Feeling better

Again, I'm speculating it's because of the good weather. When I walked into class, I really did feel like my spirits were higher. I'm probably craving for human companion so when Rainie comes over during the Easter Holidays, I'll feel better hopefully.

I came very early with Xia today and there were really few people in class. When one of our professors began talking to one of our classmates and commenting on her work, we started to gather around her table. At that point Carl walked in and people started turning around to see who just came in but I didn't cause I could see who it was through the reflection of the window panes. He stood next to me and I kept shifting further away from him because I didn't like him being close to me.

I went back to my seat after that though but I got called back again by another professor to join in the discussion and luckily I wasn't standing next to him.

5 minutes later, the door opened and I saw that it was Prince who just came in. After putting his bag down, he stood behind me and I felt really happy about that.

We went back to our seats after that but I didn't remain behind Prince for long cause I had to sit next to Yu to talk about our project (a building we're studying for the upcoming trip) that we had to present in front of the class.

When it was our turn, I really crapped a lot while putting on a heck lot of cheap confidence and I was mainly starring at the professors the whole time but I also wanted to see if Prince was looking at me or not so I looked at him and he was and he looked a bit shocked but we made eye contact alright ahahaha. He never got to present his one though so I felt a bit disappointed (cause I wanted to stare at him openly AHAHAHAHA).

We also had to go in front of the class to listen to some of our classmates at one point and I felt Carl move behind me so I tried to move away from him because initially, he was too close to me since I could hear him breathing. I withstood it for as long as I could before going to the toilet and when I came back, I moved to a different space but I did feel slightly sad that I had to give up that spot since Prince was standing behind me as well.

After the lunch break though I had to move my things to sit next to Yu, which meant sitting next to Carl, and I did my best to not look at him although Prince was sitting to his left so yeah.

Yeah, I'm mean. But at least I still respond to him.

Carl asked me a question some time after that. "Beth, do you know when is the deadline?" And I said gibberish hahahaha but I was too cheerful cause I was about to laugh my head off since Yu was teaching me Mandarin. I looked at Carl for a second really but since Prince was looking in my direction, I made eye contact with him instead.

Also, after I sent Yu off after we bought our paper, I came back and realised that I missed some important announcements by the professor so after they left I wanted to ask Prince about it but lo and behold, Acia came over with her friend and began complimenting Prince's sketches, saying that they were really good.

And here's when I noticed that they aren't really close anymore. Maybe she's reaching out to him since he's the last guy in the room who is really attractive.

Speaking of which, I told Yu about how Prince wasn't really warm with me when we chatted on Facebook yesterday and she said that she didn't like guys like him because she said that those guys know that they are hot and what not and are arrogant about it.

I think, however, that what she said is probably not true. He seems like a really down-to-earth kind of guy and he helps people out a lot. And yes he might curse and make fun of what the professors say sometimes but it isn't really all the time. I'm seriously making him sound like some kind of jerk but he isn't, really. He doesn't have that kind of aura.

Anyway, back to the topic of today.

After Acia left him, I got up to throw rubbish and some untouched coffee and just as I got up, Carl began bragging (kind of) that he's been going to the gym but I didn't hear what else came after that since I went out of the classroom to throw those things.

I do for a fact know that he goes to a gym.

How?

He keeps posting those kind of pictures that says 'A summer body is earned during winter' on his Facebook profile so I assume that he is the kind of guy who wants to get attention. Well, maybe my attention for that matter but honestly, I don't really care whether or not a guy has six packs or not, as long as he's healthy. And as far as I'm concerned, Carl doesn't drink a lot of water or he just prefers alcohol or something (again, one of the things that he posted up saying something along the lines of 'Drinking water is good but then again it never solves any problems' and then he mentioned something about alcohol being better; on that same post though, Prince said "It re-hydrates you :)  and yes, Prince drinks a heck load of water).

Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked again.

I went back inside and I packed my things up before walking in front of them and I looked at Carl for a brief moment before focusing my attention on Prince and I asked whether or not I missed out any important announcements and lo and behold, after Prince said "No" Carl sputtered out a long sentence.

I kept asking Prince questions and sometimes he answered but really, Carl tried to elbow himself in and I felt like Prince was allowing Carl to do so but whenever I talked with Carl, I used body language to show that I wasn't interested like using wandering eyes and I even made eye contact with Prince instead.

I'm just glad that Prince was nice enough to me. He talked with me and smiled a couple of times and we made a lot of eye contact. Even when I said "Bye guys" I made eye contact with him and he probably just gave a small smile or something but I felt like the whole world tuned out so I don't even remember whether or not Carl said anything.

Sometimes I really hate this other side of me, the one where I'm mean to guys who are interested in me but I don't reciprocate their feelings. I just don't want to raise their hopes up high.

Oh yeah, another thing, while the assistant was talking with Yu and I regarding our project, Prince came over to look for a short while before he went back to his seat and then after that, Carl came along and stood for a long time. Luckily, Yu was between him and I and it was also unfortunate that Yu was between Prince and I.

I told Yu about Carl today. I guess she'll be observing him from now on.

Tonight, I don't feel as sad or as empty as I did the past few days. I feel quite contented somehow.

I'm slowly working my way to becoming Prince's friend and I can only hope that he will regard me as one and that I will be able to talk more with him. I'm becoming more comfortable when talking with him and I can only hope that he'll notice that I do act a bit more differently around him then around other people but then again, I'm sure he has an inkling that I like him from my previous oh-so-obvious actions.

Anyway, I'm beat and I need to sleep soon so hopefully I will wake up early tomorrow and get some work done. :)

Today was quite good.

Fortune Cookie

I went to a Malaysian restaurant today with Yu and Xia and at the end of dinner, we got fortune cookies.

Mine read: A friendly conversation will tear down barriers.

Or something like that.

Funny how I think I managed to do that earlier on today.

So I woke up today, making up my mind to finally talk with him as scary as it seemed and heck yeah did I feel pumped up to talk with him and I seriously felt confident.

By the time the first break came around though, I was a bit nervous and I almost chickened out, but, I said to myself "I'd regret it even more if I die and I didn't talk to him." So I got up and I went up the steps to his seat where he was sitting alone and I sat down next to him.

Me: Hey, can I ask you a question?

Prince: Yes, sure.

Me: Did I piss you off last Friday?

Prince: No, no. I was just sick.

And then we talked for a bit more after that about him being sick, the lecture, traditional Chinese medicine and me repeating about how relieved I was that he wasn't pissed at me. I made eye contact several times during the conversation and I only held it for a bit longer a few times.

Well, if that doesn't scream obvious, then I don't know what else will. At least I had the guts to go up to him and talk with him and I can only hope that we'll be able to talk a bit every time we see each other and gradually become friends.

Speaking of obvious, I am now 75% sure that Carl is interested in me. During the break in the afternoon, he walked in front of my table but my other friend said "Hi" to him so I made it look as though I didn't know he was there to talk with me.

Oh gosh, I really am mean to the people that I am not interested in who are interested in me. His table was really far from where we sat and he walked over to talk but really, he didn't put much effort.

Also, after I talked with Prince, Acia moved her seat to sit down next to him and I heard them talking a bit during the lecture but I guess they aren't so close anymore since they sat separately for the afternoon one.

And I think that I got back a bit of Prince's interest in me.

At the end of the lesson, we exchanged glances again and it felt a bit like the glance he gave me from last time. Well, I just hope it means that way.

And maybe the way that I show that I am interested in him is obvious and I will be embarrassed about it in the future for sure but I am being who I am and I don't know how to flirt and play hard to get so I might as well stick to the way that I have now.

I just hope that our relationship will become closer.

And that's it for today! :)

That feeling

I feel as though I've fallen for him for the first time, again.


I feel so warm and bubbly inside and I have no idea why.


It's not like he's seen me or talked to me and neither have I seen him for almost a whole week.


Helen told me that he might be going to school next week due to some extra Physics classes which is during our holidays and initially I thought I should go but now that I think about it I don't want to anymore.


A] I don't want to disturb him by being a stalker.


B] I'm currently undergoing my own personal transformation (i.e. losing weight, trying to remove pimples from my face, studying more etc.) and I don't want him to see me until the week after that so that he'll notice that there's an obvious difference.


It's tough to make all these changes but I want to succeed and I am determined to follow all of this through.




The first time I got my heart broken I changed for the worse.


Now, I just want to improve and show him that he'd be missing out on something if he doesn't respond positively in any way.


I thought I'd try to get over him but listening to Rascal Flatts songs makes me fall for him harder.


It's impossible to believe but I still really do like him.


When people mention his name or even his surname, I feel so elated and bubbly.


I like him a lot.


:)


Wherever this leads to, I know that I have to be brave to face the consequences.




I'm kind of not giving up hope because my situation reminds me of the manga Kimi wa Petto (one of my all time favourite mangas by far).


You should read it if you have the time. It's a completed work so there is an ending, sadly.


The bit that seems like my situation is how the heroine of the story likes her senior but the senior never took notice of her in that way and only treated her as a friend but when they got older, he started to like her.


She went off with a different, younger guy though in the end and either way, she had a happy ending. :)




I'm really tempted to text him but I will hold myself back because he must be studying seriously now.


And so, I shall study right now as well since I have a Biology test tomorrow. :)




Also, I'm thinking of using his real name cause it sounds so much more (in my opinion) hotter but maybe not.




I like you.




Also, I realised something when I read back all my previous texts to him.


I was obviously showing him that I like him a lot.


Yet, he was so super nice to me during the club party.


And by then, I didn't even talk to him or interact with him for almost a week.


So... Does that mean he's okay with me liking him?


Is there, maybe, hope for me?


Or is he just fascinated with the fact that someone likes him and therefore he wants to play around with that person?


Regardless of the possibilities, at least I know that I do have a bit of his attention.


I'll probably text him good luck next Sunday, as a friend of course.




I shall end this post with lyrics from Rascal Flatts' From Time to Time.


"My feelings are so strong in me I feel it through and through."