Probably ruined all my chances

Ton of assignments. Suddenly was told I didn't have enough years to be in university. How am I supposed to deal with this?

Above it all, I bet, I seriously bet, no guy in my class would ever think I'm datable ever.

Why?

I climbed over the metal wall that can also be used as a table and a chair to get to my seat. Twice.

The second time, Prince saw me.

So good bye to having any hope of him ever thinking that I'm attractive.

Maybe I did that on purpose. I don't know.

I am like such a tomboy and I can't be cute and sexy. I have absolutely no idea how to be cute and sexy.

Life is screwed up now.

Racing

I've been thinking about him a lot. Even though I just blogged about him 2 hours ago.

He makes my heart race for no reason.

He's so cute in his cap and spectacles!

I hope that I can see him for a bit longer tomorrow. :)

My mind refuses to co-operate with me

And all the sudden downpour of assignments is making my head spin. I want to complete too many things at one time but I don't know. I need to make a list of things I want to do after this.

Anyway, I don't want to think about that for now.

I'm just happy that I got to see Prince. :)

When he arrived for class yesterday, I noticed that he wore a brown, faded cap, and he never took it off the whole time. I'm guessing he got a bad haircut. He looked pretty sad though, somehow.

Ever since he made fun of the lecturers last week, I had this image of him being a bad guy or something and the cap made him look a bit like a hip hop gangster. And I got a bit afraid of him.

Nevertheless, I was excited to go for class today cause he was going to be there as well.

He arrived late, as usual, and sat at the back row behind me. I was in the front row though hahaha. I thought he wasn't going to come but hey-ho, he did.

I tried to not make it obvious that I was looking for him. I must try my best to not look in his direction.

On an entirely different note, I think that I'm a bit more approachable now cause people actually dared to ask to borrow my stationary so I am glad that I don't look too serious or anything.

Back to Prince.

During the lunch break, he stayed in class while his friends went to eat lunch. He was alone and he was really concentrating on his work and I noticed that he had his spectacles on. Somehow, that made me think that he didn't have a very evil side after all. I mean, he really bothered to actually finish his work before our professors checked our work later in the afternoon. He went out after he finished his work.

I stayed on in class to complete mine and towards the end of break, whenever someone came in class, I would turn to look to check if it was him or not but it never was and after sometime, I just gave up altogether and concentrated on my work.

And then somehow, even though I didn't hear the door opening, I turned to look at the entrance and he and his friends were suddenly there.

And I could be imagining it, really could've been imagining it, but when I looked up we made brief eye-contact with each other and he looked a bit surprised but then it was too brief to be sure whether that happened or not because I looked back down and acted cool.

Don't get me wrong. This will definitely not happen like Law's case. When I get the opportunity to talk with him, I will. I'm not that scared anymore to talk with guys.

I am very impressed with his work. His drawings are so precise and clean. I saw them when he got called to the front of the class by the professors and unlike all the other people before him (most of them were girls) he talked in a soft and gentle voice and he never did raise his voice, not even once. He left early though, sadly.

Tomorrow will be the last day for me to see him before the short "holiday" starts. I'm going to use that time to do as much of my assignments as possible.

Even if I get to see him for a bit, I will be happy.

At least, I will try to content myself with just that.

And... he looks really good even in the boyish cap and the nerdy spectacles (they aren't even the cool, thick-rimmed ones). He looks really good. I wish I was pretty enough for him.

Speak up

You guys should really check out Ga-in's Bloom. The song is good but I really like the MV. I think she's so brave to have actually put in a bed scene and yes, it is hot. It leaves just enough to your own imagination.

When I watch that MV, the guy model reminds me a bit of Prince, not face-wise, just the body.

I don't know, maybe I'm actually starting to allow myself to fall for him, although this is yet again another risk.

I can't wait to see him on Monday.

He might not like me back or is even attracted to me but I think it's okay for me to fall for him. Slowly that is.

And now I have to eat lunch before I head off to the library to study. :)

The small details counts apparently

That's what my roommate (whom I shall call Ana) said when I told her.

I just read my post on Law on the 13th of March and I must say that it was really embarrassing of me to actually think like that which is why when small events happen to me coincidentally, I try my best to not think too much about it, like the way I did last time.

I came a bit late for lecture today cause I was downloading Lee Jong Hyun's My Love which is an OST that he sang for A Gentleman's Dignity and I absolutely love it. Just cause he's my bias doesn't mean I love the song just because he sang it. It's a really good song and you should check it out. There're hints of nostalgia all over and I just love nostalgic songs. :)

Anyway, Prince arrived a bit later than me and he passed by in front of me and sat way at the back and I was a bit disappointed but I cheered myself up by thinking that at least I got to see him once today.

For the afternoon class, I am happy to say, that he didn't hang out with his female friends but was instead hanging out with some guys behind us. Well, not exactly behind us. They were sitting in the last row hahaha.

Due to the fact that he always sat at the back today, whenever someone spoke out from behind, I always turned around and stole a couple of glances before looking back in front.

And I might regret typing all of this down but I should be honest and write everything I did.

Anyway, Isa had to leave during the break in the afternoon lecture and I got around to talking with some more people even though I couldn't talk with him. I guess our circles don't really run in the same direction.

When it was time to go home, I saw that Prince went out earlier than me so again I felt disappointed but I couldn't do anything about it so I just packed my things up normally and followed Yu. At that point, he suddenly came back in the lecture hall and he looked like he was looking for something or someone but I didn't want to be caught staring at him so I just followed Yu to the door and I realised that he followed out as well.

Yu then said she had to go to print a couple of documents so I said "Bye! See you on Monday!" but really, subconsciously, I was saying that to him as well since he was so near to us.

Yu and I parted ways and he waited behind for a bit and began talking with a guy so I thought "Okay, at least I walked near him for a bit today" and then I began walking towards the stairs.

To my pleasant surprise, he suddenly appeared behind me while still chatting with the guy in English so I could hear and understand everything he was saying.

Prince: The lecture today was so boring.

I didn't really pay much attention after that cause I didn't want to look like I was eavesdropping so I just hastened my steps.

At the end of the staircase there are two different paths, one is the quickest way to the metro and the other one is the quickest way to my walk back home. Naturally, almost everyday, we part there because he goes the other way and I go to the other.

Today, I felt like he was walking towards my way even though I couldn't see him and just to be sure, I stopped at the side and stalled by taking my earphones out.

At first, I didn't see him so I really thought that I was imagining things but then when I looked up, he passed behind me and walked out before he made a turn to the right which is in the direction of the metro. And yes, that made me feel a bit happy, even though it was just a coincidence.

For all I know, he doesn't even use the metro. He could be just living near the university but all the same, he was walking alone and not with the usual bunch of girls he usually hangs out with so I felt a bit happy.

I am going to wake up early tomorrow and do my homework and study.

I can't wait for Monday, really.

I'm so glad that I didn't decide to change my lecturers otherwise I'd only have three days with him but now, I have four. I feel really lucky.

But I will not expect anything and keep my hopes at the lowest point possible.

Waiting for Monday. :)

Behind

I thought that Prince would go to on the class field trip to Venice to see the Biennale exhibition but he didn't so I was a bit disappointed but since I have been working hard on not trying to raise my hopes too high up, I wasn't that upset.

Today I was a bit late for class so when I finally got to class, almost everywhere was full so I had a hard time trying to find Yu but I found her roommate who was sitting near her bag after a minute or so. 

During that time, I was also scanning the class for Prince and I found him but he was sitting on the other side of the room and for a moment, I considered going to sit there since, at that time, I couldn't find Yu. When I found her bag though I made the decision to sit where she sat.

A few seconds later, Prince got up and walked over to our side and sat behind us cause his friends were sitting behind us and naturally I became just that bit more happy. Throughout the lesson, I was partly listening to him mock the teacher in English which is weird cause he usually speaks Siberian with his friends.

Now I'd like to think he spoke in English so that I could understand but that is just a fantasy.

Before the lecture started, I talked a lot with Yu which is a habit of mine whenever I'm near the guy that I am interested in. And it could be just my feelings or something but when class ended and he was talking with his friends (most of them are girls), he looked at me as I passed him.

During lunch time, I sat together with Yu and Isa outside the lecture hall and Yu and I talked about Prince with Isa. 

It surprises me that Isa never felt attracted to any guy before but then again, everyone is different and has their own preferences.

When Prince appeared in front of us, Yu began openly staring at him and she asked Isa to stare at him as well so both of them began to openly stare at him which was okay since he was around 3-4 metres away from us but still. 

And somehow I felt like he looked in our direction sometimes. I felt that his friend also looked our way a couple of times but it's just a feeling.

I was hoping that he'd sit behind us again for the afternoon lecture and he kind of did although we were separated by one seat. This time though, he sat directly behind me unlike that morning where he sat behind Yu.

Yu thinks he's very good looking as well, by the way hahaha. We have a lot of things in common. Typical for A blood type people to stick together hahahaha. XD

Anyway, during the break for the afternoon class, I went in front to ask the professor some questions and at first Prince stayed in his seat but he got up and started to follow his friends out of class.

But instead of immediately going out, he paused in front of the professor desk and I thought he was going to ask questions as well but then he began talking with another guy there but he stopped after some time and just stood there for awhile before he went out.

I don't know why but I felt like he was looking at me. It's just a feeling though.

Notice the amount of uncertainty I'm using. It's cause I don't want to raise my hopes too high up.

I feel sad that we only have four days of school cause I won't be able to see him till next Monday but it's okay cause there's no point in being sad if he doesn't even notice me.

I hope though that we'll be able to talk and become friends one day, unlike in Law's case.

A second sign

Exactly how do I know that I really find him interesting?

Well, a few nights ago, I actually dreamt of him.

I don't know what the hell I dreamt about (it was pretty innocent, mind you) but one thing for sure is that whenever I dream about a guy, I know that I am seriously attracted to him.

For instance, with Broccoli and Red, I didn't get any dream about them when I got interested in them. For Broccoli, I only got one dream about him recently but even then, I didn't feel anything in that dream.

The dream for Prince though, it happened very fast, as in, when I admitted to myself that I am interested in him, I got a dream about him.

I have two girls I hang out with currently. One we shall call Yu and another Isa. I haven't told them about Prince yet but I will just keep it between me and June for now cause I still keep in contact with her. She's one of the few friends I actually still keep in contact with on a weekly basis. :)

Things that happened to me today, well...

One of them is that when Yu and I were going down the stairs, we happened to walk behind him and if I had been stupid, I would've normally spoke out loud because he was there. Instead, I did my best to make my voice soft.

It really isn't much but when I began speaking with Yu, he turned around a bit to look behind him and yes, I'm sure it was a coincidence but it makes me happy all the same in a way that he wanted to know who was behind him.

And then after lunch, while the three of us were settling in class, Yu told me that one of her friends thought that I was pretty because he/she saw my profile picture on Facebook and I was shocked and got all flustered and started acting really stupid and he walked in the lecture hall which made me act even more stupid.

He glanced my way once, most probably because of that, so I did my best to stop being a fool.

And that's about it.

I sincerely hope that I'll get the opportunity to speak with him, especially now that I have more confidence to talk with guys, and that I won't waste it like what I did when I had feelings for Law.

I shall sign off here. Hopefully I won't think too much about this since I need to concentrate on my studies.

Too soon? Maybe...

Wow this has been a long hiatus indeed.

About Law, I don't feel too bad now. I mean, I do regret certain things but I can't help it if he likes someone else cause I can't control other people's feelings.

I thought that I wouldn't feel attracted to any guy at all when I got to Italy, since I like Asian guys more than those who aren't.

The first week I got here, I saw a hot Italian guy who is really nice and friendly but because I found him attractive, I didn't dare to talk with him and I acted really distant and cold so he probably hates me now. Not like I really liked him, I just don't want people to misunderstand me. I have to change so that people won't misunderstand me.

Anyway, the point is, even though I found him really, really, really hot (hot enough to be a model, seriously, with the height and killer abs and smile and blue eyes), I didn't feel anything that I felt like when I first saw Law.

Thinking back, I wonder how I fell for him so fast.

I really must re-read back all my posts about him one of these days when I'm super bored and in the mood for lukewarm humour haha. Too busy with university assignments these days anyway.

But the main thing here is that on the first day of university, a week ago, I saw a guy and I got a really good vibe from him, like I can tell he's a really nice guy.

He's really, really good looking (in my opinion, although not as hot as the Italian guy, whom we shall call Red) and he's also quiet when needed, smart, doesn't really care about style and has black hair. I don't know why, I just like guys with black hair than those who are blonde.

Yes, these are all my first impressions of him.

Those girls he usually talk with are lucky to be friends with him, seriously.

I bet all the girls are attracted to him. He's half Siberian and half Chinese.

On second thought, I think I saw him even before the first day of university but I just can't remember when.

But, I'm not going to do the same thing like what happened to me earlier on this year, falling for someone before getting to know them any better. It'll end up like Law's case again, maybe.

I hope that this time, I'll have more courage to talk with him.

Our age difference is bigger this time too, if I'm not mistaken.

He's 6 years older than me hahahaha. XD

And for me, that's a good thing cause I think the age difference should be at least 3 years and not more than 8 years.

But for Joseph Gordon-Levitt, 13 years is no problem for me either. XD

I hope that I'll be able to talk with him as our lessons together lengthen. Maybe that's why God made me switch lecturers haha.

I was initially with a different one but I realised I was in the wrong one so I switched.

When I first got into the classroom, I didn't see him. So, I thought he wasn't going to be in the class but hey-ho, he showed up late for the lesson and sat behind me which is a nice surprise for me. :) 

And I seriously don't know if it was because I was running a fever or something but I was blushing the whole time like a fool. I could feel my cheeks burning up especially towards the end of the lesson.

I must not stare at him though. I have to do my best to not bring my hopes up high like the last time.

I just hope that now I'll look forward to going to university more. :)

He shall be called... 

Wow, this is difficult. I can't think of anything at the moment.

...........

Prince.

Kill me but that's the best name that I can come up with. Haih...

So I have to sleep early tonight so that I can see Prince tomorrow! :D

I was a bit sad previously (last week) cause we only had 3 classes that were the same but now all our classes are the same! XD

Okay, I really have to go now.