Sleepless

As much as I'd like to blame my lack of attention due to my exams and because I'm moving out soon, I can't because I know the truth behind why I can't sleep well anymore.

I think too much of him. Really.

I want to talk with him. To get to know him. But I can't just do that, oh no, I need to play "The Hard To Get Game" and I don't know why I have to but it seems as though every relationship advice website says so.

I have dark circles and eye bags. That just shows how bad I think about this.

And I really have to do my work now but I can't help it. I really can't.

I just pray and hope and wish that my patience will last just that bit more longer cause I might end up doing something really regretful and to date, I haven't done anything too embarrassing regarding Prince. With Law, now that's a different story.

I really need to get this feeling out of my system but no matter how many mangas I read or YouTube videos I watch, it just won't go away.

I wish I could get closer to him.

Almost crystal clear

I got another dream about him and this time it was almost crystal clear and I can still remember parts of it despite the fact that I've been awake for an hour now which is odd cause I'm one those people who forgets almost everything she dreamt of.

June said to me that when you dream about someone it means that that person is thinking of you and as much as I'd like to believe that it is true I'm sure you'd agree that it's actually the other way round.

So here's how it went, or at least, the beginning of what I can remember.

He was with me and my family on an outing but my mom wasn't there and my dad wanted to go around by himself so he was in charge of all of us. I think all my other siblings were younger versions of themselves but the both of us were at our present age.

What I do remember the most is that it was like a Japanese fireworks festival setting, with all the open air stalls and lanterns and I could see shrines and it was late evening or maybe it was night.

So we walked around a lot, the rest of them being playful like kids while he and I just talked and it felt so so so comfortable talking with him. It felt so real and our words just flowed easily.

When it was time to go back, my siblings pestered him to buy something for them (I think it was a cake) and I joined in as well and somehow all my informal slang came out as well and he was pretty amused. We didn't buy anything though so we walked up some stone steps to where our dad was and then we all got into the car.

Both of us sat in the back with Summer and at first we were talking but my dad demanded silence so he started texting with me. We were talking about books if I'm not mistaken and I was teasing him a bit. In the end we both just whispered and smothered our laughs.

I woke up after that and I felt much more refreshed compared to the previous mornings I woke up.

Also, I don't think I will give up on him easily. Why?

Last night I was wasting time on Omegle and I began chatting with a nice enough guy who was interesting. But even though he was, I just kept thinking of Prince the whole time.

I asked the guy questions regarding relationships and he told me that if a guy does make a first move like chat you up first, there is something in you that he's interested in. Physically, mentally, I have no idea.

Sometimes I wish I sat next to Prince during the exam but if I did, I'd have never been able to do last minute studying on the topic that I thought she wouldn't ask me but she did.

Maybe he was waiting for me to talk? I don't know.

I can only hope that I'll be able to talk with him the next time I see him.

A small void

I keep saying to myself, "If it took me 4 months to talk with him, surely you can be patient enough to wait till the next time you guys talk? I mean, it'll surely come within a shorter time than last time."

That is most certainly true, however, I can't help it but I'm becoming such a greedy person.

I want to talk with him on Facebook so I purposely log on several times a day and leave the tab open but thank goodness these days I don't do it that much anymore. Sometimes when I see him online I go off instead because... Well... In a way, I don't want to raise my hopes up.

I need to keep my mind open. He isn't the only guy that exists in this world that could be "my type".

But I can't help wishing that he would be interested in me.

Maybe he was but I turned him off. I don't know. I'll just have to wait out and see.

Hopefully I won't be thinking so foolishly anymore. Hopefully.

Natural

Whenever I talk to people, I feel really happy and I don't know why. Why was I so shy to talk with people the last couple of years?

Anyway, I got to the classroom earlier than Prince so I sat in the back and presently I was joined by one of my friends (Rosa, I told her about Prince as well and we got quite close through Facebook chat) and another friend (Olivia, I haven't bonded with her very closely yet) and then Isa came along.

Olivia, Rosa, and I discussed some of the lecture topics together while Isa sat by herself trying to read through my notes and I felt bad for her but she really needs to take up some responsibility, especially since she's older than me. I think she's too dependent on her parents.

So while we were discussing questions, Prince arrived and he sat two rows directly behind me and I was surprisingly cooler than I thought I would be. It felt a bit awkward though since I repeatedly went out from the classroom and I did my best to not ogle at him. By then people were moving forward to get in line for the oral examination so when he got up, I waited a bit then I went in front as well. I asked another friend, Lisa, if she was the last but she said no.

Lisa: He's the one after me. *Points to the back*

Me: Ah, P-Prince. *He looks up* Who's after you?

Prince: Uh... No one.

Me: Then can I be after you?

Prince: Sure.

Me: Thanks!

At one point, I think when I said his name, he gave a small grin and I couldn't help myself so I responded back with a huge smile. 

Oh I felt so weird saying his name out loud. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

So I moved in front and sat in the same row as him although I wasn't near him because I was scared that I would annoy him and bother him so I didn't.

I ended up talking with Yu (who came late) and Isa after that but I managed to cram in some last minute notes (which was miraculously what the lecturer asked me, thank goodness I read it!) but I didn't look at him too often.

He was all jittery and he kept moving his left arm and whenever someone talked he would look.

Like when I called Lisa by her full name he looked at me as well since her back name sounds like the last part of his real name and I got a bit embarrassed by that but I pretended that I didn't notice that he looked up.

After his turn was done I talked with him for a bit but I couldn't stay for long since it was my turn so yeah, it was a bit sad. There was also another guy there so I couldn't talk freely.

He left a few moments before I did and I felt a bit sad about that as well but it isn't like I own him or anything so I have no right to feel sad.

I talked a lot today and I did my best to not make it too loud as I tend to do that around the guy that I like. I hope he didn't feel annoyed with me.

I just hope that he sees me as a friend, someone nice to talk with freely.

Thanks to him, I didn't feel so nervous about the exam anymore. We even got the same score HAHAHAHA. But yeah...

I'll be resting today and tomorrow I'll start to work hard again for my final exam. Lucky for him, he finished it all already. I'll do that next time so Ill have a longer break hahahaha.

Gone instantly

I studied with much difficulty all day. I couldn't concentrate at all. I managed to finish copying my notes and to add side notes but not much could get into my head.

So I thought I should try to distract myself by going on Facebook or reading manga (I found a really good one called Hatsukare by Tomori Miyoshi) but I just couldn't. I was unable to really think straight and enjoy going online.

And that was when I realised that I really wanted to talk with him badly. And oh gosh does that sound annoying and brat-like but I really did and I don't know why and because of that my head began throbbing (not like it hasn't been throbbing for the past couple of days over related subject matters).

So I thought I should try to get some rest because I wanted to wake up early to do another summary for my notes. I talked with Anna for a bit about this and she told me to not worry so I said okay and then I got into bed.

And I couldn't sleep at all. I usually fall asleep fast especially when I start to imagine things but I just couldn't and I knew why. There was nothing I could do to make the throbbing go away.

I tried playing on my mobile and logging onto Facebook but it just couldn't make my mind sleepy and it was one of my last resort techniques I use to put myself to sleep. He wasn't online and I felt a bit sad.

Thus, I made up my mind to study instead so I got up and turned my laptop on and started to take some notes down but I needed the internet as well so I turned it on and just for the heck of it, I logged onto Facebook.

And there he was, online.

I wanted to talk with him but I hesitated for a bit and did some notes but I couldn't stand it so I messaged him.

Me: Hey, can I ask you a question or are you busy now?

Prince: yea, u can

And then we chatted a bit, this time slightly longer than the previous one by 2 minutes ahahahaha. (I'm sad for keeping track, I know).

It went quite okay and he chatted very normally with me and I am happy for that. At one point I kind of ended the conversation but he asked something so the conversation reopened again and I would say we got just a tiny bit more closer cause we exchanged slang words.

Talking with him made me feel less nervous and I felt waves of relief wash over me when I chatted with him. He used smiley faces and all and I feel quite good about that.

Ah, but I don't think he's interested in me. That's what I think. I mean, he was nice and all but he didn't ask much questions about me and even though he did offer up some info about himself he didn't bother to get to know me that much.

And I am feeling surprisingly relieved and I don't know why.

I don't feel sad, more like, I feel happy that he actually might consider me as a friend.

So I should be content with that. I should. Really.

This is good though, even though I'm a bit upset and disappointed, at least it isn't as bad as when I liked Law and I got too upset when the smallest things happen. At least Prince responds to certain things.

I think I'd really like it if he considers me as a friend. It'd be nice to have an actual guy friend.

I just hope I didn't piss him off or annoy him too much. I think I was a bit embarrassing at some points but I hope that it was only me who thought it that way.

I guess I can sleep well now but I think I'd like to do a couple more of notes. :)

Thank you, God. I would have never had this chance if it wasn't for you.

And I'm actually feeling sleepy now. I will sleep at 3.30 a.m. maybe or finish 5 lecture notes, which ever comes first. I'll sleep for 4 hours only maybe.

It was benign and it's slowly becoming malignant

It's bad. It's so freaking bad.

I can't stop thinking about him, as cheesy and 'urgh!'-making as it sounds.

I keep thinking about how close I was with him that day. How I actually saw him so close to me and even though I did make eye contact from time to time and did my best to look at him normally, I completely forgot how he looks like on a closer inspection and I feel like I spaced out through out that entire time.

Now when I see him online I don't know what to do. I want to message him but I don't have a valid reason to do so and unlike my other friends, whom I've talked with and hung out with a couple of times before, it would be odd to just say "Hello!" out of the blue.

So I don't message him, which in a way is a good thing so I don't come off as desperate.

But even though I hate to admit it, I am. =-=

I want to know him even more.

And this is one of the reasons why I don't like having these kinds of feelings. I'll start to change and before I know it, I'll be some horrible girl who can't mind her own business and I really don't want to be that kind of person at all.

I really want to talk with him and see him smile and grin again but that'll be a bit impossible now.

I added him to our class's group today and I guess that's enough interaction for today. I meant it as a nice gesture because none of his other friends added him in and I still wonder why. I hope that he's a bit happy with that. I know I'm happy that he's taking part in it.

Why oh why do I always raise my hopes so high up?

Aftermath

This is not good. It isn't good for my mental health and all.

Sure I feel more inspired to become even better, which is what happens when I start to like someone, but then it'll raise my hopes too high up and then when it doesn't turn out the way I wanted it to, then I'll get super depressed, I just know it.

This whole heart thumping sensation I'm feeling was made worse when Anna and I watched Pride and Prejudice last night. Nope. That most certainly didn't help at all.

Even over the smallest things, like reading a shoujo manga or even logging on to Facebook, makes me happy. Happy with the thought that he does know me. That he recognises me. That at one point, he wanted to chat with me.

And yes, that might have been a one time thing but really, I'm still happy just the same.

Why did he chat with me? I really don't think it was obligatory for him to chat up with me just to know how my test went. Is he really doing this just for kicks? Or does he find it interesting? Chatting with me that is.

I can really feel my heartbeats quickening and I can even hear them.

In all the dreams I've ever had at night, I always ran away from someone I like and I never tried to approach them like on a one-to-one basis.

The fact that he treated me nice could be just his personality to treat everyone nice, I have to keep that in mind.

This is when I think back to the times when I first began to properly like guys I actually talked with.

The first one, Randy, turned out to be bisexual. He knew I liked him and he even talked with me and was really nice to me even when I was so obviously having a crush on him. He still treated me as a friend but he never did do anything in response to my feelings. That was in 2010. I think it started in August and ended in December although the trip to South Korea was in October. We even went to the library to study together after coming back from the trip, with another friend of course.

The second one, Law, already had feelings for another girl, which I'm guessing is Ivy. Again, he was super nice to me even when I was so despairingly obvious but he maintained that senior-junior relationship. I still feel embarrassed that he put up with my behaviour. One day when I meet him again, I will definitely apologise for causing so much trouble to him. That was in 2012 which started in January and ended in August even though I didn't talk much with him and stopped seeing him around in June.

Third, Prince. I have yet to find out what will happen. This feeling started in October 2012 and it's still going on till now so that'd make it almost 5 months. What if he's interested but I lose interest? Huge what-ifs but it's possible even though I wouldn't want that to happen.

I've been single for the past 19 years and it's because almost all the guys I liked/like didn't like me back in that way. It's not as if I'm a piece of rotten fish.

The first guy who liked me, Greg, has a different religion than me. He talked to me all the time while we were practicing our dance for the exchange student trip to South Korea and approached me all the time, even on Facebook. But, being the blunt girl that I am, I didn't realise that he liked me. Someone had to point it out to me during the trip and even when they gave me clues like his initials, I named other people and not him because I didn't suspect it at all. This was in 2010.

The second, Liam. I'm still not so sure about this but there were times when he sat down and just talked with me alone, like the time when we were making tofu during the exchange student trip and I went outside and he followed. Also, in one of the pictures we took together, he had his arm hanging awkwardly on my shoulder and he even held my hands as we went down the hill while we were gathering dead plants (sounds so bad, I know) as decoration for our handicrafts. Again, 2010.

The third one, Roy. Even before he got my number and texted me, I somehow knew that he was trying to get my attention cause when we held our cheer practice, he got extremely noisy in my presence and I think his friend, our cheer captain, stationed him behind me to help him out. I was pretty mean to him since I made it obvious that I liked Law at that time but he was pretty mean to me in the end as well hahaha. I don't blame him.

And so, the archive of my so called love life in summary is kind of completed. There're a couple of other people I left out because it was either I didn't like them very seriously or I'm not sure if they liked me or not since they were just rumours.

Wow. To think that all of those seemed like a long period of time and are already in the past. Those seconds and minutes went by in the blink of an eye and here I am, still moving forwards.

When I began this post, I just wanted to write down how I'm feeling right now (heartbeating and all that) but it turned out to be this story-telling time instead hahahaha. I did plan on doing this though, not in this way, but I guess it works.

I guess the next thing to do on my agenda is to type out all of Law's messages to me because I'd like to see myself squirm in embarrassment. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

I shall get back to my work now.

The Happy Bubbles

I know it's stupid but I can't help it. I am just happy. I am still happy from the event that happened two days ago.

And it's weird but I woke up really early yesterday and I couldn't go back to sleep because I was happy. Because it felt like I finally woke up and remained awake in a dream.

But it wasn't a dream.

I checked my inbox many times just to make sure it wasn't. XD

And I was able to stay up, and to still be able to stay up, until now, which is almost 4 am, because of the happy bubbles inside, dancing away.

Summer, Skye and Rainie said that I needed to be on alert, in case he's doing this just for kicks and I am on my alert but he really, really doesn't seem like the type who'd do that.

But then my paranoid side comes up and says to me "Don't judge a book by it's cover".

I just hope that he is a nice guy and that maybe, just maybe, he's interested in me as well.

I chatted with Ariel through Skype today and we caught up on our "boy issues" and she's actually going on a date in a couple of hours since it's almost noon there hahaha.

So yeah, not saying I'm extremely superstitious (although it might have seemed that way in my earlier posts), maybe the starting of this year is a good one for us Capricorns. Hahahaha.

But I believe everything is up to God so whatever happens, I will be patient and just let it happen.

My head is swimming

So...

After my previous blog update, I went on Facebook and saw that he was online and I stayed a couple of minutes because I thought I'd get the courage to message him but I didn't cause I was scared that I'd annoy him so I went out of there and went on 9Gag instead.

Then, I thought, "Hey, why don't I just check my Facebook for a little while" so I went back on and saw that he was still online so I thought, "Why don't I just leave my Facebook tab open while I open another tab for 9Gag" so I did.

And just when the 9Gag page loaded, I heard a "PING" and saw that he sent me a message.

Prince: how did u do?

I got a heart attack. A really mini one and I started to rock back and forth, clutching my knees and I told Anna and she was happy for me. I was really happy.

Then I proceeded to answer him and began making conversation but after a bit he got a bit busy I think cause he didn't reply fast and then he said "ttyl" so I said "Okay :)". 

Then I closed the tab. 

He typed in short form but I didn't mind it at all.

OMG.

This is big for me.

This is big for me.

This is freaking big for me.

I freaking, freaking, never had a guy suddenly Facebook chat with me after talking with him after only a few times.

And he actually said "ttyl".

OMG. OMG. OMG.

I blushed so badly just now and I'm thankful that he didn't see me blush.

And that he actually wants to talk again with me.

Yes, I am happy that I took that risk. Otherwise, this wouldn't have happened.

Thank you, God, so so so so much. This is like a dream come true. :D

PS. My heart is still beating so fast. I can't believe it's real.

A courageous step

I feel quite proud with myself today.

Let's rewind to the beginning.

I got to the examination room and when I looked inside I saw that there were only a few people so I thought I'd be able to take my test and finish it fast so I plopped myself on a seat and proceeded to try and calm my nerves down since it was going to be the first time I will sit for an oral exam that wasn't language related.

A few minutes after I sat down, Prince came in and again, we made brief eye-contact before he sat at the other side of the room and I was a bit shocked cause I thought that he took the exam yesterday.

At one point the professor said something and I asked the guy sitting next to me what she said, cause I wasn't paying attention, and at that point Prince looked our way.

So there we were, waiting for our turn, me trying to cram more notes into my already panicked brain when suddenly this voice began speaking up in my head.

Mind: I want to talk with him. I want to talk with him. I want to talk with him.

Me: What the hell?! No! We're supposed to be studying!

Mind: But I want to talk with him! I want to-

Me: Okay, look here. We're going to pay attention to Bernini and read up more Baroque notes.

Mind: Aw, c'mon. Don't tell me you don't want to talk with him.

Me: Of course I do but I don't have a reason to talk with him.

Mind: If only you had sat on that side just now...

Me: Yeah, I know. I could've asked him questions.

Mind: Yeah, but now you're in the same room with him. You can still approach him.

Me: But how? I don't have a reason to. We should just go back to studying.

So I went back to studying but I kept on remembering this video I saw that encouraged me to try and accept rejection and to be more brave.

If I didn't mention it earlier, I'll mention it now. I have a huge phobia of rejection.

But I really wanted to talk with him.

At around the 2 hour mark, my phone's mobile network refused to co-operate with me when I needed to find information on Juvarra's Superga in Turin. And throughout that 2 hour period I said to myself, if the network starts to go crazy, I'll go talk with him.

Mind: This is the moment. Go now. Go.

Me: But, I'm not ready. I'm scared.

Mind: Think about the 3 seconds of no nervousness.

Me: What-

Mind: 1. 2. 3.

I got up with a slight hesitation but I made my way to his place.

Me: Hey, can I borrow your book? I need to look up on something.

Prince: Ah, okay.

He seemed a bit shocked, I think, that I actually approached him. This is something I rarely did last time before I got into university but now, I guess I'm slowly becoming a bit more open.

I was going to sit in front of him, bringing the book with me but something made me stop (I don't know what) and I sat beside him instead.

My heart was beating fast the whole time and I kept telling myself to think of him as a friend and to stop being so freaking nervous. I just thought that I made the first move without actually making him realise that I did the first move and made him think that he made the first move by borrowing the book to me.

I thumbed through the pages and then I asked him a question and before I knew it, we were talking about history and discussing stuff and he even helped cleared up some info for me. 

Another good thing is that while we were talking, he even offered up information about himself that I didn't ask about. The bad thing was that I almost only used questions and I didn't offer up info about myself and he didn't ask anything either. It's a good start though.

I was so nervous throughout that time and I was literally shaking but that could also be because of the cold but I kept putting my hands down cause whenever I lifted them up they began shaking. I guess he was nervous about talking with me as well since it was the first time we talked and we talked for a very long time, for almost an hour in fact.

If we were in another place, maybe I would have talked more enthusiastically or something but we were in the room so I did my best to keep my voice low.

He was really kind to me when we were speaking, helping me out and all. He maintained eye contact and he even smiled and grinned. I also feel bad for stopping him from drinking water several times. =-=;

I initially thought his fingers were shaking because he was afraid of the test but when I asked him if he was nervous for the test he said 'no' but he could have been making a white lie. I mean, why else would he be nervous?

Towards the end we got quiet but it wasn't really awkward for some reason. I didn't feel awkward with him like how I feel when I'm with other people when things suddenly become quiet. I didn't feel that kind of atmosphere.

In fact, I felt more relaxed and at peace after I talked with him.

During the break time, after I talked with the professor, I went back to my seat because I was scared that I annoyed him and that he wouldn't want to sit with me after that. He talked with Acia in Serbian during the break. He approached her first and I felt a bit sad. At several points in our conversation he looked over at her and I just felt bad, like I was too boring to talk with and that he wanted to talk with her instead. So I just felt bad about myself.

While he was taking his test, I'd look at him every now and then.

At one point, I think he was thinking about something, he looked my way even though his sitting posture's orientation was the other way and I made eye-contact with him for more than a few seconds so I felt a bit relieved. I really don't want him to hate me. We both were one of the last ones to take the test and he even let a girl go before him.

When I got back I told Anna about what happened and how I was worried that he could be hating me and that he might find me annoying but she told me to compare him and another one of our guy friends and to try and replay that situation with the other guy friend.

I did and I realised that if I had done that with the other friend, it would have been more awkward even though I've known the other guy for a longer time.

It could be that Prince didn't mind speaking with me or he's just extremely kind.

Then Anna proceeded to reassure me that guys are naturally simple. If they like you, they like you. If they don't like you, they don't like you. So they'll just be very honest with the people that they talk with. Honest as in they'll only talk with you if they think you're nice.

And yes, that was very reassuring indeed.

This has been a very very very big step for me indeed and I feel so glad that I didn't chicken out this time unlike in my previous cases with Law.

Maybe that's why I had to like Law first, to get the regretful experience so that I'll be scared to ever get such an experience again and that I'll take a risk.

It was nerve wrecking alright but now I have more courage to speak with him. Naturally I won't be all over him like what happened last time but I will be more calmer and hopefully, he'll see me as someone good to talk with.

We are similar in a lot of ways, from what I can tell from the little bit of information that he shared with me.

For one, he cooks for his roommates (Anna asked why didn't I tell him about me cooking for her =-=) and he also thinks about being thrifty (cause cooking for his roommates is cheaper, says he XD).

I hope that I'll get more opportunities to talk with him and that I'll become an even better person and maybe, just maybe, he'll see me as someone nice.

Thank you, God, for all the wonderful things you gave to me today. It was such a lovely present after all the things that I had to go through this week. :)

And there I was, thinking that I wouldn't still be liking him.

PS. Notice how much calmer I am in this post compared to the ones I wrote when I liked Law and when the smallest things related with Law happened to me. I have changed, for the better I hope. I think it was a really good idea to keep this love blog cause now I can keep track of the changes that I've been through.

PSS. He was writing with a colour pen (dark swamp green), the same brand as my colour pens. Yeah, I felt happy about that hahahahahahaha. And we both wore dark blue sweaters and I swear, I did not stalk him. XD

Short

Saw him briefly today and when I came in he looked up for awhile but quickly looked back down.

I was afraid of sitting alone but luckily I saw Isa so I sat next to her and he was in front of us. And yeah, I didn't talk with him because I didn't know what to say.

I feel a bit sorry for him though cause he didn't sit with a group of people. Maybe it's because he doesn't come to class often that he isn't able to bond with other people well enough. I think I'd like to be his friend. He seems nice.

Also, I had a dream about him last night but they were like bits and pieces and I just remember seeing his name everywhere.

That's it for now. I need to study.

Can't help it

I feel a bit envious because he liked another girl's status even though I am in no power to feel that way.

I think I just wish that he would communicate with me but I guess I'm always hoping for too much.

He's probably forgotten me anyway.

La mer

I have no idea why but suddenly, I feel myself falling for him again.

I think it's cause I stalked his photos again just now.

But anyway, there is this very gentle aura that he radiates and that part gets me a lot.

He's like the sea, somewhat soothing and calming.

I wish I could get the chance to talk with him and to know him better.

He really stands out like a prince and I really feel inferior to this fact because I know I'm not hot stuff in fact, I'm pretty much just above average in every category so there's hardly anything special about me.

Why can't this play out like how mangas always goes?

Why hello... Again

I had another dream about Prince again last night and I have no idea why.

Maybe it's cause just before I went to sleep, I checked out his Facebook page but that was it. I didn't meet him and neither did I think about him all day (cause I was too preoccupied with watching danisnotonfire videos XD).

Strangely enough, I can remember this dream a bit more vividly than the previous ones that I had.

I think the dream started off by him sleeping over at our grandparent's place and him and my siblings (and I think my cousins) slept on the floor in the kitchen house (technically a house that has our kitchen and as royal as that sounds, it's pretty small).

I remember waking up and looking outside through huge windows and I saw the universe, like literally the universe. But they were mosaic-like and for some weird reason, everyone could see everything clearly but I couldn't cause I was the only one who saw these mosaic-like things. It was still beautiful and I got really mesmerized by it.

I think throughout his stay there, I talked with him a couple of times but I'm not exactly sure what about.

What I do remember most is that while I was looking at the universe, he called my name out loud and I turned to look at him and he smiled and I couldn't help but think "Wow, he knows my name and this is the first time that he initiated a conversation."

Of course I didn't realise it was a dream but I was happy all the same and we talked more after that.

There was also a part when my grandpa's spirit possessed me (he's not dead yet in real life, thankfully) but that is a whole different story hahaha.

It's at moments like these that I think back to that day when he came over to my table with one of my guy friends before he left. I still wonder why he did that.

Also, I can't help but feel that around the time that we just became Facebook acquaintances and I posted a YouTube video up, he also posted one up and said "Say something about this." And I don't know why but I felt like he was talking with me. 

Felt.

Doesn't mean that it's true.

I wonder if he will even remember me the next time we see each other. I have no idea really.

I really find him interesting, to be very honest. He doesn't seem like the type to smoke and he really does have this overall good aura around him.

I just wish that there was a way for me to actually get to know him properly, not only by ways of reaching out to the people around him.

Speak Your Mind

I think because I have an empty feeling inside of me, I always read mangas to make myself better. I really like reading those in the Slice of Life genre and these days, I've been reading them together with a hint of Romance and Comedy.

There was one that I had noticed since last year and I only got around to reading it today. It's called Love Blog!! by Fujiwara Akira.

The heroine is basically doing the same thing as me, blogging about her love life.

The difference is that she's working and she actually has a love life hahaha.

I feel somewhat comforted after reading that manga though.

There's no reason for me to feel upset for not being single. When my perfect guy comes, he'll come.

And I don't mean perfect in the sense that he's as hot as a model, as smart as a 15-year-old Harvard graduate or as rich as Bill Gates but rather in the sense that we are compatible with each other and that we will love each other unconditionally and for as long as life will last for us.

I mean, using Prince as a reference here, I might really like him and we might get together but if he cannot accept the fact that I love mangas and drawing and I might not like one attribute that he has and this causes problems that are too big to handle, then it'll be a pity wouldn't it?

I think people who really get that one person who they can't help but just love and that one person feels exactly the same way are really really lucky.

I pray that one day I will be able to experience such love as well and when I do get it, I'll be able to cherish it and protect it for as long as I live.

Will you ever?

I think it's pretty sad that I still think about Prince despite knowing the fact that he probably never thinks of me except maybe if he notices I'm online on Facebook.

It's a bit painful knowing that you think of someone but your existence means little to nothing for them.

There are those times that I wonder whether or not people talk about you, to acknowledge that you too live on Earth and is right next to them.

Maybe I'm not even worth thinking about.