Tired

I'm feeling very tired somehow even though I only sat under a tent to register the volleyball players.


Oh, I finally finished reading Showdown at Centerpoint!


And despite all the negative feedback the critiques gave for this book, I still found the book extremely enthralling and exciting.


I now know why guys love Star Wars so much.


Now I'm going to start reading Legacy of the Jedi which I must finish soon cause I want to read Hunger Games (downloaded into my trusty pendrive) before I watch the movie.


In any case, all of this reading came about from Law.


I noticed that whenever I start to really like someone, they somehow manage to introduce new things to me, indirectly of course.


The reason why I didn't blog yesterday was because I felt a bit disappointed yesterday.


He didn't come for the photo session and I wondered why.


Then, I realised that he wasn't at school.


Well, that's what I think.


My friend, Sasha, told me that she saw him yesterday but she wasn't sure.


She always, somehow, manage to see him.


That's what she said anyway.


For now, I don't have the feeling of butterflies in my stomach probably cause I haven't seen him in a long time.


But, whenever I think of him, I smile.


All my predictions today is about getting a second chance.


And there was also this: Stay on the course, keep looking for the good and things will go your way in the long run - even if they don't appear to be working out in the short run.


Anyhow, I do agree that getting him to like me within the past 2 months was a bit too much so I'll just wait. :)


Sasha and I talked today about some of her problems and I listened to her.


Most of them were related to relationship crushes and stuff.


It made me wonder, if some people already notice that you like someone, doesn't that principle apply to me as well?


In other words, do other people other than my friends notice that I like Law?


I'm feeling really sleepy so I think I'll go to sleep soon.


I will continue to like Law even though nothing happens between us for now cause he really is one-of-a-kind and I'd hate to think that I never dared to do anything to be part of this one-of-a-kind person's life.


Sleep. :)

Coward

I have to stop being a coward and just say "Good Morning!" to him when I see him in the morning.


I can't afford to lose anymore time.


And if he doesn't respond, well, at least I know that I can slowly let my feelings fade away for him.


But then;


Strength - Will (Orthotopic) You will conquer your lover with your softness and inner beauty. For couples, you two will overcome the difficulties, and stay together forever. You are the leader of love. If you continue to held hope for love, there will be a delightful outcome.


That was one of the predictions for today.


The other: One who admires you greatly is hidden before your eyes.


Reminds me, just now during Maths, a guy I knew but am not really close to suddenly came and sat down beside me for the entire period.


There was also this one part when I got up to answer a question (which I did wrongly!) and he screamed my name out loud.


And he was the only one.


Never mind.


The Election Board members will be taking group photos tomorrow. :)


Maybe I'll get the chance to talk to him more then?


On another note, I cut my fringe today and it turned out quite good!


It was pretty expensive though just for a fringe cut.


Okay, for now, I won't hope too much but when I do get the chance, I will do my best to not waste it! :)

The first letter

Dear Law,


I noticed that you didn't go to school today.
Either that or I just couldn't find you.
I somehow think it's the former because I couldn't sense you at school.


So, you must be wondering how I'm holding up with that right?


Bad.


Very bad.


When I realised that I couldn't see you for one day today, I freaked out and I got really sad.


I got so sad I started laughing at everything and just smiled and smiled and smiled even though I felt like I was crumbling up into pieces on the inside.


I wonder if you know how much being able to see you just once a day means to me.


And today, when I realised this, I panicked even more.


Why?


You'll be gone in 18 days cause you wouldn't be obliged to come to school anymore as you'll be on a study break.


This means, I only have 18 days to see you around in school and get the chance to talk to you.


When I typed out that sentence, you really have no idea how much my heart hurt just now from a really huge cramp.
It was as though a giant had taken my heart and compressed it with his gigantic hands.


I'll be very busy this week as well so I won't be able to even see you during the first and second break that much and honestly, those combined 50 minutes of being able to be somewhere near you makes my day.


You know what?


Just seeing you for 10 seconds is already enough to give me the drive to go on and be happy throughout the entire day.


I finally gathered up the courage to smile at you and say "Hey, good morning!" today but when you didn't come, I felt a slight disappointment.


I'm not blaming you for not coming to school today.


For all I know, you're sick or something urgent came up so I have no right to blame you.


In fact, I blame myself the most.


Why do I have to be such a shy person who can't even make a move within 2 months?


I replay all the times I could have talked to you and that just makes me feel even worse.


Why?


Because, today I talked with one of my seniors (i.e. one of your friends/classmate) just fine and it could have been you if only the both of us had worked together side-by-side that day.


But no.


I was too scared to make a move.


Even if you had the slightest interest in me, it'll be gone soon because you will forget me cause I know that I'm easy to forget.


I'm not pretty or smart or remotely unique.


I really don't think that I'm worthy enough to even look at you.


Why did I have to fall for you???


Still, I feel so lucky to have fallen for you and that even the small coincidences and interactions that we had together really really made me happy.


What the hell, it still makes me happy.


When I read your writing, I find them very interesting and at the same time, very cute, cause you are still such a good boy despite all these bad influence surrounding you.


You know, I typed out a SMS for you today cause I just couldn't take it anymore but I couldn't press the send button.
It's still in my drafts.


I hope that... I really hope that you'll like me.


Because, I really really really like you.


A lot.


Beth




And so ends my first letter for Law in this blog.


I'm not going to colour it because that will just take the whole point out from the message.




I asked my predictions just now; "Will he make the first move on me?"


I got: 


Recent past: Knight of Cups - A champion in love. Willing to come to the aid of one's loved ones. A defender of truth. Bravery and courage. Caught up in the fantasies associated with love. Slow and steady course. A youthful man in love. May be in love with idea of love and romance. An emotionally sensitive man in loving relationships. A skillful new lover.


Current Situation: Two of Cups - New meanings in relationships. Contracts in the creative arts. Union of hearts and minds. Possibilities to heal old wounds. New energies surging around you. Time to put creative thoughts into action. Good time for dreams and goals that have been put off to begin. Good time to begin work on new plan. All pieces are in place. First step to new future is at hand.


Future influences: King of Cups - A devoted husband and father. A man fiercely protective of his loved ones. A successful and mature man employed in the creative arts. A new connection is possible. A man capable of giving and receiving love freely without the reservations of youth. Love lessons have been learned, this man is ready for deep commitment. Appreciation for creative pursuits.


I wished that the both of us would get together.


I got: The Sun - Life (Inversus) There is a minor conflict between you and your lover, but later the conflict will be subsides, just like the clouds temporarily cover the sun. So do not say wondering words to each other, because you two are still in love with each other.


That gave me some hope and strength.


Next: Expect to plunge yourself into some new physical and emotional experiences with someone adventurous.


I really hope that I'll get to see him tomorrow.


And when I do, I will smile and greet him.


This has proven very effective cause the last time I did it to a senior, I became quite okay with that senior.


I shall take the first step.


Tomorrow.


Definitely.

Take the lead

Apparently, that's what I'm supposed to do.


I shall post up my daily predictions and that'll explain a lot.


"Be honest and give as much as you get."


The Emperor - Governance (Orthotopic) You will encounter a lover who is mature and responsible, but s/her does not believe in honeyed words. But instead, s/he will act as a father. s/he could be a bit authoritative but trustworthy (sounds like him), hence you will love and be scared of him/her at the same time. The relationship lacks communication, and thus more time is needed for exchanging deep thoughts. On the other hand, you might meet someone who is more favorable to you. In this relationship, you should take the initiative. Don’t miss the good opportunity because of doubt.


Ace of Swords - Need to break down the bare bones of a situation and think this through. Leave doubt behind and concentrate on the details that need your focus. Get to the heart of the matter and begin. A new business matter that needs solid planning and vision. It's time to find your inner strength and carry out your work. Logic and reason are in focus. Factual exploration may be needed.




And all of these predictions came from different applications on Facebook.


And because of those predictions, I feel like I really need to step up my game even if it's only by just a fraction.


My predictions also keeps on reminding me that I need to correct certain people's opinions towards me and I hope that if it is regarding Law, I'll be able to correct his judgement.


I don't know why I like him.


All I do know is that if I never get the chance to really show that I'm interested in him, without making a total fool of myself, I know that I'll regret it forever.


So, when I do meet him, be it at school or even out of school, I will definitely give him a nice smile and say "Hey!" or "Good morning!" cause I've missed all my previous opportunities and I don't want to miss anymore chances that I might get.


I'm feeling a bit pressured to do this because this will be the last month that I'll get to see him at school because starting from April onward, all the Year 2 A-Level science and commerce students won't be attending school anymore.


So, this means that I won't even get to see him.


My mind is really doubting me right now but I'm going to do my best to look past that pessimistic bit of me and just go with my gut feeling and intuition and just show Law that I am definitely interested in him.


That's going to take a lot of courage for sure because I am really really scared of rejection but then again this will only make me become more mature.


Naturally, of course, I won't just blurt out "Law... I like you" or anything like that but instead I'll make the effort to try and talk to him and make eye contact with him and smile at him but not really all the time of course.


Dear God, please, please, please let me be able to do this with all the courage I have.


And... I also hope and pray (and I'm really being honest and hopeful here) that he likes me too. That he's also interested in me and that he wants to get to know me better.


I'm going to sleep early-ish cause I want to see if more sleep will help me with my skin problems.


Night. :)


PS. On a different note, I didn't get to win any match for the badminton tournament today. I gave it 200%. Really, I did. I just wished that my partner had been a bit more co-operative and that she had the spirit to win and give it her all. I feel so sorry that I let my team mates down. I will definitely improve and win next year.

First Step

Last night, I had my third dream about Law.


I don't remember the exact details but I do remember that he came to see my family and then after that we got together even though initially there was this weird atmosphere between the both of us.


Is this a sign of how it's going to be like in real life?


Cause, it is kind of like that right now.


During the first break I had to eat something heavy since I had a meeting later on during the second break. The meeting was regarding the two graduations that were going to be held this year and I'm now the Vice Secretary of the Graduation Ceremony Committee. :)


So, when I wanted to find seats for June and I, I saw that he was sitting down with his friends and I knew it was him even though I only saw his back so I decided to pick a table that was a bit more further away from him even though the table right next to theirs was empty and nearer to me.


And so, June and I sat roughly a table away from him.


Then, after a minute or so, I noticed that he got up from his table and went to the table that I had wanted to sit down at.


So he was quite near us.


I wonder why he decided to change his table.


I also caught one of his friends glancing at me but that was only for a split second.


During the fire drill, I totally zoned out and I got really sleepy so by the time we all trudged down, I was all for a table and a chair so that I could sleep.


After I watched a few demonstrations, I decided to just sleep.


And I wasn't asleep for long cause one of my friends woke me up and then she and June went on about how I should stand near Law and initiate a conversation with him and then I just decided to run away to the meeting room instead.


Later on, the sleep got to me so I conked out a few times during the Biology lecture.


After that though, I got super pumped cause it was spring cleaning time.


Before the Biology lecture actually started, I prayed to God to give me the chance to talk to Law.


Really.


I really did pray.


Very hard.


When I reached the Election Board room, I only saw one senior there and I was a bit crestfallen but then, I heard his voice and I saw him so I was like "YES!" in my head.


Then, I was a bit unsure of what to do so I just stepped inside and placed my bag and stuff on the chair.


And then, I talked to him.


I really did.


Even if it was just stuff regarding the spring cleaning, I still got to talk to him.

Me: So, what should I do to begin?

Law: Actually, we don't even know where to begin. We're just cleaning up.

There was more stuff but I can't remember them now.

After that, I had to return things back to the storeroom so I lost some time with him.

I had to go back once though to ask the other senior something and when I opened the door, Law was right in front of me.

And I noticed that his eyebrows were slightly raised so my mind went like "Hmmmmm....." but it didn't stay that way for too long cause I had to make a couple of inquiries and even Law answered some of them. :)

By the time I finished that short errand, both of them were jabbering away so I didn't feel like I should interrupt them and another senior was also in the room.

Then, both of them suddenly started singing the Spongebob Squarepants theme song.

Then, the other senior, Ray, spoke to me.

Ray: Can you believe they actually sang this for one of the Leadership Camp?

Me: *extra big voice* Really?! You mean they actually had to dance to that?

Ray: Well, I don't know.

Law: *small voice* Well, I don't think you can actually dance to Spongebob....

That conversation was a bit awkward but then again, I was talking to Ray so why did Law suddenly join?

This reassures me that he doesn't really mind getting into a conversation with me. :)

He had to leave early though so I was a bit sad but overall, I feel so lucky that I got to talk to him. :)

It shows that he actually knows me. :)

I found out that he likes playing badminton.

Tomorrow, I'll be playing badminton for my sports house and I hope that I'll give a good impression even though he won't be there.

Love prediction for today! I got another prediction for today!

You've made a score today - this is a time to share and be positive with your partner.

I've got to go sleep soon to get some rest and energy. :)

I hope that this gut feeling that I have won't turn out to be the other way round.

And for once, I didn't waste my chance!!!! 


I got another prediction for today!


Your admirer is drawn to you by your adventurous spirit and openness, now you can expect bigger and better changes in your life soon. That's called the magical world of romance! Your admirer will surprise you more and more.


Please please please let it mean Law. :)

GO GO GO!!!

Strength - Will (Orthotopic) You will conquer your lover with your softness and inner beauty. For couples, you two will overcome the difficulties, and stay together forever. You are the leader of love. If you continue to held hope for love, there will be a delightful outcome.


The Star - Hope and inspiration. Realization of dreams and goals possible now. Whatever venture you are involved with, your lucky stars are with you. Positive energies flowing freely into your life. Make the most of the now. Heavenly influences surrounding you. Blessings are flowing freely like water. Abundance and spirit present. Bright promises. The presence of the Holy Spirit is with you. A good time to begin a new project or new relationship as it has carries blessing with it.


While you may be dealing with some work/life balance issues, the Moon has returned to a playful, romantic and creative part of your chart to remind you why this is so important. With Venus due to return to your romantic and creative sector next week and team up with lucky Jupiter, you have some very special weeks and months ahead of you, with the right work/life balance allowing you to have it all.


I hope hope hope all of these refers to Law.


I feel like it's possible to do anything now so tomorrow, I'll just suck it up and if when I do see him, I'll give him a smile.


A freaking huge smile.


Thinking back on all the previous chances and encounters I had with him, I'm starting to think that I do have a shot at  getting to know him.


And that he might be interested in me.


One of my new friends said to me "If you feel something's there, then most probably something is there".


I won't waste this week away.




Also, I think a guy is interested in me cause he got my number from one of my classmates and he started texting me about pointless stuff.


I replied his texts cause I didn't want to be bad to him.


I almost implied that I was "friendzoning" him but I decided against it as much as I was tempted to.




Anyway, I really really really hope that I'll get another chance to talk to Law and I won't ruin it!


Definitely!


Going to see the doctor tomorrow and hopefully I'll get good news.


I'm also going to seriously start to fast tomorrow.


Alright, I better sleep now.