I really believe that SME is extremely good at giving their idols very good images. Ordinary fans and new fans will be immediately enchanted by the good boys and good girls who are extremely gorgeous and talented. Sasaeng fans know better on the other hand.
I read up some more facts about EXO now and although most of the facts all show them in a good light, I know that there's no way that they can be that perfect.
But I have no idea why I keep on seeing Lay in a good light.
I tried to look for bad stuff about him in vain and overall he really does sound like a perfect guy.
Is it because he's Catholic?
That's another rumour that has yet to be confirmed but so far, that's what everyone says.
But if he is so good and mature and kind... I don't know. It makes me think that he's really really really like a unicorn, an example of a very rare guy.
I don't know why but I kind of give up on the idea of ever dating, not like I want to.
Because seriously, despite my good personality, skills and above average looks, what guy would date me if they knew that I completely refuse the idea of sex before marriage?
Call it general stereotyping, but isn't it true that most guys are in relationships because they want to have sex?
Well, in general, Western guys are more open about it than Asian guys but I don't know. I still think Asian guys are more conservative and are against the sex before marriage thing.
Maybe that's why I'm only attracted to Asian guys. Because of the conservative thing.
Lately whenever I pass by people while walking, the thought that they've all already, probably, have slept with someone if they're already above the age of 13 pops into my head.
It gets even worse when I see guys because all that I ever think is that they just can't wait to get inside someone's pants, regardless of gender according to their own preference.
It's a really bad and judgemental thought but I can't help but think that way. It's really hard to force yourself to think in a nicer manner once you've got that thought running in your head.
And so, only for the moment hopefully, I am completely turned off at the idea of getting a boyfriend, much less if some guy likes me.
I'm currently content with just thinking that Lay is a perfect guy and that I'm in an imaginary relationship with him.
Maybe that's why I'm attracted to guys who look like girls and have such an innocent and awkward image. It's because I think that their sexual drive is lower, not like that's for sure or anything.
Assumptions, assumptions.
I will turn 20 in less than three months and I can then officially say that I have never had a relationship while I was in my teens, which is what most of my friends had already.
Yes, I feel sad at that thought because I can't ever do any of those things that I read in mangas or watch in animes or movies or dramas but I feel a bit happy knowing that I didn't have to suffer intense heartbreaks and stuff.
But I really do feel sad that I never went out on a date during my teens.
No scenes of me shyly holding a guy's hand, or a first kiss, or excitedly texting someone, or calling each other till late at night. When will I ever get to do any of those things?
Is it too much to ask for a guy who's conservative, who I find attractive (physically, personally etc.) and will actually like me?
I'm pretty pathetic aren't I?
All my siblings, older and younger than me, has been in or is still in a relationship and yeah, I do feel left out.
But I don't want a boyfriend in order to fit in, please don't think like that.
.............................
I'm really going to live through life alone aren't I? I really hope not.
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