It's just a feeling

First of all, I'm currently eating HobNobs, one of my all-time favourite brand for biscuits.

HOBNOBS!!!

Just a short note: I don't own any of the pictures that I've posted up in my blog. They belong to their rightful copyright holders.

HobNobs are just so freaking good and delicious and I'm eating quite a lot cause Lent is in two days and then I'll have to fast since I'm 18 already.

I'm going to fast seriously and abstain from going online a lot.

But, as always, the main focus here is about Law.

I couldn't see him during the first break because I had to go to an Election Board meeting and directly after that, I had to go to our Public Speaking club meeting.

Towards the end of the first break, though, I saw that he came into the assembly hall where we were having our meeting and when the bell rang, I wanted to walk behind him as we went to class but I held of the urge for a few seconds to get some space between us.

When we were about to reach the top floor, he suddenly turned around and went downstairs and naturally I gave him some space to pass by.

End of the first break encounter.

During the second break, I went to the cafeteria and sat next to June and one of June's classmates cause I must learn to be friendly and learn how to initiate a conversation. Then, I went to buy lunch.

As I sat down, I noticed that Law was going to pass by our table on my side but of course I didn't dare to look at him.

June, on the other hand, just continued to stare at him as he was in her line of vision but I didn't want to turn around and take a peek.

And so, I just thought that our break today would go on pretty normal and everything but then Jean just had to start a commotion.

She was sitting at the table beside our table when she called out to me.

Jean: Hey Beth (that's me :)), I think you'd enjoy the view if you sat right here next to me. [She could see him in her line of vision]

Me: No thanks. I think I'd prefer if I just enjoyed the view over this side better for today.

Jean: That's not what I mean!

Well, she didn't say that but you could tell that's what she meant from her facial expression.

Cause the next thing I knew, she pointed directly at him.

She. Pointed. At. Him. In. A. Crowded. Cafeteria. With. A. Lot. Of. People.

And then something came over me and I just stood up, screamed yelled, and was about to go to her table but then I noticed people were looking so I calmed myself down and sat back in my place.

Then, June told me that when I stood up, Law looked at me.

Crap. Crap. Crap.

Now he must think I'm some kind of psycho lunatic.

Then, he switched places and went to sit in a place where it was in my line of vision and I did my best to not look at him.

June said he was smiling and looked in my direction when he stood up to leave at the end of the break but I can't really take her word for it. It could have been a trick of the light for all she knows.

But why did he switch his seat?

I bumped into him again on my way to my practical session but I didn't (or couldn't) look at him cause I was carrying a truckload of things and I needed to watch my step.

Well, that's about it for today.

But now that I think about it, didn't my love prediction yesterday mention something like this?

"Your admirer will approach you."

Anyway, I got more amusing predictions and tarot readings (not the real ones, mind you) for my day today (which is  Tuesday).

First, "Your admirer will react well to your sense of humor and kindness next time you meet".

Indeed, very funny.

Second, "The World - Completion (Inversus) The two of you should seriously communicate with each other. Do not cause each other pain. You are rewarded from your effort, but you have forgotten how to sustain of his (her), so that he (she) will stay with you."

Yes, we should communicate with each other but as far as I know, I'm the only one who wants to.

Third, "Communication is always a two way street and involves both speaking from a place of truth and authenticity, but also involves listening. While you've had the resources for several weeks now to not only open the communication lines but to take this to a whole new level, today's New Moon asks that you make a commitment and that you take responsibility. You're the one with the advantage, so it may mean that you're the one that needs to reach out."

Why is it that all of the readings are referring to the word "communication"?

Well, if I do get the chance to talk with him, I wouldn't know how to start a conversation with him but I do know for sure, I won't let go of the opportunity.

I won't, ever again.

Okay, I need to sleep now soon.

PS. I properly stalked Law yesterday on Facebook XD and I don't know if I mentioned this before but, he is single! :D

At least I know that I have a chance.

Over the moon and then down in the dumps

Today our school held a talent show with the objective to showcase our students and lecturers talents as well as to break the ice between the students even more.


Our group got 2nd place and honestly, I was a bit shocked cause we only really started to practice seriously last night.


And we only practiced for two hours. Really.


I kept glancing at Law who stood quite close by although I don't know why.


It's not like he'll suddenly look at me or anything.


Anyway...


Before I go on, I'll just write down a bit about what happened to me just a few seconds ago.


My mom was looking at me, typing away, when she asked me why I wasn't studying as hard as used to last time.


I can't blame her for wondering but honestly, doesn't she care about anything else other than me and my studies?


It's really good that she's expressing and stressing such great concern but I would like her to know that the only reason why I type things out in this blog is because I can't really tell anyone here how I honestly feel without any fear whatsoever.


One of the reasons why I attend all kinds of practice is to meet new people and who knows, I'll get to find "the friend".


Maybe she's feeling this way because she likes being a loner?


But then again, it's not like she's never experienced what I'm experiencing now.


I'm quite sure she went out a lot when she went to college.


I'm not going to dwell too much on this though cause this blog isn't supposed to be related to problems like this but I'm not  exactly in the mood to open up my other blog and type in there too.


Okay, back to the main point. :)


Law had to keep going back in and out cause he was on duty but his duty didn't require him to do much so he could basically do anything he liked.


Like when other people were performing and if he was bored, he just went out of the hall.


There were a couple of occasions where I bumped into him and it was slightly awkward I guess.


It's probably because of the text I sent him yesterday.


But when our group performed, he actually stayed to watch. :)


It's not like I was on stage or anything (I was working backstage) but knowing that he stayed to watch our group made me feel slightly excited.


At times, I felt like he purposely stood in places so that I could look at him.


But then again, it's just my thoughts.


I will do my club work tomorrow and now I must go study so that my mom won't be so worried about me academically.


Amazing how I can feel so high up and happy one day and then get all down and soggy the next.


I must stick to my new year resolutions.

Like a puppet

I signed up for the Election Board yesterday and I remember thinking to myself, "What would be the probability that I'd meet him at the table?" and then I saw him. :)


Today, I came slightly late for school cause I had to send my grandpa to the bus terminal so he could go back to our kampung so I didn't get to see him early in the morning.


And then during the first break, I saw him and I thought to myself; even if I could see him only once a day, it'd make me really happy cause I know that the probability of me being friends with him is like 1 in 1000 cause I'm really shy and I'm so not the type who can just suddenly chat up with people.


During the second break, I saw him with his friends and there was a girl there so I used that as a preparation for myself to feel disappointed.


And it was during second break that a guy confessed to a girl! And they both had just entered this school (like me) but I guess both of them were previously from the same school so the guy must have liked her since then.


He gave her a bouquet of roses in purple paper, like whoa. XD


Anyway, after my fifth period, I ran into one of the seniors that I know and she was supposed to sell me one of her books so I just followed behind her to her class and I saw Law there so I did my best to not stare at him or drag any kind of attention onto myself.


Then as I was leaving the room, I almost closed the door behind me when I noticed someone was about to go through so I held it open for whoever it was and it turned out to be him.


And he looked kind of confused and stared at me. =-=;


Hey, I didn't really expect to see you behind me either. XD


It's like no one's ever held the door open for him.


Okay, maybe no one's ever held the door open for him with a bottle but all the same, I couldn't bring myself to look at him for more than 2 seconds cause I bet I would have said something very regretful and then I turned around and went down to my classroom.


At the end of the day, I saw him again but this was because I just happened to glance to my right as I was leaving. He looked really happy. :)


All just very accidental but happy coincidences. :)




I wondered today what made me like him but then it struck me.


It's cause even if he is only slightly taller than me, he has such a huge aura of confidence enveloping him that he becomes super charismatic and really amazing. 


All the same, this is just infatuation since I don't really know him yet so I'll just wait till I get the chance to be friends with him and then we'll see what happens from there on.


I hope I don't end up looking stupid in front of him this Friday. Please.


I'd really like to be in the Election Board.


Not only for him, but also to get more friends. :)


I'll stop here for today. I seem to keep on going up and down for him. =-=;


Must not get too distracted.


But I think I already am. =-=;

What was I thinking???!

Today was club choosing day.


Initially I wanted to sign up for Christian Fellowship or for the Music Club (more leaning towards the Music Club cause non-CF members can still participate in their club activities) but the people who promoted the club didn't seem really enthusiastic. And I was also afraid of this one guy there cause he was overly joyful.


But then the Public Speaking Club promoters came up and then I saw this guy which I was kind of interested in since last year.


So I joined the club.


But not only for the guy! =-=;


The club also helps to promote our self-confidence and also our speech so that we can allure people to listen to us. Which is really what I need if I really intend to join the Student Council. :) (Please?)


And honestly, the way they promoted, you could tell that they meant what they said. I was listening to the president's every word.


So switching gears back to the guy.


As I've already promised to myself earlier on, I will do my best to not become interested in any guy.


So I just ended up hardly not staring at him whenever he spoke and I just stared at the other people around him.


And it worked. CHA CHING! XD


So I must congratulate myself on not looking too much like a fool which I kind of did but only because of certain factors...


At least I didn't write down my name using a coloured felt-tip pen and I used a normal black-inked ballpoint pen. If I hadn't, I'd probably be dying of embarrassment this minute.


I know for sure I'll never get his attention (what with more than 80% of the club members being females and I bet most of them just joined because of him) but it'd be nice if he knew my name. :)


That doesn't mean we've got to go out or anything like that either.


I hope hope hope I don't embarrass myself again tomorrow.


Will continue a good effort!


PS. On a different note, I got myself three new friends today! :D Must be more friendly to them tomorrow and others cause I kind of left them and I stupidly didn't introduce them to my other friends cause they aren't local people. >-<