If I was someone else

I seriously couldn't care about my assignments. Probably going to pull an all nighter today to finish whatever I can.

So I read a couple of mangas just now and it made me think, 'If I had a different family, if I lived in a different environment, or if I had met different friends but still held the same principles and values, would I have been the person I am today?'

Naturally you and I know that the answer is 'Yes'.

No. I meant 'No'.

But really, I wish I could have someone's personality just for one day, the type who doesn't think too much and is reckless in her decisions. Someone who's the direct opposite of my character.

Someone who'll throw caution to the winds and just date around and not wait for the right guy to come along.

And when I think about that, I start to think 'What if I wasn't a Christian?'. Then I would be "free", in a way, to sleep around and do all those kinds of things that's forbidden in Christianity because as a human I'm naturally curious.

But when those thoughts appear in my head, I naturally feel guilty. It's probably cause I'm freaking traditional as well, also maybe one of the reasons why I never had a boyfriend, because I never asked any guy out.

Then I start thinking 'Should I make the first move to talk with Al?' and then I crush that thought out not even a minute later.

All of these thoughts get mucked up into my brain and ruin my concentration. I can't perform any duties out properly at the moment.

How can I sort this mess out?