Honestly thinking...

Up until I got my first follower, I really really thought that I was just talking and crapping and ranting to myself since if I did all those stuff to my siblings, they'd all get bored with my rantings about Law.


Example: Last night, I told my sisters that Law is so effing cute cause he doesn't curse and they all just went "Meh." =-=;


The other day, I chatted with June via Facebook and she and I ranted to each other about Law and her guy (whom I shall call Sam).


The following is a snippet of our conversation. (Please don't mind our English grammar. We were just ranting and our Malaysian slang came out XD)

June: ... Law is cute for you XD

Me: Why you say that???????

June: Hahahaha IDK but ngam (he is suitable for) you la.

Eh, he's shorter than you right?

And then I kept on denying my height. But I think that it's kind of true.

But I'm praying that it's not true.

But, when I searched for the average height for Malaysians just now I discovered that the average height for a Malaysian woman is 153.3cm while for a Malaysian man it's 164.5cm.

I am freaking 163cm.

I used to want to be 165cm because that's the height that Lee Jong Hyun wants his girlfriend to be. :)

But now it's like a curse.

I remember once a conversation between one of my elder twin sister (Sky).

Me: I hope I'll be able to grow tall until 165cm.

Sky: Ei, don't la. Being tall is a curse. There aren't that many guys here who are tall.

You'll be sorry when you realise you're taller than the guy you like.

So true. So effing true.

Reminds me, during badminton practice today, I almost cursed cause I sucked so badly.

I was like "PHAAAAAAA~!" which sounds almost similar to "FUUUUUUUU~!" and one of the guy seniors looked at me weirdly.

I'm really sorry! I didn't mean to do that! I'm really trying to be a female after years of not being one!

Must be the 9GAG influence!

But right now, somehow, I really am doubting that I'll ever be in a love kind of relationship with any guy.

We'd probably end up as friends or something.

Cause I think I'm more a guy than a girl so most probably they'll think of me as a guy.

That doesn't mean I'm turning to girls now.

Going to sleep soon with these thoughts in my head. I need to wake up early for driving class tomorrow.

Causing my mind to spin and spin and spin...

There was a status update I saw on Facebook yesterday.


"Whenever we like a guy/girl, we always think that we're never attractive enough for them."


Well, not those words exactly but somewhere around those lines.


I can't help feeling that that's how I feel now.


Like when I look at myself in the mirror at home, I'd think "Hey, I don't look that bad. :)"


But then at school whenever I catch a glimpse of myself in any shiny surface I can hear my mind screaming "OMG YOU ARE SO EFFING UGLY!"


I showed my sisters his picture last night and I thought that one of them would recognize him since he was her junior in college but she said that she hardly saw him. Although there was a slight pause...


But for now since I'm not going to see him for more than a week, I'm going to improve myself tremendously so that the next time he sees me he'd at least acknowledge me as a person he'd be able to talk to normally.


Like for instance, I was really tempted to give stupid-lame mottos for our sports house but then I realised one of his best friends were in my house (it's a pity that he's not TT^TT) so I did my best to come up and find good mottos.


And some of the seniors liked the idea so hopefully, somehow, Law will find out and think that I'm not some stupid fool or something.


I checked his Horoscope yesterday and I found out that he is a Virgo.


Virgo


Positive traits: discriminating, fastidious, analytical, meticulous, modest, precise (i.e. a perfectionist who is down to earth)
Negative traits: fussy, self-conscious, cynical, hypercritical, finicky, over-conforming


Love trait: Dependable and sincere and have very few illusions about affairs of the heart. They show their love in small gestures than lavishing attention on their partners and are cautious in the extreme about making the first move. They are also too down-to-earth to be swept away.


In other words, he has a very high standard in everything.


I mean, I don't know him that well but I can tell what kind of person he is.


For example, modest.


He wears a plastic black watch, wears the same shoes everyday to school, wears old jeans and drives a very small car that is considered one of the cheapest here where I live. 
(I sound like a stalker but I just notice these things. It's not like I follow him around where ever he goes to. I just notice them whenever I bump into him by chance.)


Another one would be fastidious.


For their presentation, he made the slideshow and it was really awesome and it even had small details that made the slideshow even better.


About the negative parts... I'm not entirely sure. Maybe I'll get to know them when I get to know him even more.


And when I checked whether or not our relationship will be good or not, the book just stated "In tune".


What the hell does that mean?


My sisters told my mom that I liked him yesterday also and she keeps on wanting to look at him cause she's very paranoid about people that we like.


Even my sisters had to hide their boyfriends from my mom the first couple of weeks.


But now I don't feel too worried about not being able to talk to Law cause it took my sisters some time to talk to others as well. :)


I'm going to finish my designing work after this and then proceed to do my homework cause my family's going out to night and I'll get to taste my first real alcoholic drink in 18 years! XD


Okay, I should get going now. :)


Law is very cute. XD


Just thinking about our conversation the other day and his words to the interview candidates make me smile. XD


Cause what he said seriously sounded slightly crazy. XD

Pixie Dust

Is what I really need.


I keep on looking at the "Add as Friend" button and I can't help thinking "If only, if only."


Why do I always like guys I know I can never ever talk to?


Feeling very low today but I can't let it show.


I really really really hope I'll get to be friends with him.


And I also really really hope that I'll get to become even more prettier.


And if we really do become friends and I begin to develop real feelings for him, I hope that whatever happens, I'll still be happy and be able to move on in life.


Seriously though, why did I fall for him??? TT^TT

I am now 18 :D

Today I have officially turned 18! :D


All my close friends gave me a surprise party in one of the lecture halls. Even a guy whom I don't really know was kind enough to wish me "Happy Birthday" and he shook my hand and even sang "Happy Birthday" together with them. :) Thank you you kind human!


I kind of knew their plan since yesterday but I didn't want to tell them.  :)  They must have worked really hard. :D


Thank you guys, although I doubt you guys will ever find this blog, cause you all made my day.


They gave me a cake, gifts, a card and a letter. :D


And even the parts which were accidental turned out to be an awesome present too. :D


Like the part when they all were leading me upstairs.


So far, I've only told two people about my crush on Law.
It was these two who led me upstairs.


While we were going up and being noisy, one of them suddenly nudged me and when I turned around to look at her, I saw that Law was right behind her so I quickly turned to look in front of me.


I HOPE HE DIDN'T NOTICE THAT.


And so I rambled and ranted on and on to my friends about really out-of-topic stuff cause he was heading to the same floor also.


And now that I think of it, why the heck did I ramble????


That was sooooooooo embarrassing. =-=;


I should have been quiet and just shut the hell up.


I saw him also as another friend was leading us to go up the stairs to the lecture hall and I passed him and he looked at me for a bit and I was really uncertain whether or not to say "Hi!" but the moment passed and I missed my chance. :(


I was slightly scared of saying "Hi!" cause I wasn't sure and was afraid of his reaction.


Also, his friend was there. =-=;


I really hope I didn't leave a bad impression on him.


I think I'll tell my sisters about my thing for him tonight.  :) 


I'm still waiting for a miracle for me to happen.


Up till today, I've never felt like I was someone really special for anyone. Really.


For once, I'd like to be someone's special someone.  :) 


On a side note, I went to the dentist today and maybe in a couple of months time, I'll get to take my braces off. :D

Holding my breath

I started my job as an Election Board trainee today!!! :D


I also kind of expected to not see Law today at all cause you know... And I'm also trying to get a certain theory into my head.


Like, even if I always notice him, that doesn't mean he always notices me no matter how many times we happen to be in the same place.
This means that the chances of me even being friends with him isn't a huge probability.
But that doesn't mean it's a small probability either since I've joined EB. :)


And so I saw him in four places today.


Early in the morning: Student Lounge
1st Break: Canteen
2nd Break: Assembly Hall
During the SC Interviews: In the top levels of the building


I really didn't expect him to stay-back for today since he didn't last Friday so all the same it made me slightly happy. :)


He saw me running up and down and I did my best to not stare at him.


I wonder if he knows I even stare at him?


Must not be a stalker!!!!! =-=;


But when you're interested in someone, isn't it normal to like to stare at them to a certain extent???


At least I control myself from always looking at him. Well, at least I try to.


I don't just go, "Oh look, it's Law. Let's just stare at him and not do anything else."


Anyway, there was this one part while I was on duty when he came down to my level and he went to check on the SC President and Secretary candidates so he had to pass me.


I looked down so that I wouldn't look at him and I hope no one noticed that I was slightly very distracted.


The sad part was, when I looked up, I realised he was around my height. Roughly.


But maybe it's just because he slouches??? TT^TT


Sometimes it's a curse for being taller than the average Malaysian female.
Cause the average Malaysian male ain't that tall either. XD


What I write in here doesn't matter right????
Cause the probability of him ever finding this is near to 0.01.


And Law, if you do read this, I hope that you won't feel offended.
Please be happy knowing that you had at least one secret admirer. :)


I'll do my best to not stare at him tomorrow. But I can't promise that I won't. :)


This infatuation is slowly starting to fade. That's good news.


However, I know I'll miss this bubbly feeling cause seeing him really makes my day. :)

I AM IN!!!!!! XD

I AM IN THE ELECTION BOARD!!!!! XD


I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!


BUT I GOT AN SMS SAYING THAT I'M IN! Although that was 5 hours ago....


I don't know if I should have been that ecstatic but I am!


This means I get a chance to be closer to Law! :D <3


I will do my best!!!


Before this, I was so scared that they'd never pick me because of the whole Student Council thing but they did pick me!!!! :D


Okay, must sleep early. :)


Good night!!!