Small things

I went to uni to study Architecture and Building Technology with Yu and another Chinese guy friend yesterday and somehow, I really did expect to see Peter there and yeah, he did come along even though he didn't talk much or participate much at all.

At the end of the day when we said our 'bye's he seemed a bit cold to me but I did my best to not think too much about it.

And yeah, him liking my status isn't much but it reassures me all the same, that he at the very least wants to be friends.

And yeah, I can't deny that it did make me feel happy and I felt a huge smile plaster itself across my face.

It does seem a bit sudden though that we became friends and I'm also not very sure how it happened.

I think it started when I went to look at his sketches and I asked him a lot of questions about it and from then onwards we just talked a bit here and there.

And after the exams, I think I will finally do drawings of almost all the guys that I've talked about here. It should be pretty interesting I suppose.

And I definitely will not let this momentary feeling get into my head.

And now I shall go back to work. Hopefully things will turn out well for the test tomorrow.

I will not be swept away

Okay lets do the minor stuff first.

I think that Prince and I are finally on an okay-ish base. I thought that he hated me because he didn't come to see Tia and I's project yesterday despite the fact that we got an A on it (he got an A-) but he liked a post I put in our course's Facebook page and I feel that it's a sign that he's okay with me now. And yes, that does makes me feel happy and I can finally breathe. :)

On the other hand, Carl isn't. I think he's finally given up on me because he didn't even say 'hey' to me yesterday when we passed by each other even though he used to and he's a bit cold to me but I don't mind that haha. He's still trying to get a bit of my attention though.

Yesterday, the guys in our design studio started to lift themselves off the ground using the visible metal beams on the ceiling. My back was to them so when I finally turned around, I saw one of my guy friends pulling himself off the ground and so I said "Bravo!" to him since he was Italian. Tia was facing them though so she told me that before my guy friend went up, Carl also attempted to do it but he couldn't. And he also proceeded to do it after I said "Bravo!" to my guy friend and this time he managed to do it once and the guys erupted in cheers for him.

Prince could do it several times and he even managed to touch the ceiling with his feet. And then the other two guys also tried to do the same but they couldn't hahaha. I jokingly said to Tia that I had good taste in guys because Prince was strong enough to do that.

And I don't know whether I mentioned this before (perhaps I did but I couldn't find the post when I went through a few of them) but I'm actually starting to take an interest in another guy in class whom we shall call Peter. Such a safe name I know but it kind of suits him.

Yet again, he's a Chinese guy but he is only slightly taller than me, if not the same height, and he isn't what you would call good looking. Maybe cute but that's about it. From there I realised that Prince is the only guy I liked that was definitely taller than me compared to the people I liked before and that for Peter, he's the only one that isn't on-the-spot gorgeous. Not that I like him just yet as it's only an interest, not even an attraction.

So you could say that I'm not interested in his physical attributes at all, rather his personality and his taste.

For one, he actually likes Haruki Murakami I mean, seriously??? That is such an attention grabber for me because one, he reads books and two, he likes Haruki Murakami.

Two, he doesn't smoke despite the fact that some of his Chinese friends smoke as well. Or maybe he does, I don't know, but I never saw him with a cigarette between his fingers.

Three, he's really passionate about architecture and he always goes around, looking at other people's projects and listening to what the professors have to say and he also got an A for his project which he did alone (at this point Tia said that I really do have good taste in guys XD).

This has been going on for around two weeks I think and Tia was teasing me all the time about it but I didn't really mind.

I started to talk with him bit by bit though and I'm not too sure myself why but he's also being very nice to me so I'm happy with that.

Yesterday, I was feeling really insecure about the perspective drawings that I did for our perspective and at one point I felt like Tia wanted to ask him to come over and to reassure me but she didn't and I felt a bit sad by that.

But then later on, Peter himself came over and I looked up at him, made eye-contact and said "Yes?" and he smiled and said "It's very nice" with a smile and for a moment, my heart skipped a beat but it quickly disappeared. It did make me a smidgen bit happier.

He came back several times to look at it and I talked with him a bit more after the reviews ended and he said 'bye' to us when he left so I felt happy at that as well.

Naturally though, I'm not going to let myself fall for him and I know I probably said this a hundred times with reference to my past crushes but I'm definitely not going to be lenient on this one because for one, even though he's single, I have a feeling that he already likes another girl who keeps commenting on his profile pictures and statuses.

And yeah, I guess that's it for now. Exams will start next week and hopefully I'll be able to do well for them despite the fact that I'm really lazy now. I will study a bit tonight though.

The Guy

I have unrealistic hopes and dreams about the relationship that I want to have with a guy but I'm not going to give up on them because somewhere, somehow, I'm sure I will experience it one day.

It's hard to find, that much I'm positively sure but I just feel like something good will happen as long as I try my best to be a good person and to not look for it because it will come when it's destined to come.

Maybe it's because I've been reading too many romance mangas lately and one way or another, I get too much into the character so my imagination gets pretty delusional.

I think that for my past crushes, it could've been that I was more into the idea of being in love than actually liking the person because the feeling of butterflies in your stomach makes everything rose-tinted and the day just passes by more quicker.

I think I should be happy for couples who have finally found someone that they can really cherish.

It's summer here and it's freaking hot but I am somewhat cool and calm, like I raised a protective barrier around me. I can only hope that it'll protect me from unwanted distractions and the like.

And now I guess I'll be going into another long hiatus. I feel like I finally have stopped my feelings for Prince and I no longer feel anything much for him other than as a classmate.

You might think that I hated him or something when I found out that he had a girlfriend but I never disliked him. I never disliked his girlfriend either. I'm sure they must really like each other a lot and that they complement each other. 

In fact, I don't think I would have complemented Prince at all, even though I still believe that we have the same brainwave.

My guy has yet to come and till then, I will be waiting patiently.

Gets into slow motion

I've found another idol to start gawking over again. :D

Introducing Lay/Zhang Yixing of EXO-M! :D

He is like my dream guy. Well, that's only based on the things that I know about him so far haha. But he's really quiet and refreshing, passionate and hardworking, lovable and yet awkward. He does seem a bit like Prince, his personality I mean, but only a bit.

I don't think I like Prince but I sometimes feel a bit happy when I see him, not like I'll let that happiness bloom any further. I do feel like that we could be friends after some more time has passed.

At the end of the lecture today, I saw him talking with the Australian guy. They're probably close because they went to one of my classmate's birthday bash the other week and they met there.

As I was passing by both of them with a friend of mine, Prince kind of stopped talking with the guy and, I think, he turned to look in our direction. Maybe he was looking at my friend since she had a skirt on, I'm not that outstanding anyway but I felt myself hoping that he wanted to look at me and that he wanted me to say 'Bye'.

But I will definitely not let myself fall for him again, even though I think that we have the same brainwave.

I'll just let God and fate plan my life out.

What is a relationship all about anyway?

Okay so for some reason I'm hearing a heck load of relationship problems, whether or not the person admits to that problem or not, but I'd like to refer to one in particular.

Cheating.

Now ladies and gentlemen, what in your definition is cheating?

If making out with people and having crushes on guys while being engaged to one guy is in your list, then you and I are on the same page.

Is it okay to cheat?

Hell no.

But when one of my friends was telling me how she made out with a guy last Friday at a party and how she's feeling no remorse for it and how she's actually hoping to meet him again I found myself wondering, "Why did you even get engaged in the first place?"

Being very traditionally minded, I don't mind that she has slept with her boyfriend and all of that before but really? Cheating and not feeling any sense of guilt and repeating the process?

Am I the weird one here?

Why get attached to one person if you still want to hop around looking for the thrill of different lips and all of that??? Really now.

She doesn't even mind if he does the same to her.

Is that what most people expect from a relationship these days? Just someone they can refer to as their "soulmate" and then go around sticking their tongue down someone's throat?

Anyway, Prince was at that party too according to her but he was really quiet. My guesses on his personality is almost spot on aha.

I really do hope that when I do get into a relationship it will be a meaningful one, and not one where I'll be looking to get out from it.

Friday

It really does seem that I am more or less over him.

I don't get excited when I see him nor do I try and find every single chance to be next to him. In fact, last Friday, I didn't even notice that he was in class until the morning break.

On the other hand though, Carl keeps bugging me and it's slowly starting to get on my nerves and what adds to the fuel is his egoistical personality.

As soon as it was the morning break, I went to the professor to ask some questions and when I came back to my seat he immediately asked me a question.

Carl: Beth, zero to the power of anything is 1 right?

Me: Uh, yes. I think so?

Guy friend: No you're wrong. Zero to the power of anything is still zero. It's any number to the power of zero is 1.

Me: Ah, yeah, he's right!

Carl: No! There's some theory that I read before about this-

Guy friend: Why are you so stubborn??? Here I can prove it for you.

And they continued bickering for awhile but I turned around to talk with Tia instead and in the end Carl just walked away, refusing to admit his error.

And after the professor left, Tia and I went in front of the class to perform the dare we assigned to each other; she had to dance the 'Macarena' while I had to sing a remix of the Teletubbies theme song with 'Old McDonald'.

Yeah... I really did give it a 100% and I'm just thankful that people clapped warmly at the end. Prince and Carl were talking (that's when I noticed Prince) and I saw that Prince wanted to continue talking but I just sang louder, to annoy him most probably.

But after that Carl came to talk with me and I really felt uncomfortable because it felt like he was cornering me saying "Beth, stop doing weird things." Whatever, okay. It's not like I wanted to do that that badly. Luckily my guy friend helped me out again and Carl went away eventually.

I feel much better now. I don't feel like I need a guy to complete me and neither am I desperately looking for one because I'm sure when he comes, he'll be just like how I imagined it to be, better even.

Wishful thinking I know but that's all that I can hope for at the moment.

I wonder when those feelings will strike me again.