Due to several factors, I believe that Yu and I won't work as groupmates for the next exercise and I learnt this from Xia because Xia and Yu want to pair up together and naturally I feel a bit left out but I'm taking this as an experience to learn more from other people.
Thus, I found myself wanting to team up with Prince and it isn't because I still hold extremely deep feelings for him but because I actually find him an interesting person to work with and I do hope he holds the same regards for me.
Today for our second exercise's evaluation, Yu and I got an 'A' while he and Carl got an 'A/B' this time so in a way, I do think he might think of me as someone good to work with.
Initially I planned to ask him face to face but I decided to just ask him tonight via Facebook so at the very least we both won't be physically there to feel the awkwardness.
I was definitely not looking my best today so when I met him I did feel a bit embarrassed but that bit only sank in after he left me.
We were passing each other in the hallway and since he was going the opposite direction, I said "Hey" and smiled at him on instinct ad he looked surprised (as per usual) and I think he said a soft "Hey" and a mid-smile and I actually wanted to stop right there at the vending machine but he was still there so I pretended to walk ahead again.
We made eye-contact several times today accidentally and there was still that weird eye-contact thing going on. I do believe that this means that he is especially wary of me.
After the evaluation, he and Carl went over to our place to check the model out and he came over first but since we were talking with another girl, he left after a bit but he came back later when Carl came over.
I addressed both of them in general to show that I won't bite (cause I always have this feeling that they think I do) and when that happened, Prince moved in closer to have a look cause I'm sure that he was just waiting for the signal from me or something like that to have a look hahahaha. Carl was quite rude to me on the other hand, payback maybe? He kept talking to me though and it was a bit annoying.
In a way, I feel a bit sorry for Yu because I don't think she can talk with Prince so easily now, not like they've talked much, but I kind of decapitated their friendship.
So whether I get rejected by Prince later or not (which is only a 1% possibility I think), I'll just use the outcome to make me a better person. The rejection bit will help me to prepare for future rejections and I will really need to get acquainted with it I believe.
Also, on a different note, a 40-something year old guy was hitting on me last night, inviting me over to his single-roomed house and everything, and he asked me whether or not I've had sex before and I said "No" and he began saying stuff like if it happens, let it happen and up until then, I didn't realise his intentions.
Which is pretty stupid of me I guess but I just thought that he was being friendly.
It makes me wonder if every single guy out there is in it only for sex and I have been told that Italian men are notorious for this kind of attitude, which is probably the reason why I lean more towards Asian guys because they are in a sense more polite about it.
The guy hitting on me wasn't Italian by the way, I think that he just adopted that kind of behaviour after living here for several years.
After I made a kind of speech about guys having to respect my principles before even sleeping with me, he immediately lost all his friendliness and was brisk and I just pretended to be my usual jolly self and I pretended to go offline after that. Oh, such a classic.
That's it for now. Going to enjoy my salads now hahahaha. I haven't had a real break from my assignments and exams in a long time and I will enjoy it to the fullest but I will do my best to prepare myself for the coming ones. A bit sick today as well so I definitely did not look good today hahahahaha.
Showing posts with label rejection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rejection. Show all posts
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Grey sky and blue clouds
Where do I start and how do I begin this sad pathetic tale which will humour you to no ends?
Even as I type now, I still feel my fingers shaking and the blood pounding through my fingertips, as if not allowing me to forget.
Well, let's just start from the beginning of the journey to Switzerland, when I was still all flushed with happiness.
I got up late for one, and I really intended to wake up early to continue drawing but my body was too tired from the previous all-nighter so it managed to make me deaf to the alarms I set in my phone. So Xia and I ran through the early morning rain, fearing that the bus would've left us already but we managed to get there on time. Some people came later than us in fact.
The first thing I did when I reached there was to ask Carl whether or not any attendance had to be taken and he didn't answer fast enough so I straightaway went to ask one of the professors instead and I was all out of breath and Prince was right there, looking at me like I was some kind of idiot, a smile on his face. We boarded the bus after that and no, I didn't get to sit with him at any point during the trip. I sat close to Acia instead, lo and behold, and I even managed to talk with her and she's really nice.
We made a quick stop at one of those bus stops that has a supermarket and a cafe and I wanted to go talk to him but I have no idea why I was so scared to. I just couldn't bring myself to even though he was alone at one point. I highly, highly regret that now.
So at our first stop for viewing the buildings, we got a bit lost so we had to walk 2 kilometres to Yu and I's building and on the way there, I said to Prince "Hey, are you buying anything at the supermarket?" and he said no and he proceeded to ask me about what model my camera was because he forgot to bring his battery.
And it must've really sucked, not being able to take any pictures at all throughout the journey. I bet he was quite depressed because of that. He has a Canon 350D while mine's a Canon 600D so I really couldn't help out.
We were quite near each other when we were visiting his building and yeah, in a most painfully sad way, by taking a photo of the window of that house, I got two of our only pictures together but that was really accidental. I only realised that after I was going through all the photos.
Okay, I honestly want to cry now but I have to go through all of this chronologically. I hope you guys are enjoying this and I bet you guys are.
After that we went to the Liechtenstein Art Museum and for some reason, both of us were going at the same pace so we were almost always together and though it was intentional at some points, it wasn't always intentional. At one part when we entered the same room from different entrances, we looked at each other and again the same look of shock registered on his face.
Moving on, we went to Peter Zumthor's Kunsthaus Bregenz and even went to visit his exhibition in the building next to it. While we were in the first building, both of us and a bunch of people entered the lift at the top to get down but for some reason the lift didn't want to close and when I got out, it finally did and I saw him smile at me jokingly so I just took the stairs down instead.
I walked together with him and Carl and some other guys while we tried to catch up with the other group since we were at the building for a long time and Carl tried to talk with me but I just made it look like I thought he was talking with the other guys and I think I overheard Prince say something like "She's not talking with you." or something like that.
We went to the first hostel after that where he sat behind me as we ate dinner and after that we were divided into rooms and in a room for 6, I shared it with one of his guy friends, Yu, Xia and two other Chinese girls. The 6 of us and two other guys went out to see the city together while he went out with another group and we bumped into them several times in the small city but we never went together.
When we got back, I took a shower and then went to the reception room because, yes, I wanted to wait up for him even though I was sleepy so when they finally arrived and was asking why I was there, I said that I needed to write stuff and I needed the wifi because the connection sucked in my room (which is both true because I badly wanted to blog about that day since I was so freaking happy but I didn't have my laptop), then they all dispersed but Prince and Acia and another girl stayed to talk with a guy who spoke Serbian but they all left after that.
And I stayed there, regretting stuff and listening to music, the lights going on and off since it will only stay on for a couple of minutes, just staring off into space.
And that was when Prince suddenly came up and he sat beside me and we exchanged small talk but he was mainly Whatsapping people while I was just there in my hoodie, not knowing what to do. The lights kept turning off and I just kept turning them back on.
And blame me for thinking that it was a sign that he was interested, really, I don't mind. It's cause at one point he actually got up to close the door to the first floor, saying that it would be better or something like that.
Now please tell me why he did that.
And I just realised another thing. There were other seats in the room but he sat next to me. Why?
If he only wanted to Whatsapp in private, he could've gone to the other seats. Or maybe he just didn't notice them.
He left after 15 minutes or so anyway. He said he was waiting for others because he was holding the key but since they weren't showing up, he figured he should go sleep.
We were practically sitting in silence for 15 minutes. The atmosphere was odd.
The next day, while we were visiting Christian Kerez's Leutschenbach School, we were again almost always together throughout the tour of the school and yet again, we didn't speak to each other, as if what happened the night before didn't happen.
We also went to two other museums but unlike the first day, I didn't spend much time around him.
During the lunch break though, when we all went to buy stuff at a supermarket for lunch, I shamelessly took a candid photo of him where he looked a surprised and was smiling slightly. He looks really cute in it hahahaha. I took other candid photos of people to cover up though. Lame, I know.
Even when we went out at night, we were in different groups, me being with Xia and Yu and a couple of other Chinese people. He was hanging out with other Chinese people too but he didn't go to the bar to socialise with the professors, which I did because I thought he was going to be there, but when I realised that he wasn't coming, I decided to go back.
I saw him again that night but there were a lot of people there this time and I couldn't talk with him alone even though I really wanted to so badly. He was laughing around with Acia and when that happened, I just got an uneasy feeling.
Today was the last day.
We went to three places today of which we were at times together again.
Oh, totally out of the topic but he is definitely close with Acia since she could touch him on the arm and his shoulders.
Anyway, when we took a group photo, I stood behind him.
Okay, now that those parts are all over with, I'll get to the most important part of today.
We stopped for lunch on our way back to Milan and while everyone else went to eat, I noticed that he didn't and that he went outside instead. I guess he really is trying to save money.
So I hurried through lunch and I went out to take photos with Xia and we ended up at the river and I was hoping to meet him there and we did.
Xia and I began trying to skip stones and soon after, he also copied us.
And I just had to get oh-so-excited and say "WOW" and be all stupid and stuff and I bet I was extremely annoying.
And that was when I tapped him on his shoulder and asked if he would take a picture with me.
Hang on, I want to find back the page that I wrote our exact conversation in my sketchbook so that I can remind myself of that extremely pathetic moment.
"Prince, can you take a picture with me?"
"Sorry, no, not now."
I have no idea how I reacted at that split second moment but I did my best to regain my composure and said "Oh, okay" or something like that and then I proceeded to be like an idiot and said to Xia "Let's go find the waterfall!" which Prince said to me "Is there a waterfall there?" and I said "There's the sound of it coming from that side" to which he said "It's just a stream."
The longest back-to-back conversation we had in three days. Brava Beth, brava.
I kept a rock as a memento of that event and because I finally managed to skim a stone after years of never having been able to succeed at it but which I could only do after watching him and then getting rejected by him. We had to go back to the bus anyway after that and I stopped ogling him, which I always did since I sit behind me. He only sat behind me once, to sit with his friend that I shared a room with and which I got quite close to.
I didn't feel anything throughout that entire bus ride back, just a still emptiness. While he stayed up watching a movie, I did my best to go to sleep.
Rejection should feel that way right?
Even as we got off the bus, I didn't dare to look at him as I passed by his seat which was near the exit door and even when we were outside and he was standing beside me, I couldn't bear to look at him, partly because I felt so embarrassed and humiliated but also because I felt like crying so I did my best to smile and whatnot.
So here I am, back at my room, wasting an hour just to type all of this out.
Hell yeah this is painful. I feel it running through me, shaking me ever so sightly.
Please, please, please, let me be able to cry this out.
I remember that first night, when he came to sit next to me while I was listening to music, CNBLUE's Rain of Blessing. He said "So loud" in a friendly manner.
Heck yeah, now that ruins one of my favourite songs. It will now always remind me of that night that I didn't talk to him as much as I could.
The tears can't come out no matter how much I will them to.
My mind just keeps on getting more and more out of order and it's not helping that this laptop is being slow with me.
I want to yell all of this out. I want to scream. I want to forget.
But at the same time, I don't want to either.
Wow, the third rejection, only 9 months after the second one.
And I hate myself even more now because I still want to talk with him and seriously Beth, what good will come out of that? You're such an idiot you know?
Why the hell do you fall for guys you barely know so fast???????
Heck yeah I'm humiliated and embarrassed. I don't want to tell this to anyone and the only person who knows at this moment is Xia and the only reason why she knows is because she offered to take a photo of Prince and I but I told her what Prince told me. She told me not to worry about it and to be happy and I will try, honestly, but knowing me, I'll be stuck in this depression for goodness knows how long.
I will wish him 'Happy Birthday'' on his birthday but other than that, I will definitely not approach him.
On the other hand, Carl kept on trying to approach me but whenever he stood next to me or was about to walk towards me, I walked away.
Prince is definitely more nicer than me because he never did move away whenever I was next to him. God always makes me fall for nice guys and I am thankful for that.
And just so you know, I don't like Carl's character at all and I can tell what kind of guy he is, a guy with no sense of independence and likes to drink. I got all of that from the socialiising at the bar last night where he kept on looking in my direction but I just concentrated on talking with another lecturer.
I will stop this rant for now. I need to work.
But I really want to talk with someone.
I'm so sorry for troubling you and for annoying you this whole time. I was really selfish and not thinking about how you were feeling at all. I bet something happened to you, something really sad, and I did nothing but just add fuel to the fire. I'm so sorry. I won't trouble you again.
Even as I type now, I still feel my fingers shaking and the blood pounding through my fingertips, as if not allowing me to forget.
Well, let's just start from the beginning of the journey to Switzerland, when I was still all flushed with happiness.
I got up late for one, and I really intended to wake up early to continue drawing but my body was too tired from the previous all-nighter so it managed to make me deaf to the alarms I set in my phone. So Xia and I ran through the early morning rain, fearing that the bus would've left us already but we managed to get there on time. Some people came later than us in fact.
The first thing I did when I reached there was to ask Carl whether or not any attendance had to be taken and he didn't answer fast enough so I straightaway went to ask one of the professors instead and I was all out of breath and Prince was right there, looking at me like I was some kind of idiot, a smile on his face. We boarded the bus after that and no, I didn't get to sit with him at any point during the trip. I sat close to Acia instead, lo and behold, and I even managed to talk with her and she's really nice.
We made a quick stop at one of those bus stops that has a supermarket and a cafe and I wanted to go talk to him but I have no idea why I was so scared to. I just couldn't bring myself to even though he was alone at one point. I highly, highly regret that now.
So at our first stop for viewing the buildings, we got a bit lost so we had to walk 2 kilometres to Yu and I's building and on the way there, I said to Prince "Hey, are you buying anything at the supermarket?" and he said no and he proceeded to ask me about what model my camera was because he forgot to bring his battery.
And it must've really sucked, not being able to take any pictures at all throughout the journey. I bet he was quite depressed because of that. He has a Canon 350D while mine's a Canon 600D so I really couldn't help out.
We were quite near each other when we were visiting his building and yeah, in a most painfully sad way, by taking a photo of the window of that house, I got two of our only pictures together but that was really accidental. I only realised that after I was going through all the photos.
Okay, I honestly want to cry now but I have to go through all of this chronologically. I hope you guys are enjoying this and I bet you guys are.
After that we went to the Liechtenstein Art Museum and for some reason, both of us were going at the same pace so we were almost always together and though it was intentional at some points, it wasn't always intentional. At one part when we entered the same room from different entrances, we looked at each other and again the same look of shock registered on his face.
Moving on, we went to Peter Zumthor's Kunsthaus Bregenz and even went to visit his exhibition in the building next to it. While we were in the first building, both of us and a bunch of people entered the lift at the top to get down but for some reason the lift didn't want to close and when I got out, it finally did and I saw him smile at me jokingly so I just took the stairs down instead.
I walked together with him and Carl and some other guys while we tried to catch up with the other group since we were at the building for a long time and Carl tried to talk with me but I just made it look like I thought he was talking with the other guys and I think I overheard Prince say something like "She's not talking with you." or something like that.
We went to the first hostel after that where he sat behind me as we ate dinner and after that we were divided into rooms and in a room for 6, I shared it with one of his guy friends, Yu, Xia and two other Chinese girls. The 6 of us and two other guys went out to see the city together while he went out with another group and we bumped into them several times in the small city but we never went together.
When we got back, I took a shower and then went to the reception room because, yes, I wanted to wait up for him even though I was sleepy so when they finally arrived and was asking why I was there, I said that I needed to write stuff and I needed the wifi because the connection sucked in my room (which is both true because I badly wanted to blog about that day since I was so freaking happy but I didn't have my laptop), then they all dispersed but Prince and Acia and another girl stayed to talk with a guy who spoke Serbian but they all left after that.
And I stayed there, regretting stuff and listening to music, the lights going on and off since it will only stay on for a couple of minutes, just staring off into space.
And that was when Prince suddenly came up and he sat beside me and we exchanged small talk but he was mainly Whatsapping people while I was just there in my hoodie, not knowing what to do. The lights kept turning off and I just kept turning them back on.
And blame me for thinking that it was a sign that he was interested, really, I don't mind. It's cause at one point he actually got up to close the door to the first floor, saying that it would be better or something like that.
Now please tell me why he did that.
And I just realised another thing. There were other seats in the room but he sat next to me. Why?
If he only wanted to Whatsapp in private, he could've gone to the other seats. Or maybe he just didn't notice them.
He left after 15 minutes or so anyway. He said he was waiting for others because he was holding the key but since they weren't showing up, he figured he should go sleep.
We were practically sitting in silence for 15 minutes. The atmosphere was odd.
The next day, while we were visiting Christian Kerez's Leutschenbach School, we were again almost always together throughout the tour of the school and yet again, we didn't speak to each other, as if what happened the night before didn't happen.
We also went to two other museums but unlike the first day, I didn't spend much time around him.
During the lunch break though, when we all went to buy stuff at a supermarket for lunch, I shamelessly took a candid photo of him where he looked a surprised and was smiling slightly. He looks really cute in it hahahaha. I took other candid photos of people to cover up though. Lame, I know.
Even when we went out at night, we were in different groups, me being with Xia and Yu and a couple of other Chinese people. He was hanging out with other Chinese people too but he didn't go to the bar to socialise with the professors, which I did because I thought he was going to be there, but when I realised that he wasn't coming, I decided to go back.
I saw him again that night but there were a lot of people there this time and I couldn't talk with him alone even though I really wanted to so badly. He was laughing around with Acia and when that happened, I just got an uneasy feeling.
Today was the last day.
We went to three places today of which we were at times together again.
Oh, totally out of the topic but he is definitely close with Acia since she could touch him on the arm and his shoulders.
Anyway, when we took a group photo, I stood behind him.
Okay, now that those parts are all over with, I'll get to the most important part of today.
We stopped for lunch on our way back to Milan and while everyone else went to eat, I noticed that he didn't and that he went outside instead. I guess he really is trying to save money.
So I hurried through lunch and I went out to take photos with Xia and we ended up at the river and I was hoping to meet him there and we did.
Xia and I began trying to skip stones and soon after, he also copied us.
And I just had to get oh-so-excited and say "WOW" and be all stupid and stuff and I bet I was extremely annoying.
And that was when I tapped him on his shoulder and asked if he would take a picture with me.
Hang on, I want to find back the page that I wrote our exact conversation in my sketchbook so that I can remind myself of that extremely pathetic moment.
"Prince, can you take a picture with me?"
"Sorry, no, not now."
I have no idea how I reacted at that split second moment but I did my best to regain my composure and said "Oh, okay" or something like that and then I proceeded to be like an idiot and said to Xia "Let's go find the waterfall!" which Prince said to me "Is there a waterfall there?" and I said "There's the sound of it coming from that side" to which he said "It's just a stream."
The longest back-to-back conversation we had in three days. Brava Beth, brava.
I kept a rock as a memento of that event and because I finally managed to skim a stone after years of never having been able to succeed at it but which I could only do after watching him and then getting rejected by him. We had to go back to the bus anyway after that and I stopped ogling him, which I always did since I sit behind me. He only sat behind me once, to sit with his friend that I shared a room with and which I got quite close to.
I didn't feel anything throughout that entire bus ride back, just a still emptiness. While he stayed up watching a movie, I did my best to go to sleep.
Rejection should feel that way right?
Even as we got off the bus, I didn't dare to look at him as I passed by his seat which was near the exit door and even when we were outside and he was standing beside me, I couldn't bear to look at him, partly because I felt so embarrassed and humiliated but also because I felt like crying so I did my best to smile and whatnot.
So here I am, back at my room, wasting an hour just to type all of this out.
Hell yeah this is painful. I feel it running through me, shaking me ever so sightly.
Please, please, please, let me be able to cry this out.
I remember that first night, when he came to sit next to me while I was listening to music, CNBLUE's Rain of Blessing. He said "So loud" in a friendly manner.
Heck yeah, now that ruins one of my favourite songs. It will now always remind me of that night that I didn't talk to him as much as I could.
The tears can't come out no matter how much I will them to.
My mind just keeps on getting more and more out of order and it's not helping that this laptop is being slow with me.
I want to yell all of this out. I want to scream. I want to forget.
But at the same time, I don't want to either.
Wow, the third rejection, only 9 months after the second one.
And I hate myself even more now because I still want to talk with him and seriously Beth, what good will come out of that? You're such an idiot you know?
Why the hell do you fall for guys you barely know so fast???????
Heck yeah I'm humiliated and embarrassed. I don't want to tell this to anyone and the only person who knows at this moment is Xia and the only reason why she knows is because she offered to take a photo of Prince and I but I told her what Prince told me. She told me not to worry about it and to be happy and I will try, honestly, but knowing me, I'll be stuck in this depression for goodness knows how long.
I will wish him 'Happy Birthday'' on his birthday but other than that, I will definitely not approach him.
On the other hand, Carl kept on trying to approach me but whenever he stood next to me or was about to walk towards me, I walked away.
Prince is definitely more nicer than me because he never did move away whenever I was next to him. God always makes me fall for nice guys and I am thankful for that.
And just so you know, I don't like Carl's character at all and I can tell what kind of guy he is, a guy with no sense of independence and likes to drink. I got all of that from the socialiising at the bar last night where he kept on looking in my direction but I just concentrated on talking with another lecturer.
I will stop this rant for now. I need to work.
But I really want to talk with someone.
I'm so sorry for troubling you and for annoying you this whole time. I was really selfish and not thinking about how you were feeling at all. I bet something happened to you, something really sad, and I did nothing but just add fuel to the fire. I'm so sorry. I won't trouble you again.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Take the lead
Apparently, that's what I'm supposed to do.
I shall post up my daily predictions and that'll explain a lot.
"Be honest and give as much as you get."
The Emperor - Governance (Orthotopic) You will encounter a lover who is mature and responsible, but s/her does not believe in honeyed words. But instead, s/he will act as a father. s/he could be a bit authoritative but trustworthy (sounds like him), hence you will love and be scared of him/her at the same time. The relationship lacks communication, and thus more time is needed for exchanging deep thoughts. On the other hand, you might meet someone who is more favorable to you. In this relationship, you should take the initiative. Don’t miss the good opportunity because of doubt.
Ace of Swords - Need to break down the bare bones of a situation and think this through. Leave doubt behind and concentrate on the details that need your focus. Get to the heart of the matter and begin. A new business matter that needs solid planning and vision. It's time to find your inner strength and carry out your work. Logic and reason are in focus. Factual exploration may be needed.
And all of these predictions came from different applications on Facebook.
And because of those predictions, I feel like I really need to step up my game even if it's only by just a fraction.
My predictions also keeps on reminding me that I need to correct certain people's opinions towards me and I hope that if it is regarding Law, I'll be able to correct his judgement.
I don't know why I like him.
All I do know is that if I never get the chance to really show that I'm interested in him, without making a total fool of myself, I know that I'll regret it forever.
So, when I do meet him, be it at school or even out of school, I will definitely give him a nice smile and say "Hey!" or "Good morning!" cause I've missed all my previous opportunities and I don't want to miss anymore chances that I might get.
I'm feeling a bit pressured to do this because this will be the last month that I'll get to see him at school because starting from April onward, all the Year 2 A-Level science and commerce students won't be attending school anymore.
So, this means that I won't even get to see him.
My mind is really doubting me right now but I'm going to do my best to look past that pessimistic bit of me and just go with my gut feeling and intuition and just show Law that I am definitely interested in him.
That's going to take a lot of courage for sure because I am really really scared of rejection but then again this will only make me become more mature.
Naturally, of course, I won't just blurt out "Law... I like you" or anything like that but instead I'll make the effort to try and talk to him and make eye contact with him and smile at him but not really all the time of course.
Dear God, please, please, please let me be able to do this with all the courage I have.
And... I also hope and pray (and I'm really being honest and hopeful here) that he likes me too. That he's also interested in me and that he wants to get to know me better.
I'm going to sleep early-ish cause I want to see if more sleep will help me with my skin problems.
Night. :)
PS. On a different note, I didn't get to win any match for the badminton tournament today. I gave it 200%. Really, I did. I just wished that my partner had been a bit more co-operative and that she had the spirit to win and give it her all. I feel so sorry that I let my team mates down. I will definitely improve and win next year.
I shall post up my daily predictions and that'll explain a lot.
"Be honest and give as much as you get."
The Emperor - Governance (Orthotopic) You will encounter a lover who is mature and responsible, but s/her does not believe in honeyed words. But instead, s/he will act as a father. s/he could be a bit authoritative but trustworthy (sounds like him), hence you will love and be scared of him/her at the same time. The relationship lacks communication, and thus more time is needed for exchanging deep thoughts. On the other hand, you might meet someone who is more favorable to you. In this relationship, you should take the initiative. Don’t miss the good opportunity because of doubt.
Ace of Swords - Need to break down the bare bones of a situation and think this through. Leave doubt behind and concentrate on the details that need your focus. Get to the heart of the matter and begin. A new business matter that needs solid planning and vision. It's time to find your inner strength and carry out your work. Logic and reason are in focus. Factual exploration may be needed.
And all of these predictions came from different applications on Facebook.
And because of those predictions, I feel like I really need to step up my game even if it's only by just a fraction.
My predictions also keeps on reminding me that I need to correct certain people's opinions towards me and I hope that if it is regarding Law, I'll be able to correct his judgement.
I don't know why I like him.
All I do know is that if I never get the chance to really show that I'm interested in him, without making a total fool of myself, I know that I'll regret it forever.
So, when I do meet him, be it at school or even out of school, I will definitely give him a nice smile and say "Hey!" or "Good morning!" cause I've missed all my previous opportunities and I don't want to miss anymore chances that I might get.
I'm feeling a bit pressured to do this because this will be the last month that I'll get to see him at school because starting from April onward, all the Year 2 A-Level science and commerce students won't be attending school anymore.
So, this means that I won't even get to see him.
My mind is really doubting me right now but I'm going to do my best to look past that pessimistic bit of me and just go with my gut feeling and intuition and just show Law that I am definitely interested in him.
That's going to take a lot of courage for sure because I am really really scared of rejection but then again this will only make me become more mature.
Naturally, of course, I won't just blurt out "Law... I like you" or anything like that but instead I'll make the effort to try and talk to him and make eye contact with him and smile at him but not really all the time of course.
Dear God, please, please, please let me be able to do this with all the courage I have.
And... I also hope and pray (and I'm really being honest and hopeful here) that he likes me too. That he's also interested in me and that he wants to get to know me better.
I'm going to sleep early-ish cause I want to see if more sleep will help me with my skin problems.
Night. :)
PS. On a different note, I didn't get to win any match for the badminton tournament today. I gave it 200%. Really, I did. I just wished that my partner had been a bit more co-operative and that she had the spirit to win and give it her all. I feel so sorry that I let my team mates down. I will definitely improve and win next year.
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