At least :)

Today before class started, I went for the morning prayer our Christian Fellowship holds every morning before class begins and for once I felt my heart thumping like I had just experienced something really important.


It was just a very unusual feeling.


When I got back to class, I felt quite good when my one of my friends asked me whether or not I was going to the First Aid Team meeting and then she said that it was during the second break.


My heart really sank.


Cause during the first break, I had to attend a short Election Board meeting and I just knew I wouldn't get to see Law at all today cause he won't be at any of those meetings.


I was feeling okay after I consoled myself when halfway through the second period I realised that my pendrive was missing so I couldn't copy the pure maths notes so I was really panicking because I have very very very bad memory.


After scanning my brain several times, I guessed that I left it at the stationary shop near the cafeteria so the minute the bell rang for the first break, I ran down as fast as I could to the stationary shop.


But before that, I checked in with the Election Board meeting but they didn't start yet so I went to the stationary shop and amen to that cause I found it!


The woman behind the counter was really nice to me and I'm so freaking thankful she remembered me. :)


Anyway, after that, I wanted to find my friends who were in the Election Board as well so I stopped in front of a table and tried to scan the crowd when I realised that Law was looking straight at me.


Looking? Staring? I don't know.


But then as soon as I noticed him looking, I looked elsewhere cause if not I would have turned that situation even more awkward so I hurried away.


I think he was staring at me cause I was so freaking all over the place. =-=;


Why must I embarrass myself in front of him (and other people)???? TT^TT


I only caught a small glimpse of him during the second break but I didn't dare to look at him any longer.


And then after school, as I was waiting for my car, I noticed that the Election Board room had its lights still on so I guessed the Student Council members had stayed behind to discuss stuff cause I saw one of the councilors emerging from the room.


But after awhile, I looked back at the door and I was thinking "I wonder if Law came to that meeting?" cause he hardly goes to any when all of a sudden he opened the door and I think he saw me staring but I did my best to look nonchalant and went on with my math homework.


I didn't want to look up after that but the next time I did, he was gone.


I wonder if he's going to the leadership camp this weekend? :)


It looks like it somehow.


In conclusion, at least I know he knows me or more likely, he acknowledges my presence.


Was his stare just a coincidence?


For me, all of those memories seem more like a dream but I'm writing them down because it wasn't a dream.


Got to go sleep soon! :)


Oh, I forgot to mention that June told me that when Law was sitting with the girl alone yesterday, they didn't even talk.


They just sat there and ate and Law only got noisy after his other friends came.


There was also this talk about scholarships a few weeks ago for students pursuing mechanical engineering and he attended even though he didn't want to go into mechanical engineering.


He asked a question that was out of topic to the speaker and when the speaker embarrassed him somewhat, he didn't even bat an eyelid.


I bet I'd have died if I was in his position.


That's one really amazing thing about him, he has a lot of confidence and he knows how to speak.


Even June said so.


I wonder why he doesn't pursue something that he's good at? He seems like he enjoys it.


Okay, must go to bed now.

It's okay to be cool about it :)

And so I shall fill up this post about my sightings of Law as usual. :)


Today was the first day of college after the Chinese New Year Holiday.


I didn't get to see him during the first break cause we had a house meeting which went quite okay. :)


At least, I hope that I didn't make too much of a fool of myself like what I did during our Biology practical.


Anyway, during the second break, I wanted to go off early (cause I was really really hungry) but I did the correct thing to do and that is to wait for my friends before going to the cafeteria (which just opened a second stall! XD).


So just as we were about to reach the stairs, Law was also walking down with his friends.


And another sign that he's modest.


His shirt is so faded.


Okay, never mind. I don't think you'll get what I mean.


So I just walked behind him normally and June and my other friend (the only other one that I told, Helen) kept on pointing out that he was in front of me, especially Helen but I didn't feel like that was something to make such a huge fuss about so I just smiled.


And then I saw him again, buying chicken rice while I stood in line but of course I didn't want to look like I was gawking at him only so I looked elsewhere.


I also realised he was really shorter than me.


Sadly.


But still, his height doesn't matter.  :)  That is, if this feeling gets serious.


I also found out he isn't a bright student (guessing he only got 1 A for his AS-Levels).


But, academical intelligence is not everything. :)


Success comes from the person himself.


Anyway, after I bought my food I was about to go back to the place I "reserved" for my friends and I when I realised, he was literally in the table right next to us.


I think it's cause the whole place was already full.


Nevertheless, I got slightly scared somehow so I just waited for June before I went to my seat and I tried looking for Helen but she was sitting with out other group of friends (our group fits into two tables) which was quite far away but then some of them came to the table I "booked".


June was giving me "the smile" but I just did my best to not look in his direction.


I mean, he was sitting with a girl. Alone.


That is, until some guys came to join them.


And previously when he was buying his food, he was laughing with another girl so, you know, I did my best to just be cool and not become some drama queen.


But yeah, I just saw him during those times.


Why am I so freaking tall compared to other girls my age?


He wouldn't like someone taller than him, right?


But it's okay, I decided not to put my hopes up too high cause I don't want to hurt myself.


Going to bath now and then write Ken a letter so that he feels appreciated by all of us. :)

Opening up... to a guy

And not just any guy; but, my sister's boyfriend. Skye's boyfriend. Ken.


Just a side note, I think you guys understand that the names I use are aliases and have nothing to do with the people who really have these names. :)


Part of the reason why I'm posting this up instead of sleeping (cause it's 12.42 am here) is because I'm waiting for my hair to dry. XD


I bathed late cause the four of us (Skye, Rainie (Skye's twin), Summer (younger sister), and I) went out with Ken just now till 10.00 pm (which is considered very late for my parents XD).


It was fun going out with him cause this was the first time we met him since he lives in a different state than us so he flew all the way from KL to our place just for Skye and I felt so touched by this gesture cause he did it for her birthday (which was yesterday since it's 12.48 am already here) and she cried. :)


It's like that 5000 miles apart video on youtube but of course not as touching. XD


We first broached the subject about Law while we were drinking bubble tea but Ken hardly took part in the conversation.


We were so loud and I'm hoping no one that knows him was there cause who knows what they'll do with that information. :|


But later on while we were waiting for Summer and Rainie (who were having contact lens problems), he asked if I had a dream guy to which Skye responded by saying "Of course! Lee Jong Hyun!"


Somehow... Somehow, before she finished saying "Of course!", Law's name appeared in my head.


And I felt slightly disappointed in what she said but then again, Jong Hyun is still one of my dream guys. :)


Then Ken asked again, "What's your dream guy like?".


I said, "I like guys who are really quiet and is only noisy when he's with me. A slightly emo guy."


Thinking back now, I almost said "Guys with black hair that's floppy and has a fringe." 


I really like guys that has that kind of hairstyle somehow.


But re-thinking back again, my dream guy is someone who is really passionate in pursuing his dream and someone who has the same brainwave with me.


But the most important thing is that he'll love and understand me and that he'll be a faithful guy.


As corny as that sounds, I really like that type of guy.


He doesn't have to be taller than me.
He doesn't have to be rich,
He doesn't need to be super smart.
He doesn't need to play a musical instrument.
He doesn't need to have good fashion sense.


I mean, all those things are an added bonus but they are just minor details to the big picture.


That's what I truly believe.


Anyway, while we were having dinner, Rainie brought up that they should all help me with Law so she asked him what I should do if I want to hit on Law.


Ken said that I should first be friends with him and that I can't just straight away go into that part of the relationship.


Skye interrupted by saying that I should do what she did to get Ken which is to start texting him first but I'm keeping that idea for later for when I need to text him regarding stuff about the Election Board and I'm hoping that from there on, something will happen. :)


As unapproachable as Law is, I know that he is somehow just like me.


We don't always know how to make the first move to talk someone but when we do get into a conversation with someone, we'll do our best to make the other person comfortable and happy and then we'll slowly reveal our self to them.


That's just an assumption though.


Now I know how those people see me as, an arrogant girl who's really cold although I'm really not some holier-than-thou type of human.


I'll be going to school in 28 hours time and I'll finally be able to see him again even though he might have forgotten who I am and what my name is.


June told me to not give up and I will heed her advice.


I won't be a coward in pursuing this just like what Skye did to Ken and look at where they are now. :)




Please, let a miracle happen. :)

Honestly thinking...

Up until I got my first follower, I really really thought that I was just talking and crapping and ranting to myself since if I did all those stuff to my siblings, they'd all get bored with my rantings about Law.


Example: Last night, I told my sisters that Law is so effing cute cause he doesn't curse and they all just went "Meh." =-=;


The other day, I chatted with June via Facebook and she and I ranted to each other about Law and her guy (whom I shall call Sam).


The following is a snippet of our conversation. (Please don't mind our English grammar. We were just ranting and our Malaysian slang came out XD)

June: ... Law is cute for you XD

Me: Why you say that???????

June: Hahahaha IDK but ngam (he is suitable for) you la.

Eh, he's shorter than you right?

And then I kept on denying my height. But I think that it's kind of true.

But I'm praying that it's not true.

But, when I searched for the average height for Malaysians just now I discovered that the average height for a Malaysian woman is 153.3cm while for a Malaysian man it's 164.5cm.

I am freaking 163cm.

I used to want to be 165cm because that's the height that Lee Jong Hyun wants his girlfriend to be. :)

But now it's like a curse.

I remember once a conversation between one of my elder twin sister (Sky).

Me: I hope I'll be able to grow tall until 165cm.

Sky: Ei, don't la. Being tall is a curse. There aren't that many guys here who are tall.

You'll be sorry when you realise you're taller than the guy you like.

So true. So effing true.

Reminds me, during badminton practice today, I almost cursed cause I sucked so badly.

I was like "PHAAAAAAA~!" which sounds almost similar to "FUUUUUUUU~!" and one of the guy seniors looked at me weirdly.

I'm really sorry! I didn't mean to do that! I'm really trying to be a female after years of not being one!

Must be the 9GAG influence!

But right now, somehow, I really am doubting that I'll ever be in a love kind of relationship with any guy.

We'd probably end up as friends or something.

Cause I think I'm more a guy than a girl so most probably they'll think of me as a guy.

That doesn't mean I'm turning to girls now.

Going to sleep soon with these thoughts in my head. I need to wake up early for driving class tomorrow.

Probability IS 0.0000001

So I went to a friend's open house today and I got around to talking to one of the two friends who knows I have a crush for Law. :)


Her code name will be June. :)


She also has a crush on another guy in my class.


And so as I was talking to her, she kept on mentioning Law's name.


I guess it's cause she wants me to talk about our crushes together and so I did. :)


I found out that the day that I told her about my crush on Law, she went on Facebook and added him.


And he didn't accept the request.


Even when he went online the day after that.


Which tells me what? He isn't the type of person to add people he doesn't really know. I KNEW IT!


And then that got me thinking, if I added him, would he accept it???


I'm not going to yet though. I'm still waiting for the opportunity for both of us to talk normally before I add him cause for one, he doesn't really use his real name on Facebook so he'd probably go "How the hell does she know this is my Facebook page?".


I also came across a story I think he wrote when he was 16.


And what highly amused me was that he didn't use curse words and if he did, he censored them. XD


That made my day. Honestly.


I was going to literally laugh out loud but it was too early in the morning.


He's so effing cute! XD


He's a good boy. He really is. :)


And I prefer good boys to bad boys.


But how about him???


Can't wait for school to re-open.


Now I must not procrastinate any longer and go exercise and then bath, eat and then do Maths homework before I play DragonNest! :D

2nd Dream

Must be a very quick post. :)


No ranting on other stuff.


Last night I had this very weird dream about Law.


It began with me and my other friend (not going to the same college as I am) looking for our club because instead of having Chemistry tutorial, we suddenly had to go to our own respective clubs.


And even though the Public Speaking club is one of the most active club, we couldn't find it until we went to the lowest floor and we arrived just in the nick of time.


Law then suddenly burst in saying that we needed to change our class cause someone else was going to use it so we got out of there.


Then, I saw him outside sitting on a bench and wiping his face cause he was all sweaty so I began to fan him with a book.


And then we suddenly started talking about stuff like "Why are you sweating?" and all that and I noticed that the more we talked, the more pink his face got.


Maybe due to sweat.


Then he said something like, "You know, I regret not doing something when I had the chance." And I was like "What?"


Then he asked me to close my eyes but we didn't do anything else cause my friend was watching but we were seated very close to each other.


There were a couple of hints from him that I think meant that he liked me and he wanted to go out with me but somehow I knew it wasn't real.


One, his face was not smooth but filled with acne. Not like his real face.


Two, he had a really high pitched voice and he even asked if I was wondering what happened to his deep voice. Apparently he only uses it sometimes. It's his BF voice.


Three, he was wearing glasses. I've never seen him wear glasses before.


What was that supposed to mean?!


Anyway, I have to go eat breakfast cause I'm going to see the doctor. :)

Always there

There's so many things I'd like to put down but I can't think of any way that I can arrange them very systematically so for now I'll just arrange them chronologically according to the time that I thought about it.




First, yesterday, I was bored (as usual) so I went through my Facebook newsfeed when I came upon a post by this page that I liked entitled "7 Ways to Know if You're in Love."


And just for the heck of it, I read it.


The first 6 reasons were pretty much expected.


I tried going through my newsfeed just now to find the post so that I could quote the first 6 reasons cause Facebook is lagging but I couldn't find it.


But I remember the last one very well.

1. While reading this, there was one person on your mind the whole time.

That sentence really caught me because it was true.


I was only thinking about Law the whole time.


Still, I know it's not love. 


Only a very strong infatuation. :)




Second, somehow I kept on expecting to meet him today when I went out with my sisters. Somehow.


But of course I didn't meet him. :(


Third, now I really like listening to love songs.


English love songs.


What is happening to me?


What happened to all my K-Pop and K-Rock love?


What the hell is wrong with me?


This is just bad. =-=;


When they were playing Extreme's take on More Than Words just now at Times, I somehow kept on expecting him to suddenly show up and then somehow I'd get to talk with him.


But of course he didn't show up.




Fourth, my mind keeps on dreaming about him.


And it has this annoying habit of trying to make up scenes which I highly doubt will happen between him and I even though it'd be nice if they all actually did happen.


Urgh. My mind's doing that right this moment.


And it'll probably continue to do that long after I post this up.


I feel like banging my head from the embarrassment.


But thankfully, I'll always get to catch myself from taking any of the dreams any further.




On another note, I stuffed myself silly at a buffet last night in celebration of two birthdays, mine and my elder twin sisters.


I was supposed to get to drink my first real alcoholic drink but I didn't.


I'm not upset though. I feel quite happy somehow cause I feel like I'm unique. XD


Lame. I know. But still, I don't know anyone my age and who is legal to drink it that hasn't taken a sip of alcohol.


I got to jog off the calories today in the morning so I must do my best to keep them down. I must not gain weight!




I keep on hoping that Law will show up at my friend's Chinese open house for Chinese New Year tomorrow.


But even then, I wouldn't know what to do.


I'd probably become all shy and all or something worse and then end up looking stupid in front of him.




And last night I asked my younger sister what she thought of him.

Her: I think he can actually look good. He looks like Jong Hyun...

Me: What? But Jong Hyun has big eyes and he has-

Her: No, I mean if he gets a hair make-over or something.

Me: But he doesn't have big-

Her: Make-over, make-over.

Actually, one of my elder sister said the same thing two nights ago.

Who is Jong Hyun?

Unless you don't know who he is, here is a picture of him.

Introducing (again) Lee Jong Hyun of CNBLUE (not Kim Jong Hyun from SHINee)!

Just now, and the day before, I was actually doubting that both of them looked alike (especially since Jong Hyun is 182 cm while Law is probably 165 cm) but now I do see a slight resemblance between the both of them. Especially their hairstyles.

Weirdly, the first thing that I notice when I look at a guy is their hair (sadly, not their eyes) cause I can somehow tell their personality from their hairstyle.

After all, it was they themselves who asked the hairdresser to cut it in that way.

And Law is a good boy. :)

At least, he himself admitted so. XD 

Actually, I don't think that they resemble each other after all.

It's just that they both give off kind of the same aura; slightly cold and unapproachable but there's some kind of nice vibe coming from them. :)

Okay, I've got to stop ranting about him cause I was supposed to do some stretching 30 minutes ago but I'm still trying to find the post about the ways to know if I'm in love.

Still going to try.


EDIT


I found the post!!!! Finally!!!! XD


♥ 7 signs your falling in love♥

7. You'll read their texts over and over again

6. You'll walk really really slow while you r with them
5. They become all you think about

4. You'll get high just by their smell

3. You'll realize that you're always smiling, when you think about them

2. You'll do anything for them

1. While reading this, there was one person on your mind the whole time.


EDIT AGAIN


The grammar of the post really sucks but I'm just going to keep it the way it was. XD

Causing my mind to spin and spin and spin...

There was a status update I saw on Facebook yesterday.


"Whenever we like a guy/girl, we always think that we're never attractive enough for them."


Well, not those words exactly but somewhere around those lines.


I can't help feeling that that's how I feel now.


Like when I look at myself in the mirror at home, I'd think "Hey, I don't look that bad. :)"


But then at school whenever I catch a glimpse of myself in any shiny surface I can hear my mind screaming "OMG YOU ARE SO EFFING UGLY!"


I showed my sisters his picture last night and I thought that one of them would recognize him since he was her junior in college but she said that she hardly saw him. Although there was a slight pause...


But for now since I'm not going to see him for more than a week, I'm going to improve myself tremendously so that the next time he sees me he'd at least acknowledge me as a person he'd be able to talk to normally.


Like for instance, I was really tempted to give stupid-lame mottos for our sports house but then I realised one of his best friends were in my house (it's a pity that he's not TT^TT) so I did my best to come up and find good mottos.


And some of the seniors liked the idea so hopefully, somehow, Law will find out and think that I'm not some stupid fool or something.


I checked his Horoscope yesterday and I found out that he is a Virgo.


Virgo


Positive traits: discriminating, fastidious, analytical, meticulous, modest, precise (i.e. a perfectionist who is down to earth)
Negative traits: fussy, self-conscious, cynical, hypercritical, finicky, over-conforming


Love trait: Dependable and sincere and have very few illusions about affairs of the heart. They show their love in small gestures than lavishing attention on their partners and are cautious in the extreme about making the first move. They are also too down-to-earth to be swept away.


In other words, he has a very high standard in everything.


I mean, I don't know him that well but I can tell what kind of person he is.


For example, modest.


He wears a plastic black watch, wears the same shoes everyday to school, wears old jeans and drives a very small car that is considered one of the cheapest here where I live. 
(I sound like a stalker but I just notice these things. It's not like I follow him around where ever he goes to. I just notice them whenever I bump into him by chance.)


Another one would be fastidious.


For their presentation, he made the slideshow and it was really awesome and it even had small details that made the slideshow even better.


About the negative parts... I'm not entirely sure. Maybe I'll get to know them when I get to know him even more.


And when I checked whether or not our relationship will be good or not, the book just stated "In tune".


What the hell does that mean?


My sisters told my mom that I liked him yesterday also and she keeps on wanting to look at him cause she's very paranoid about people that we like.


Even my sisters had to hide their boyfriends from my mom the first couple of weeks.


But now I don't feel too worried about not being able to talk to Law cause it took my sisters some time to talk to others as well. :)


I'm going to finish my designing work after this and then proceed to do my homework cause my family's going out to night and I'll get to taste my first real alcoholic drink in 18 years! XD


Okay, I should get going now. :)


Law is very cute. XD


Just thinking about our conversation the other day and his words to the interview candidates make me smile. XD


Cause what he said seriously sounded slightly crazy. XD

Pixie Dust

Is what I really need.


I keep on looking at the "Add as Friend" button and I can't help thinking "If only, if only."


Why do I always like guys I know I can never ever talk to?


Feeling very low today but I can't let it show.


I really really really hope I'll get to be friends with him.


And I also really really hope that I'll get to become even more prettier.


And if we really do become friends and I begin to develop real feelings for him, I hope that whatever happens, I'll still be happy and be able to move on in life.


Seriously though, why did I fall for him??? TT^TT

Who would have known?

I came to school extra early today cause my brother had to be at his school by 6.30am so I was at school by 6.40am even though school only started at 8.00am.


But the main thing here is that for the first time since school started, I didn't see Law at all today.


I didn't think I'd get upset over such a menial matter but here I am feeling disappointed that I didn't get to look at him.


But come to think of it, I won't get to see him for a whole week because of our school break for Chinese New Year.


And I'm sure that since he's Chinese, he must have took an early leave for a vacation.


I already knew I wouldn't have been able to see him during the first break due to a meeting but even when I had to attend a short camp meeting, I didn't see him either.


I really do feel disappointed.


I didn't think it was obvious but then even people who I don't really talk to asked why I looked so sad and right then and there I thought to myself, "Does Law really affect me?"


I couldn't really focus in class today.


I keep on replaying the chances I had on my birthday to say "Hi!" to him but I missed them all.


I screwed up.


Who knows when I'll get the chance to actually talk to him cause I already promised to myself that if I got to talk to him for a few more times, I'd pluck up the courage to add him on Facebook.


I told my sisters last night. They didn't give much of a reaction cause they said they expected it.


You know, all those mangas I read make crushes-turned-into-true-love look so easy.


How the hell do those girls and guys pluck up the courage to even start to talk to each other???!


It's so hard just to even look at him.


I sometimes wish I wasn't so shy.


I'm sure I'd have talked to him more by now.


I wonder if he knows I am interested in him?


Please, please, please give me the chance to be able to have a normal conversation with him so that we can get to know each other better.


I also really really really want to look prettier.


I freaking wish I was pretty enough for him.


Sometimes, I wish I was so freaking beautiful that people would turn to look. I really want to know how that feels like.


Law is really a shining, radiant creature (note: not a vampire) and I really don't know how someone of my stature will ever get the chance to become his friend.


I hope, I really really hope that he'd notice me and take an interest in me.


I am really jealous of my sister cause for both of the times that she had a crush on two different people, both of them also fell for her and one of them is still going strong with her. The first one was a little complicated.


I just wonder how they all do it.


All my siblings have such radiant personalities.


And they are all really hot or pretty or gorgeous.


I always feel like the runt of the litter no matter how many times they say I'm the prettiest.


Cause let's face it, my face is not as captivating as theirs.


I don't even have an outstanding personality cause I always am the person who is backstage, never front stage.


All of them have been front stage.


For once, I'd really like something that I want to happen to me actually happen to me.


Please, please, please let Law suddenly talk to me and when he does, please please please let the both of us hit it off.