted slightly a bit more than usual (so sadly I can't type everything out for now but maybe I'll make a blog post just about our messages in the future :)) so I think things are progressing quite well. :)


I feel really happy.


Hopefully we'll be able to become really good friends!




Must become a better person, a smarter person and a prettier person. :D


P/S: Notice the amount of smiley faces???? :D  That's how happy I am. XD

Fool

I wrote the wrong post in the wrong blog.


Never mind, at least people I know will know how I feel.




I just really like him. Is it wrong to really like him?




Does he hate me?


He said "No."


Is he annoyed with me?


He said "No."


Is it okay to text him?


He said "Yes."




What's wrong with me?


Why the hell do I still like him? Why? Why? Why????




Is he laughing about me to Angel right now?


Or maybe, he doesn't even think of me.




I know I'm really down now cause I'm actually writing two posts in one day.


I wish I had seized the opportunity to talk to him more and become his friend when I had the chance.


Why the hell was I so freaking shy?




I am really pissed with myself.

Liebster Award Tag

Was actually tagged by Josephine (http://carefreecentral.blogspot.com) a few days ago but I never had the time and now that I'm waiting for my hair to dry, I might as well complete this. :)


But before I commence, I just want to say that I finally bought book one of Kimi ni Todoke which cost me a lot of money but it is totally worth it.


Not going to read or open it until I'm at home and then I'll wrap it before I even read it.


And now, I shall finally begin! :D


I'm ignoring the tagging rules though cause I don't know any other blogger.


The Liebster Award

• The Liebster Blog Award is given to upcoming bloggers who have less than 200 followers.

• The Meaning; Liebster is German and means sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing, and welcome.

The Rules:

1. Each person must post 11 things about themselves.

2. Answer the questions the tagger has set for you plus create 11 questions for the people you've tagged to answer.

3. Choose eleven people and link them in your post.

4. Go to their page and tell them.

5. Remember, no tag backs!

11 Facts About Myself

1.   I am a hopeless romantic. Like really hopeless.

2.   I almost always fall asleep in class, especially during Biology and Physics. Surprisingly though, my lecturers never get pissed at me even though I'm sitting right in front of them.
3.   I have extra extra extra sensitive skin.
4.   I eat a whole lot and I exercise a whole lot as well.
5.   The first thing I always look at when I see a guy is his hair cause I can judge what type of person he is by his hairstyle.

6.   I am a HUGE BOICE i.e. CNBLUE fan. (Bias: Lee Jong Hyun XD)

7.   I love reading and drawing but I simply adore day-dreaming.

8.   My all-time favourite slice-of-life/josei/shoujo mangas are Kimi wa Petto and Kimi ni Todoke.

9.   I love love love the beach and I wouldn't mind just staring at it and the sky for the whole day.

10. I somehow always imagine Law and I driving up to this specific beach at a resort and just spending time together by talking, walking and looking at the beach. (The perfect date)

11. I am really really shy and people always mistook that to be arrogance.

Questions From JennyHollyway!

1. Your favourite model? 

I don't really know all the famous ones (unlike my sister, Summer) but I think Analeigh from America's Next Top Model is very pretty. High fashion... not sure.

2. Best place for your wedding?

A really nice church. :)

3. What is your weight?

55 kg? Slightly less and hoping it'll go down even more.

4.  What is your growth?

Around 163 cm. Roughly 5'3' I guess.

5. What are you thinking about alcohol and cigarettes?

Alcohol is okay in small amounts and even though the smell of cigarettes is nice, it's really bad.

6. What is your secret wish?

To be closer with Law and to talk with him and to become one of his closest friends.

7. J-rock or K-pop? (or ..?)

Darnigans. I like both but with the kind of K-Pop these days... I think I'd rather go for J-Rock.

8. What kind of shoes do you prefer?

Flats and sneakers and the occasional high heels. XD

9. Justin Bieber is .. ?? :D

Not attractive.

10. How much hours do you sleep eyery day?

3 to 4 hours. I don't know how to sleep for longer than that already cause that's what college life (and Tetris) does to you.

11. How grandmother would you be in old age? :D
Maybe quite grandmother-ish. Never been the type to be very extroverted.

Questions from Mischa!

1. What would you do if you could travel in time?
I'd go back to the beginning of this year and advice myself to have the courage to talk to Law. And also to study hard for my exam last year.

2. What's your favourite piece of clothing? (It could be something you used to own, something you own now, something you want...etc.)
Super super over-sized hoodies. And practically any type of baggy clothes. They're super comfortable.

3. A motto in your native language you frequently repeat?
I don't really speak my native language much but I guess it could be "Buli ba kalau kau" XD

4. Favourite poem lines?
So many. I can recite Wilfred Owen's Dulce et Decorum est by heart and I just love Thomas Hardy's The Man He Killed. So many thanks to my Literature in English teacher. :)
5. What's your favourite time waster?
Facebook. Blogger. Twitter. Day-dreaming yet again. Thinking.
6. What places would you like to travel the most?
South Korea, Japan, Austria. Anywhere with beautiful scenery.  :) 

7. What is the accomplishment you're most proud of?
Becoming a more open person this year who is able to talk a bit more and is less reserved and quiet. But most of all, being able to text with someone that I like and to talk with him (which I really thought I'd never get to do).

8. If you could be a character from any movie, who would you be?
Snow White? Mulan? Someone who's soft and gentle and yet courageous.
9. What's your favourite quote? 
"Everything happens for a reason." Not exactly a quote but I always say that to myself.
10. Do you remember your dreams?
Only certain ones. Like nightmares and also like about people that I like. (Like Law)

11. What's your favourite sound?
The sea breeze. The stillness of the night with the faint sound of crickets and a gently crackling fire. The wind howling. Almost any sound that nature makes.  :) 

Questions from Josephine!

1.   Why did you decide to make a blog?

Because I don't know how to express myself truly and thoroughly in real life. Because I don't know how to really confide in people without the fear of being judged. To just see and record my life so I can re-read them back. To express my feelings for the people I like.

2.   Favourite food?

I don't have one, sadly. I just like trying new stuff all the time. :)

3.   What colour are your room walls?

A sad cream peach that's faded to almost a off-white colour.

4.   Oreos or choc chip cookies, and WHY?

Chocolate chips cookies. Cause you can make them bigger! XD

5.   Your dream date?

Talking and walking by the beach from late afternoon till late at night or maybe even until the next day so we can see the sunrise together while talking inside the car.

6.   Best feature in a guy, explain your dream guy!

His eyes. When they sparkle, your whole world lights up. Black hair, dark brown eyes (cause black eyes are impossible), really cute grin, at least taller than me. That's physically. Mentally and emotionally, someone who is passionate, confident, able to speak well, nice, kind. Can speak English well. Understand and get's stuff that I get. Isn't metrosexual.

Actually... all of those points describe Law really well. He could possibly be my dream guy.

7.   Western or Asian make-ups?

On me, Asian. But both looks are really pretty. :)

8.   Your current favourite piece of clothing/accessory/shoes?

Uh... My 2011 Drama Team shirt? (Cause it has a 'C' at the back *slaps self*)

9.   Your favourite chocolate, or your favourite fruit? Maybe both?

Dark chocolate. Like really dark. But I like the others too. I love all types of fruit too but I'm allergic to honeydew.

10. Favourite fast food outlet? Or favourite place to eat?

Possibly McDonalds. Can't think of anything else.

11. The place that you most want to travel to?

South Korea, I guess.

I really think of him too much.

Got to sleep soon. :)

I really want to text him but I don't know what to say.