First and foremost, I am truly sorry and I apologise for anything I type after this. Allow me to be a freaking selfish and pitiful pig that's still growing up and knows no better even though I pretty much am sure I'm going to regret typing all of it out.
Dear Prince,
I have no freaking idea why I freaking like you so so so much that I find myself unable to programme normally because you used to be the only thing in my mind and somehow, you became the goal that I strove to reach.
When I learnt that you have a girlfriend, a recent one at that, I became really devastated and I pretty much believe that it's even more worse compared to the time that I liked Law.
I just learnt to hide this emptiness better.
I can't even believe the things I still want to do.
I still want to approach you. To talk to you. To become closer to you.
To stubbornly refuse to give you up and to give up this feeling that I have for you.
Oh, and did I mention that I get so freaking, annoyingly jealous of Acia because you are so much more closer to her and I don't even have the right to do so. If anything, it's my fault for not having approached you first last year.
And the time when we talked? Yeah, I missed out on so many things to say. Why the hell was I such a bad conversationalist then? Not like I'm a master or anything at the moment but I only just recently started learning how to make a good conversation and I freaking regret not having done so earlier so that maybe I could've still held your interest.
In fact, I went against my own guts when talking with you and I bet if I had only listened to my intuition, we would have been at least more closer than what ever strained relationship we have now.
Why the hell did I rush things??? Why do I get so excited so easily over the smallest things????????????
Tell me, do you hate me? Would you hate me even more if I attempted to talk with you? Do you even think of me, even the slightest bit?
I bet you don't give a single damn about anything that's related to me.
I bet you freaking regret making contact with a freak like me.
And I freaking hate the fact that I care too much about what you think of me.
I don't even know why I think you're the perfect guy despite knowing the fact that you're only human, a human who is sure to err and to bend to the temptation of sin.
Let me go ahead and say that I have imagined holding your hand. Imagined my fingers running through your black hair before they trace your jaw and cheekbones. Imagined an embrace so close that it'll be impossible to tell who's body's warmth belongs to who.
Imagined winter dates where we'll walk side by side, not necessarily holding hands, but enveloped in a comfortable silence, a world of our own.
Imagined looking deep into your eyes and doing nothing else but.
The truth? I think you're the sexiest guy I have ever met in real life. Red doesn't have a patch on you.
Who is this wonderfully lucky girl that got the privilege to be cherished by you???
If things don't go too well with her, will you ever consider me?
Yeah, I apologise for pursuing you. It's more masculine than feminine and I bet it freaking looks desperate but I seriously can't control that part of me too well. Blame my late puberty.
I tried writing out a short story about my feelings for you but I just couldn't bring myself to make a happy ending since I already know the actual truth of reality.
I can no longer sleep normally. I can't think straight. Nothing is arranged chronologically in my mind and the days pass by as if I were in a coma.
I'm so tired of having these thoughts running constantly through my mind and I wish I had the will to make it stop but I just can't find myself doing so.
Please... Please... Please give me a chance to become your friend once again. I'm sorry I screwed up.
Truly,
Me.
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