Surprise! Again haha

I kind of pretty much gave up on seeing Prince in lectures again.

I hoped that I'd get to see him today.

In the afternoon, Yu texted me and said she wouldn't be able to come for the afternoon lecture since there was a strike going on by the metro train drivers. We talked a bit and I said I wished that Prince would come today but she mentioned the strike again so I knew very few people would come.

The outcome was quite decent though cause, I suppose, many people live near campus.

And then the lecture started and I started to get really scared for my exams from the way our professor was explaining it so I resolved to pay a lot of attention in class and I will also do a lot of revising and studying. 

Thank goodness that's the only mid-term exam that we have. I must study hard all the same.

I really concentrated a lot in that class and even asked some questions even though some sounded pretty lame in my opinion and I realised how little I actually knew about Urban Planning.

Then a guy from Cuba started explaining land use rights and the property owners (or something like that) so I turned south east to look at him and that's when I noticed that someone was sitting behind me.

And right away, I knew it was Prince.

It was a really brief glance but from the colour of his sweater alone (black-blue), I just knew it was him.

That really shocked me and surprised me because I really didn't notice him entering the classroom and sitting behind me and moreover, he was surprisingly quiet that whole time.

And yeah, my heart started racing very wildly.

And I thought that I didn't have anymore feelings of interest for him...

I wanted to talk with him after the lesson or during the break and I even gathered the courage to do so (since the day before yesterday Yu was brave enough to talk with a Japanese girl who's not even in our class) but another guy friend of mine kind of whisked him away and I didn't know how to join the conversation when it was break.

So I just sat in my seat while he sat on the table/metal wall behind. He left early to complete his assignment and I do regret not talking with him but all in all, I just believe that there will come a time for everything. Maybe then I'll be less nervous.

Throughout the time that he was sitting behind me, I noticed some things.

Like, after I actually realised he was sitting behind me, he became a bit more noisier and started sighing a bit here and there.

And when I cracked my knuckles, he did the same.

And I don't know why, I just felt like he wanted to speak with me as well.

And I have to stop here since it's 2.16 am and I need to sleep.

Seeing him really recharged my spirit in all aspects. :)

Exhaustion

So for the past few days I've only been getting around 4 hours of sleep or so in order to complete my assignments so as soon as I reached my dorm today, I conked out for 3 hours and I will go back to sleeping soon haha.

Prince didn't come for the morning lecture and I will be guessing that he won't attend that class for the rest of the semester haha. He came for the afternoon class and surprisingly he wasn't late this time.

At first he went to his friend's row (which was right in front of my friends and I) but they were slow to react so in the end he sat in front.

On a different note, I couldn't really focus my attention as I was too tired to understand much and I did my best to take down whatever I could decipher and understand.

During the break time I went out of class and I noticed all the smokers going to the open area and I wondered if he smokes as well but I passed by him in the hallway on my way back to class so I take it that he doesn't.

I remained in the hall for the rest of the break and Yu tried to teach me the correct ways to pronounce Chinese words. I felt that Isa was a bit left out and I tried to include her in but somehow she didn't really try to. Prince came up to his friend's place and he stood near me haha but I was too tired to pay attention to both him and Yu so I just continued talking with Yu.

Then, I saw him collect his things and he came up to the row and sat there and at that point Yu and I were getting hysterical over my pronunciation and he turned to look at me and that I was pretty sure of. 

But then again, I always become a bit more hyper when he's around haha.

I realised that people who like interacting with others will tend to look at someone when someone is talking so I know that at least he knows my existence and that it won't be much of a problem to begin speaking with him.

Wow. It's 2.00 am already. o.o

Okay, continuing on.

Well... there isn't much anyway. Just that when I lingered back a bit, he kind of did the same but I went out earlier than him in the end.

I'm just pleased cause even though he skips some classes, I know that he is actually a bright person. If he likes a subject then he will attend that particular class. He asked a lot of questions today haha.

Okay then, good night. :)

Blooming Sakura

I just finished reading Usami Maki's Haruyuki Bus and I love it. It touched me a lot.

Aside from that, it got me to thinking and wondering when will I ever experience something as beautiful as the manga expresses.

Is it wrong to like someone and wish to expect something in return?

Ever since I stopped liking Law, I've been too afraid to pursue anyone as seriously as I pursued him. I constantly rain down dark thoughts on myself when it comes to Prince and I am so scared of falling for him for real, just like the Law case.

Sometimes I wish I went to a Japanese school cause it seems like it's so easy to fall in love there and to hook up and get a boyfriend.

I wish I wasn't the only one with this interest and that the person that I'm interested in is also interested in me.

Mangas make you believe in such a soft-cushioned reality.

I start to imagine things, like if I do this and that something good will happen to me. Just like in mangas.

I can only wish they were real.

Remember

I have always been a seriously huge fan of manga drawings and stories and currently I am in a shoujo romantic comedy mood and even though I have assignments to be done, I can't stop reading them which is to say I'm sacrificing sleep in order to read them cause I read them in the afternoon and stay up at night to do my homework.

I love the idea of being in love, of being in a relationship, of finding that one guy who would love you for all your idiosyncrasies and flaws. I can always see it happening for others. I just can't see it happening to me.

All these manga main heroines have it easy, don't they?

A typical story goes like this: Girl falls in love with guy after guy bullied her/was kind to her and she's too afraid to say anything. Then some conflict arises and she realises how much she loves the guy so she confesses and it turns out that the guy loved her all the time.

So basically it's a happy ending.

I have yet to experience something like that. I'm actually very pessimistic about that I mean, seriously, I don't think I'm that lucky.

I could continue liking Prince, like the Law case, but this doesn't mean he likes me or that he might fall for me.

And then I begin to doubt myself.

When will I get to experience a good relationship?

All, and I mean all, of my siblings have had or are in a relationship, including my younger sister and brother and yes, I am incredibly jealous of all of them. I am also incredibly jealous of all those manga heroines cause they're living my dream.

I just wonder when it'll be my turn next.

Somewhat neutral I think

Was late for class but I managed to get a seat cause my friends saved me a seat in the back row. Good thing is that Prince came for class (50 minutes late haha) and he sat behind me, sort of.

At first I was a bit nervous because in order to take my colour pens I had to turn to my left repeatedly (because I placed my pens on the desk next to mine) and I was scared that I'd try to catch a lot of glimpses of him but I got more comfortable towards the end and I could act more normally.

I kept on hoping that he sat behind because he wanted to be near me but I don't think so since one of his friends (the girl that I think likes him) sat in the same row.

I didn't talk with him because even though there could've been an opportunity, I couldn't see it as I was (and still am) too tired since I slept at 4 am last night and woke up at 9 am.

I did what I normally do whenever I'm around him, which is to talk a bit louder (=-=;) and become more giggly and all that but yeah, I just couldn't bring myself to talk with him.

Also, even though the lecture was better than usual (and actually understandable and easy) I really felt tired and I sighed a lot. He was also sighing a lot and in some weird way, I felt like we were communicating with each other. In my case though, I was sighing to try to initiate a conversation cause I'm too shy to approach him but yeah.

But what really concerns me is that he doesn't seem to really have a group of guys to hang out with. Like the guys avoid him on purpose or something.

And I don't know why but this attraction I have towards him is turning more into an interest into becoming his friend cause I want to know him. Like really know him.

For me, he is a really interesting person.

I felt like he was looking at me from time to time (naturally cause I was sitting in front of him) and I think he was also looking when one of my guy friends gave me a pen he bought because he lost the pen I borrowed to him.

I guess that's it for now.

I will do a bit of my work and sleep early tonight. I must not give in to this tiredness of mine!

PS. I forgot to add this bit haha. Most of the back row people were getting tired of the people asking irrelevant questions in front so when another question was asked, Prince said "What the f***" and I was a bit shocked cause he swore but nothing too surprising there (he's a guy after all) but what was a bit sad was that even though it was only audible to those around us, no one showed much reaction (as far as I know) even though he spoke English, meaning, he wanted someone to respond.

I'm thinking too much and I'm tired. Going to sleep now. Night.

Pink

I somehow expected that something good was going to happen today since Ana wished me "Buona giornata" today which means "Have a good day!".

Saying so, I finally saw Prince today after not seeing him for five days and you can bet that my mood just lifted instantly.

He came late for the afternoon classes as usual. XD

When he entered the class he sat in the front row and sadly, I was in the back row. I really didn't expect him to come cause I thought he was sick or something. His ears were bright pink and it's either because outside was freezing or because he was really embarrassed. Either way, it faded away in the end.

I think he looked behind once before he actually sat down and from time to time I just had the feeling that he purposely turned his head a bit in excess to the right whenever our lecturer walked to the right, as if he wanted to look behind him. It's just a feeling though.

The sad part about me not sitting in the front row is that we were grouped according to the rows we were seated in at the end of the lecture and was given a group task to do. I could've grouped up with him if only I sat in the front as usual... Haih...

The good thing about that is that he didn't group up with the group of girls he usually hangs out with. One of them who was sitting at the back row kept staring at him during the lecture.

We had to present our task at the end of class by selecting a spokesman/woman to represent the whole group and somehow I got nervous so I felt myself blushing and my palms turned cold because of the thought of talking in front of him kept looping through my mind. I didn't embarrass myself, thank goodness and I didn't even look at him during my presentation which is good as well.

When class ended, I was in really good spirits and I couldn't wait to get home to do my homework (which I will definitely do after this). He was also just getting out from his seat.

I wanted to look at him so I looked down from the top and I think I saw him look at me at the same time and again, with the same surprised face but I can't be too sure about that.

And just so that I could be near him, I approached the professor at the end of the lecture to ask a really meaningless question before I went out since Prince was also approaching the professor. He didn't really go out with the group of girls he usually hangs out with and talked with some guys (probably the only group of guys I actually talk with haha).

Overall, I am pleased with today.

Going to stay up late to do loads of homework!!! :D

Fissure

I just spent yesterday and today catching up on more than 30 Naruto chapters. It is indeed satisfying haha.

Aside from that, I didn't see Prince at all today and I waved to one of his friends but she ignored me or something. TT^^TT Yeah, feeling a bit crestfallen but I will just pick myself up.

Reading Naruto gives me the spirit I need to keep going and not giving up.

Mostly, this is about me finding love.

And, I guess it's okay if I don't end up with Prince.

When I do find that person, I wonder how it'll turn out.

And now to shower before I start doing tedious drawing again hahaha.

To not raise my hopes up

I realised that the more that I like him, the more my hopes rise and that is really not good.

So for now, I am channeling all that lovey emotion to a K-Pop idol who looks a bit like him, although Prince has slightly sharper features and bigger eyes.

Introducing Kai of EXO-K.

18 years old and he's 5 days older than me.

This is really just a small celebrity crush compared to the crushes I have on Lee Jong Hyun of CNBLUE and Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Kai is just an excuse for me to not fall too hard for Prince.

I actually wanted to post something up about Prince on Thursday but I got the blues on my way back from class.

To sum it up very quickly, he only came for the afternoon class (late as usual) and a couple of girls talked with him and kept eye-ing him (so I know that they all like him). I couldn't even get the chance to talk with him, even when he was talking with one of my guy friends on the stairs.

When he came in class, we made brief eye contact as usual but again, I couldn't bring myself to smile at him. I always look like I hate the people I am most attracted to. Bad habit.

I couldn't even talk with him after the lecture ended no matter how much I delayed in going back.

Why?

All of the girls immediately attacked him after the lecture so I just went out.

Never mind. That's why I'm having this mini crush on Kai so that I won't obsess myself too much with Prince. I have to keep my mind open anyway.

I never thought it would be possible again to feel my heart thumping that hard

First, to anyone who comes across this blog and for the really diligent humans who bother to go through all my posts, you guys make my day, in one way or another.
I feel like my tiny, anonymous voice is finally heard because I could really just talk a lot about guys with my friends but I have to restrain myself.

This is partly because I think that as long as I don't speak about Prince with others, my feelings for him won't become real and thus I won't need to go through what I went through when I liked Law.

Well... I can't say that the attraction is not there. In fact, it is slowly starting to grow into a feeling.

He didn't show up for the morning lecture today and I really felt sad and disappointed but I just held it in and told myself to just concentrate and wait for Monday.

During the lunch break, I told Yu that I liked someone but I didn't mention the person's name.

Well... I wasn't (and probably still isn't) sure of my feelings for him but one thing for sure is that when I saw him come in late for the afternoon lecture, my heart started beating really fast.

And I was freaking blushing.

And I don't know why.

Okay, maybe I do. I just refuse to admit it.

Since I sat at the back of the class for once (and since the lecture was almost similar to the one last week) I ended up talking with another friend, Tia, who was talking about guys that she likes and I told her that I liked someone too.

Naturally, Yu overheard and both of them started to guess names and when they finally found out that it was Prince, Yu smiled.

Yu: I somehow knew it was the Hong Kong guy you were talking about when you told me that you liked someone during the lunch break!

Yu left during the 10 minute break and I took that moment to "show him" that I was in class by going in front to talk with some people. He was sitting alone today though. I wish I could sit with him haha.

When lecture started, there was a point when I wanted to look at him (since he was sitting more in front than me for once) so I turned to look to my left and I think he was looking as well, I think, because he hastily turned away to look in front.

When I answered a question in class, he turned to look at me and I got so nervous I almost stammered but I kept my cool.

I made some new friends today and one of them was going to an architectural seminar after class so I decided to follow her. I noticed that Prince had already packed his bag and I assumed that he wanted to leave early. When I left though, he was still in the classroom and I found myself wishing that he would go to the seminar as well.

Halfway through the seminar, I saw that he was sitting in front and I wondered how he got there so fast. Naturally, I wanted to talk with him after the seminar ended.

Unluckily for me though, when the seminar ended, my friend wanted to go back immediately so I didn't get the chance.

When I was putting back the chairs that we used, I looked up and then we made eye-contact cause he came over to our place to talk with a guy, who is one of the few guys that I talk with (funny how I talk to almost every guy that talks with him but I don't talk with him). There was definitely no mistake in that. He looked surprised to see me there and I was about to walk over to him and begin talking with him but I couldn't move somehow and I was forced to turn around and talk with my friend cause she didn't seem to want to talk with them.

I wonder how I looked like...

I hope that I didn't mess up my chance though.

I will do my best to fix this and I hope that I will have the courage to speak with him.

Glancing, glancing

Once again, I thought he wouldn't come today because most of his friends didn't.

And once again, he surprised me by coming today. :) And yes, just his presence in the classroom made me a whole lot more happier.

When we got into our groups during the morning lecture, I got a seat that was "in front" of him. He was at the back of class while I was in the front and we faced each other for awhile.

Naturally, I took a couple of glances at him and I think he noticed a bit but I made sure to cover up by staring at other people a lot though I don't know if that actually helps or not.

And I don't know why, throughout that whole time we were facing each other, I felt like he looked my way a couple of times.

One time, while I was looking down, I could see him leaning back from the corner of my eye so my natural instincts told me to look up in his direction and when I did, he hastily returned to his normal sitting position.

I managed to restrain myself a lot from looking at him in the afternoon, especially when he was only a metre away, talking with some guys who were in the same row as me. I just concentrated on my work and forced myself to be truly engrossed in sticking paper scotch tape to my rulers (very important trick for architects!).

I like his voice, even though it isn't as charismatic as Law's. He is extremely polite and gentle in the way that he uses his words, even around those younger than him.

He's an Aries though, so he's supposed to be all confident and cocky but I haven't seen that side of him yet.

Apparently Aries and Capricorn don't make a good couple either but apparently Virgo (Law) is good with Capricorn. Nothing happened though between me and Law so I don't really believe in the horoscope thing for love and relationships.

And now to draw a bit before going to sleep. :)

Change, maybe I don't really like it

But in the end, it is necessary sometimes.

I went through a lot of bad events today and I broke down in a park but I got up and went on my way. I need to stand tall.

Somehow, all those events made me feel a bit more mature in some sense.

For one, I don't think I'm afraid anymore to speak with people. I don't know why. This fear just got cured today.

I'm feeling a bit better now because at the end of the lecture today I got to see Prince for around 10 minutes.

It was cause he had to ask the lecturer some questions regarding his project I guess and my group mates for a different class stayed behind in the lecture hall to discuss our project.

I didn't openly stare at him and I only glanced his way once or twice so I don't think I was obvious in any way.

There wasn't much opportunity for me to talk with him today. Maybe tomorrow.

Smile. Don't think. Talk.

I've more or less gotten over the embarrassing Wednesday event now. I spent most of my holidays reading manga online and doing my homework which is a win-win for me.

I'll get to see Prince today. :)

Ana and another guy (well, he's a man because he's 40 something) talked with me about this and both of them said that I just need to be brave and speak up. And that I shouldn't think too much.

Ana said to me "El que piensa pierde" which means, "He who thinks, loses."

The other guy said that if I like someone, I should just like them, regardless of age (Prince is 21 by the way). Well, it's true in some ways but I have to consider other possibilities, right?

I really don't want this to happen like Law's case.

So, when I get an opportunity to speak, like if he sits behind me or something like that, no matter how scared I am, I will definitely speak with him.

I already had two chances gone to waste.

1. The time when he sat behind me during the Architectural Representation Studio. That day, he (I think) looked my way once during the afternoon class.

2. Again when he sat behind me during the Elements of Architecture class when he was being all talkative. I should've asked him about the Biennale.

All in all, I will do my best to talk with and to sincerely make friends with other people.

Let's see how today goes.