Natural

Whenever I talk to people, I feel really happy and I don't know why. Why was I so shy to talk with people the last couple of years?

Anyway, I got to the classroom earlier than Prince so I sat in the back and presently I was joined by one of my friends (Rosa, I told her about Prince as well and we got quite close through Facebook chat) and another friend (Olivia, I haven't bonded with her very closely yet) and then Isa came along.

Olivia, Rosa, and I discussed some of the lecture topics together while Isa sat by herself trying to read through my notes and I felt bad for her but she really needs to take up some responsibility, especially since she's older than me. I think she's too dependent on her parents.

So while we were discussing questions, Prince arrived and he sat two rows directly behind me and I was surprisingly cooler than I thought I would be. It felt a bit awkward though since I repeatedly went out from the classroom and I did my best to not ogle at him. By then people were moving forward to get in line for the oral examination so when he got up, I waited a bit then I went in front as well. I asked another friend, Lisa, if she was the last but she said no.

Lisa: He's the one after me. *Points to the back*

Me: Ah, P-Prince. *He looks up* Who's after you?

Prince: Uh... No one.

Me: Then can I be after you?

Prince: Sure.

Me: Thanks!

At one point, I think when I said his name, he gave a small grin and I couldn't help myself so I responded back with a huge smile. 

Oh I felt so weird saying his name out loud. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

So I moved in front and sat in the same row as him although I wasn't near him because I was scared that I would annoy him and bother him so I didn't.

I ended up talking with Yu (who came late) and Isa after that but I managed to cram in some last minute notes (which was miraculously what the lecturer asked me, thank goodness I read it!) but I didn't look at him too often.

He was all jittery and he kept moving his left arm and whenever someone talked he would look.

Like when I called Lisa by her full name he looked at me as well since her back name sounds like the last part of his real name and I got a bit embarrassed by that but I pretended that I didn't notice that he looked up.

After his turn was done I talked with him for a bit but I couldn't stay for long since it was my turn so yeah, it was a bit sad. There was also another guy there so I couldn't talk freely.

He left a few moments before I did and I felt a bit sad about that as well but it isn't like I own him or anything so I have no right to feel sad.

I talked a lot today and I did my best to not make it too loud as I tend to do that around the guy that I like. I hope he didn't feel annoyed with me.

I just hope that he sees me as a friend, someone nice to talk with freely.

Thanks to him, I didn't feel so nervous about the exam anymore. We even got the same score HAHAHAHA. But yeah...

I'll be resting today and tomorrow I'll start to work hard again for my final exam. Lucky for him, he finished it all already. I'll do that next time so Ill have a longer break hahahaha.

A compliment

Wow, it's been a really long time since I last posted anything here!

I guess you can say that I have moved on from Law. I mean, he's a really nice guy and I might still have feelings for him but I understand that he likes someone else and that I can't do anything about that.

In the past month, I've passed a really important exam and so now I'm studying in a university in Italy and things are going pretty great. :)

Initially, I thought I wouldn't be able to make friends but I'm slowly becoming someone who isn't afraid to speak, especially with guys haha. :D

Although I still like and prefer Asians more than those who aren't, I still get a good share of eye-candy everyday. :)

One guy (who has a girlfriend already, sadly  XD ) I find interesting because he's really nice and when I cut my hair today and gave myself some bangs, he was the only who complimented me and said I looked great.  :D

That was, I think, the first compliment I have ever got from a guy regarding my appearance.

Another guy I haven't seen in a week since he was spending time with his family before his family went travelling and he'll be coming back in two days. Hopefully, he'll think I look pretty. :)

I cooked noodles for my friends and they loved it so I am just happy cause I love to cook for people. :D

I've seen loads of Asians but only some are hot, sadly.

And yes, I like looking at the eye-candy but I think that Law has changed me. And I still don't know if it's for the better or for the worse.

I no longer get butterflies in my stomach and even though my heart wants to get those feelings, my mind puts my heart down so much it doesn't dare to.

All I'm capable of now is to have one-sided crushes and daydreams, mainly about Joseph Gordon-Levitt. XD

I'd love to meet him one day and talk with him!

My roomie, on the other hand, has someone obviously head-over-heels in love with her but she's friend-zoning him since he's leaving for France next month and so she said it's no use. :( I feel sad for him.

And I guess that's all for now. No one interesting yet.

I'm just happy that I have friends at the moment. :)

Sunlight from a crack on the wall

I didn't feel anything special when I went to school.


When my friends and I dropped off our bags at our lecture hall, I wanted to go outside to talk with Helen but then I had to talk to Paul (June's crush) regarding some money matters so by the time I got outside, Helen was gone.


I began to frantically search for her and I was about to go down the stairs to look for her when I saw Law coming up the steps so I went back to my lecture hall and saw Helen there but then I told her I had wanted to go outside so I brought "Mockingjay" out with me and began reading it.


By the time I looked up from the book, I only saw Law's back disappearing into his classroom so I felt slightly sad.


June came late today because of the bus but at least she came so I got to tell her about Ivy (the girl who commented on Law's post and who I think has a crush on him) and how my introspection went last weekend.


While I was telling Helen and June about my introspection, I felt so glad and grateful that they were actually listening.


I think it's cause previously, it was only I who played the role of "listener" in my previous group of friends up to the point that whenever I started to speak out my own thoughts and feelings, they'll just cut in and pour out their own thoughts so I end up listening to them only without ever getting things off my chest.


This was during the first break.


Law was seated somewhere that wasn't his usual seat with a different group of people whom I think I never saw him hang out with before but I couldn't look at him too much cause I was busy talking with June and Helen.


I was supposed to attend a sports house meeting during the second break but then I skipped it cause honestly, I don't think I really fit in with the people there somehow as much as I want to.


So I had break with June, Jean, and Elva.


This time, Law sat at a completely different area in the cafeteria, around the same place where we sat during the first break but then he went up very early so I felt a little sad.


We had a free period after that cause our Bio teacher didn't come in for class so June and I first went to the IT lab where Law usually goes to during his free period.


He wasn't there, of course, cause he had class but then again I felt somewhat happy that I got to experience something he usually did each week. We went to the library after that where June studied Chemistry while I continued to read "Mockingjay".


And as usual, every Monday is Gloom Day where I sit at a table in the assembly hall, alone with my thoughts and even though I studied, I can't say that my mind was fully preoccupied with Maths cause I was thinking of him also.


I mean, today, we hardly interacted at school.


The sunlight came just now when I logged on to Facebook.


I went through my usual way of checking my notifications when I noticed that he and some other seniors had commented on the map that I posted up for the party this Saturday.


He was talking to another senior though so I didn't want to bother them.


I was looking at the map for a long time when I realised that I might have got the map wrong so I posted a comment saying that the labels for the places and stuff might be wrong and then I began to check my horoscope and love predictions and stuff.


5 minutes into the prediction readings, I got one notification saying that Law had commented on the photo.


I  waited for a few seconds (although I don't know why) before I checked the comment.


All he asked was whether the road pathway was correct or not but I can tell you, I got so excited and my pulse began to quicken because he actually communicated with me through Facebook.


And it was he who started it.


Okay, so it's a really small matter but by using my hyper-analytically powered mind, I know that he at least acknowledges me as someone whom he can speak to and so in a sense, we'll have no problem whatsoever in communicating in real life because then I know for sure that he doesn't hate me.


That's the one thing that I fear the most, that he hates me.


Those few words he typed really made my day today, honestly.


I'm going to sleep soon cause I need to get rid of some eye bags but before I go, here's my prediction for today.


Feel secure the coming weekend. With your honesty it will bring about great changes.


And since the sports house party got cancelled, this could probably only mean the party this Saturday.


And since I kind of got a green light to begin talking with him, I'm not that scared anymore to communicate with him. :)


I'll be going off soon.


I sincerely hope that we'll become friends first before anything else happens. :)