50/50

Even though I did say that there're many other fishes in the sea, I still couldn't help but hope that Prince would be in the same studio as I.

So for the first 20 minutes or so, I kept looking behind me (since I was sitting in the first row) and when only a couple of students turned up, I just lost hope and began decorating my notebook instead.

I was extremely engrossed in my work since Xia and Yu were talking in Mandarin and I couldn't join in so it took Tia a couple of times to say my name before I actually turned around and said "Yes?".

And boom, he was the first person I saw instead of her and I just bet I immediately smiled/grinned or whatever but I quickly and smoothly averted my gaze to look at Tia instead and I can't remember exactly what she asked me but I tried to cover up as well by saying I had a question and I had to rack my brains to think up of one and when I finally did and went over to her place, Prince had shifted his seat slightly so yeah.

But it's okay since we're in the same class! :D

Also, there will be group assignments in twos and threes and the lecturer encouraged us to work with different people for different assignments so I hope that I will get the chance to work with him even if it was for only 2 hours, it would be great I'm sure.

Later on after class I saw that Tia actually messaged me twice, asking whether or not I was in class. She went "Guess who just walked in?". XD Yeah, I'm smiling like an idiot now hahahaha.

I really hope I'll be able to talk with him again like last time. And I am seriously aiming to be his friend first before I really start to develop serious feelings and all of that stuff.

That's it for now. I want to study and revise some notes. Staying with Xia has made me more hardworking and I like where I'm headed to now. :)

A lucky strike

Guess what???

:| :) :D XD

I finally talked with him!

Finally. Finally. Finally. :)

At first I thought he wasn't going to come to the lecture today but surprise surprise, he did. He sat on the other side of the room while I sat on the other side.

How it happened was that I had just finished discussing some things with my lecturer when I noticed that he and a group of other guys were standing near our table, talking about our project (which is to draw a map showing the route we take from our home to the campus).

I didn't look at him of course, so I went on to my seat and thought about how to do my drawing when my friend, Anna, came back from her discussion with the lecturer so she showed her map to the people there which was down to just Anna's workmate (Derek) and Prince.

I felt a bit more courageous than usual, so I leaned very far to my left to join in the discussion to get an idea of what I should do, also partly to try to get the chance to talk with Prince.

Then, while she was talking with Prince, I wanted to approach Derek first, before approaching Prince but I wasn't too sure of his name so I was in a bit of a dilemma haha. I called him a couple of times but I gave up so I talked to Anna instead.

Me: Anna, he's Derek right? Can you call Derek for me?

Anna: Derek-

Derek: Hmm?

Me: How big is the scale of your map?

Derek: It's around 1:2000.

Me: Really? Do you live near campus?

Derek: Yeah. *Shows map* It looks like this.

At this point, Anna kind of went back to her seat (next to mine, she was in front of the table initially with the other two) and Derek was just about finishing up and Prince somehow moved a bit closer to me instead of getting ready to go.

Me: How's your map? What scale did you use?

Prince: Ah, not good. I didn't use the standard scale. *Shows map*

Me: Do you live near campus?

Prince: Yeah, I live nearby.

Me: If you walked from your home to campus how long would it take you?

Prince: 10 minutes by walking.

At that point, the lecture was going to start again so Prince went back to his seat.

Naturally, I tried to keep my cool but after a few minutes, after I sent messages to June and Helen and my sisters about the step I took, I couldn't help smiling. I wanted to squeal and whatnot but I couldn't hahaha.

After that he left class together with some people for lunch and I thought he wouldn't come back but he did. He sat together with one of my guy friends from my current residence at the back and continued their work. I found this a bit odd since he usually never comes back after lunch but I just went on with my work.

And so I continued with my work when suddenly I noticed two people approaching me so I took off my earphones and looked up and saw Prince with my guy friend. It's pretty sad though that since the friend needed help, I only talked with him and Prince went back after a couple of seconds. I couldn't help it though.

That's when I started to think that it was a tiny bit odd, since Prince lives in the opposite direction from my friend and I.

Which leaves me wondering, why did he come over? To accompany the friend?

It was nice though when we talked. He smiled and but we didn't make much eye contact. Probably only once. I feel really shy to look at him.

I also noticed that after we talked and when he went to talk to the lecturer while I was chatting with Isa, he looked in my direction, as though he wanted to come over and talk.

But overall, I'm really happy and glad that this time, I did not pass up the chance to talk with him and I initiated the conversation.

So maybe next time, I'll be able to talk with him again. :)

Last week was a very depressing week for me and I think that maybe this is the reason why, so that I'll be able to fully appreciate the small miracle that happened to me today.

These days, I am less awkward socially and I actually talked a lot with some of the guys that I know.

Maybe that's why God didn't want me to talk with him previously. He maybe wanted me to be more prepared and relaxed so that when I finally talk to Prince, I won't be all over the place with things.

On another note, my heart didn't really beat fast. I just felt overjoyed.

I feel really good today. :)

This gives me the motivation to work harder in my studies as well.

Thank you so much God, for letting me speak with him, even though it was only for a few seconds. :)

Delusional

Prince just keeps shocking me day by day. He turned up for the morning lecture today as well, although he was really extremely late but he was there alright.

During the afternoon lecture, he sat at one side of the hall while I sat at the other.

I really felt like utter crap today so when our lecturer asked us to make groups of five or six, I just gave up completely on being the first to make the move but luckily, for once someone came to find me and I got into a reasonably enjoyable group in the end.

When the time came for us to present it, my group pestered me to go and present it but I didn't want to. When I was finally pushed out to do it, the lecturer didn't want me since I had already presented it the last time.

It was at that time that I noticed that Prince looked in my direction. He looked again when the lecturer asked my friend and I to sit and we automatically squatted and he got pissed at us and asked us to sit normally. Some people laughed but I just took it in stride.

For the assignment this time, Prince presented the topic for his group and he did a good job and he really looks like he knows what he's talking about so I think that he may have gotten a good score after all for his exam.

While he was presenting his points, he looked up in my direction and we made eye contact but it was like for one nanosecond. I think he only looked in that direction anyway because he wanted to face more people.

At the end of the lecture, our lecturer called us out individually to give comments on our mid-term exam papers and while I was talking with him, Prince came up and waited for his turn so whatever I said was within his ear-shot and automatically I began being just a tiny bit silly but I wasn't extreme this time, thank goodness.

The last encounter was when I was talking with some friends and I happened to look at him talking with our lecturer and at the same time he looked up so we both made eye contact again, and then we both broke it at the same time.

I can't help but look at him from time to time but at least this time round, I'm not looking at him frequently.

I finally got to look at him face front and I thought I'd get disappointed but no.

I'm harbouring just a tiny bit of hope, but just a smidgen.

I really have to get to work now. I must cover a lot of pages today.

The road avoided

I was supposed to post this up yesterday but I forgot cause I felt really tired.


Anyway, I saw him at school yesterday for the first time in almost three weeks. Hopefully he didn't see me.


I didn't intend to even find him much less look at him cause I wanted to avoid him as I am still a bit embarrassed of my actions.


So I avoided looking at the crowd of seniors in front of the room where I was supposed to meet up with some people regarding the Environmental Day.


After the meeting ended, I purposely took the back staircase cause I didn't want to go through the main one and then see him outside the exam hall.


I wasn't in much of a hurry so I took my time to go up the stairs and when I reached up there, I heard loud voices and so I just knew that they weren't going to be in the exam hall but in the second lecture hall.


For some reason, I just kept on staring at the window opposite the lecture hall and that's when I saw him.


My heart started thumping really hard.


I immediately went inside my own lecture hall and I paused and sat down to feel my own heartbeat, making sure that no one else could hear it because it sounded so loud in my ears.


I thought that it only beat so hard because I walked up 5 flights of stairs but that was definitely a wrong assumptions because my heartbeats lasted for a long time.


Today, my heart thumped hard again when I thought I saw him but it turned out to be someone else so it quickly resided.




I wish I could have a second chance.


I don't want to gloom over the past so now I'm hoping for a better future.


I really do hope that time heals everything.




I still like you.

D-Day

Today is D-Day.


I'm posting this up before I go down for breakfast.


Again, I checked my predictions and you know what I got?


Very soon you will have an important - and positive - conversation with a very special person.


That is what I'm planning to get today.


Wish me luck! :)

Coward

I have to stop being a coward and just say "Good Morning!" to him when I see him in the morning.


I can't afford to lose anymore time.


And if he doesn't respond, well, at least I know that I can slowly let my feelings fade away for him.


But then;


Strength - Will (Orthotopic) You will conquer your lover with your softness and inner beauty. For couples, you two will overcome the difficulties, and stay together forever. You are the leader of love. If you continue to held hope for love, there will be a delightful outcome.


That was one of the predictions for today.


The other: One who admires you greatly is hidden before your eyes.


Reminds me, just now during Maths, a guy I knew but am not really close to suddenly came and sat down beside me for the entire period.


There was also this one part when I got up to answer a question (which I did wrongly!) and he screamed my name out loud.


And he was the only one.


Never mind.


The Election Board members will be taking group photos tomorrow. :)


Maybe I'll get the chance to talk to him more then?


On another note, I cut my fringe today and it turned out quite good!


It was pretty expensive though just for a fringe cut.


Okay, for now, I won't hope too much but when I do get the chance, I will do my best to not waste it! :)

Take the lead

Apparently, that's what I'm supposed to do.


I shall post up my daily predictions and that'll explain a lot.


"Be honest and give as much as you get."


The Emperor - Governance (Orthotopic) You will encounter a lover who is mature and responsible, but s/her does not believe in honeyed words. But instead, s/he will act as a father. s/he could be a bit authoritative but trustworthy (sounds like him), hence you will love and be scared of him/her at the same time. The relationship lacks communication, and thus more time is needed for exchanging deep thoughts. On the other hand, you might meet someone who is more favorable to you. In this relationship, you should take the initiative. Don’t miss the good opportunity because of doubt.


Ace of Swords - Need to break down the bare bones of a situation and think this through. Leave doubt behind and concentrate on the details that need your focus. Get to the heart of the matter and begin. A new business matter that needs solid planning and vision. It's time to find your inner strength and carry out your work. Logic and reason are in focus. Factual exploration may be needed.




And all of these predictions came from different applications on Facebook.


And because of those predictions, I feel like I really need to step up my game even if it's only by just a fraction.


My predictions also keeps on reminding me that I need to correct certain people's opinions towards me and I hope that if it is regarding Law, I'll be able to correct his judgement.


I don't know why I like him.


All I do know is that if I never get the chance to really show that I'm interested in him, without making a total fool of myself, I know that I'll regret it forever.


So, when I do meet him, be it at school or even out of school, I will definitely give him a nice smile and say "Hey!" or "Good morning!" cause I've missed all my previous opportunities and I don't want to miss anymore chances that I might get.


I'm feeling a bit pressured to do this because this will be the last month that I'll get to see him at school because starting from April onward, all the Year 2 A-Level science and commerce students won't be attending school anymore.


So, this means that I won't even get to see him.


My mind is really doubting me right now but I'm going to do my best to look past that pessimistic bit of me and just go with my gut feeling and intuition and just show Law that I am definitely interested in him.


That's going to take a lot of courage for sure because I am really really scared of rejection but then again this will only make me become more mature.


Naturally, of course, I won't just blurt out "Law... I like you" or anything like that but instead I'll make the effort to try and talk to him and make eye contact with him and smile at him but not really all the time of course.


Dear God, please, please, please let me be able to do this with all the courage I have.


And... I also hope and pray (and I'm really being honest and hopeful here) that he likes me too. That he's also interested in me and that he wants to get to know me better.


I'm going to sleep early-ish cause I want to see if more sleep will help me with my skin problems.


Night. :)


PS. On a different note, I didn't get to win any match for the badminton tournament today. I gave it 200%. Really, I did. I just wished that my partner had been a bit more co-operative and that she had the spirit to win and give it her all. I feel so sorry that I let my team mates down. I will definitely improve and win next year.

First Step

Last night, I had my third dream about Law.


I don't remember the exact details but I do remember that he came to see my family and then after that we got together even though initially there was this weird atmosphere between the both of us.


Is this a sign of how it's going to be like in real life?


Cause, it is kind of like that right now.


During the first break I had to eat something heavy since I had a meeting later on during the second break. The meeting was regarding the two graduations that were going to be held this year and I'm now the Vice Secretary of the Graduation Ceremony Committee. :)


So, when I wanted to find seats for June and I, I saw that he was sitting down with his friends and I knew it was him even though I only saw his back so I decided to pick a table that was a bit more further away from him even though the table right next to theirs was empty and nearer to me.


And so, June and I sat roughly a table away from him.


Then, after a minute or so, I noticed that he got up from his table and went to the table that I had wanted to sit down at.


So he was quite near us.


I wonder why he decided to change his table.


I also caught one of his friends glancing at me but that was only for a split second.


During the fire drill, I totally zoned out and I got really sleepy so by the time we all trudged down, I was all for a table and a chair so that I could sleep.


After I watched a few demonstrations, I decided to just sleep.


And I wasn't asleep for long cause one of my friends woke me up and then she and June went on about how I should stand near Law and initiate a conversation with him and then I just decided to run away to the meeting room instead.


Later on, the sleep got to me so I conked out a few times during the Biology lecture.


After that though, I got super pumped cause it was spring cleaning time.


Before the Biology lecture actually started, I prayed to God to give me the chance to talk to Law.


Really.


I really did pray.


Very hard.


When I reached the Election Board room, I only saw one senior there and I was a bit crestfallen but then, I heard his voice and I saw him so I was like "YES!" in my head.


Then, I was a bit unsure of what to do so I just stepped inside and placed my bag and stuff on the chair.


And then, I talked to him.


I really did.


Even if it was just stuff regarding the spring cleaning, I still got to talk to him.

Me: So, what should I do to begin?

Law: Actually, we don't even know where to begin. We're just cleaning up.

There was more stuff but I can't remember them now.

After that, I had to return things back to the storeroom so I lost some time with him.

I had to go back once though to ask the other senior something and when I opened the door, Law was right in front of me.

And I noticed that his eyebrows were slightly raised so my mind went like "Hmmmmm....." but it didn't stay that way for too long cause I had to make a couple of inquiries and even Law answered some of them. :)

By the time I finished that short errand, both of them were jabbering away so I didn't feel like I should interrupt them and another senior was also in the room.

Then, both of them suddenly started singing the Spongebob Squarepants theme song.

Then, the other senior, Ray, spoke to me.

Ray: Can you believe they actually sang this for one of the Leadership Camp?

Me: *extra big voice* Really?! You mean they actually had to dance to that?

Ray: Well, I don't know.

Law: *small voice* Well, I don't think you can actually dance to Spongebob....

That conversation was a bit awkward but then again, I was talking to Ray so why did Law suddenly join?

This reassures me that he doesn't really mind getting into a conversation with me. :)

He had to leave early though so I was a bit sad but overall, I feel so lucky that I got to talk to him. :)

It shows that he actually knows me. :)

I found out that he likes playing badminton.

Tomorrow, I'll be playing badminton for my sports house and I hope that I'll give a good impression even though he won't be there.

Love prediction for today! I got another prediction for today!

You've made a score today - this is a time to share and be positive with your partner.

I've got to go sleep soon to get some rest and energy. :)

I hope that this gut feeling that I have won't turn out to be the other way round.

And for once, I didn't waste my chance!!!! 


I got another prediction for today!


Your admirer is drawn to you by your adventurous spirit and openness, now you can expect bigger and better changes in your life soon. That's called the magical world of romance! Your admirer will surprise you more and more.


Please please please let it mean Law. :)

Early today

That's cause I won't be going online later as I will be studying Chemistry and Mathematics (which is what I'm supposed to do now) but somehow, I know I'll do just fine. I'm just going to revise a bit after I bathe and then after I eat dinner as well until around 12.00 am or so.


Physics and Biology was actually quite okay but I didn't have enough time to finish my Physics paper (which is a first time for me). I hope that all my hard work doesn't become a fail or anything.


I'll probably be going on Facebook towards the end of my studying period but it'll only be for a short while.


Anyway... :)


I went to school as usual and I was kind of hoping to see Law before I sat for my Physics paper so that I could get pumped up to answer my paper but I didn't get to see him, sadly.


There was a short break after the Physics paper and before the Biology paper started so I took that time to cram more additional information into my head.


But throughout that time, I was trying to find Law.


Some seniors stopped by to talk to me and cheer me up and I feel happy that they did but still I was kind of hoping to see Law.


So I was scratching my head away (which is an annoying habit that I need to get rid of) and busy talking to Helen when Helen suddenly said to me "Beth, look!" to which I looked up but I didn't see anything.

Me: What? What's happening?

Helen: It's L-... I mean, Josh just passed! (She nicknamed him Josh)

And then I had to be all so foolish to bend to my left to try and get a glimpse of him but somehow my mind was too cluttered with Biology facts and stuff that I couldn't focus on finding him so I gave up.

After the Biology paper, Helen and I went down together to the student lounge.

I wanted to put my bag on a table that was quite near the entrance but I decided against it and followed behind Helen when I noticed that if I had placed my bag on the former table, I would have been right next to Law and then I kind of regretted not putting my bag there. He was laughing with his friend and I felt really jealous of the friend just then.

Nevertheless, I just sucked it up and placed my bag on another table before excusing myself to go to the washroom.

When I came back, I suddenly realised that I needed to hand in my English assignment so I rushed over to Helen.

Me: Shoot! I forgot that the assignment deadline was today! I have to go see teacher first kay?

Helen: Wait, wait. I'm coming also.

Me: *Starts rooting around in my file for my assignment and then looks up to notice that Law was right next to me at the other table and then looks back down*

Helen: *Whispers* Hey, you know just now when you went to the washroom, Josh came over and looked here.

Me: Ha? So?

Helen: HUIYOH! XD

I mean, posting that conversation up was kind of random but then again, why did he look there? His peers weren't sitting at that table.

And then, when I announced that I had to go see my English teacher, he kind of shuffled back to his seat.

Somehow, I find that this is a positive feedback. Like I have a chance.

And now comes my favourite part, my love predictions! XD

The Hierophant - Assistance (Orthotopic) You will encounter a honorable lover, who will meet your spiritual needs. He is a good candidate. You will be loved by someone who is emotionally attached to you. Being single, you will have a chance to meet your true love. You yearn for someone who is older than you, because he or she can make you feel secure and gives you spiritual satisfaction. This relationship would be either old-fashioned or platonic (which is the type of relationship that I want :)).

And my favourite for today: Things are going your way and your admirer will see your strong sense of interest in him in the near future.

Does that mean that Law is my admirer? Cause, he's the only one that I'm having a strong interest in right now. XD

Tomorrow is the last Election Board meeting and when I read the text that informed me about it, my heart started beating really fast cause it would mean that it'll be one of the last times that I'd actually get to be really near him.

I'm going to stayback a bit until my sister fetches me because I want to see if anything will happen if I do.

I will smile at him tomorrow. I can't be afraid of these things.

I will go bath now, eat dinner and then study Chemistry and then study Mathematics.

He's been on my mind a lot lately. :)

I hope hope hope that tomorrow will be a lucky day for me because according to the horoscope daily compatibility, tomorrow my best compatibility is with Virgo at 92% and Law is a Virgo.

Please please please let tomorrow be a good day for me. 

GO GO GO!!!

Strength - Will (Orthotopic) You will conquer your lover with your softness and inner beauty. For couples, you two will overcome the difficulties, and stay together forever. You are the leader of love. If you continue to held hope for love, there will be a delightful outcome.


The Star - Hope and inspiration. Realization of dreams and goals possible now. Whatever venture you are involved with, your lucky stars are with you. Positive energies flowing freely into your life. Make the most of the now. Heavenly influences surrounding you. Blessings are flowing freely like water. Abundance and spirit present. Bright promises. The presence of the Holy Spirit is with you. A good time to begin a new project or new relationship as it has carries blessing with it.


While you may be dealing with some work/life balance issues, the Moon has returned to a playful, romantic and creative part of your chart to remind you why this is so important. With Venus due to return to your romantic and creative sector next week and team up with lucky Jupiter, you have some very special weeks and months ahead of you, with the right work/life balance allowing you to have it all.


I hope hope hope all of these refers to Law.


I feel like it's possible to do anything now so tomorrow, I'll just suck it up and if when I do see him, I'll give him a smile.


A freaking huge smile.


Thinking back on all the previous chances and encounters I had with him, I'm starting to think that I do have a shot at  getting to know him.


And that he might be interested in me.


One of my new friends said to me "If you feel something's there, then most probably something is there".


I won't waste this week away.




Also, I think a guy is interested in me cause he got my number from one of my classmates and he started texting me about pointless stuff.


I replied his texts cause I didn't want to be bad to him.


I almost implied that I was "friendzoning" him but I decided against it as much as I was tempted to.




Anyway, I really really really hope that I'll get another chance to talk to Law and I won't ruin it!


Definitely!


Going to see the doctor tomorrow and hopefully I'll get good news.


I'm also going to seriously start to fast tomorrow.


Alright, I better sleep now.

I don't want to regret

I am praying, seriously praying, that Law will stayback tomorrow and that we'll get the chance to talk cause it'll be the second last day for us to work with each other.


When I re-read that sentence, my heart just dropped. Twice.


I don't know when I'll ever get to approach him again and be able to get the chance to talk to him.


Today, I only got to see him at the end of the first break since I had my back turned to him and I had to finish typing the minutes for the club meeting we had earlier on during the first break.


And even then, we were walking up the stairs so I couldn't exactly always look up to look at him.


I'm praying for a chance to be able to talk to him tomorrow.


Please.


I won't waste any chance that I can get ever again.


Thinking back to last Thursday and all the chances I had, I feel so stupid for having let them pass by me just like that.


I can't tell you how many times I've palm-faced myself because I regret not having taken the first step in making a conversation with him.


I fail as a girl.


But I'll go into that subject another time.


Please, please, please let Law and I talk with each other tomorrow and for all the other days after that.


PS. Here are my "fortunes" for tomorrow.


Judgment - Resurrection (Orthotopic) Fortune - Love This period of time, you two will find ways to love from previous mistakes. You will reunite with your former lovers. For singles, your love will be blessed by the love messenger and create a miracle of love. You will have great luck.


I'm really praying that that's true.


The Sun: Prosperity in relationships and career is possible now. Sun God present and shining down upon you. A good time to plant new crops or begin new projects from the ground up. Negativity of Moon's influences gone and cycle can begin anew. Truth and revelation. Good health, recovery and happiness. Time out in the sun is called for, perhaps a vacation to a warm place is warranted. All things bright and out in the open.

Is it me or just another crush?

David Archuletta's song, Crush, suddenly popped into my mind yesterday and I'm still thinking about it till now.


I used to think "The lyrics are so crappy. Do these things really happen?"


Well, look who's the crappy, mushy one now?


I only saw him once today and that made me feel slightly depressed but on a lighter note, I'm actually having no problem at all talking with guys.


I just hope that when I get to talk to him, no cat has my tongue.


I'm really tired now but I must push myself a bit to complete my Maths homework (which actually isn't much) and to finish drawing some stuff for our banner.


One of our seniors commented on how nice it looked and I felt really pleased. :)


Please, God, let me be able to talk to Law.


I can't believe it's so early and I feel so sleepy already.


I must finish my Maths tutorial by tonight.


I must finish it!