A metal mesh

I pulled an all-nighter last night woohoo so I need to sleep soon. :D All-nighters will make me very hyperactive the next day and with an added dash of coffee, I was literally shaking in excited jitters the whole day. I love my school work now hahaha.

Anyway, getting off topic from the start already hahaha, I am here to talk about Prince. :)

I came on time today (and as usual, the lecturers weren't =-=;) and I waited for Yu at the front row but when she came she said that we should move to the second row (since the first one is always used to present drawings and such) so we did.

While we were discussing our project, the door opened and I looked up (which is something I rarely do these days, mainly because of Carl) and I saw Prince, which is a bit shocking since he usually comes very late. Again we made eye contact and I watched as he went to the furthest seat in the same row as Yu and I before my attention was forced to return to our project.

I didn't get the chance to talk with him because not long after that, Carl walked in and went to the opposite side of the room and Prince quickly changed his seats to be next to Carl. I felt like he glanced over every now and then (like when I was laughing out loud at one point) but I couldn't tell for sure since I wasn't really glancing at him.

I wanted to talk with him but it didn't seem as though I had any time to spare to do so.

In fact, as soon as the lecturers came in, Yu and I became busy because one of the assistants came over to our drawings and began making a lot of comments and giving a lot of critiques so we gave our full attention (I got very excited over the project ahahahaha XD).

I wanted to go over to where Prince had put up his and Carl's drawings to look at them but I just couldn't get away so I had to remain there, giving the occasional glance in their direction where they had taped the papers to the wall.

When another guy (a professor maybe) came over to discuss about our model for the project, more people started to come and Prince and Carl also came over.

I thought that Prince would leave, really, since he had already walked past our drawings and had glanced at it several times but instead, Carl was the one who left and he remained there, standing on my side of the table, looking at the drawing for quite some time before he left. Yeah, I really wanted to talk with him then but I just couldn't since I needed to listen to everything that the professor had to say.

Maybe him coming over was a sign? I don't know, I won't read too much into it.

Towards the end of the class I started to get a bit agitated and I even made a couple of foolish reactions in class (=-=;) and because of that he looked my way and I blushed really badly, but I couldn't help it. I really wanted to talk with him.

And me being foolish was one of the ways to get it out of my system, even if it is a bad one.

Yu still wanted to discuss with me so I tried to wrap things up faster and by the time they were taking down their drawings from the walls, I couldn't pay much attention to Yu anymore since I was so afraid of him leaving without me exchanging any words with him.

Yu: Okay. Now let's go to buy the materials.

Me: Wait, Yu, can I please go talk with him?

Yu: No, we need to go now.

Me: Please??? For a short while only.

Yu: Fine.

And with her understanding smile in my mind, I just walked over to where Prince was and I pushed back all my fear deep down inside.

Me: Prince, what kind of material are we supposed to use for the building? Is it only one type?

Prince: For your building facade, I think you should use a metal mesh, or something like that.

Okay, I actually don't know how it really started but it's somewhere along those lines. I just remember that I asked one question and then he immediately went into another topic that was somewhat related to the topic I introduced but wasn't exactly what I had wanted to ask, you know? All I can recall is that he said that he has been to a modelling class before and he has two friends who know some stuff about it so he will help me by asking them about it and then telling it to me later.

I completely zoned out after that because he actually offered to help me. He's being so nice and friendly and all and here I am, just awestruck. Or lovestruck. Which ever it is, I really didn't expect him to do that for me so yes, I was extremely euphoric on the inside.

When I called his name, I didn't even look at Carl and just did my best to make eye contact with him. Carl kept trying to interrupt though by asking "What is a metal mesh?" but Prince kind of ignored him and just continued talking with me about the possibilities of creating the facade of my project. At one point though, when there was a short break in the conversation, Carl re-asked the same question and Prince answered him so I broke eye contact for a couple of seconds. When we resumed talking again though, I resumed making eye contact with him and he really does have brown eyes.

Anyway, we made eye contact throughout the conversation and I made sure to smile at some points and he smiled sometimes as well. My body position was initially facing away from him (since Carl was nearby) but when I noticed that his feet were pointing towards me, I immediately faced him as well to show positive body language and I just don't know but it was the eye contact that made that conversation for me.

He rarely blinked and I just felt like he was looking at me. I was both nervous and happy at the same time and at certain points, my voice cracked and shook a bit (I blame the coffee here too) but I did my best to cover up. In fact, whenever he was nearby, I'd get nervous and I'd push my hair away from my face.

At the end of the conversation, I gave him a really big smile (I think even my smile trembled from time to time when I was talking with him) and then I said "Thank you so much!" and then I touched his right shoulder before making a kind of awkward retreat.

Heck yeah did he look surprised. I was also surprised with myself because I thought about doing it but I didn't actually think I would. Maybe it's because I saw him shaking hands with Carl that morning that I felt jealous that both of them are close enough to make physical contact. Regardless, at least he didn't flinch away from me. He just looked shocked.

Speaking of which, while he was talking with me, his eyes seemed really big the whole time, even though he was wearing glasses. Also, he didn't dress very fashionably today. Maybe that's why I felt much better approaching him.

He's very thin though, I felt like I barely felt any flesh on him. He should eat more. :|

And I got really excited after talking with him so I left as soon as possible with Yu and I did my best to mask my excitement.

Heck yeah am I happy and I am still excited hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha. XD

Oh gosh, I really need to sleep.

I am happy that he doesn't hate me, that he is treating me slightly more than just a classmate, that he actually wants to help me, that he made eye contact with me etc. etc. etc.

I have definitely learnt my lesson from Law's case and I am thankful that I went through it so that now, at least and I hope, I won't screw up as badly as I did last time.

I felt like Carl felt defeated somehow. I think it's quite obvious that I like Prince now, that I'm interested in him. Oh, and I actually told two other friends about Prince, Shay and Elle. Shay knows more though and she knows about Carl liking me and she's kind of helping me in this sector. Thanks to her, I really wouldn't have been the person I am today socially, really.

Okay, I guess that's it for today. I am glad that I am progressing slowly, but surely, in making a friendship with Prince! I hope I won't screw up and that I will continue to have this kind of mindset because I really want to use it when completing my projects as well.

Today has been a really good day despite the sudden icy weather and cloudy sky.

Thank you so much, God, for this wonderful blessing that you have given to me. :)

A courageous step

I feel quite proud with myself today.

Let's rewind to the beginning.

I got to the examination room and when I looked inside I saw that there were only a few people so I thought I'd be able to take my test and finish it fast so I plopped myself on a seat and proceeded to try and calm my nerves down since it was going to be the first time I will sit for an oral exam that wasn't language related.

A few minutes after I sat down, Prince came in and again, we made brief eye-contact before he sat at the other side of the room and I was a bit shocked cause I thought that he took the exam yesterday.

At one point the professor said something and I asked the guy sitting next to me what she said, cause I wasn't paying attention, and at that point Prince looked our way.

So there we were, waiting for our turn, me trying to cram more notes into my already panicked brain when suddenly this voice began speaking up in my head.

Mind: I want to talk with him. I want to talk with him. I want to talk with him.

Me: What the hell?! No! We're supposed to be studying!

Mind: But I want to talk with him! I want to-

Me: Okay, look here. We're going to pay attention to Bernini and read up more Baroque notes.

Mind: Aw, c'mon. Don't tell me you don't want to talk with him.

Me: Of course I do but I don't have a reason to talk with him.

Mind: If only you had sat on that side just now...

Me: Yeah, I know. I could've asked him questions.

Mind: Yeah, but now you're in the same room with him. You can still approach him.

Me: But how? I don't have a reason to. We should just go back to studying.

So I went back to studying but I kept on remembering this video I saw that encouraged me to try and accept rejection and to be more brave.

If I didn't mention it earlier, I'll mention it now. I have a huge phobia of rejection.

But I really wanted to talk with him.

At around the 2 hour mark, my phone's mobile network refused to co-operate with me when I needed to find information on Juvarra's Superga in Turin. And throughout that 2 hour period I said to myself, if the network starts to go crazy, I'll go talk with him.

Mind: This is the moment. Go now. Go.

Me: But, I'm not ready. I'm scared.

Mind: Think about the 3 seconds of no nervousness.

Me: What-

Mind: 1. 2. 3.

I got up with a slight hesitation but I made my way to his place.

Me: Hey, can I borrow your book? I need to look up on something.

Prince: Ah, okay.

He seemed a bit shocked, I think, that I actually approached him. This is something I rarely did last time before I got into university but now, I guess I'm slowly becoming a bit more open.

I was going to sit in front of him, bringing the book with me but something made me stop (I don't know what) and I sat beside him instead.

My heart was beating fast the whole time and I kept telling myself to think of him as a friend and to stop being so freaking nervous. I just thought that I made the first move without actually making him realise that I did the first move and made him think that he made the first move by borrowing the book to me.

I thumbed through the pages and then I asked him a question and before I knew it, we were talking about history and discussing stuff and he even helped cleared up some info for me. 

Another good thing is that while we were talking, he even offered up information about himself that I didn't ask about. The bad thing was that I almost only used questions and I didn't offer up info about myself and he didn't ask anything either. It's a good start though.

I was so nervous throughout that time and I was literally shaking but that could also be because of the cold but I kept putting my hands down cause whenever I lifted them up they began shaking. I guess he was nervous about talking with me as well since it was the first time we talked and we talked for a very long time, for almost an hour in fact.

If we were in another place, maybe I would have talked more enthusiastically or something but we were in the room so I did my best to keep my voice low.

He was really kind to me when we were speaking, helping me out and all. He maintained eye contact and he even smiled and grinned. I also feel bad for stopping him from drinking water several times. =-=;

I initially thought his fingers were shaking because he was afraid of the test but when I asked him if he was nervous for the test he said 'no' but he could have been making a white lie. I mean, why else would he be nervous?

Towards the end we got quiet but it wasn't really awkward for some reason. I didn't feel awkward with him like how I feel when I'm with other people when things suddenly become quiet. I didn't feel that kind of atmosphere.

In fact, I felt more relaxed and at peace after I talked with him.

During the break time, after I talked with the professor, I went back to my seat because I was scared that I annoyed him and that he wouldn't want to sit with me after that. He talked with Acia in Serbian during the break. He approached her first and I felt a bit sad. At several points in our conversation he looked over at her and I just felt bad, like I was too boring to talk with and that he wanted to talk with her instead. So I just felt bad about myself.

While he was taking his test, I'd look at him every now and then.

At one point, I think he was thinking about something, he looked my way even though his sitting posture's orientation was the other way and I made eye-contact with him for more than a few seconds so I felt a bit relieved. I really don't want him to hate me. We both were one of the last ones to take the test and he even let a girl go before him.

When I got back I told Anna about what happened and how I was worried that he could be hating me and that he might find me annoying but she told me to compare him and another one of our guy friends and to try and replay that situation with the other guy friend.

I did and I realised that if I had done that with the other friend, it would have been more awkward even though I've known the other guy for a longer time.

It could be that Prince didn't mind speaking with me or he's just extremely kind.

Then Anna proceeded to reassure me that guys are naturally simple. If they like you, they like you. If they don't like you, they don't like you. So they'll just be very honest with the people that they talk with. Honest as in they'll only talk with you if they think you're nice.

And yes, that was very reassuring indeed.

This has been a very very very big step for me indeed and I feel so glad that I didn't chicken out this time unlike in my previous cases with Law.

Maybe that's why I had to like Law first, to get the regretful experience so that I'll be scared to ever get such an experience again and that I'll take a risk.

It was nerve wrecking alright but now I have more courage to speak with him. Naturally I won't be all over him like what happened last time but I will be more calmer and hopefully, he'll see me as someone good to talk with.

We are similar in a lot of ways, from what I can tell from the little bit of information that he shared with me.

For one, he cooks for his roommates (Anna asked why didn't I tell him about me cooking for her =-=) and he also thinks about being thrifty (cause cooking for his roommates is cheaper, says he XD).

I hope that I'll get more opportunities to talk with him and that I'll become an even better person and maybe, just maybe, he'll see me as someone nice.

Thank you, God, for all the wonderful things you gave to me today. It was such a lovely present after all the things that I had to go through this week. :)

And there I was, thinking that I wouldn't still be liking him.

PS. Notice how much calmer I am in this post compared to the ones I wrote when I liked Law and when the smallest things related with Law happened to me. I have changed, for the better I hope. I think it was a really good idea to keep this love blog cause now I can keep track of the changes that I've been through.

PSS. He was writing with a colour pen (dark swamp green), the same brand as my colour pens. Yeah, I felt happy about that hahahahahahaha. And we both wore dark blue sweaters and I swear, I did not stalk him. XD

A lucky strike

Guess what???

:| :) :D XD

I finally talked with him!

Finally. Finally. Finally. :)

At first I thought he wasn't going to come to the lecture today but surprise surprise, he did. He sat on the other side of the room while I sat on the other side.

How it happened was that I had just finished discussing some things with my lecturer when I noticed that he and a group of other guys were standing near our table, talking about our project (which is to draw a map showing the route we take from our home to the campus).

I didn't look at him of course, so I went on to my seat and thought about how to do my drawing when my friend, Anna, came back from her discussion with the lecturer so she showed her map to the people there which was down to just Anna's workmate (Derek) and Prince.

I felt a bit more courageous than usual, so I leaned very far to my left to join in the discussion to get an idea of what I should do, also partly to try to get the chance to talk with Prince.

Then, while she was talking with Prince, I wanted to approach Derek first, before approaching Prince but I wasn't too sure of his name so I was in a bit of a dilemma haha. I called him a couple of times but I gave up so I talked to Anna instead.

Me: Anna, he's Derek right? Can you call Derek for me?

Anna: Derek-

Derek: Hmm?

Me: How big is the scale of your map?

Derek: It's around 1:2000.

Me: Really? Do you live near campus?

Derek: Yeah. *Shows map* It looks like this.

At this point, Anna kind of went back to her seat (next to mine, she was in front of the table initially with the other two) and Derek was just about finishing up and Prince somehow moved a bit closer to me instead of getting ready to go.

Me: How's your map? What scale did you use?

Prince: Ah, not good. I didn't use the standard scale. *Shows map*

Me: Do you live near campus?

Prince: Yeah, I live nearby.

Me: If you walked from your home to campus how long would it take you?

Prince: 10 minutes by walking.

At that point, the lecture was going to start again so Prince went back to his seat.

Naturally, I tried to keep my cool but after a few minutes, after I sent messages to June and Helen and my sisters about the step I took, I couldn't help smiling. I wanted to squeal and whatnot but I couldn't hahaha.

After that he left class together with some people for lunch and I thought he wouldn't come back but he did. He sat together with one of my guy friends from my current residence at the back and continued their work. I found this a bit odd since he usually never comes back after lunch but I just went on with my work.

And so I continued with my work when suddenly I noticed two people approaching me so I took off my earphones and looked up and saw Prince with my guy friend. It's pretty sad though that since the friend needed help, I only talked with him and Prince went back after a couple of seconds. I couldn't help it though.

That's when I started to think that it was a tiny bit odd, since Prince lives in the opposite direction from my friend and I.

Which leaves me wondering, why did he come over? To accompany the friend?

It was nice though when we talked. He smiled and but we didn't make much eye contact. Probably only once. I feel really shy to look at him.

I also noticed that after we talked and when he went to talk to the lecturer while I was chatting with Isa, he looked in my direction, as though he wanted to come over and talk.

But overall, I'm really happy and glad that this time, I did not pass up the chance to talk with him and I initiated the conversation.

So maybe next time, I'll be able to talk with him again. :)

Last week was a very depressing week for me and I think that maybe this is the reason why, so that I'll be able to fully appreciate the small miracle that happened to me today.

These days, I am less awkward socially and I actually talked a lot with some of the guys that I know.

Maybe that's why God didn't want me to talk with him previously. He maybe wanted me to be more prepared and relaxed so that when I finally talk to Prince, I won't be all over the place with things.

On another note, my heart didn't really beat fast. I just felt overjoyed.

I feel really good today. :)

This gives me the motivation to work harder in my studies as well.

Thank you so much God, for letting me speak with him, even though it was only for a few seconds. :)

First Step

Last night, I had my third dream about Law.


I don't remember the exact details but I do remember that he came to see my family and then after that we got together even though initially there was this weird atmosphere between the both of us.


Is this a sign of how it's going to be like in real life?


Cause, it is kind of like that right now.


During the first break I had to eat something heavy since I had a meeting later on during the second break. The meeting was regarding the two graduations that were going to be held this year and I'm now the Vice Secretary of the Graduation Ceremony Committee. :)


So, when I wanted to find seats for June and I, I saw that he was sitting down with his friends and I knew it was him even though I only saw his back so I decided to pick a table that was a bit more further away from him even though the table right next to theirs was empty and nearer to me.


And so, June and I sat roughly a table away from him.


Then, after a minute or so, I noticed that he got up from his table and went to the table that I had wanted to sit down at.


So he was quite near us.


I wonder why he decided to change his table.


I also caught one of his friends glancing at me but that was only for a split second.


During the fire drill, I totally zoned out and I got really sleepy so by the time we all trudged down, I was all for a table and a chair so that I could sleep.


After I watched a few demonstrations, I decided to just sleep.


And I wasn't asleep for long cause one of my friends woke me up and then she and June went on about how I should stand near Law and initiate a conversation with him and then I just decided to run away to the meeting room instead.


Later on, the sleep got to me so I conked out a few times during the Biology lecture.


After that though, I got super pumped cause it was spring cleaning time.


Before the Biology lecture actually started, I prayed to God to give me the chance to talk to Law.


Really.


I really did pray.


Very hard.


When I reached the Election Board room, I only saw one senior there and I was a bit crestfallen but then, I heard his voice and I saw him so I was like "YES!" in my head.


Then, I was a bit unsure of what to do so I just stepped inside and placed my bag and stuff on the chair.


And then, I talked to him.


I really did.


Even if it was just stuff regarding the spring cleaning, I still got to talk to him.

Me: So, what should I do to begin?

Law: Actually, we don't even know where to begin. We're just cleaning up.

There was more stuff but I can't remember them now.

After that, I had to return things back to the storeroom so I lost some time with him.

I had to go back once though to ask the other senior something and when I opened the door, Law was right in front of me.

And I noticed that his eyebrows were slightly raised so my mind went like "Hmmmmm....." but it didn't stay that way for too long cause I had to make a couple of inquiries and even Law answered some of them. :)

By the time I finished that short errand, both of them were jabbering away so I didn't feel like I should interrupt them and another senior was also in the room.

Then, both of them suddenly started singing the Spongebob Squarepants theme song.

Then, the other senior, Ray, spoke to me.

Ray: Can you believe they actually sang this for one of the Leadership Camp?

Me: *extra big voice* Really?! You mean they actually had to dance to that?

Ray: Well, I don't know.

Law: *small voice* Well, I don't think you can actually dance to Spongebob....

That conversation was a bit awkward but then again, I was talking to Ray so why did Law suddenly join?

This reassures me that he doesn't really mind getting into a conversation with me. :)

He had to leave early though so I was a bit sad but overall, I feel so lucky that I got to talk to him. :)

It shows that he actually knows me. :)

I found out that he likes playing badminton.

Tomorrow, I'll be playing badminton for my sports house and I hope that I'll give a good impression even though he won't be there.

Love prediction for today! I got another prediction for today!

You've made a score today - this is a time to share and be positive with your partner.

I've got to go sleep soon to get some rest and energy. :)

I hope that this gut feeling that I have won't turn out to be the other way round.

And for once, I didn't waste my chance!!!! 


I got another prediction for today!


Your admirer is drawn to you by your adventurous spirit and openness, now you can expect bigger and better changes in your life soon. That's called the magical world of romance! Your admirer will surprise you more and more.


Please please please let it mean Law. :)

Half full or half empty?

I sincerely believe that our house had the best cheer routine despite the fact that we had 10 marks deducted from our score just because some of our stunts were "too tall".


We had the zeal and we truly showed it.


But despite that fact, I feel really sad that Law didn't come to the event.


I kind of expected that cause he isn't the sporty type and he hasn't been online lately so I'm guessing that he's studying super hard for the upcoming test and because of that, I'm going to study super hard tomorrow as well.


And now that I have some time before I go off to sleep (to repair my eye bags) I'll just finish up this survey that I got tagged in.

7 Facts About Myself

1] I want to be a mangaka when I grow up but my parents want me to be a doctor. 

It's not like I don't mind being a doctor cause then I'd get to help loads of people but I feel like I could be more passionate when it comes to something art related than science related.

2] I'm quiet when I first meet a person but that doesn't mean that I won't try to initiate a conversation with the person that I'm with.

It's just that I don't know what topic to broach especially if I'm with someone I like.

Unless of course I'm friends with that person, even if it's Law.

I wouldn't hold back from being who I am.

3] If people are blocking me from getting out from a place surrounded by tables (like in class), I'll either climb over the table or crawl underneath it with no shame.

4] I'm not a girly girl nor am I a tomboy.

This makes it hard for me to talk to people and even more, find people I can actually have a normal conversation with any quality.

Come to think of it, I can't remember the last time I've ever had a really good conversation with anyone regarding other stuff than Law.

I'd like to have a really awesome conversation with someone. 

A conversation that makes me feel excited and happy and passionate and hopefully vice versa for the other person.

5] I laugh out loud when I watch horror movies.

Because almost all of them makes no sense.

I only get scared of the concept of the movie cause later on I'll be fixing the scenes in my head and get more imaginative of the outcomes before I compare them with my life.

Then I'll get freaked out.

6] I never know what to answer when people ask what my position is among my siblings age-wise.

Since my elder sisters are twins, I don't know if I should say that I'm the second eldest or the third eldest.

7] When I like someone, I can somehow manage to link everything I see and think about to him.

I'll also try to get opportunities to talk with him.

Most of the time (well, this is only my second time liking someone I actually know), I'll try to get closer to him by being near him as much as I can without being too obvious.

And now I shall go and enjoy sleep.

Or maybe I'll play the guitar for a bit before heading off to sleep.

I must prepare for the busy week ahead. I'll hardly have any time online.


PS. I just went to check on my usual "love prediction" and here it is:


Expect to plunge yourself into some new physical and emotional experiences with someone adventurous.

I wish that meant Law.