I don't understand myself sometimes

So first I'll just tell a bit about what happened to myself in general before I go on to talking about Law.


I was asked by one of my seniors if I was interested in becoming the Graduation Chairperson and I really didn't expect  that I'd get asked with that question.


My heart skipped a beat and I felt like I was lightheaded but I managed to calm down and asked if I could confirm with him tomorrow cause my parents aren't really that excited about me being very involved in extra-curricular activities.


But, I managed to convince them just now and now because of that, I feel like I need to study even harder for my parents so that I'll get good results for my A-Levels.


I will not disappoint them.


Okay, now about Law. :)


I didn't get to see him during the Fixed Campaign but during the Election Board meeting I saw him for a bit but of course I did my best to not stare at him.


When I got back to the lecture hall, for some unknown reason, my group mates were discussing about him and I wanted to join in but I just knew I'd end up embarrassing myself so I didn't.


I told one of my newly made friends that I liked Law and she said that she knew another person who admired him but according to her "My friend only thinks he's pretty and cute. XD"


=-=;


A lot of people say he's pretty but I don't think so.


He's hot.


Reminds me, I finally told Elva that I liked Law.


I got around to telling her cause she said she was interested in some people also. Law included.


But, she said that she only admired him and that it's obvious that what I'm feeling for Law is more deeper than her interest in him.


And then when she asked me why I liked him, I couldn't really point out any reason.


I mean, I know why I like him but I can't express them using words.


So I ended up saying "Because.... he's hot."


And then I screamed the place down cause I've never ever ever called any real guy that I liked "hot". X|


Okay, back to Law now.


I kind of expected that he wouldn't stayback today because he didn't yesterday but he did and I was quite happy that I'd get to work with him because tomorrow, I won't be able to work with him at all.


That part got me down a bit but then I just told myself to be patient.


Anyway, we started to carry tables to and fro different halls and there was one part where I was waiting for people to enter the hall before I could exit the hall whilst I carried two tables when Law suddenly said "Let the people carrying the tables pass through first."


At least he was kind enough to help me. :)


After that, I tried to keep my distance away from him so as to not distract myself too much but I noticed that while he was distributing stationary, he approached my station first before he gradually went away.


And then, when our leader asked some people to go to the other hall to help with the preparation, I went ahead and I didn't expect that he'd come as well.


He was with some friends and they were all joking with each other and laughing their heads off and I couldn't join them as much as I wanted to so I started to do my work.


I was alone at first but then one of the seniors came over to help me so I practiced talking to people older than me   and I'm happy  to say that our conversation went quite well although slightly awkward. At least both of us tried to keep the conversation alive. :)


When we were "finished", they began joking over the newspaper articles and there was one part when he came over to where I was and I think that he was "talking" to me (or rather, the other guys around us) and he said "A youth group? You mean like a church thing?" and then it got slightly silent and I was about to say something but then that moment passed.


There was one part when we were about to clean up and I was picking up newspapers that I think that he noticed me doing the tidying up.


He said something like "You okay? Do you need help-?" and he was about to come over and help me when one of my peers stepped in to help me. =-=;


SO CLOSE.


Another part was when I was beginning to wrap more tables and initially I was alone but then one of my seniors came over to help me and I noticed that Law also wanted to help but he hovered around awkwardly before going back to sit down.


WHY THE HELL DIDN'T I INVITE HIM???!!!!!!!


I regret that part A LOT.


After that, I just tried to act normally and talked with the other senior and I noticed that Law was always quite close by.


But there was one occasion when we almost bumped into each other and for some unknown reason, I felt a tense atmosphere between the both of us.


He used a different car today. I think it's his dad's one. All my seniors and him went to eat dinner together after that.  =-=;  So lucky!


Am I thinking too much?


Were all of those events just coincidences?


I really really really hope that I'll at least get to talk to him for a bit tomorrow cause tomorrow is kind of like my last chance to ever work with him in any way.


I MUST NOT HOLD BACK AND JUST GO FOR IT.


If not, who knows when my next chance will be?


I remember when Elva asked me how much I liked him (before she found out who Law was) I answered "I like him so much that if I don't see him at all for one day at school, I'll get really depressed."


As sappy as that sounds like, it's true.


Please please please let tomorrow be magical and miraculous for the both of us.

So just pull the trigger

I don't know if it's cause I'm just too exhausted or I'm tired of waiting for something to happen but I just shot myself in the head.


Because, I just pressed the "add as friend" button on Facebook.


I am really screaming inside right now because somehow, I felt feel kind of stupid for doing that.


I mean, I actually did some prior practice (like adding other seniors) before I added Law but it doesn't feel the same.


I added him cause we've already sent each other a few texts back and forth even though it's only regarding school matters and we do know each other already and we have worked with each other.


So I'll just type down what happened at school today before I go off to sleep.


I was supposed to meet him during the first break but I used up the first half of the break celebrating my friend's birthday after which I texted him and asked him where I could find him.


By the time the bell rang, he didn't reply so I just texted him saying it's okay and I asked if I could pass the papers to him during the second break when we had our Election Board meeting and he said it was okay. He said sorry also cause he had his phone on silent.


I was really tempted to reply him but then I didn't want to look stupid so I just left it like that.


But then, I didn't pass it to him during the meeting because he went out as soon as the meeting finished so I passed it to Angel instead and she was really nice and all. :) Thank goodness.


We had our rehearsal for the campaign tomorrow after school and at first I was slightly disappointed that I couldn't see him but then when I went down, I saw him at the assembly area so I felt slightly happy that I got to see him.


He had to stayback a bit with some friends to talk about the campaign tomorrow.


Throughout that time, I just sat down and tried to finish doing our house's banner which I think I can finish drawing by this Friday, hopefully. :)


I saw him looking in my direction once for quite some time but I will not think too much about it cause it could have been a coincidence.


He went home quite late today and while I was talking with another senior, he had to wait for our conversation to finish cause he was sending the senior back home.


I kind of feel this weird atmosphere between us.


I think it's cause he knows I'm interested in him and he doesn't know what to do.


I feel stupid for adding him.


What if he doesn't accept it????!!! =-=;


I don't want to stress too much over this small thing and I need to concentrate more on my studies and other duties.


Tomorrow's Valentine's Day in case you guys forgot.


I'm truthfully a little excited since this is the first time in 12 years that I've attended a co-ed school and I wonder how it'll be like tomorrow.


I'm quite certain some of my friends will get a couple of confessions cause they're all so pretty and nice. :)


As for me, I'm definitely not going to confess unless something stupid overpowers me and then I'll know I'll regret my future words and actions in the future.


Okay, I've got to go to sleep now.

Pixie Dust

Is what I really need.


I keep on looking at the "Add as Friend" button and I can't help thinking "If only, if only."


Why do I always like guys I know I can never ever talk to?


Feeling very low today but I can't let it show.


I really really really hope I'll get to be friends with him.


And I also really really hope that I'll get to become even more prettier.


And if we really do become friends and I begin to develop real feelings for him, I hope that whatever happens, I'll still be happy and be able to move on in life.


Seriously though, why did I fall for him??? TT^TT

Holding my breath

I started my job as an Election Board trainee today!!! :D


I also kind of expected to not see Law today at all cause you know... And I'm also trying to get a certain theory into my head.


Like, even if I always notice him, that doesn't mean he always notices me no matter how many times we happen to be in the same place.
This means that the chances of me even being friends with him isn't a huge probability.
But that doesn't mean it's a small probability either since I've joined EB. :)


And so I saw him in four places today.


Early in the morning: Student Lounge
1st Break: Canteen
2nd Break: Assembly Hall
During the SC Interviews: In the top levels of the building


I really didn't expect him to stay-back for today since he didn't last Friday so all the same it made me slightly happy. :)


He saw me running up and down and I did my best to not stare at him.


I wonder if he knows I even stare at him?


Must not be a stalker!!!!! =-=;


But when you're interested in someone, isn't it normal to like to stare at them to a certain extent???


At least I control myself from always looking at him. Well, at least I try to.


I don't just go, "Oh look, it's Law. Let's just stare at him and not do anything else."


Anyway, there was this one part while I was on duty when he came down to my level and he went to check on the SC President and Secretary candidates so he had to pass me.


I looked down so that I wouldn't look at him and I hope no one noticed that I was slightly very distracted.


The sad part was, when I looked up, I realised he was around my height. Roughly.


But maybe it's just because he slouches??? TT^TT


Sometimes it's a curse for being taller than the average Malaysian female.
Cause the average Malaysian male ain't that tall either. XD


What I write in here doesn't matter right????
Cause the probability of him ever finding this is near to 0.01.


And Law, if you do read this, I hope that you won't feel offended.
Please be happy knowing that you had at least one secret admirer. :)


I'll do my best to not stare at him tomorrow. But I can't promise that I won't. :)


This infatuation is slowly starting to fade. That's good news.


However, I know I'll miss this bubbly feeling cause seeing him really makes my day. :)

Coming out from beneath a rock

This is going to be the second blog that I'm going to open up.


Why?


Because from here on now this will be the ultimate embarrassing, love sick, GAAAAAH-ing blog that I will dedicate to people that I am interested in.


Honestly, up until this moment, I've been a very polite person on the internet which means I take care in how I use all my full stops and comas and exclamation marks so that I won't make a fool of myself in any way possible.


But ever since I've recently read a manga called "Switch Girl!!", I feel that I should show who I really am even more to get more confidence in myself.


But, the main reason for opening this blog is to fill it up with... How should I put this?... With rants about people I'm interested in and to write letters regarding my one-sided love crushes to celebrities.


You could call it a love blog, if such a term even exists. XD


I'm also starting this blog because today was the first time I entered and am now going to go to a co-ed school i.e. mixed gender school.


The last time I ever saw boys walking around school was roughly 12 years ago and now I'm almost 18 so it's kind of like a culture shock... for me. I mean, I hardly even meet them outside of school cause I don't even take tuition and those kind of stuff.


Since I've been in an all-girl's school for 12 years, I've never felt the restraint over my inner tomboy-ness as I did today.


I couldn't spread my legs far apart.


Much less burp or laugh as loudly as LOL. (I have to cover my mouth now =-=)


... You know, I was kind of scared I'd get a crush on every guy there but then I managed to turn that off cause I did my best to focus on my academics throughout the day. :)


There are numerous really cute guys there. Like really. There are a couple of international students as well (even some Koreans! XD) but none were in my class.


But none of them was really my type, sadly. Yet.


Now this, is my type. XD

Lee Jong Hyun of CNBLUE

One of my biases in the K-Pop world as is this guy. :)

Micky Yoo Chun of DB5K (AKTF!)/JYJ

I'll be writing letters to them also cause what better way than the internet right?

Weird???

Well truthfully, and I'll put it truthfully, I'd like them to read my feelings for them. Even if they are just crushes.

Cause everyone likes people to like them.

And just so you guys know, when I like someone, it takes a pretty long time for it to fade away, even if I know I have no chance whatsoever with that guy.

That's another story I might tell when I have the stamina to not get embarrassed by my failed attempts. (=-=;

So I guess that's it.

I'm just going to write all of my feelings down so I won't embarrass myself in public.


No holding back. Nopes.


Just going to put everything down so in a couple of years I'll cringe and maybe laugh when I read all of this back.


And now I must go work out!!! OH YEAH!!! :D


For love! For HEALTH!!!