Guys in Milan

I think I'm developing a small crush on Ken now but this time I know that it's just a crush, an attraction based on shallow facts, and whether I like it or not, I'm not going to allow myself to take this seriously because for someone like me who feeds off romanticism and such, I'm ready at all times to fall into love which is really pathetic.

Also, while my group mates and I were waiting for our turn to have our desk critique yesterday, I walked inside the room (which isn't our usual one) and saw a guy who was just sitting there at the table, reading. He looks Japanese to me but Yu thinks he's Chinese because he had an electronic pocket dictionary with him.

He just fascinated me, the way that he was so absorbed in the book, reading each page carefully as if to fill up his thoughts with each word. He had black hair which was a bit shaggy and long so that they covered his eyes but he is pretty cute. The major turn-off is the fact that he smokes which I caught him doing while I was looking outside. Oh well, no one's perfect.

I think that Ken knows me, at the very least, and that he recognises me. I felt that he looked at me at certain points while his group was having their pin-up but I didn't dare rest my eyes on him for too long because if he caught me staring I wouldn't know what to do so instead I just stared at his other group mates. As he was leaving, he said 'ciao' to one of his friends which is also my friend and my tutor and my friend said 'ciao' back to him and in Italian culture, whether you've met that person for the first time or not, you would normally say 'ciao' back. So yeah, I feel a bit sad that I didn't.

Nevertheless, this isn't something serious so it's okay.

Got to sleep now, I'm really tired.

And it happens only now?

I finally dreamt about Lay properly today. Yes, not last night but today, when I went back to sleep after I snoozed my alarm clock.

What I remember clearly is that I was with some people (presumably my sisters and friends) when someone said it was time to greet the crowd so we went on stage and EXO was there too. I really have no idea why my sisters, friends, and I were there since I somehow knew it was a special stage for EXO but we got ushered in front so there we stood. Initially I was standing at the back but I got pushed forwards until I was in the front line and in the middle at that.

Then someone asked me to say the greeting and so I said it surprisingly enough, in Mandarin. And as soon as that happened, I heard someone snigger and I turned around to look and it was Lay and soon enough, everyone was laughing. And strangely enough, instead of what happens in typical Korean dramas, I laughed along and it was a pretty hearty laugh.

And that's when I heard someone say "How can you do that to your girlfriend?" and Lay was apologizing while still trying to hold back his laugh and just like that I felt this weird sense of clarity in me, as though I really thought I was his girlfriend.

I can't remember much now since it's late but yeah, it was pretty nice to get a dream about him.

And now to work.

Whisper of the Heart

耳をすませば - Mimi o Sumaseba.
It's a Studio Ghibli movie and it's become a new favourite to my list of Studio Ghibli favourite movies.

I've been watching Studio Ghibli movies non-stop for the past 2 weeks or so. I'm not too sure why but I think it's because I'm trying to find a part of me that's missing or that is still yet to be discovered.

When I watched this particular movie I couldn't help but think "Yes! This is what I want my own romance story to be like!" and yes I know it's a fairytale anime story but I really can't settle for negativity these days so I'm just going to be positive and hope that I too will find my soulmate.

Cheesy and corny through and through, I know, but that's just how my brain operates and probably the only thing that keeps me motivated throughout this long period.

I really love this movie. It makes me feel more alive somehow and more inspired to pursue my dreams and goals because maybe, just maybe, this will enable me to meet him one day.

Right, to shower and then to tackle my assignment. :D

It's all just attraction

Well I have a tiny crush on Ken now and it's just a crush, rest assured, not a real feeling. I think whenever I write these things I'm doing my best to convince myself that it's just a crush and not a real thing because otherwise I'll confuse both of them up.

I don't know, I just like the way he holds himself. When he presented his work to the class yesterday with the rest of his group mates, he didn't even interject them while they said their part (and my group mates kept interrupting me even though I never interrupted them) and when the professors were giving their opinion on the project, he just listened to them and slightly raised his eyebrows but overall he didn't even raise his voice or went against them.

I just think that he's sweet. He even stayed for a bit to look at our presentation and smiled when a joke was cracked but he left after that.

But I know that this is just a crush and that I have no chance whatsoever with him because I'm not a hot Italian girl, I can't speak a lot of Italian, and I'm pretty sure he has a girlfriend because he is too cute and well-mannered to not have one.

In any case, I'm not going to hunt for romance here in Italy because I really can't trust the people and myself here. I might end up going against my own beliefs and I somehow feel that it's much more safer in Asia than here, for goody-two shoes type girls like me.

So for now I'm just going to content myself by thinking of Lay. He always makes me more inspired and makes me feel more happier.

I really wish I could meet him or a guy like him in real life. I'm just going to have to believe that this is possible.

To not step beyond the border

To keep things short and simple (cause I need to go do my work after this) I will sum everything up that happened to me last Friday night during my friend's birthday party even though originally I wanted to make a long post. Anyway, let's see how this post will turn out.

Technically on that day I got a little bit more tipsier than usual but don't worry, I was still able to think clearly and to notice certain things around me.

I was dancing most of the time after the food and I noticed that guys were looking at me, in particular some of my Italian coursemates who never even talked much to me in the previous semester, and I wasn't even dancing like some sexy girl and I'm sure my moves were extremely uncool. My friends said it was because I had a tremendous amount of energy.

So tremendous that the entire room was staring at me. =-= Yeah, I'm still embarrassed as hell about it because one, that wasn't even a club but more like a bar.

And two, some guy just came over and started dancing with me. At first I thought he was dared to do so but apparently he wanted to dance with me because I was alone which happened a lot because my friends always left me. =-= I tried to stop several times but they wouldn't allow me to sit.

Those situations just made me more aware about what men, in general, wants. It makes me fear relationships even more and I really would just like to remain single for now. Their eyes really terrified me.

Anywho I'm going to go to another party this weekend (wow, I'm so popular suddenly OMG) and I hope that I won't cause something like that to happen again and yes, I'd love to dance again but I'd rather dance for myself than for other people. I don't mind dancing in a corner and being alone as long as I can dance.

Truthfully, I only started getting into dancing ever since I began liking Lay. I will do my best for him. My Chinese has also been going well. I really do hope that I can meet him and talk to him in Chinese but that's a long way from now.

Okay I will go take my shower soon, play a few games of candy crush, read and research, study Chinese, and then sleep. I have a feeling I'll only be sleeping at 2 but that's okay. :)

On a side note, I've become more wary of an Italian guy in my class, let's call him Ken, and I somehow think it's because of his personality. He's really quiet among people but more open to his friends and he doesn't boast and he is ready to admit his mistakes. It's also a bonus that he is quite cute; blonde hair and blue eyes. Although he is on the shorter side (I keep falling for guys shorter than me or those who are around my height :|), he really is attractive.

Rest assured though, I won't let this get to me. I have Lay already for that and I'll be waiting for someone like him. :)

And Carl on the other hand (just to let you guys know) is the complete opposite of Ken. He made a mistake during the pin-up review and when the professor corrected him, yet again, he refused to admit his fault.

Well anyway, that's all for now. I need to get my act together and to push harder for my dreams!

PS. Did I mention that the party this weekend will be partly for Carl?????????? Initially I decided to click the 'join' button on Facebook because it was to celebrate one of my guy friend's birthday but suddenly it became Carl's one as well. Let's just hope that I don't talk much with him.

Can anyone be more perfect?

I just watched Happy Camp, a show that airs in China, that had invited EXO to be on the show and throughout the whole time I couldn't help but notice just how unique Lay is.

I really don't know why but he carries such a pure and passionate aura around him and despite the fact that he is

Okay let me just list down a couple of reasons why I think he's so amazing.

One, when the host asked 'Who think's they're the main dancer?' he didn't even step out despite the fact that he is the main dancer for EXO-M.

And then in another segment when the host asked 'Who thinks they're the least (Edit: most, I meant most!) popular among girls?' he practically rushed to the last place but when other people wanted to take that place, he just gave it up to them and found somewhere else to sit.

So basically I noticed that he is extremely modest... But I really find that an amazing and rare quality to find in a guy. Most of the guys that I know to date are really full of themselves.

Not to mention, the way that he moves and holds himself and look out for others is just... Indescribable.

Seriously, I feel so happy when I just think of him, as though his pheromones reached me and yet I'm not even within the range of 100 km from him. Does that make sense?

Seeing him not only brightens my day but it also cheers me on to become a better person.

Right.

I will finish my work up after this and then I will practice writing some Chinese characters.

He really makes my day. :)

I just wish I could see more of him without being a sasaeng.

Even if he doesn't know

Even though he doesn't know that he's causing a really huge positive effect in me, I hope that at the very least he knows that he really does wonders for some of his fans.

Because of him I'm thinking and being more healthy and because of him assignments and tasks don't seem to bother me too much.

Thank you so much. I will work harder. :)

The Forever Train - Story II

You inhale and open your eyes.

The first thing you notice is the empty seat across you; the sunlight and shadows playing a game amongst themselves in a rapid tempo. Taking a look outside, you see foliage of various green shades and just beyond that you can make out hills and meadows.

Laughter fills the air and you can hear people chattering away. Of course, there’s someone crying, although why you had to reason it with an ‘of course’ leaves you wondering why. Regardless of the situation you are in and how you surprisingly feel like you have been sitting there forever, you have no clue how you got there.

As you sit pondering there, your hands neatly folded on your lap and your eyes entertained by the passing view, you notice a figure moving towards you and you look up.

It’s a boy with headphones in his ears wearing a black cap and a grey hoodie. He pauses for a while in the aisle, right next to the empty seat across you, and you find yourself hoping he will sit down. After all, all the other seats in this carriage are occupied but he moves on and disappears into the next car. Funny how the seating arrangements are two seats facing each other and not the usual four.

It strikes you as odd; you’ve never been on a train like this, but you didn’t have much time to think over this as a pretty boy with a fair complexion approaches you.

Again you find yourself hoping he will sit down since you’re starting to feel a little bit out of place, being the only soloist in the carriage, but he passes by again.

A third guy enters the carriage and starts looking around.

You sit straighter and realise your hair is a mess so you straighten it up a bit and pat your skirt neatly. As he walks down the aisle, you make eye contact with him and both of you exchange smiles.

“Hello.” You say.

“Hi.” He responds.

Before you can get another word out though, his attention is brought elsewhere and he spies an empty chair in the corner. He leaves without a word and you feel sad. It could have been him.

You turn your attention back to the passing scenery. No more hoping for someone to take the seat.

Other guys pass by in the corridor and some even pause near you but they don’t look like good company with that bottle of beer in his hand or that noisy looking toy in his pocket. Not once did you look up when they stopped until they finally leave but you just give them a quick glance before looking back at the scenery.

I have had enough for today.

You close your eyes as you feel the warmth of the sunshine bathing you in a sleepy stupor.

“Excuse me.”

Your eyes fly open and it takes a moment for you to register what is happening. The bright yellow light now pale yellow with, if you were seeing things right, flecks of gold and orange. A mysterious light indeed. Next to the empty seat across from you stands a guy in a grey jacket.

“Is this seat taken?”

You shake your head and smile at him, hoping it’d put him at ease and that he will occupy the seat. He returns the smile and placing his bag in the overhead compartment, he takes the seat across from you.

Both of you make eye contact and exchange smiles again before you both look out of the window.

You didn't get a clear look at his face but you remember that he has dark brown eyes and a dimple on his right cheek. Glancing from the corner of your eyes, you see that he has dark brown hair as well. In his hand he holds a book.

Looking down into your own hands, you realise you’re holding a book as well. Why didn’t I notice this before? Looking back up, you see that he is completely absorbed in nature’s beauty. You settle back in your chair and look outside again.

“Where are you going to?” Did he just ask you a question?

“Sorry, are you talking to me?”

“Well, you’re the only one here aren’t you?”

Until then, you didn’t realise that the entire carriage was empty except for the small compartment that both of you occupied. Somehow, that makes you feel happy. But then you also realise that that wasn’t the only thing that you didn’t notice.

“I don’t know actually.” He turns to look at you, his eyes wide in surprise.

“You don’t have a destination?”

“I have a ticket. That much I know, but I never checked it again after I got on here.”

“Guess you just know when you have to get off, huh?” He smiles at me and leans back in his seat. “Same here.”

He has big eyes and a straight nose. His lips look really full and he scratches his head when he forgets what he’s about to say. You like the flow of the conversation and in the mysterious golden light, he looks like a god. This stranger makes you feel comfortable.

At every moment you find yourself trying to sit straighter and you play with your hair constantly as words are exchanged. He mirrors your movements, straightening his jacket and fiddling with his hair.

“Hungry?” You ask and take out a wicker basket from under your seat, surprised you knew that it was there. He nods his head, never taking his eyes from the basket which produced a variety of sandwiches and a thermos filled with sweet tea. There is a slice of cake as well which the both of you polished off as soon as the sandwiches disappeared.

“Thank you,” he says with a childish grin. You can’t help but smile back. “You’re welcome.”

Silence fills up the space between both of you again as nightfall approaches and you find yourself getting sleepy and your head keeps bobbing up and down.

“Can I read what’s in your book?” His question catches you off-guard and you find yourself breaking out in a cold sweat despite not knowing the contents of the book exactly. You hesitate and look at him.

“Only if I can read yours.”

Striking a deal, an exchange of books took place and for the next hour or so, both of you poured your souls into reading the book in your hands.

“I’m sorry.” You look at him with tears in your eyes. He gives you a tired smile and places your book in his backpack. It doesn’t bother you that he just took it without asking you. You did the same anyway, keeping it in your backpack. “I’m sorry too.”

As the train pulls into a station both of you get out of the carriage and walk out of the building towards a quiet town.

In the shadows of the trees, walking down a familiar looking path, both of you continue to stride easily, side-by-side.

It appears you have arrived at a sea.

Both of you sit down on the sand and watch the white moonlit waves rolling, the wind making a mess of your hair, your hands entwined and your head on his shoulder. Silence again.

“I love you.”

He shifts slightly and you feel his fingers on your face, gently turning it so that your eyes meet again and as he lowers his lips to yours, you hear the words you know you have been searching for.

“I love you too.”

Maybe

I know this is some stupidly over-sized crush but I'm really falling for Lay now and it's partly due to my own imagination; thinking that he is what I think he is.

It's really bad. I'm at the point where I'm unable to do anything but think of him.

Hopefully it'll go away soon. This feeling that is.

I want to play the guitar so badly. I think it'd help me to forget a bit about him.

Do unicorns exist?

I really believe that SME is extremely good at giving their idols very good images. Ordinary fans and new fans will be immediately enchanted by the good boys and good girls who are extremely gorgeous and talented. Sasaeng fans know better on the other hand.

I read up some more facts about EXO now and although most of the facts all show them in a good light, I know that there's no way that they can be that perfect.

But I have no idea why I keep on seeing Lay in a good light.

I tried to look for bad stuff about him in vain and overall he really does sound like a perfect guy.

Is it because he's Catholic?

That's another rumour that has yet to be confirmed but so far, that's what everyone says.

But if he is so good and mature and kind... I don't know. It makes me think that he's really really really like a unicorn, an example of a very rare guy.

I don't know why but I kind of give up on the idea of ever dating, not like I want to.

Because seriously, despite my good personality, skills and above average looks, what guy would date me if they knew that I completely refuse the idea of sex before marriage?

Call it general stereotyping, but isn't it true that most guys are in relationships because they want to have sex?

Well, in general, Western guys are more open about it than Asian guys but I don't know. I still think Asian guys are more conservative and are against the sex before marriage thing.

Maybe that's why I'm only attracted to Asian guys. Because of the conservative thing.

Lately whenever I pass by people while walking, the thought that they've all already, probably, have slept with someone if they're already above the age of 13 pops into my head.

It gets even worse when I see guys because all that I ever think is that they just can't wait to get inside someone's pants, regardless of gender according to their own preference.

It's a really bad and judgemental thought but I can't help but think that way. It's really hard to force yourself to think in a nicer manner once you've got that thought running in your head.

And so, only for the moment hopefully, I am completely turned off at the idea of getting a boyfriend, much less if some guy likes me.

I'm currently content with just thinking that Lay is a perfect guy and that I'm in an imaginary relationship with him.

Maybe that's why I'm attracted to guys who look like girls and have such an innocent and awkward image. It's because I think that their sexual drive is lower, not like that's for sure or anything.

Assumptions, assumptions.

I will turn 20 in less than three months and I can then officially say that I have never had a relationship while I was in my teens, which is what most of my friends had already.

Yes, I feel sad at that thought because I can't ever do any of those things that I read in mangas or watch in animes or movies or dramas but I feel a bit happy knowing that I didn't have to suffer intense heartbreaks and stuff.

But I really do feel sad that I never went out on a date during my teens.

No scenes of me shyly holding a guy's hand, or a first kiss, or excitedly texting someone, or calling each other till late at night. When will I ever get to do any of those things?

Is it too much to ask for a guy who's conservative, who I find attractive (physically, personally etc.) and will actually like me?

I'm pretty pathetic aren't I?

All my siblings, older and younger than me, has been in or is still in a relationship and yeah, I do feel left out.

But I don't want a boyfriend in order to fit in, please don't think like that.

.............................

I'm really going to live through life alone aren't I? I really hope not.

A wave

Don't be sad that it has past.

Be happy that it actually happened.

But human nature causes us to want even more and now I'm sorry that I wasn't a more avid fan.

I pray that I will get another chance in the future.

People I didn't want to meet

Lo and behold, I got the same design studio as Carl and Prince.

I came into class a bit late and I almost sat next to them but luckily I spotted them early and decided to change my seat to go to the other side.

They did notice me though, especially since my hair was previously super long and now it's super short, and Carl kept passing by me and coming near me. I think he wanted to talk to me but I was talking with other people and I really didn't want to talk with him so we never did.

On the other hand, I kept feeling like Prince was looking at me and at one point when the professor said something both of us turned to look at each other.

I really do think that we have the same brainwave length but I don't feel attracted to him anymore.

In fact, if I see anyone that resembles him even from the back, I feel fear shooting through my veins and I don't know why.

Yesterday I hung out with some of my friends and we somehow got around to the topic of whether we liked anyone in our course or not and I just said his name and one of the girls said that it's good that I moved on from him because he's the type who isn't looking for something serious.

And surprisingly she said that I was way better than him and that I should deserve someone better.

Any how I don't want to fall for anyone at the moment, only YiXing. It'll help me concentrate better.

XOXO for 张艺兴

How to tell whether or not I like someone?

I will definitely draw them. I will most certainly definitely draw them.

Whether it be in manga form or a sketch, I will draw them.

So what can I do when I really like someone who is far away from me?

Well if you haven't been paying attention, the answer is that I will draw them.

So before I post my drawing up, let me just say my birthday speech to him.

I know you have probably forgotten me although we made eye contact a couple of times during the concert especially since I was your only fan that was right in front of you at that time but I truly hope I somehow stayed somewhere in your thoughts.

Just by looking at the way you hold yourself, whether you're dancing or just even standing, I feel much better and calmer and more ready to tackle any challenge I have head on. You had it, maybe still have it, harder than me and that alone inspires me to work harder.

I hope that you have truly found what you really are looking for and that you are happy.

And I pray that you have enough of everything; tears, laughter, pain, rest etc. that you will continue to live a blessed life and that you will never change yourself because you are really one of a kind and I always wish that I could've been someone that was close to you before you were even a celebrity. I am most certainly not attracted to your celebrity fame.

I am attracted to you.

One day, I will meet you and I will then tell you how much you have changed me; for the better. Thank you for everything. 

Happy birthday 张艺兴. :) <3

With love, from the girl who fell for you at first sight.

Sweet guys

Oh gosh I'm really falling for Lay now.

My new friend, Winnie, says that I have a chance but I know that I have a close to 1% chance of ever getting together with him.

Man, I really wish that I could.

Positive thoughts... Positive thoughts...

Okay, I should stop dreaming hahahaahaha.

This is going to be a not so usual post because I normally separate the contents of my blog; this one for crushes and the like and another for my life in general. Somehow, for today that is, I felt like I should leak a bit of how my mind works, rest assured if you came here for the love stuff, my points will be touching those.

And I'm keeping things short as I'm typing this on my phone and not my laptop. 

Since I have so much free time now, my mind is currently filling itself up with EXO related stuff, mainly about Lay.

I really felt like crying for his behalf just now as I read how hard his life as a trainee was but as usual the tears wouldn't come and you have no idea how much it sucks to not be able to have a good cry when you want to. 

He really worked hard and I couldn't help but think, why can't I find a guy like that? Who's just as sweet and as caring as him. Naturally I don't know his bad traits but it doesn't seem like he puts on a fake front in front of the cameras and he is so amazing, really, I don't know why he doesn't have as many fans as the other members.

Seeing his face alone makes me realise just how hard he worked. He lost a heck load of weight and sometimes he can't even hide how tired he is. Instead of a glamorous life, he gets chased down like a rat by sasaeng fans and has to constantly make sure he's doing a good job of representing SM.

I know I'm not worthy enough for a guy like him but I would do my best to make him happy.

And then I start to complain after all that.

I honestly feel that I am a nice girl who is kind and who has enough brains to know how to do well in her studies and to make the right decisions so as not to bring her family's image down. I am really a jack of all trades but master of none and even though I am so socially awkward and retarded, I do my best to be a really good friend to the people who accept me as a friend in their life. Looks-wise, I am above average and I get loads of catcalls and have been told that I am pretty or beautiful.

And yes that sounds a hell lot like I'm bragging but I'm just telling the truth so it's up to you whether or not to believe it because I am tired of always caring too much about what other people think.

Why can't nice guys who are my type ever go for me? I don't think I have hyper unrealistic standards.

For one, it really doesn't matter if they're rich, has a super muscular physique, is tremendously stylish, is an Oxford graduate etc.

When it comes down to the facts I would say I would like a sweet guy with a face that I think is beautiful even though others might not. A guy who is smart enough so that we can converse and well off enough that I don't need to give him pocket money.  A guy who pays more attention to neatness and loves his family and God a lot. Needless to say, he is a hard worker and is passionate in chasing his dreams.

Too much to ask? I think not.

He wouldn't need to always call me and buy me stuff. He wouldn't need to cart around my shopping bags because in the first place, I really think a date where only one person goes shopping is a horrifying date. I would be loyal to him and I will expect him to be loyal to me.

Now someone please tell me where can I find a guy like this?

Okay I'm tired now so I'll be hitting the sack, praying for a miracle to happen. 

If dreams were real

I'd be in seventh heaven now.

I dreamt about Lay last night (and the rest of the EXO members as well) and I dreamt that we had feelings for each other.

The weird thing about the dream was that instead of me being in the position of the third person (looking at Lay and a projection of myself) I was really the one who was in my own shoes and I could feel real feelings surging in me.

The part that I remembered was that I was performing a hideous but comical dance on stage with 4 or 5 other girls when a crowd entered to watch because it was a school event apparently and he was there as well.

At the end of the dance, people clapped and laughed at our performance when suddenly something like a bidding auction started and they were like "Who wants to take Beth?" and surprisingly a lot of people had their hands up.

That's when I noticed that the EXO members were nudging Lay and were saying "Lay, go on! You like her don't you?! And she likes you too!" and I felt really embarrassed but happy at the same time. In an instant, most of the people put their hands back down and that's when Lay walked up to the stage so I covered my face and shamelessly held out my hand which he took.

"Let's go."
"Okay."

Then as we were making our way to the back of the crowd where the exit was he said "I need to tell you something... But I'll only say it when we get behind the school." and all I could do was nod and somehow we both knew that we really had strong feelings for each other.

Well, we never really made it to the back of the school cause I got woken up by my mom.

And the funny thing is that Lay looked like Tao at first but when I realised it, I did my best to change his looks.

Maybe I'll dream about him again tonight. That'd be great.

Of pheromones and hormones

Good evening reader who stumbled upon this page or to the very few readers that I do have.

It's been about two months since I last posted anything up, mainly because I hardly went online as I am still having my holidays in Malaysia and I rather spend all my time with my family. After all, I'll be all alone again with this laptop (got a new one! XD) as soon as I get back.

But someone who's an extreme stranger to me caught my eye and has been on my mind for the past three days so I knew I just needed to get this off my chest before it gets viral in my head and I start to believe that I have sincere feelings for him.

Which brings me to a new conclusion that I have summed up for myself.

I believe that attraction is caused by a sudden rush of a mixture of our hormones when we get affected by another's pheromones and somewhat unfortunately, I get trapped by these pheromones for too long so it takes a long time for them to wear off whereby in the mean time, my mind convinces itself that it is in "love".

So let me just get this guy out of my head, heck, I don't even know his name.

All that I do know is that he is a hairdresser.

And that he's probably gay.

I first saw him when I followed my sisters and brother to get their hair done at the salon. He did my brother's hair and he somehow got my attention, most probably because he looks like Prince (he even had almost the same hairstyle).

I thought he was cute and I was only slightly vocal about it but I forgot about him a few hours later.

Then, two days ago, my sister and I went to cut our hair and as soon as we sat down, a chatty guy started to work on her hair so I just awkwardly thumbed through a fashion magazine since I didn't have any paper I could use to draw with so I tried to entertain myself with the feature story.

And then he came up behind me and started attending to me and I really did try to make myself act cool but I could feel myself like being all shy and awkward which always happens when I'm around the guy I like.

It was already bad enough that I tried to avoid eye-contact while he was washing my hair but I just had to be all awkward when he tried talking to me in a somewhat quiet voice.

"Did you dye your hair or is it natural?"

"Uh..-it...-it's dyed"

Yes my lovely humans. Cringe in my honour. I don't think I did enough of it to suffice.

And then I really tried my best to not make eye-contact with him, even when he asked me how I wanted my fringe to be cut like and oh my gosh I really wanted to smack myself then.

"So... How do you want your fringe cut?"

"Erm... er..."

"Sideways? Straight?"

"... I-R'know..."

Facepalm. Facepalm. Facepalm.

Please don't follow my lead by trying to say "I don't know" while you're stammering.

It was so obvious that I wanted to get out from there, to get away from him before he sees me in an even worse state. I tried escaping from my chair twice and he wasn't even done yet but in my defence, I thought he was. I swear he was laughing on the inside.

He wasn't at the counter when both of us were paying up but just as my sister was about to pay, her hairdresser and mine came up and she started talking with her guy and I felt so uncomfortable that I bowed (in his direction) and said "Thank you" and then I went out because I supposedly wanted to buy something from the stationary shop nearby which happened to be closed on that day.

And I saw him at lunch but I pretended not to see him.

...

I feel much more relieved now. I really really really don't want to develop feelings for anyone for the next year or so because I want to concentrate on my dreams and studies, except for the occasional fangasm for my K-Pop biases.

And to add to the previously mentioned subject, I attended MTV World Stage Live in Malaysia 2013 (which I lined up for for 7 hours and then continued to stand for 4 hours) and I got to see EXO in the flesh! I was super close to the stage like only 4 metres or less away from them.

And I feel so good cause I waved to Lay and tried to yell for his attention but the crowd drowned out my voice but still he turned in my direction, made eye-contact with me and then waved and it was only to me I'm positive of that (I sound like one of those crazy fans but I assure you, at the very least I didn't leave right after they finished their performance to go stalk them like the other fans around me =-=;). We made eye-contact again just after they finished performing 'HISTORY' and really, it felt like a dream come true.

And now I have to get back to packing. Going to be heading off to the airport in 4 more days and I'm so not looking forward to it. When did I start hating aeroplane rides?

P.S. I had a minor crush on a guy who made us sushi in a restaurant as well just because he said "Excuse me" in perfect English. Brain, you sure are a strange creature.

Small things

I went to uni to study Architecture and Building Technology with Yu and another Chinese guy friend yesterday and somehow, I really did expect to see Peter there and yeah, he did come along even though he didn't talk much or participate much at all.

At the end of the day when we said our 'bye's he seemed a bit cold to me but I did my best to not think too much about it.

And yeah, him liking my status isn't much but it reassures me all the same, that he at the very least wants to be friends.

And yeah, I can't deny that it did make me feel happy and I felt a huge smile plaster itself across my face.

It does seem a bit sudden though that we became friends and I'm also not very sure how it happened.

I think it started when I went to look at his sketches and I asked him a lot of questions about it and from then onwards we just talked a bit here and there.

And after the exams, I think I will finally do drawings of almost all the guys that I've talked about here. It should be pretty interesting I suppose.

And I definitely will not let this momentary feeling get into my head.

And now I shall go back to work. Hopefully things will turn out well for the test tomorrow.

I will not be swept away

Okay lets do the minor stuff first.

I think that Prince and I are finally on an okay-ish base. I thought that he hated me because he didn't come to see Tia and I's project yesterday despite the fact that we got an A on it (he got an A-) but he liked a post I put in our course's Facebook page and I feel that it's a sign that he's okay with me now. And yes, that does makes me feel happy and I can finally breathe. :)

On the other hand, Carl isn't. I think he's finally given up on me because he didn't even say 'hey' to me yesterday when we passed by each other even though he used to and he's a bit cold to me but I don't mind that haha. He's still trying to get a bit of my attention though.

Yesterday, the guys in our design studio started to lift themselves off the ground using the visible metal beams on the ceiling. My back was to them so when I finally turned around, I saw one of my guy friends pulling himself off the ground and so I said "Bravo!" to him since he was Italian. Tia was facing them though so she told me that before my guy friend went up, Carl also attempted to do it but he couldn't. And he also proceeded to do it after I said "Bravo!" to my guy friend and this time he managed to do it once and the guys erupted in cheers for him.

Prince could do it several times and he even managed to touch the ceiling with his feet. And then the other two guys also tried to do the same but they couldn't hahaha. I jokingly said to Tia that I had good taste in guys because Prince was strong enough to do that.

And I don't know whether I mentioned this before (perhaps I did but I couldn't find the post when I went through a few of them) but I'm actually starting to take an interest in another guy in class whom we shall call Peter. Such a safe name I know but it kind of suits him.

Yet again, he's a Chinese guy but he is only slightly taller than me, if not the same height, and he isn't what you would call good looking. Maybe cute but that's about it. From there I realised that Prince is the only guy I liked that was definitely taller than me compared to the people I liked before and that for Peter, he's the only one that isn't on-the-spot gorgeous. Not that I like him just yet as it's only an interest, not even an attraction.

So you could say that I'm not interested in his physical attributes at all, rather his personality and his taste.

For one, he actually likes Haruki Murakami I mean, seriously??? That is such an attention grabber for me because one, he reads books and two, he likes Haruki Murakami.

Two, he doesn't smoke despite the fact that some of his Chinese friends smoke as well. Or maybe he does, I don't know, but I never saw him with a cigarette between his fingers.

Three, he's really passionate about architecture and he always goes around, looking at other people's projects and listening to what the professors have to say and he also got an A for his project which he did alone (at this point Tia said that I really do have good taste in guys XD).

This has been going on for around two weeks I think and Tia was teasing me all the time about it but I didn't really mind.

I started to talk with him bit by bit though and I'm not too sure myself why but he's also being very nice to me so I'm happy with that.

Yesterday, I was feeling really insecure about the perspective drawings that I did for our perspective and at one point I felt like Tia wanted to ask him to come over and to reassure me but she didn't and I felt a bit sad by that.

But then later on, Peter himself came over and I looked up at him, made eye-contact and said "Yes?" and he smiled and said "It's very nice" with a smile and for a moment, my heart skipped a beat but it quickly disappeared. It did make me a smidgen bit happier.

He came back several times to look at it and I talked with him a bit more after the reviews ended and he said 'bye' to us when he left so I felt happy at that as well.

Naturally though, I'm not going to let myself fall for him and I know I probably said this a hundred times with reference to my past crushes but I'm definitely not going to be lenient on this one because for one, even though he's single, I have a feeling that he already likes another girl who keeps commenting on his profile pictures and statuses.

And yeah, I guess that's it for now. Exams will start next week and hopefully I'll be able to do well for them despite the fact that I'm really lazy now. I will study a bit tonight though.