Confirmed

Yesterday when Yu and I were making our model in the laboratory, Prince and Carl walked in and at first they tried to look for another place to sit but since only Yu and I's table were free, they had to settle there. Prince sat closest to me but I wasn't there most of the time anyway.

We only talked a bit at the end, like regular classmates, but he looked like he wanted to say something to me as he was leaving.

I have no idea whether or not he hates me for liking him but to be sure, I know for sure that he has a girlfriend.

When Carl came over to me today and started to talk with me, I asked where Prince was.

"Oh, he went to Torino."
"For what?"
"Oh we went to Torino with his girlfriend."

There you go.

Tia overheard the conversation and she tried to console me as much as she could even though she was so tired as she didn't sleep yesterday due to our assignment (the deadline was thankfully pushed to this coming Tuesday).

I have no idea what I'm doing now.

Now that I don't have much to occupy my time with, I am more aware of this fact more than ever.

If only I freaking had the courage to talk with him last year or even earlier on this year since he just got together with her or something like that.

Oh gosh why. Why why why why why don't I learn from my past mistakes?????????????

At this moment I am having an emotional war between my rational and sensible side (there are other guys in this world) and my crazy and stupid side (WHY WAS I SO STUPID TO NOT MAKE FRIENDS WITH HIM LAST YEAR????)

Okay, I really can't afford to rant everything out here and neither can I produce any tears now. They're all just in one big heap of a mixture inside me and I feel like I have temporarily lost any motivation and hope to live.

I will come around soon, hopefully.

I guess for now I just need to find something to distract me.

And I guess it's too late to say this but Prince, I like you.

Screwed up... big time maybe

So yesterday I came a bit late to Maths class with Xia so I immediately took the vacant front row seat at the side of the hall because I didn't want to make too much hassle by going to the middle where Yu was. I actually only noticed her when I took my seat so yeah.

A few minutes later, Prince came in and he took the seat next to me but we were separated by the aisle so technically we weren't really sitting next to each other.

I wanted to talk with him during our short break but I didn't have the guts to and Tia came over to my place so I ended up talking with her while he went off to talk with some other guys. I guess he's getting closer to Carl since there isn't anyone else that he talks to much, not even Acia's friend. Acia's still not back yet, I guess he must be missing her.

Then when we resumed the lesson, I did my best to pay attention but I felt really sleepy. At one point, when I tried to uncap my pen, it flew off to his direction and landed under his chair. He picked it up for me and I said 'Thank you' and gave him a smile but he looked really wary of me for some reason.

I didn't do that on purpose, really. I wouldn't want to get a guy's attention in that way.

Then as soon as it was lunch break, I asked him how long had he been sick for (since he was sniffling throughout class) and if he was on medication to which he gave really short answers and the atmosphere after that was kind of awkward.

I changed my seat after that to sit next to Yu and when I got out of class, I stupidly went in the same direction as him but I pretended to not notice him so I walked faster and pretended to look like I was in a real hurry or something.

I think I was angry with him and really, why should I get angry with him? He didn't do anything wrong to me.

I really feel like I pissed him off and I want to say sorry to him but June said that me asking him about his health already shows that I am highly interested in him so I'm thankful I didn't listen to Helen's advice about chatting him up on Facebook.

But then again, why do I have to be discreet about whether or not I like him? Why can't I just be honest?

I don't know the rules of the game at all.

On one hand, I want to chat with him and on the other I don't want to appear too eager or anything like that.

I really don't know.

It's like I was making progress and then I cut down every single bit that I had done and now I'm at the starting point again.

My mind is so messed up now. I don't know how to make this better.

I guess I'll never be good enough for guys that are my type.

Why does it always turn out this way?

Dream Boy

I keep dreaming about him lately and all of those dreams were good dreams.


Throughout this past holiday, I've been thinking about everything I did and looking back now I realise that I've came a long way considering the fact that I was previously in an all girl's school and that I barely communicated with guys.


I also finally truly realise how obvious I was.


And then when I realised that, I realised that he treated me very nicely throughout this whole time and whenever I was near him.


I realised that he always does smile when I talk and that he is definitely more hyper when he's around me.


When I watched Spongebob Squarepants today, it was his voice ringing in my ears when the theme song came out and I smiled cause I remembered the time that he and Ray sang it while we were cleaning up the Election Board room (it was only the three of us).


Anyway, I narrowed it down to four three conclusions.


1. He's very flattered that someone likes him and he wants to play around a bit.
2. He's being nice to me cause he knows that I'll be hurt if he just rejects me.
3. He doesn't mind me liking him.
4. He's interested in me as well.


Just putting the fourth one up there cause I have to be somewhat true to myself.


I don't know if I should text him good luck tomorrow.


I probably will but I'm going to ask for my sisters' opinions and Helen and June's opinions as well.


I mean, if I've already dug a hole for myself, I should just go ahead and make it deeper right?


Taking chances as usual.


He's making me change for the better though and that's a plus.


Hopefully my face will clear up more before I see him in two days time cause I don't want him to laugh at me although I highly doubt he will cause he is such a nice guy.


I wish I didn't screw up our friendship's beginning.

I've been punked?

Cutting things short (cause it's late and all my initial happy energy had disappeared), Law replied my text literally the minute he got out from his test.


This was how it went.

Me: Good luck for your trials tomorrow Law. :) You can do it!

Law: Haha thanks im gonna need it. Trials was hell lol. Good luck for your too, abit late haha but it would have to do.

Me: I bet it was since it was Chemistry. XD In what way is it late? Our exams haven't started. Thank you! :)

The end.

The amazing thing is that when Angel replied to my "Good Luck" text, she only said "Thank you!!!  :) ".

Why is that amazing?

It's cause I've talked more and communicated more with Angel then I have with Law and he replied me with a long text and he even wished me good luck even though I'm not sitting for any test currently.

And the text that I sent Angel was even longer than the one that I sent to Law.

And so I got excited and I thought that he'd reply me but he didn't.

Was it because I said "Thank you!!!" at the end, which could imply that I don't want to text with him anymore?

But I asked him a question didn't I?

And again, how sure can I be that he knows it's me? I mean, does he know that that's my number? Shouldn't he know that only the year twos are having trials now? So, does that mean he thinks I'm someone else?

But in my first message, I already implied that it was "his" trials and not mine so shouldn't that say that I'm not taking my test?

Yes, these thoughts were plaguing my mind and now it has me thinking that he's pranking me.

But he's a really nice guy and I don't think that he'd do that.

But yet again, the words he used to text me were slightly different then usual that is, if I compare them to the comment he made on my status.

Also, I just found out that I'm no longer the only year one from the Election Board who's his Facebook friend and I feel quite upset because of that.

Maybe that's the girl who likes him as well.

You know what? Maybe I'm over thinking too much.

I'm just going to think believe that he knows it was me who sent the text and that he's too busy studying to reply.

Also, since he did reply to the text, this means that it'll be okay if I comment on certain stuff that he posts up and like them (not all the time of course) and this also means that he doesn't hate me and that I can say "Hi" to him at school.

Summer said that him sending me a long text is a good sign but it's too early to say anything for sure.

She said "If some random person texted me 'Good Luck' I would have said 'Haha thanks' but that would be all."

I must think good thoughts about him!

Even my prediction says so: Happiness can be found with someone near when you look closely and discover the good in their heart.

I must remember how happy I felt when I got his text.

I literally rolled around and squealed to June and then I told Jean, Lee Anne, Elva, Sasha and another girl who is Elva's classmate and Jean, Lee Anne and Sasha kept on complaining that I only listened to Ariel (the classmate whom I always sit with in class and who knows about Law) because thanks to her, I got the courage to text Law.

Anyway, I must sleep now cause it's almost half-past two in the morning.

Night.

Must not think too much!!!!!

After the introspection

I'm back from celebrating m grandpa's birthday at my village. :)


He's 75 years old already and I feel so thankful that he's still alive.


True to my words, I gave a lot of thought on my feelings for Law while I was in my village.


Heck, I was already thinking of him when the journey started and I didn't even stop thinking about him throughout the journey.


While my family and I were inspecting the construction site for our kind-of mountain resort, I indulged myself in the fresh air and beautiful scenery and sky and began to just free my mind from studies and every other worry and just thought about Law.


I thought about the way he smiled, the way he is around his friends, the times when we were so close to each other, the first time we were properly introduced, the time both of us were in Leadership Camp and so many other things.


I was still clueless on what to do so I went to sleep last night with a lot of questions in my head and his face in my mind.


Today, my mother asked me to go to the shop our family owned to go buy 10 kg worth of rice for our dog (yes, we feed them rice and other scraps) and to also buy groceries that we need for our home back in the city.


I bought a whole lot of stuff and when I was done, my aunt at the counter asked if we were going to stop by for it later on but then I said I was going to take it down and she looked at me doubtfully.


I wish I had took back my words because the box I had to carry was really really really heavy. Thank goodness my grandparents house was downhill.


Still, the box was so heavy I had to take two pauses along the way and people were staring at me.


I kept on encouraging myself saying that if I could just carry the box all the way to the house, I'd get a chance with Law.


When I was just 50 meters away from the gate, my arms couldn't take it anymore and I did my best to let the box down carefully but then all the items spilled out and I had to run after a bottle of ketchup that thankfully did not break.


For a moment, I just sat there feeling defeated.


But I knew that I had to just do it and I managed to carry it all the way up to the house after I took one last break.


If I could take a guess, I'd estimate that box to be about 25 kg and the area in contact with my arms was small so the pressure was really big.


On our way to our home in the city, I finally realised what I went through while I was carrying that box.


In a sense, that was how my crush on Law started.


Initially, I kept on telling myself that I shouldn't like him, that I should only have a crush on him, because there was only a slight possibility that he'd like me as well.


The parts where I paused were the times when I had utterly no confidence in myself.


The part where the box fell down is where I am right now.


And, if I want to succeed, I must grit my teeth, bear the pain and go through all the way.


In other words, I'm not going to stop liking him even if other girls do like him.


I have the freedom to choose who I want to like and if he doesn't like me now, who knows in the future, he'll be the one chasing after me.


So, Law, I like you and I will wait for you no matter how heavy this box is.


PS. My love prediction today all states that tomorrow will be a good day for relationships to blossom.


Also, I got this: Next weekend you'll be pleasantly surprised by your admirer.


Well, next weekend will be the Election Board party where Law will be (and also the Orange House party where Roy will be). I hope it meant Law and I will definitely make the most of this week and the next as Law will be gone within two weeks.


I wonder if I'll cry.

For sure, it wasn't a dream.

He replied to my SMS last night.


Yes, I am still a bit in shock.


"Oh no, don't fret bout it. Thanks for asking."


I can analyse his words in many ways but the main point here is that he doesn't hate me.


Also, he cares enough to send me back a reply even though it was sent 40 minutes after I pressed the "sent" button.


"No problem.  :) "


I took 10 minutes racking my brains, trying to find the perfect sentence to use to reply to his message and that was the safest bet even though I wanted to risk asking "What are you doing now?" but that might have been a bit too much.


Today, I saw him during both of the breaks even though I didn't really expect to see him.


That was cause during the first break, I had to go for a mini Public Speaking Club meeting about what we were going to do for the club meeting tomorrow.


We were about to finish when I happened to glance to my right and then I saw him.


Looking at me.


And then, I looked away immediately.


I noticed that whenever I catch a glimpse of him looking at me, it's always me who looks away.


I won't do that anymore.


I'll just look back and give him a smile.


Continuing on, I turned to look in front and was about to read Catching Fire when Jean just pulled the book away and began reading it.


She's a bit rude, I know but that's just her being a kid.


So I started to holler at her cause she was literally running away with the book and I really wanted to read it so I kept blackmailing her with her handphone but in the end, I had to chase after her, screaming like a cow.


And almost throughout that time, Law was within earshot of the whole commotion.


In the end, I said to Jean, "Thank you for ruining my reputation in front of the entire school."


I'm pretty sure Law heard me say that because he was right behind me.


So I turned towards the staircase and started to go up even though the bell hasn't rung yet.


When I looked behind, I saw that Law and his friends were also coming up and I wanted to hasten my steps but instead, I began reading Catching Fire to slow me down a bit and I slowed down so much that Law almost caught up to me.


Then, when I was about to reach the top of the stairs, Ray called out to me and we began talking about the Election Board party and Law walked right pass by so I got a bit sad cause I had to keep the conversation going so I couldn't say "Hi" to him.


During the second break, I sat at our table first since I got out of class earlier. Then, some friends came and sat with me before June came and sat with me.


When I looked up, I saw that Law was sitting in front of me, a table away.


My mind went "Hasn't this happened before?"


Even Sasha commented that I somehow always get "strategic places" but I chose those seats in the first place.


Okay, so maybe I know where he likes to sit most of the time but that doesn't mean he'll always sit somewhere near there.


My friends and I waited around a bit when the bell rang off and I noticed that his group did the same and they only left when we left.


Anyhow, I need to get going to sleep. :)


Night.


PS. Roy tried to sit near me today but I really showed him that I wasn't interested and I feel kind of mean for doing that but at least I'm not giving him hope or leading him on or anything like that.

Stuck

I really don't know what to do with my limited courage and unimpressive communication skills to get to talk to him.


Today, I thought he wasn't going to come to school but then June went and checked in his lecture hall and lo and behold, he was there.


She's got guts that girl.


Did I mention that she actually read this entire blog in one day the minute I gave her the link?


Thanks for reading this. And thank you so much for finding it interesting! :)


So about Law...


I felt like he purposely sat at a place where he was facing me during the first break.


Ray usually sits next to him and I noticed that when he was about to join Law, he gave me a look.


Most probably it's because I was sitting alone as all my other friends had to sit for their Malaysian Studies examination so they skipped the first break to study.


When that break was over and I placed my dishes into the basin, I went to the main stairs and started to go up slowly while reading the Star Wars book.


As I was going up the third flight of stairs, I heard one of my senior's voice from behind so I naturally went to the side to let him pass by but strangely enough, it took him quite some time to pass by.


When he did, he passed by with Law.


I bet I freaking looked like a nerd.


During the second break, June said that he smiled at her at the beginning of the break and I have no idea why.


He sat right in front of me with his back turned at the opposite table but I noticed that he kind of kept on turning his head to the back after turning to face his back once and throughout that time, he was smiling and grinning a lot.


Then, we had to leave early so I felt a bit sad.


I went after June to tell her that Helen and I had to go up first and after I told her, I turned around and I think I saw that Law was looking at me but I can't be too sure.


Now, I'm in a position where I don't know if I should still like him or not or make the first move or not.


Cause the sooner I delay this, the more depressed I'll get, the more crazier I'll become and then I might do something I might regret.


Prediction of the day: The Star - Hope (Orthotopic) You will encounter an ideal candidate and start of a sweet romance. Both of you are dedicated to the relationship. And at the same time, the friendship between you two will transform into the spirit of love.


Apparently, tomorrow will be a good day for me with Virgos (namely Law).


Let's hope it'll end up that way.