And I try to run away but I keep telling myself that he's the one for me

I have no idea what I'm doing.


Part of me is trying to let go of this feeling for him because I know that I have very small hope to even become his friend cause I already screwed up that part.


Another part is still hoping and that part annoys me because I know that I'm only going to hurt myself even more.




When I logged into Facebook just now, I didn't even want to look at his page so I went to other people's profile and then I saw his face in one of the photos.


Why did he have to have such a winning smile?


Why did he have to look so good and cute and perfect?


Why the hell do I still have these feelings for him?




In a sense, I feel happy cause I thought that I wouldn't be able to see him for a whole month but it turns out that I'll get to see him in two weeks or so cause he'll be coming back to school to sit for his examination.


I know that he isn't studying seriously for his test right now and I wish I could do something to motivate him to try to achieve good grades.




I know this is hard to believe cause I myself find it impossible to believe it but I think about him all the time.


All the time.


And I'm not even going out with him.


I try so hard to think about other things like my friends and studies and all but I just can't.


One second, I think about something else and then before I know it, whatever it was that I was thinking about causes me think about him.




I feel so unworthy to like a guy like him.


I mean, he isn't perfect or anything but I just wish I had the qualities to be a better person for him, maybe even the qualities a girl should have that he likes.


I wish I knew what type of girl he likes. If he was a celebrity, I would have known.


But then again, if he was a celebrity, I wouldn't have even met him so I thank my lucky stars for that.




I just wish that he'd find me interesting and that he'd like me.




I know that he isn't the only guy out there but he is a guy that I know I can relate to, someone who possibly has the same brainwave as me.




I can't believe that I still like you.


You could be playing with my feelings for all I know but I still like you and yes, I am a fool for being like this.


You're too nice.


I wish you weren't.


I'd be easier to grow to dislike you and forget you.




I wish I had done things differently.


Maybe then right now would have been different.


But then again, everything happens for a reason according to God's will so I will put my life into his hands and let him decide which path I should take even if I do hope for a different outcome because God's plan for me is definitely the best one for me.


I just have to be patient for now.