Or maybe it's cause I can't wait to see him.
Again, I got another dream about him last night and the only thing different about it this time was that I got to see his face more clearly.
It was a split second moment though and the only thing I can remember is looking at his face profile before we made eye contact and that was when I woke up at 5.30 am because of jet lag.
I just hope that I will get the chance to talk with him one day but of course I'm not going to focus too much on him. Exams are coming in February and I need to keep my eyes on the prize.
It'd be nice to see him again, that much for sure.
So it's either I'll get to see him on Wednesday or maybe the next since I have no idea what he did for his holidays, where he went, and when he'll be coming back.
Until then, I must become even more pretty for him.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Sudden
And that is the best way that I can put it.
Today I went to Helen's house to spend some quality time with her before I left for Italy and I felt a bit shy and awkward at first (since I'm really bad at one-on-one conversations) but the atmosphere lightened up after a couple of minutes. Helen really knows how to put me at ease. :)
And so while we were chatting away in her kitchen (over tea, and as the British would have exclaimed, "Splendid!") her mom said something that I couldn't quite catch but she somehow understood what her mom said and she went to the entrance so I assumed some people came to see her.
At first, I thought it was some of my high school friends since I could hear her exclaiming that I was here so I decided to get up and go to the entrance and right when I reached the small kitchen, Helen walked in.
And so did Victor/Broccoli.
I had the initial shock of realising that he was there, of course, but somehow I knew this would happen.
Like the minute I got into the car before going to her place, I knew I'd get to see Victor. I can't really remember the last time I saw him. I think it was when I left college and he said "Bye".
And of course there was another guy with him, whom I have only conversed with quite properly only today. The other guy (let's call him Sean), was actually pretty okay and funny and I think that he is less scared of me now haha. XD I always get the impression that guys are afraid of me.
So when all four of us were in the small kitchen, Helen served them water and soya bean milk because that was the reason why they crashed there in her house as they were cycling to people's homes and just crashing there. Kind of cool, really, the cycling bit.
Then, Sean wanted to leave but Helen managed to persuade them to stay so we moved on to the bigger kitchen where we all chatted quite well.
I was really afraid of talking with them but I did my best to not let that show and whenever there was an awkward moment, all of us did our best to fill it and I'm glad for that. :)
Victor in particular was really helpful in filling up the silence and I'm not sure if he acted stupid on purpose or if he is really that goofy haha. At one point we were making so much fun of him that he turned red and since he was sun burned, I couldn't tell the difference but I realised his ears were bright pink. So cute! :D
There was one part when I was talking with Helen only about how I was going to miss seeing her when Victor suddenly chimed in.
Then, Helen asked Victor to teach her brother in their studying room so all of us went there where we made more noise and the brother kind of just gave up studying and listened to us laughing but Victor really managed to teach her brother well. Victor is really smart haha.
They left before I left and it wasn't so awkward. He took his time to go and he even made a turn in the road so I could see him before he and Sean cycled away.
Helen kept saying it was fate and I'd like to think so too but I think it was a mere lucky coincidence. :)
Victor and I kept making weird eye contact with each other but that was about it. Thank goodness I looked quite decent when I went to Helen's house haha.
And something made me think just now.
Roy (the guy who used to like me) and I had been texting a bit before I left for Italy about him and a girl and somehow I told him that I liked Victor. And now, I get the feeling that Victor knows about that.
I don't think I have any strong feelings for him anymore though. I was happy and excited that I got to see him and there were pleasant butterflies in my stomach but that's about it.
It made me realise somehow that I really need to get to know someone first before I actually like them.
On a different note, I texted with a guy I had a small thing for three years ago and I didn't want to believe it since the texts were coming from my friend's iPhone but somehow, there was evidence to show that it was him. I kind of think that he also had a small thing for me but he gave up very quickly haha.
Okay, it's almost 1.30 am and I need to send/see Skye off tomorrow with everyone else so I shall sleep soon.
Today was a surprisingly good day. :)
Today I went to Helen's house to spend some quality time with her before I left for Italy and I felt a bit shy and awkward at first (since I'm really bad at one-on-one conversations) but the atmosphere lightened up after a couple of minutes. Helen really knows how to put me at ease. :)
And so while we were chatting away in her kitchen (over tea, and as the British would have exclaimed, "Splendid!") her mom said something that I couldn't quite catch but she somehow understood what her mom said and she went to the entrance so I assumed some people came to see her.
At first, I thought it was some of my high school friends since I could hear her exclaiming that I was here so I decided to get up and go to the entrance and right when I reached the small kitchen, Helen walked in.
And so did Victor/Broccoli.
I had the initial shock of realising that he was there, of course, but somehow I knew this would happen.
Like the minute I got into the car before going to her place, I knew I'd get to see Victor. I can't really remember the last time I saw him. I think it was when I left college and he said "Bye".
And of course there was another guy with him, whom I have only conversed with quite properly only today. The other guy (let's call him Sean), was actually pretty okay and funny and I think that he is less scared of me now haha. XD I always get the impression that guys are afraid of me.
So when all four of us were in the small kitchen, Helen served them water and soya bean milk because that was the reason why they crashed there in her house as they were cycling to people's homes and just crashing there. Kind of cool, really, the cycling bit.
Then, Sean wanted to leave but Helen managed to persuade them to stay so we moved on to the bigger kitchen where we all chatted quite well.
I was really afraid of talking with them but I did my best to not let that show and whenever there was an awkward moment, all of us did our best to fill it and I'm glad for that. :)
Victor in particular was really helpful in filling up the silence and I'm not sure if he acted stupid on purpose or if he is really that goofy haha. At one point we were making so much fun of him that he turned red and since he was sun burned, I couldn't tell the difference but I realised his ears were bright pink. So cute! :D
There was one part when I was talking with Helen only about how I was going to miss seeing her when Victor suddenly chimed in.
Me: I'm going to miss you so much when I go!
Helen: It's okay ba, we can Skype with each other!
Victor: I have Skype also!
Sean: Me as well.
So I'm not really sure if he wanted to Skype with me as well (since I am a real social retard and I don't get most social hints) but I played on the safe side and was pretty mean by only addressing Helen as to be the one that I will Skype. Helen's going to give me Victor's ID though so maybe I'll get the chance? Hahahahahahahaha.
They left before I left and it wasn't so awkward. He took his time to go and he even made a turn in the road so I could see him before he and Sean cycled away.
Helen kept saying it was fate and I'd like to think so too but I think it was a mere lucky coincidence. :)
Victor and I kept making weird eye contact with each other but that was about it. Thank goodness I looked quite decent when I went to Helen's house haha.
And something made me think just now.
Roy (the guy who used to like me) and I had been texting a bit before I left for Italy about him and a girl and somehow I told him that I liked Victor. And now, I get the feeling that Victor knows about that.
I don't think I have any strong feelings for him anymore though. I was happy and excited that I got to see him and there were pleasant butterflies in my stomach but that's about it.
It made me realise somehow that I really need to get to know someone first before I actually like them.
On a different note, I texted with a guy I had a small thing for three years ago and I didn't want to believe it since the texts were coming from my friend's iPhone but somehow, there was evidence to show that it was him. I kind of think that he also had a small thing for me but he gave up very quickly haha.
Okay, it's almost 1.30 am and I need to send/see Skye off tomorrow with everyone else so I shall sleep soon.
Today was a surprisingly good day. :)
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Points to ponder
There are those times when I know that I shouldn't think about him and during those times, I'm able to hold myself back. In other situations, I fail to exercise self control.
Sometimes, I just want to curl up in my bed and just think about him and then wonder and regret things that I should have done.
The big question here is "Why do I like Prince?"
If I think about it long enough, he isn't even spectacularly hot.
He is, however, someone who just stands out without any obvious intention clinging to it. I like him for the aura he carries around him (again, just like the Law case =-=).
I had another theory the other day, while going through my posts.
I noticed that he usually sits somewhere near the girl that I think likes him so maybe he likes that girl. And if this hypothesis is true, I will just suck it up like what I did last time.
Another thing to wonder about.
I wonder how many guys I'll write about in here till one of them actually has some feelings for me.
Currently, I've only wrote seriously for two guys and I've mentioned around four other more guys but yeah, when I like someone, I'll stay loyal to that someone. And that makes me sound like a stalker but really, I have the most outrageously puny skill in stalking so there's no way that I could be a stalker.
I shall now sleep since I only had three hours of sleep last night as I had to wake up early to visit the dentist.
P.S. I finally made my New Year resolutions and the list is a whole lot more shorter than my previous ones. Hopefully I'll get to fulfill most of them. :)
Sometimes, I just want to curl up in my bed and just think about him and then wonder and regret things that I should have done.
The big question here is "Why do I like Prince?"
If I think about it long enough, he isn't even spectacularly hot.
He is, however, someone who just stands out without any obvious intention clinging to it. I like him for the aura he carries around him (again, just like the Law case =-=).
I had another theory the other day, while going through my posts.
I noticed that he usually sits somewhere near the girl that I think likes him so maybe he likes that girl. And if this hypothesis is true, I will just suck it up like what I did last time.
Another thing to wonder about.
I wonder how many guys I'll write about in here till one of them actually has some feelings for me.
Currently, I've only wrote seriously for two guys and I've mentioned around four other more guys but yeah, when I like someone, I'll stay loyal to that someone. And that makes me sound like a stalker but really, I have the most outrageously puny skill in stalking so there's no way that I could be a stalker.
I shall now sleep since I only had three hours of sleep last night as I had to wake up early to visit the dentist.
P.S. I finally made my New Year resolutions and the list is a whole lot more shorter than my previous ones. Hopefully I'll get to fulfill most of them. :)
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
I wonder
If I'll be able to control myself from liking him too much without even getting to know him first.
If this year will change my direction towards the darkened valley.
If I'll be able to really love myself.
Because, I think that in order to really love someone, you have to love yourself first and I know that I am not on good terms with myself. I have been getting better at accepting myself but not so much on the loving.
I know I probably won't have as much drive as I used to have (because I get most of the drive from liking someone), but I hope that I'll still try to do my best.
Liking guys has always brought out the better side of myself, oddly enough.
Whatever happens this year, I hope that I'll be able to make it out alive and well.
If this year will change my direction towards the darkened valley.
If I'll be able to really love myself.
Because, I think that in order to really love someone, you have to love yourself first and I know that I am not on good terms with myself. I have been getting better at accepting myself but not so much on the loving.
I know I probably won't have as much drive as I used to have (because I get most of the drive from liking someone), but I hope that I'll still try to do my best.
Liking guys has always brought out the better side of myself, oddly enough.
Whatever happens this year, I hope that I'll be able to make it out alive and well.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Dependency
I have the feeling that I am just hitting puberty at this age right now. What a laugh.
Suddenly I'm buying feminine clothes I would have normally run away from this exact moment last year. And now I actually care how I look.
That being said, I definitely don't want to gain anymore than I already have. Hopefully I'll be able to lose weight in the coming year, at least by 5 kg.
Anyway, coming to the real subject here, I got a fairly odd dream last night and it wasn't about Prince or even Law or Red or Victor or about any other guy in this blog.
It was about a guy in the hunger camp I went to in August who was the leader of that camp.
The main thing that I remember is that he liked me, or something like that, and he wanted to show me around his campus. While he was doing that, he had his arm around me the whole time and my head was on his chest the whole time.
Sick, I know.
But I felt really secure... somehow?
I think it's cause all this time, people have always been relying on me (even when they're supposed to be the one to lead the way) and I have never felt comfortable putting a job in anyone's hands since I can't trust people to handle certain things easily.
For instance, with Isa and Yu, I can't trust them with our group project even though they're both older than me.
When I think about the dream I had last night, I can't help but wonder how it'll feel like to finally be able to depend on someone else and to feel like they can take care of me.
Mainly speaking about guys here.
But I guess this feeling will have to prolong for a while longer since I must concentrate on my studies.
I'll be able to see Prince soon! :) And for that I am really thankful for.
I must do my best to look prettier for him! :)
Suddenly I'm buying feminine clothes I would have normally run away from this exact moment last year. And now I actually care how I look.
That being said, I definitely don't want to gain anymore than I already have. Hopefully I'll be able to lose weight in the coming year, at least by 5 kg.
Anyway, coming to the real subject here, I got a fairly odd dream last night and it wasn't about Prince or even Law or Red or Victor or about any other guy in this blog.
It was about a guy in the hunger camp I went to in August who was the leader of that camp.
The main thing that I remember is that he liked me, or something like that, and he wanted to show me around his campus. While he was doing that, he had his arm around me the whole time and my head was on his chest the whole time.
Sick, I know.
But I felt really secure... somehow?
I think it's cause all this time, people have always been relying on me (even when they're supposed to be the one to lead the way) and I have never felt comfortable putting a job in anyone's hands since I can't trust people to handle certain things easily.
For instance, with Isa and Yu, I can't trust them with our group project even though they're both older than me.
When I think about the dream I had last night, I can't help but wonder how it'll feel like to finally be able to depend on someone else and to feel like they can take care of me.
Mainly speaking about guys here.
But I guess this feeling will have to prolong for a while longer since I must concentrate on my studies.
I'll be able to see Prince soon! :) And for that I am really thankful for.
I must do my best to look prettier for him! :)
Friday, December 28, 2012
A week from now
I'll be preparing to go back to Milan which is a good thing although I am not exactly excited at the thought of leaving the comforts of home. I am, however, excited to finally do some work and studying cause there'll be less distractions there and I intend to be a super nerd up until the major exams.
Which means, I must do my best to not let my mind to fall into the temptation of being in a whirl because of Prince.
As cheesy as this sounds, I've been thinking about Prince everyday ever since I got back.
I'll forget him for two hours or so but then he'll suddenly reappear in my mind.
I really wish I wasn't such a shy person. I wish I could talk with him but then I don't know the right words to say and I might end up looking stupid.
Maybe I'll get the chance when I go back? Who knows?
I shall sleep early tonight. Hopefully I can get some serious work done tomorrow.
Which means, I must do my best to not let my mind to fall into the temptation of being in a whirl because of Prince.
As cheesy as this sounds, I've been thinking about Prince everyday ever since I got back.
I'll forget him for two hours or so but then he'll suddenly reappear in my mind.
I really wish I wasn't such a shy person. I wish I could talk with him but then I don't know the right words to say and I might end up looking stupid.
Maybe I'll get the chance when I go back? Who knows?
I shall sleep early tonight. Hopefully I can get some serious work done tomorrow.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Third time's a charm, among other things
I meant to post this up earlier but I didn't get to.
The thing here is, I dreamt about Prince again. And that was the night after the night I had the second dream. In other words, I dreamt about him 3 days in a row. Seriously, am I that attracted to him?
However, when I get back to university life, I am definitely not going to spend too much of my time focusing on him because I really want to study hard and I have so many things to attend to. I feel like crying and all but really there's no use to that.
In the wee morning hours of Boxing Day, my sisters and I became house elves (because we were clearing the dishes away and putting the house straight after the Christmas dinner) and we began talking about relationships and all of that since all of them are currently (more or less) in a relationship and they all have a whole lot of experience.
Yeah, initially I felt jealous and whatnot but then Skye said that we shouldn't expect things too much and one way or another, the right one will come along. Rainie also chimed in since it really happened to her. Somehow, their words put me at rest.
Thus, and I hope, I won't be too shallow minded and I will not concentrate too much on these things. As much as I want to be in a relationship, if it isn't meaningful and if it doesn't improve myself, then there isn't much use for me to be in one.
I think, for now, it's okay to harbour a minor crush on Prince but I really shouldn't expect too much unless something does happen. And, I guess, it's okay to hope for something but I shouldn't really expect for something to suddenly happen.
I shall now go off to sleep and hopefully I'll be able to do my project tomorrow.
The thing here is, I dreamt about Prince again. And that was the night after the night I had the second dream. In other words, I dreamt about him 3 days in a row. Seriously, am I that attracted to him?
However, when I get back to university life, I am definitely not going to spend too much of my time focusing on him because I really want to study hard and I have so many things to attend to. I feel like crying and all but really there's no use to that.
In the wee morning hours of Boxing Day, my sisters and I became house elves (because we were clearing the dishes away and putting the house straight after the Christmas dinner) and we began talking about relationships and all of that since all of them are currently (more or less) in a relationship and they all have a whole lot of experience.
Yeah, initially I felt jealous and whatnot but then Skye said that we shouldn't expect things too much and one way or another, the right one will come along. Rainie also chimed in since it really happened to her. Somehow, their words put me at rest.
Thus, and I hope, I won't be too shallow minded and I will not concentrate too much on these things. As much as I want to be in a relationship, if it isn't meaningful and if it doesn't improve myself, then there isn't much use for me to be in one.
I think, for now, it's okay to harbour a minor crush on Prince but I really shouldn't expect too much unless something does happen. And, I guess, it's okay to hope for something but I shouldn't really expect for something to suddenly happen.
I shall now go off to sleep and hopefully I'll be able to do my project tomorrow.
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