People I didn't want to meet

Lo and behold, I got the same design studio as Carl and Prince.

I came into class a bit late and I almost sat next to them but luckily I spotted them early and decided to change my seat to go to the other side.

They did notice me though, especially since my hair was previously super long and now it's super short, and Carl kept passing by me and coming near me. I think he wanted to talk to me but I was talking with other people and I really didn't want to talk with him so we never did.

On the other hand, I kept feeling like Prince was looking at me and at one point when the professor said something both of us turned to look at each other.

I really do think that we have the same brainwave length but I don't feel attracted to him anymore.

In fact, if I see anyone that resembles him even from the back, I feel fear shooting through my veins and I don't know why.

Yesterday I hung out with some of my friends and we somehow got around to the topic of whether we liked anyone in our course or not and I just said his name and one of the girls said that it's good that I moved on from him because he's the type who isn't looking for something serious.

And surprisingly she said that I was way better than him and that I should deserve someone better.

Any how I don't want to fall for anyone at the moment, only YiXing. It'll help me concentrate better.

Sent

Because of the incident yesterday, Tia asked me to inbox him and I did.

And I am really trying to put my hopes down as low as possible but annoyingly, they just raise themselves up even higher and I freaking hate that cause now I'm in a really uninspired mood now which is bad since my exams are like super super soon.

The reason why I didn't want to add him is because I still wanted to live in a dream, that he is the perfect guy bla bla bla even though he probably isn't.

Well, that is true in a sense.

The minute when I saw that he went clubbing and all, I felt myself loose a bit of interest.

I just like guys who are really good and nice and probably the only guy that fits that bill that I've wrote about is Victor.

Of course I haven't gotten to know Prince that well yet but I can already see that I am definitely not suitable for him.

In this world, I feel like I'm still a child while almost everyone in class is an adult, going to clubs, smoking, drinking and what not.

And that's when I start to fear that because of peer pressure, I'll change and become someone that I will absolutely detest. I'm scared that I'll change for the worse.

I'd really like to blame my good girl image, the girl who doesn't like drinking and clubbing, because I feel like I'm cut off from socialising with people.

Okay, I will go off soon. I really need to do my work.

That feeling

I feel as though I've fallen for him for the first time, again.


I feel so warm and bubbly inside and I have no idea why.


It's not like he's seen me or talked to me and neither have I seen him for almost a whole week.


Helen told me that he might be going to school next week due to some extra Physics classes which is during our holidays and initially I thought I should go but now that I think about it I don't want to anymore.


A] I don't want to disturb him by being a stalker.


B] I'm currently undergoing my own personal transformation (i.e. losing weight, trying to remove pimples from my face, studying more etc.) and I don't want him to see me until the week after that so that he'll notice that there's an obvious difference.


It's tough to make all these changes but I want to succeed and I am determined to follow all of this through.




The first time I got my heart broken I changed for the worse.


Now, I just want to improve and show him that he'd be missing out on something if he doesn't respond positively in any way.


I thought I'd try to get over him but listening to Rascal Flatts songs makes me fall for him harder.


It's impossible to believe but I still really do like him.


When people mention his name or even his surname, I feel so elated and bubbly.


I like him a lot.


:)


Wherever this leads to, I know that I have to be brave to face the consequences.




I'm kind of not giving up hope because my situation reminds me of the manga Kimi wa Petto (one of my all time favourite mangas by far).


You should read it if you have the time. It's a completed work so there is an ending, sadly.


The bit that seems like my situation is how the heroine of the story likes her senior but the senior never took notice of her in that way and only treated her as a friend but when they got older, he started to like her.


She went off with a different, younger guy though in the end and either way, she had a happy ending. :)




I'm really tempted to text him but I will hold myself back because he must be studying seriously now.


And so, I shall study right now as well since I have a Biology test tomorrow. :)




Also, I'm thinking of using his real name cause it sounds so much more (in my opinion) hotter but maybe not.




I like you.




Also, I realised something when I read back all my previous texts to him.


I was obviously showing him that I like him a lot.


Yet, he was so super nice to me during the club party.


And by then, I didn't even talk to him or interact with him for almost a week.


So... Does that mean he's okay with me liking him?


Is there, maybe, hope for me?


Or is he just fascinated with the fact that someone likes him and therefore he wants to play around with that person?


Regardless of the possibilities, at least I know that I do have a bit of his attention.


I'll probably text him good luck next Sunday, as a friend of course.




I shall end this post with lyrics from Rascal Flatts' From Time to Time.


"My feelings are so strong in me I feel it through and through."