It's half and half

I'm slightly disappointed that I didn't get chosen as the Graduation Chairperson but I'm sure that there's a good reason that God didn't want that to happen to me.


I didn't get to see Law today which, in a way, was a relief cause I'm pretty sure I made a complete fool of myself in front of a lot of people.


More people know about Law now.


I hope this doesn't spread.


I was feeling a little sad just now about whether or not I should still continue to like him.


But, at this stage where I am right now, I constantly think about him even though the subject matter right in front of me doesn't really connect with him.


Somehow, he'll just appear in my mind.


I'm sure that I've been thinking too much over the past few days so now I must try to control my thoughts.


I can't let them get to me.


I've been using this "Love Prediction" application on Facebook and I always get amused by the things they come up with.


Today's one is "Next weekend you'll be pleasantly surprised by your admirer."


I've been getting a lot of predictions regarding my "admirer"s and I'm highly amused by all of them.


I should post them up in here whenever they get too amusing.


I must sleep now. I've got to wake up early for church tomorrow.

Undecided

Today, I humiliated myself in front of the entire cafeteria.


So let me rewind back to the beginning.


I told my friends in the morning about what happened between Law and I yesterday and then I left.


During the first break, when I sat down next to them, all of them went like "Guess who's sitting near us?"


I did know. I could recognize his back from across a hall but I did my best to not look at him too much unlike my friends.


Then, after he left, I suggested that all of us should go back to class so Jean decided to walk with me.


When we got to the stairs, Law was standing near the further staircase so I took the one nearer to where I was standing but Jean just had to start dragging me to the other side and I panicked.


I panicked and dragged her back too the cafeteria.


And I screamed shrieked.


I bet he noticed that.


And suddenly all my friends (the ones who knows about Law) appeared out of nowhere and began teasing me because Law was buying food and they kept on asking me to go and buy food too.


But after that when I started my duty, he was neutral with me like he didn't notice the commotion which is good.


We worked together during the cleaning up time and were quite near each other but that's about it.


After that when we went back to the hall, we had to clean up more stuff and be briefed and he sat quite near to me. :)


Then, we had to take down more newspapers and because I wanted to, I punched through one of the newspaper sheets and I was about to punch another side when he went "Wait wait wait! I want to punch too!" and then he punched the side I wanted to punch.


He grinned so taking all of my friends advice, I grinned and giggled. 


Ugh. =-=;


But at least that was something.


I'm doing my best to practice talking with my seniors especially guy ones.


But, why did Law have to come up to me?


I'm pretty sure there were ones that were closer to him.


I didn't get to work with after that and even though I planned to stay back a bit late to do my homework and maybe get the chance to talk with him, I didn't.


It was because my driver came way too early.


I told my friends that morning that I'd get the courage to talk with him but I never did.


Now they're going to help me although I don't know how. XD


But for the last bit of today, I felt really sad cause I couldn't get the chance to talk to him.


But on a good side, I still have the chance to work with him next week! :)


I got nominated for the Graduation Chairperson post in the Student Council.


I am really shocked. Really.


Maybe I'll be able to get closer to Law in this way???


Anyway, I have to sleep now even though my hair isn't dry yet in the least.


I need to prepare myself for the interview tomorrow and even though I think I'm prepared, I'll just run through my self-introduction speech and a couple of Q&A they might ask me tomorrow on my way to school tomorrow.


I hope that I'll be able to get closer to him.

I don't understand myself sometimes

So first I'll just tell a bit about what happened to myself in general before I go on to talking about Law.


I was asked by one of my seniors if I was interested in becoming the Graduation Chairperson and I really didn't expect  that I'd get asked with that question.


My heart skipped a beat and I felt like I was lightheaded but I managed to calm down and asked if I could confirm with him tomorrow cause my parents aren't really that excited about me being very involved in extra-curricular activities.


But, I managed to convince them just now and now because of that, I feel like I need to study even harder for my parents so that I'll get good results for my A-Levels.


I will not disappoint them.


Okay, now about Law. :)


I didn't get to see him during the Fixed Campaign but during the Election Board meeting I saw him for a bit but of course I did my best to not stare at him.


When I got back to the lecture hall, for some unknown reason, my group mates were discussing about him and I wanted to join in but I just knew I'd end up embarrassing myself so I didn't.


I told one of my newly made friends that I liked Law and she said that she knew another person who admired him but according to her "My friend only thinks he's pretty and cute. XD"


=-=;


A lot of people say he's pretty but I don't think so.


He's hot.


Reminds me, I finally told Elva that I liked Law.


I got around to telling her cause she said she was interested in some people also. Law included.


But, she said that she only admired him and that it's obvious that what I'm feeling for Law is more deeper than her interest in him.


And then when she asked me why I liked him, I couldn't really point out any reason.


I mean, I know why I like him but I can't express them using words.


So I ended up saying "Because.... he's hot."


And then I screamed the place down cause I've never ever ever called any real guy that I liked "hot". X|


Okay, back to Law now.


I kind of expected that he wouldn't stayback today because he didn't yesterday but he did and I was quite happy that I'd get to work with him because tomorrow, I won't be able to work with him at all.


That part got me down a bit but then I just told myself to be patient.


Anyway, we started to carry tables to and fro different halls and there was one part where I was waiting for people to enter the hall before I could exit the hall whilst I carried two tables when Law suddenly said "Let the people carrying the tables pass through first."


At least he was kind enough to help me. :)


After that, I tried to keep my distance away from him so as to not distract myself too much but I noticed that while he was distributing stationary, he approached my station first before he gradually went away.


And then, when our leader asked some people to go to the other hall to help with the preparation, I went ahead and I didn't expect that he'd come as well.


He was with some friends and they were all joking with each other and laughing their heads off and I couldn't join them as much as I wanted to so I started to do my work.


I was alone at first but then one of the seniors came over to help me so I practiced talking to people older than me   and I'm happy  to say that our conversation went quite well although slightly awkward. At least both of us tried to keep the conversation alive. :)


When we were "finished", they began joking over the newspaper articles and there was one part when he came over to where I was and I think that he was "talking" to me (or rather, the other guys around us) and he said "A youth group? You mean like a church thing?" and then it got slightly silent and I was about to say something but then that moment passed.


There was one part when we were about to clean up and I was picking up newspapers that I think that he noticed me doing the tidying up.


He said something like "You okay? Do you need help-?" and he was about to come over and help me when one of my peers stepped in to help me. =-=;


SO CLOSE.


Another part was when I was beginning to wrap more tables and initially I was alone but then one of my seniors came over to help me and I noticed that Law also wanted to help but he hovered around awkwardly before going back to sit down.


WHY THE HELL DIDN'T I INVITE HIM???!!!!!!!


I regret that part A LOT.


After that, I just tried to act normally and talked with the other senior and I noticed that Law was always quite close by.


But there was one occasion when we almost bumped into each other and for some unknown reason, I felt a tense atmosphere between the both of us.


He used a different car today. I think it's his dad's one. All my seniors and him went to eat dinner together after that.  =-=;  So lucky!


Am I thinking too much?


Were all of those events just coincidences?


I really really really hope that I'll at least get to talk to him for a bit tomorrow cause tomorrow is kind of like my last chance to ever work with him in any way.


I MUST NOT HOLD BACK AND JUST GO FOR IT.


If not, who knows when my next chance will be?


I remember when Elva asked me how much I liked him (before she found out who Law was) I answered "I like him so much that if I don't see him at all for one day at school, I'll get really depressed."


As sappy as that sounds like, it's true.


Please please please let tomorrow be magical and miraculous for the both of us.

Half asleep

This is going to be an ugly post cause I'm so tired and I don't have the energy to spruce this post up.


I didn't get to see much of Law today.


I only saw him during the second break and I think he looked at me once but after  I saw that, I didn't dare to look in his direction again.


As we were going up the steps, I saw him looking at me even if it was only for a short time.


I think I could laugh at all the predictions and tarot readings and stuff that the Facebook application people provide.


I wonder if they're true?


I've reached the point where when I think about him, I start to smile for no reason.


I asked a friend how to tell if a guy is interested in you or not and she said that a guy's interested in you when he looks at you often.


I'm not too sure about that though...


Hopefully tomorrow will be a good day.


I'm really tired and much as I'd love to go on, I can't.


Good night! :)

"My heart beats faster and faster. Because of you everyday is my happy day." Love Girl - CNBLUE

He accepted it.


He accepted it.


He freaking accepted it.


RAWR RAWR RAWR RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I just can't believe it.


I mean, he could be all normal about it but I'm just so freaking ecstatic now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XD


I mean, this doesn't mean much but the important thing is that he did not reject it!


Which means, he's okay with me (i.e. he doesn't hate me) which was one of the things I was most worried about and that........ maybe.... just maybe..... I'm that much closer to getting to know him better!!!! XD


Previously, I could only stare at the "Add as Friend" button and my cursor could only hover over it but I'm so glad I took the risk and it paid off!


Of course, I know, this doesn't mean that we'll become close immediately or anything but just this small step towards getting to know him even better makes me happy. :)


Also, he went home roughly around 4.00 pm from school so the first thing he probably did when he got home was to go online and on to Facebook and then he approved! :D


I'm just really happy. I'm really really really happy. :)


Today, I didn't get to see much of him as during the campaign he had to be at a different venue while I was in another place which is good in a way if not, I'd get severely distracted and I wouldn't have been able to finish my duties properly.


He nearly made a girl cry.


But it is kind of his job to bomb people with questions to see if they can handle the pressure.


He really isn't that type of person.


He got some critiques though from one of the lecturers because he emphasized a bit too much on the details in the candidate's proposal (A true Virgo! The book was right).


I saw him only for a bit during the second break but I made sure my back was turned to him otherwise I wouldn't have been able to concentrate on lunch.


I found myself looking around for him a lot throughout those times. =-=;


At the end of school, I didn't really expect him to still be in school but then I saw him in the assembly hall but I did my best to not look at him too much.


I kind of knew something wasn't right but I didn't know what until I logged into Facebook and found out that his car broke down.


This also means that he might not be able to stayback tomorrow so I'm a little crestfallen but not to worry, I still feel very happy. :)


Now all I have to do is wait for an opportunity for the both of us to talk and when that time comes I must not waste it!


And now I have to go sleep cause I keep on falling asleep in class especially during Physics and Biology even though I don't intend to. I must try to not do that anymore!!!!!


Today's Valentine's Day was quite special after all. :)

So just pull the trigger

I don't know if it's cause I'm just too exhausted or I'm tired of waiting for something to happen but I just shot myself in the head.


Because, I just pressed the "add as friend" button on Facebook.


I am really screaming inside right now because somehow, I felt feel kind of stupid for doing that.


I mean, I actually did some prior practice (like adding other seniors) before I added Law but it doesn't feel the same.


I added him cause we've already sent each other a few texts back and forth even though it's only regarding school matters and we do know each other already and we have worked with each other.


So I'll just type down what happened at school today before I go off to sleep.


I was supposed to meet him during the first break but I used up the first half of the break celebrating my friend's birthday after which I texted him and asked him where I could find him.


By the time the bell rang, he didn't reply so I just texted him saying it's okay and I asked if I could pass the papers to him during the second break when we had our Election Board meeting and he said it was okay. He said sorry also cause he had his phone on silent.


I was really tempted to reply him but then I didn't want to look stupid so I just left it like that.


But then, I didn't pass it to him during the meeting because he went out as soon as the meeting finished so I passed it to Angel instead and she was really nice and all. :) Thank goodness.


We had our rehearsal for the campaign tomorrow after school and at first I was slightly disappointed that I couldn't see him but then when I went down, I saw him at the assembly area so I felt slightly happy that I got to see him.


He had to stayback a bit with some friends to talk about the campaign tomorrow.


Throughout that time, I just sat down and tried to finish doing our house's banner which I think I can finish drawing by this Friday, hopefully. :)


I saw him looking in my direction once for quite some time but I will not think too much about it cause it could have been a coincidence.


He went home quite late today and while I was talking with another senior, he had to wait for our conversation to finish cause he was sending the senior back home.


I kind of feel this weird atmosphere between us.


I think it's cause he knows I'm interested in him and he doesn't know what to do.


I feel stupid for adding him.


What if he doesn't accept it????!!! =-=;


I don't want to stress too much over this small thing and I need to concentrate more on my studies and other duties.


Tomorrow's Valentine's Day in case you guys forgot.


I'm truthfully a little excited since this is the first time in 12 years that I've attended a co-ed school and I wonder how it'll be like tomorrow.


I'm quite certain some of my friends will get a couple of confessions cause they're all so pretty and nice. :)


As for me, I'm definitely not going to confess unless something stupid overpowers me and then I'll know I'll regret my future words and actions in the future.


Okay, I've got to go to sleep now.

Over the moon and then down in the dumps

Today our school held a talent show with the objective to showcase our students and lecturers talents as well as to break the ice between the students even more.


Our group got 2nd place and honestly, I was a bit shocked cause we only really started to practice seriously last night.


And we only practiced for two hours. Really.


I kept glancing at Law who stood quite close by although I don't know why.


It's not like he'll suddenly look at me or anything.


Anyway...


Before I go on, I'll just write down a bit about what happened to me just a few seconds ago.


My mom was looking at me, typing away, when she asked me why I wasn't studying as hard as used to last time.


I can't blame her for wondering but honestly, doesn't she care about anything else other than me and my studies?


It's really good that she's expressing and stressing such great concern but I would like her to know that the only reason why I type things out in this blog is because I can't really tell anyone here how I honestly feel without any fear whatsoever.


One of the reasons why I attend all kinds of practice is to meet new people and who knows, I'll get to find "the friend".


Maybe she's feeling this way because she likes being a loner?


But then again, it's not like she's never experienced what I'm experiencing now.


I'm quite sure she went out a lot when she went to college.


I'm not going to dwell too much on this though cause this blog isn't supposed to be related to problems like this but I'm not  exactly in the mood to open up my other blog and type in there too.


Okay, back to the main point. :)


Law had to keep going back in and out cause he was on duty but his duty didn't require him to do much so he could basically do anything he liked.


Like when other people were performing and if he was bored, he just went out of the hall.


There were a couple of occasions where I bumped into him and it was slightly awkward I guess.


It's probably because of the text I sent him yesterday.


But when our group performed, he actually stayed to watch. :)


It's not like I was on stage or anything (I was working backstage) but knowing that he stayed to watch our group made me feel slightly excited.


At times, I felt like he purposely stood in places so that I could look at him.


But then again, it's just my thoughts.


I will do my club work tomorrow and now I must go study so that my mom won't be so worried about me academically.


Amazing how I can feel so high up and happy one day and then get all down and soggy the next.


I must stick to my new year resolutions.