An edge

Well I stayed up late last night to read Strobe Edge and I spent 3-4 hours today to finish it but all in all, I'm happy with the ending.

Also, today I talked with Tia about living arrangements with a guy after the engagement and before marrying him and she asked me this question: "Would you be able to refrain yourself from not doing anything if you were to be alone with one of the guys from your computer?"

What she meant by computer is my desktop wallpaper cause I have a lot of pictures of Lee Jong Hyun, Kai, Ray and Joseph Gordon-Levitt that keeps changing on it.

And those two together made me wonder; is it possible to actually find guys who are more for the emotional and spiritual than the physical???

I somehow assume that 80% of guys these days expect sex to happen somewhere somehow during the girlfriend-boyfriend phase and that made me wonder whether or not I'll ever find a guy who also shares the same views as me, a traditional and platonic view.

Yes, I'm really naive, traditional and foolish for thinking like that but I don't want to go against God.

I just think that it isn't worth giving up a precious part of yourself for something that could be temporary.

That's also one of the reasons why I prefer Asian guys over those who aren't and yes, I know that Asian guys have those urges and many have actually acted on those urges already but compared to other guys, the percentage of Asian guys who sleep with their girlfriends is more likely lower as opposed to other guys.

I'm not saying that it's true, I could be wrong, but from what I can see, Asian people tend to be a bit more traditional so if something like that should happen, the guy will definitely take responsibility. In most cases that is. Not all Asian guys are chaste.

I probably have the impossible dream, I know, but I'd like to think that I'll be able to reach it and make it a reality one day.

Dear God, I am praying for a guy like that to appear who will like me and who I can like back.

Oh my high school way of thinking, when will you ever mature?

Maybe a bit out of hand

Maybe it's cause I saw Acia unexpectedly on the bus yesterday (she was going to go clubbing with some other guys from our class), or maybe I've just been thinking about Prince too much that I got another dream about him. And not just any normal dream.

In the past, whenever I had dreams about people that I am interested in, the events that unfold in the dreams were somewhat like a day to day experience like meeting them outside of school and whatnot but in all of them, I never dreamt that I was their girlfriend or anything special like that.

And last night, I dreamt I married Prince.

Oh my sick brain. What the hell is wrong with you.

In that dream, I knew it was a dream and I could remember every single event clearly but when I woke up, it's as though someone placed a veil over that part in my memory so that even the colours seem dark and blurry.

From what I can remember, and sadly not much...

.........

Oh gosh, I can't remember at all! TT^^TT

I think I have a basic storyline and I can only remember one certain event but it isn't much good.

I think that we were somewhere outside at night and my sisters were there and I was talking with him. Then, the next thing I know, we're getting married (although I don't think I remember us having a ceremony).

I think that we liked each other before getting married, it was just that we didn't know how to reach each other so when we married, it was slightly awkward since we barely had time to get to know each other well but we both held on to it.

The one event that I remember is that we were in a house (not sure who's one) and then he was going to go down the stairs and I said something to him, adding the word "Darling" before the sentence, just to see how he would respond.

Then he stopped and smiled and looked at me and said "Maybe we're not ready for that yet but I think we'll be able to do that in the future." Then he continued down before he stopped again, looked up, stretched out his hand to touch mine and said "I'll miss you."

I think I stretched out my hand as well but I really can't recall whether or not I took his hand.

There're certain things that I remember, like me being very close to him or like the both of us holding hands, him smiling and grinning.

The weird thing about this dream is that it went on for a long time, even though this summary is super short.

It even continued when I woke up twice and went back to sleep, the first time was because I wanted to sleep (and I didn't expect the dream to continue) and the second time was because I wanted to see if I'd still get the same dream.

Yeah, it's a pity I'm such a coward.

Causing my mind to spin and spin and spin...

There was a status update I saw on Facebook yesterday.


"Whenever we like a guy/girl, we always think that we're never attractive enough for them."


Well, not those words exactly but somewhere around those lines.


I can't help feeling that that's how I feel now.


Like when I look at myself in the mirror at home, I'd think "Hey, I don't look that bad. :)"


But then at school whenever I catch a glimpse of myself in any shiny surface I can hear my mind screaming "OMG YOU ARE SO EFFING UGLY!"


I showed my sisters his picture last night and I thought that one of them would recognize him since he was her junior in college but she said that she hardly saw him. Although there was a slight pause...


But for now since I'm not going to see him for more than a week, I'm going to improve myself tremendously so that the next time he sees me he'd at least acknowledge me as a person he'd be able to talk to normally.


Like for instance, I was really tempted to give stupid-lame mottos for our sports house but then I realised one of his best friends were in my house (it's a pity that he's not TT^TT) so I did my best to come up and find good mottos.


And some of the seniors liked the idea so hopefully, somehow, Law will find out and think that I'm not some stupid fool or something.


I checked his Horoscope yesterday and I found out that he is a Virgo.


Virgo


Positive traits: discriminating, fastidious, analytical, meticulous, modest, precise (i.e. a perfectionist who is down to earth)
Negative traits: fussy, self-conscious, cynical, hypercritical, finicky, over-conforming


Love trait: Dependable and sincere and have very few illusions about affairs of the heart. They show their love in small gestures than lavishing attention on their partners and are cautious in the extreme about making the first move. They are also too down-to-earth to be swept away.


In other words, he has a very high standard in everything.


I mean, I don't know him that well but I can tell what kind of person he is.


For example, modest.


He wears a plastic black watch, wears the same shoes everyday to school, wears old jeans and drives a very small car that is considered one of the cheapest here where I live. 
(I sound like a stalker but I just notice these things. It's not like I follow him around where ever he goes to. I just notice them whenever I bump into him by chance.)


Another one would be fastidious.


For their presentation, he made the slideshow and it was really awesome and it even had small details that made the slideshow even better.


About the negative parts... I'm not entirely sure. Maybe I'll get to know them when I get to know him even more.


And when I checked whether or not our relationship will be good or not, the book just stated "In tune".


What the hell does that mean?


My sisters told my mom that I liked him yesterday also and she keeps on wanting to look at him cause she's very paranoid about people that we like.


Even my sisters had to hide their boyfriends from my mom the first couple of weeks.


But now I don't feel too worried about not being able to talk to Law cause it took my sisters some time to talk to others as well. :)


I'm going to finish my designing work after this and then proceed to do my homework cause my family's going out to night and I'll get to taste my first real alcoholic drink in 18 years! XD


Okay, I should get going now. :)


Law is very cute. XD


Just thinking about our conversation the other day and his words to the interview candidates make me smile. XD


Cause what he said seriously sounded slightly crazy. XD