All the way home

And no, I don't mean it in the sexual way hahahaha.

I honestly, honestly thought that today would be a very bad day. Why? I only got two hours or so of sleep and I didn't have much for breakfast.

When I got to class, the professor wasn't there (she came late, typical Italian timing) and by the time I got in line so that she could check my work, I was number 12 and I wanted to finish early so that I could go back home fast and sleep.

Well, guess what?

I gave up my 12th spot to another for the 19th and again from the 19th to the 24th. Why? Because I rather see myself suffer than see others in torture, especially if they have better things to do than me.

But I actually felt less depressed and much better after doing those small tiny acts of kindness. I even gave a homeless woman some coins because I'm sure she's way more hungry than I am. It felt good to give back to the world.

Also, I talked with both Tia and Rosa today (on separate occasions that is) about Prince and they both thought that he wasn't pissed off with me, just that he was in a bad mood. Tia even went so far as to think that he's interested in me and he's in a conflict with a girl or with Carl about me and yes, that would be a fantasy but I highly doubt it. It really made me feel better to talk about these things with someone, although I was positively blushing the whole time. I can't believe that I can blush so easily these days. I never could when I was a child and oh how my younger self wished she could and now she can. You happy now?

But anyway, how does all of this relate to Prince?

First off, he came only in the afternoon and I didn't want to believe it at first (since I got such a short glimpse of him) but I know that I can't mistake him for another person. He confirmed his presence for me though, by writing his name on the blackboard.

I have a feeling that he kind of overheard my conversation with either Tia or Rosa but I also doubt it since we were talking in low voices in front of the class while he was sitting at the back.

After my turn, I just knew I wanted to talk and apologise to him. It's because I watched a YouTube video last night, a motivational one, about how we can make ourselves better by thinking "How do I make today the best day of my life?" so I was eager to try it out.

Besides, my lack of sleep prevents any rational thinking so it was the perfect time despite the rising fear in my heart.

I actually had two choices.

1. To exit through his side (since he was sitting next to the main door).
2. To exit through the back door. Which has Carl. Who suddenly came back. After having finished his turn 2 hours ago. =-=;

Naturally I actually wanted to avoid Prince's door but thanks to Carl, I chose option 1. Luckily.

So I was opening the door, carrying a heck load of things with me, thinking that Prince would probably not notice me but he actually stopped to look at me and my insane amount of baggage for awhile and I took that as a 'Go' sign to talk with him. And thus, I did.

I can't remember exactly how it went but I'm sure I opened it up with a "Prince, I'm really sorry about yesterday." and I probably added "I'm sure you were in a bad mood" and "I'm sorry for always annoying you" to that mixture as well to which he responded in mumbles of "No, no" and I think I even heard him say either "It was my fault" or "It's not your fault".

But what made me smile all the way home was the fact that the second I spoke to him, he grinned and his eyes were the same friendly looking eyes like last time.

It really seemed like the smile of an angel's and if I had been alone in the hallway, I tell you I would've cried in relief and joy.

Really.

I immediately felt a weight being lifted from my shoulders and I felt my face lighting up and I smiled back at him and the eye contact we made was magical again.

He had very positive body language as well; his whole upper part turning to face me as we talked.

I forgot to mention two things about the Switzerland trip.

While we sat side-by-side on the first night, he had a very open body language with me, sitting with his legs wide apart and him sinking in his seat so I know that he was comfortable sitting next to me.

Also, I had a really long dream about him that first night and I don't know about what. I had another dream about him last night as well but I don't know about what either.

But anyway, I am just super relieved and happy and glad and overjoyed that he grinned at me.

And I will stop here for today because I am tired and I think I will cook dinner now and then sleep and then wake up and take a shower before working. I really need to rest and I think my body clock is seriously out of whack now.

Thank you so much, God, for today. :)

Maybe the weather controls me

I wanted to post this up yesterday but my wifi was being crazy with me again so ha-ha-ha. =-=

Actually, nothing much happened yesterday.

He sat in the front row for once (I'm actually even more surprised that he turned up for that lecture) and he sat to  my north east but I controlled myself from looking at him too often.

During the break, he went in front to talk with the lecturer while I stayed at my desk because I wanted to finish my sketch for the tea house that we have to design.

One thing that I'm certain is that he doesn't hate me or anything like that because (and yes, even though this fact is insignificant) he leaned against the table next to mine. Then, he went of with some friends.

When break time was ending, I rubbed my hands together since it was starting to get really chilly and when he walked in and sat down, he also did the same and I felt like he was copying me. Also, I heard him crack his knuckles and that was the first time I ever heard anyone else except me cracking their knuckles. (I sound crazy, I know, for noticing all these tiny things).

I also felt like he wanted me to approach him at the end of the morning lecture but the feeling wasn't strong. In the afternoon though, he didn't sit in front and I thought that he didn't go for the lecture but when the lecture ended and I went in front of the classroom, I think he came along as well but I'm not sure about that since I didn't look at him at all but the next time I did, he was gone.

We both wore hoodies yesterday hahaha. A faded dark blue one at that. And most certainly, I did not look good at all yesterday.

I wasn't in the best of moods either yesterday and the weather then was really cold, wet and not really comfortable to be in.

But today, I felt different, at the very least, I felt a bit more happier than yesterday.

Maybe it's because I baked profiteroles today (I feel happy when I bake :D) or maybe because the sun was shining brightly today, but I just felt like no matter how crappy I'll be today, I'll be able to take things in a stride and be happy by the end of this day.

He came late for class but it didn't really matter since he was there. I felt like he looked at me every now and then and I came close to him and retreated from him at intervals as well.

And as much as I want to deny it, I baked the profiteroles for him, so that he could taste them. But I kept giving them out to people and so by the time I only had one left, he was just passing by a metre in front of me so I called out "Prince! Have one!" and stretched out my hand that was holding the container and he took the last profiterole and I don't remember him saying anything (maybe he said "Thanks") because I just remember making eye contact with him and looking at him slowly forming a smile, though it wasn't a big one.

He then walked back to the group he was talking with and I just watched him take a bite out of it and I had to look away otherwise I'd be smiling and grinning too stupidly. Tia also texted me, thanking me for the profiterole, and said "Prince is going to enjoy it :)" not knowing that I did give it to him and I just squealed for goodness knows what. Thank goodness I was already at home that time.

To get my nerves out though, I offered one to Carl and then he began talking with me about Bamboo tablets (It was around this time when Prince passed by in front of me). I actually thought that he lost interest in me already but looks like my suspicion has been raised to 80% already. I'm treating him nicely like a friend though. I treat all guys the same way.

But now, I honestly couldn't care what other people might say, I want to pay a bit more attention to Prince when I talk with him. I want to talk with him more and even if he can obviously see that I'm interested in him, I won't care too much and just persevere. One must be brave in facing risks, even if it will hurt you.

Also, I got a dream about Prince again last night. I really can't remember how it went but I am thankful that I got that dream somehow. I hope that it means something good.

His last day of formal college education

Which means that he won't be going to college anymore.


He'll only be coming back in May when he sits for his A2 examination.


I feel quite okay about it but I know that I will not feel that excited about school anymore.


Time will definitely pass by so slowly now that I no longer have the first and the second break to look forward to.


I'm going to miss seeing him and hearing his voice.


Anyway...


Our club held our Farewell/Welcoming party today after school and sadly, only three seniors came (Law, Angel and Ray).


It was a bit sad but we made the party work partly cause we have an awesome club teacher, Ms Dee. :)


At first when the three of them first came, I felt a bit awkward so I didn't dare to go near them and I only went to the table after everyone was there.


Then, I coordinated the ice-breaking game and I noticed that whenever I talked, he looked at me and grinned.


Of course, I didn't dare to look at him.


Even Helen said that when she kept her eye on him, she saw him look at me over the rim of his cup when he was drinking and that he smiled whenever I spoke.


I was a bit scared to approach him especially when I had to give the seniors and Ms Dee a slice of the cake that I baked (which looked like a total mess thanks to the unsuccessful caramel icing =-=;).


He was the last one that I gave a cake to.


I said "Law" and gave him his plate and he said "Thank you" and I think he smiled.


After that, we ate some more and then we played "The Box".


"The Box" is a game where you choose a topic from a box and then you give your opinion about it. Then, you pick who you want to choose the next topic to talk about.


I kept on waiting for my turn cause I wanted to get a really awesome topic but somehow, no one seemed to choose me.


Then, Angel picked Law.


His issue: If you could, who would you want to have dinner with?


He took a long time to think and he finally said "Rascal Flatts" which drew questions from everyone and when Jean asked him who they were he said "You have sinned my child!"


Rascal Flatts is an American country band and I'm currently listening to all their songs starting from their first album Rascal Flatts.


They are really amazing, and I am impressed.


He has good taste in music. :)


Anyway...


After he finished answering, Ms Dee said "Okay, choose the next person."


Then, he turned to look at me, grinned and said "Beth."


"Beth."


I was a bit shocked but I reached out to take the box from him and proceeded to find my issue and I got the exact same question as him.


When I said that I got the same question, everyone was silent for a while and then I proceeded to take a different issue.


My issue: What would it take to impress your parents?


I said some crap that came out more emo than it should have and now I got people thinking that I have a screwed up life.


When it was time for the seniors to get their presents, they had to draw slips cause it was a lucky draw style.


At first, he didn't get my present.


Then since there were still a lot of presents, they had a second round of drawing the slips.


The second time, he did.


Crappy and cheesy I know, but, I felt like it was fate.


Really.


What was the probability that he'd get my present?


1 out of 9.


Jean also gave him one of the bookmarks that I drew and decorated and wrote.


She gave him the prettiest one and he read it right there and then and he tried to look for a name but I didn't write my name down cause you know, Jean asked us not to cause we weren't even sure who'd show up so the message was very general.


Anyway, at the end of the party, my friends kept on egging me to take a picture together with him but thankfully I refused and thankfully any embarrassing thing I almost did got stopped by people.


When people started leaving, I placed my bag on the table after the clean up and I sat down and started taking stuff out so that I could revise and I noticed that my seniors were still there.


Then Law announced that he was going to get his car so that he could send Angel and another senior, who joined us for the party, to their car cause it was raining so he went ahead. Then, Angel talked with me.

Angel: Oh, you're not going home yet?

Me: Oh no. I go home at 6.

Angel: *Shocked face* Why?

Me: My brother finishes school at that time.

Angel: Where do you live?

Me: I live at xxx.

Angel: Oh. I'm only going to yyy.

Ray: Me and Law are driving to xxx.

Angel: Do you think you can send her?

Ray: Which part do you live?

Other senior: She lives near the zzz area.

Me: It's about a 5 minute drive from the venue where we held the Election Board party.

Then before he could even agree or disagree, someone interrupted our conversation.

I was almost sent home by Law.

So close.

So close.

But it's kind of a good thing that I didn't get sent home by him.

I talked with Ms Dee after that cause her ride was late and somehow we got around to the love topic.

Ms Dee: So, do you have someone special?

Me: No. But, I like someone...

Ms Dee: Really? From which class? 1st class? 2nd class?-

Me: Actually, he's a year 2.

Ms Dee: Who?! Tell me, I know all of them.

Me: He was here just now.

Ms Dee: Do I know him?

Me: Yes.

Ms Dee: Is it Ray??? (Me: *Shakes head*) No, he's not your type. (How did she know?!) Who is it?

Me: He was here just now.

Ms Dee: Who?

Me: He sat between Angel and Ray just now.

Ms Dee: *Gasps* OH! You mean Law? (Me: *Nods*) He's a really kind guy but when you get together with him, you must make him know God (cause he's kind of a non-believer).

Me: Of course!

She had to go after that cause her ride came and she said that I could always go to her if I had any questions about stuff like these cause she has had "a lot of experience".

Notice she said "when you get together with him".

It's like she really expects me to get together with him.

That we'll end up together.

:)

Also, I know now that at least he doesn't hate me or find me annoying or is avoiding me.

He's a really nice guy.

I felt like he expected me to do something.

The way he said my name, it felt special.

He actually pronounced my real name in the correct way even though most people pronounce it wrongly (and I'm more used to being called with the wrongly pronounced name).

I love hearing his voice.

And I love hearing him say my name.

I wish I could hear him every day.

I'd go into more details and stuff but it's already 1 am here so I have to go now.

I must seriously start to change for the better for him.

I hope that we will continue to work on whatever relationship we have right now. :)

Going to miss him seeing him at school.

The Grin

Okay.


Let me go through this chronologically and I hope that I'll get to remember every single detail as tired as I am right now.


During the second break, Law had to take his class photo wearing an office outfit and somehow, I really wanted to see him in that kind of outfit because, that was kind of what he wore when I first met him at the Mooting competition last year.


So as I was going down the stairs to the ground floor, I saw that he was standing in front of the staircase, talking with his friends and so I looked at him.


And then, he looked at me as well.


And as usual, I averted my eyes but when I looked back at him, he was looking elsewhere so I just took a deep breath and continued walking towards the canteen.


Then, I chose a seat where I could see him from the canteen and then Elva and Jean joined me.


Then, June came up to me and said "You guys should come and sit over here where Anne (another friend of mine who knows about Law) is. She's alone."


I must tell you, I was torn between remaining at my seat and sitting with Anne and June but then I remembered what Barney said and I quote "Bros before hoes" so I got up and dragged Jean with me to sit with Anne and June.


We made small talk after that but we kind of focused on eating lunch.


Then, I saw Law pass by and he sat at a table two tables away in front of me with his back facing me cause he was talking with his friends.


When I looked away to my left, I saw Susie (one of my seniors who took care of my group during the Leadership Camp) and then I got all happy and stood up, clutching Catching Fire in my hands.

Me: Susie! *She turned around and looked at me* Here you go!

Susie: Oh! Thank you so much!

Me: Your welcome! I'm so sorry I had it for such a long time and I only gave it to you now.

Susie: Oh, it's okay.

Me: I 'll give you Mockingjay as soon as I finish reading it and I'm very close to finishing it already.

Susie: Oh, thank you!

Jean: Oh, you like Hunger Games as well?

Susie: Yes.

Me: Are you going to go watch it this Thursday? I think the weekends are probably fully booked already.

Jean: Thursday's the premier right?

Me: Ya, but I only got us the third show at 6.10 pm.

Susie: Oh, I'm going to watch it on Friday.

And somehow, it got a bit awkward cause I was talking with Susie and Jean was kind of interrupting our conversation so in order to not make it awkward I said "Bye" to Susie in a happy voice and she smiled back before walking away.

To Law's table.

I have no idea why I was just staring at her from the moment she walked away but when she sat down beside Law and started talking about stuff, it took me a full minute to realise she was talking with him.

And that he was holding Catching Fire with his two hands.

I think she handed it to him before she sat down and began talking with him.

And I also have no idea why, but, I just kept on looking at the both of them talking and smiling and laughing.

And that was when the unexpected happen.

Law did a full 180 degree turn to face behind him and then he looked at me.

And he gave me a huge grin.

It took my brain a long time to process this thought and I'm still not sure what emotion was portrayed on my face when that happened (most probably shock).

But the next thing I knew, I bent my head down and I sought for the shelter of the crook of my arm.

And I was blushing.

Since I'm not really fair or anything, when I blush, it's not really that obvious but when I finally looked up (the head bending thing probably lasted for only 5 seconds but it felt like hours), my cheeks were feeling hot.

I know that I wasn't dreaming because June and Anne were there.

The minute he grinned at me, both of them said "OMG BETH HE'S SMILING AT YOU."

And then they both proceeded to console me by saying that he indeed looked at me and smiled at me.

I knew my blush was serious because June said to me "OMG BETH YOU'RE BLUSHING!!!" and when I reached up to touch my cheeks, they were extremely hot. 

My whole face was hot.

And they remained hot all the way till school ended.

Now when I touch my cheeks, I'm wondering, how the hell did they get so freaking hot?!

Law turned to face the front after that and began reading the book by opening the pages slightly and he continued to hold it when Susie went to buy her food up till the moment Susie returned with her food.

Anyway, when Law got up to leave and passed by me, I realised that I needed to find Angel to give her her invitation to the party on Saturday so I got up and after sending my plates to the basin, June and I began to walk to the main entrance.

I thought that Law would be way ahead of me by then but there he was, right in front of me as we were climbing up the stairs.

He got off at the third floor with his friends though while June and I continued to go up but I somehow felt like I was being watched but I didn't dare to look down.

And that's that.

I can't believe I acted so stupidly like a huge fool in front of him.

I should've smiled back at him, give him two thumbs up (which is what I normally do) and then I should have tried to strike up a conversation with him regarding Catching Fire.

That book now has his essence all over it. XD

But in a way, I was being me but I just hope that he doesn't think I'm rude.

Because there are two possible things that he might have thought of then.

A] He thought I was rude and weird.

B] He knows I like him.

I was clutching my face and head so much that another one of my seniors (let's call her Blair) had to ask me if I was under stress or something. So I told her about what happened in a summarised form but I left out his name.

Then she said, "Why don't you just say "Hi!" the next time you see him?" to which I responded by saying "He-He's a scary guy."

And then I turned around and fled.

Okay, I'll just stop here for now cause it's almost 12.30 am and I'm getting my SPM results in 10 hours and I need to look presentable at least.

I hope that I'll get another chance like this and I pray that I won't be stupid then.

His smile really made my day and just thinking about what happened makes me super happy. :)


PS. I actually really wanted to give Susie the book yesterday but looks like it was a good thing I didn't. God had different plans for me. My lecturers told me that I will be awarded with happiness while we were attending morning prayer. Looks like it came true! :)


Also, June said I look a bit like Ivy. Whaaaaaaat?