Despite it all

Well, something really small (very extremely tiny) happened today between me and Prince but I am currently stuck in a blue situation and even though I may not realise it, I am tired. But I will do some studying after this until hopefully 1 am and maybe I'll be able to at least study 3 lectures. Make notes of them that is.

Moving on to the real subject, the main purpose of this blog that is, I will now record the things about what happened today regarding Prince.

As you may well see, if you've been reading my posts all this while, he doesn't come much for lectures, only once or twice a week. And since today we were going to have Urban Planning, I knew for sure that he was going to attend class.

Yu, Isa and I sat at the back as usual but we chose the side that we didn't usually sit on, which is near the door, and I felt a bit sad because I kind of knew that Prince liked to sit at the seats located nearest to the door. And lo and behold, he did. Yu immediately gave me 'the look' but I managed just a smile because of this whole sadness thing.

He sat at the same row as the girl that I think likes him but he didn't sit near her and they didn't talk at all, from what I could see, so their friendship must have stretched out a bit. 

I'm not sure if it's just me, but when I asked a question in class, Prince (and a couple more of people) turned around immediately to look at me but I concentrated on looking at the lecturer. I can understand him being surprised if I never ask questions in class but he didn't look too surprised when other people began asking questions.

During break, while I was feeling even more down, he didn't leave the hall even once and started talking with his friend instead. A girl again haha. But he ended up sitting on our side of the class after break since that friend of his was sitting in front of us.

During the lecture, I got really really sleepy but I did my best to stay awake. On one of the times that I was conscious, I noticed that our lecturer showed us a map and somehow it seemed really familiar to me so I said to Yu in a small voice "Haven't we already seen that before?"

And when I said that, Prince turned around to look at me although no one else (not even Yu =-=)  did. I don't think my voice was that loud. Well, at least I hope so. At least I know he knows that I am present in that class as well.

Then when we were going back, I expected him to leave really early but instead he began talking with another guy (one of the few guys that I talk with haha). I wanted to hurry home so I rushed my things and said my good-byes to Yu and Isa.

At the same time that I was about to reach the door, Prince also stopped talking with his friend so when I went out, he was coming out too. So I pushed the door back a bit for him before I went off. I didn't even look at him haha. Why didn't he use the other door, I wonder. It was nearer to him.

When I was going down the stairs, I looked back, but he wasn't behind me so I just wore my earphones and set off.

I needed to withdraw cash so I had to cross the road and I wanted to take a short cut but it seemed really unladylike (cause I'd have to climb over two fences) so I began walking to the zebra crossing.

And that was when he suddenly walked past me and it somehow made me stop in my tracks and I found myself hoping that he needed to cross the street as well but it turned out that he didn't have to so we parted there. When I reached the other side of the road, I looked back and watched him walk away and I couldn't help thinking that he must've been cold because he wasn't wearing a jacket and I myself felt really really cold.

So that's about it for today.

I must really get on to studying now. :)

I pray that God will be able to help me now and guide me through these difficult times and hopefully I'll become more mature.

Surprise! Again haha

I kind of pretty much gave up on seeing Prince in lectures again.

I hoped that I'd get to see him today.

In the afternoon, Yu texted me and said she wouldn't be able to come for the afternoon lecture since there was a strike going on by the metro train drivers. We talked a bit and I said I wished that Prince would come today but she mentioned the strike again so I knew very few people would come.

The outcome was quite decent though cause, I suppose, many people live near campus.

And then the lecture started and I started to get really scared for my exams from the way our professor was explaining it so I resolved to pay a lot of attention in class and I will also do a lot of revising and studying. 

Thank goodness that's the only mid-term exam that we have. I must study hard all the same.

I really concentrated a lot in that class and even asked some questions even though some sounded pretty lame in my opinion and I realised how little I actually knew about Urban Planning.

Then a guy from Cuba started explaining land use rights and the property owners (or something like that) so I turned south east to look at him and that's when I noticed that someone was sitting behind me.

And right away, I knew it was Prince.

It was a really brief glance but from the colour of his sweater alone (black-blue), I just knew it was him.

That really shocked me and surprised me because I really didn't notice him entering the classroom and sitting behind me and moreover, he was surprisingly quiet that whole time.

And yeah, my heart started racing very wildly.

And I thought that I didn't have anymore feelings of interest for him...

I wanted to talk with him after the lesson or during the break and I even gathered the courage to do so (since the day before yesterday Yu was brave enough to talk with a Japanese girl who's not even in our class) but another guy friend of mine kind of whisked him away and I didn't know how to join the conversation when it was break.

So I just sat in my seat while he sat on the table/metal wall behind. He left early to complete his assignment and I do regret not talking with him but all in all, I just believe that there will come a time for everything. Maybe then I'll be less nervous.

Throughout the time that he was sitting behind me, I noticed some things.

Like, after I actually realised he was sitting behind me, he became a bit more noisier and started sighing a bit here and there.

And when I cracked my knuckles, he did the same.

And I don't know why, I just felt like he wanted to speak with me as well.

And I have to stop here since it's 2.16 am and I need to sleep.

Seeing him really recharged my spirit in all aspects. :)

Exhaustion

So for the past few days I've only been getting around 4 hours of sleep or so in order to complete my assignments so as soon as I reached my dorm today, I conked out for 3 hours and I will go back to sleeping soon haha.

Prince didn't come for the morning lecture and I will be guessing that he won't attend that class for the rest of the semester haha. He came for the afternoon class and surprisingly he wasn't late this time.

At first he went to his friend's row (which was right in front of my friends and I) but they were slow to react so in the end he sat in front.

On a different note, I couldn't really focus my attention as I was too tired to understand much and I did my best to take down whatever I could decipher and understand.

During the break time I went out of class and I noticed all the smokers going to the open area and I wondered if he smokes as well but I passed by him in the hallway on my way back to class so I take it that he doesn't.

I remained in the hall for the rest of the break and Yu tried to teach me the correct ways to pronounce Chinese words. I felt that Isa was a bit left out and I tried to include her in but somehow she didn't really try to. Prince came up to his friend's place and he stood near me haha but I was too tired to pay attention to both him and Yu so I just continued talking with Yu.

Then, I saw him collect his things and he came up to the row and sat there and at that point Yu and I were getting hysterical over my pronunciation and he turned to look at me and that I was pretty sure of. 

But then again, I always become a bit more hyper when he's around haha.

I realised that people who like interacting with others will tend to look at someone when someone is talking so I know that at least he knows my existence and that it won't be much of a problem to begin speaking with him.

Wow. It's 2.00 am already. o.o

Okay, continuing on.

Well... there isn't much anyway. Just that when I lingered back a bit, he kind of did the same but I went out earlier than him in the end.

I'm just pleased cause even though he skips some classes, I know that he is actually a bright person. If he likes a subject then he will attend that particular class. He asked a lot of questions today haha.

Okay then, good night. :)

Blooming Sakura

I just finished reading Usami Maki's Haruyuki Bus and I love it. It touched me a lot.

Aside from that, it got me to thinking and wondering when will I ever experience something as beautiful as the manga expresses.

Is it wrong to like someone and wish to expect something in return?

Ever since I stopped liking Law, I've been too afraid to pursue anyone as seriously as I pursued him. I constantly rain down dark thoughts on myself when it comes to Prince and I am so scared of falling for him for real, just like the Law case.

Sometimes I wish I went to a Japanese school cause it seems like it's so easy to fall in love there and to hook up and get a boyfriend.

I wish I wasn't the only one with this interest and that the person that I'm interested in is also interested in me.

Mangas make you believe in such a soft-cushioned reality.

I start to imagine things, like if I do this and that something good will happen to me. Just like in mangas.

I can only wish they were real.

Remember

I have always been a seriously huge fan of manga drawings and stories and currently I am in a shoujo romantic comedy mood and even though I have assignments to be done, I can't stop reading them which is to say I'm sacrificing sleep in order to read them cause I read them in the afternoon and stay up at night to do my homework.

I love the idea of being in love, of being in a relationship, of finding that one guy who would love you for all your idiosyncrasies and flaws. I can always see it happening for others. I just can't see it happening to me.

All these manga main heroines have it easy, don't they?

A typical story goes like this: Girl falls in love with guy after guy bullied her/was kind to her and she's too afraid to say anything. Then some conflict arises and she realises how much she loves the guy so she confesses and it turns out that the guy loved her all the time.

So basically it's a happy ending.

I have yet to experience something like that. I'm actually very pessimistic about that I mean, seriously, I don't think I'm that lucky.

I could continue liking Prince, like the Law case, but this doesn't mean he likes me or that he might fall for me.

And then I begin to doubt myself.

When will I get to experience a good relationship?

All, and I mean all, of my siblings have had or are in a relationship, including my younger sister and brother and yes, I am incredibly jealous of all of them. I am also incredibly jealous of all those manga heroines cause they're living my dream.

I just wonder when it'll be my turn next.

Somewhat neutral I think

Was late for class but I managed to get a seat cause my friends saved me a seat in the back row. Good thing is that Prince came for class (50 minutes late haha) and he sat behind me, sort of.

At first I was a bit nervous because in order to take my colour pens I had to turn to my left repeatedly (because I placed my pens on the desk next to mine) and I was scared that I'd try to catch a lot of glimpses of him but I got more comfortable towards the end and I could act more normally.

I kept on hoping that he sat behind because he wanted to be near me but I don't think so since one of his friends (the girl that I think likes him) sat in the same row.

I didn't talk with him because even though there could've been an opportunity, I couldn't see it as I was (and still am) too tired since I slept at 4 am last night and woke up at 9 am.

I did what I normally do whenever I'm around him, which is to talk a bit louder (=-=;) and become more giggly and all that but yeah, I just couldn't bring myself to talk with him.

Also, even though the lecture was better than usual (and actually understandable and easy) I really felt tired and I sighed a lot. He was also sighing a lot and in some weird way, I felt like we were communicating with each other. In my case though, I was sighing to try to initiate a conversation cause I'm too shy to approach him but yeah.

But what really concerns me is that he doesn't seem to really have a group of guys to hang out with. Like the guys avoid him on purpose or something.

And I don't know why but this attraction I have towards him is turning more into an interest into becoming his friend cause I want to know him. Like really know him.

For me, he is a really interesting person.

I felt like he was looking at me from time to time (naturally cause I was sitting in front of him) and I think he was also looking when one of my guy friends gave me a pen he bought because he lost the pen I borrowed to him.

I guess that's it for now.

I will do a bit of my work and sleep early tonight. I must not give in to this tiredness of mine!

PS. I forgot to add this bit haha. Most of the back row people were getting tired of the people asking irrelevant questions in front so when another question was asked, Prince said "What the f***" and I was a bit shocked cause he swore but nothing too surprising there (he's a guy after all) but what was a bit sad was that even though it was only audible to those around us, no one showed much reaction (as far as I know) even though he spoke English, meaning, he wanted someone to respond.

I'm thinking too much and I'm tired. Going to sleep now. Night.

Pink

I somehow expected that something good was going to happen today since Ana wished me "Buona giornata" today which means "Have a good day!".

Saying so, I finally saw Prince today after not seeing him for five days and you can bet that my mood just lifted instantly.

He came late for the afternoon classes as usual. XD

When he entered the class he sat in the front row and sadly, I was in the back row. I really didn't expect him to come cause I thought he was sick or something. His ears were bright pink and it's either because outside was freezing or because he was really embarrassed. Either way, it faded away in the end.

I think he looked behind once before he actually sat down and from time to time I just had the feeling that he purposely turned his head a bit in excess to the right whenever our lecturer walked to the right, as if he wanted to look behind him. It's just a feeling though.

The sad part about me not sitting in the front row is that we were grouped according to the rows we were seated in at the end of the lecture and was given a group task to do. I could've grouped up with him if only I sat in the front as usual... Haih...

The good thing about that is that he didn't group up with the group of girls he usually hangs out with. One of them who was sitting at the back row kept staring at him during the lecture.

We had to present our task at the end of class by selecting a spokesman/woman to represent the whole group and somehow I got nervous so I felt myself blushing and my palms turned cold because of the thought of talking in front of him kept looping through my mind. I didn't embarrass myself, thank goodness and I didn't even look at him during my presentation which is good as well.

When class ended, I was in really good spirits and I couldn't wait to get home to do my homework (which I will definitely do after this). He was also just getting out from his seat.

I wanted to look at him so I looked down from the top and I think I saw him look at me at the same time and again, with the same surprised face but I can't be too sure about that.

And just so that I could be near him, I approached the professor at the end of the lecture to ask a really meaningless question before I went out since Prince was also approaching the professor. He didn't really go out with the group of girls he usually hangs out with and talked with some guys (probably the only group of guys I actually talk with haha).

Overall, I am pleased with today.

Going to stay up late to do loads of homework!!! :D