The first letter

Dear Law,


I noticed that you didn't go to school today.
Either that or I just couldn't find you.
I somehow think it's the former because I couldn't sense you at school.


So, you must be wondering how I'm holding up with that right?


Bad.


Very bad.


When I realised that I couldn't see you for one day today, I freaked out and I got really sad.


I got so sad I started laughing at everything and just smiled and smiled and smiled even though I felt like I was crumbling up into pieces on the inside.


I wonder if you know how much being able to see you just once a day means to me.


And today, when I realised this, I panicked even more.


Why?


You'll be gone in 18 days cause you wouldn't be obliged to come to school anymore as you'll be on a study break.


This means, I only have 18 days to see you around in school and get the chance to talk to you.


When I typed out that sentence, you really have no idea how much my heart hurt just now from a really huge cramp.
It was as though a giant had taken my heart and compressed it with his gigantic hands.


I'll be very busy this week as well so I won't be able to even see you during the first and second break that much and honestly, those combined 50 minutes of being able to be somewhere near you makes my day.


You know what?


Just seeing you for 10 seconds is already enough to give me the drive to go on and be happy throughout the entire day.


I finally gathered up the courage to smile at you and say "Hey, good morning!" today but when you didn't come, I felt a slight disappointment.


I'm not blaming you for not coming to school today.


For all I know, you're sick or something urgent came up so I have no right to blame you.


In fact, I blame myself the most.


Why do I have to be such a shy person who can't even make a move within 2 months?


I replay all the times I could have talked to you and that just makes me feel even worse.


Why?


Because, today I talked with one of my seniors (i.e. one of your friends/classmate) just fine and it could have been you if only the both of us had worked together side-by-side that day.


But no.


I was too scared to make a move.


Even if you had the slightest interest in me, it'll be gone soon because you will forget me cause I know that I'm easy to forget.


I'm not pretty or smart or remotely unique.


I really don't think that I'm worthy enough to even look at you.


Why did I have to fall for you???


Still, I feel so lucky to have fallen for you and that even the small coincidences and interactions that we had together really really made me happy.


What the hell, it still makes me happy.


When I read your writing, I find them very interesting and at the same time, very cute, cause you are still such a good boy despite all these bad influence surrounding you.


You know, I typed out a SMS for you today cause I just couldn't take it anymore but I couldn't press the send button.
It's still in my drafts.


I hope that... I really hope that you'll like me.


Because, I really really really like you.


A lot.


Beth




And so ends my first letter for Law in this blog.


I'm not going to colour it because that will just take the whole point out from the message.




I asked my predictions just now; "Will he make the first move on me?"


I got: 


Recent past: Knight of Cups - A champion in love. Willing to come to the aid of one's loved ones. A defender of truth. Bravery and courage. Caught up in the fantasies associated with love. Slow and steady course. A youthful man in love. May be in love with idea of love and romance. An emotionally sensitive man in loving relationships. A skillful new lover.


Current Situation: Two of Cups - New meanings in relationships. Contracts in the creative arts. Union of hearts and minds. Possibilities to heal old wounds. New energies surging around you. Time to put creative thoughts into action. Good time for dreams and goals that have been put off to begin. Good time to begin work on new plan. All pieces are in place. First step to new future is at hand.


Future influences: King of Cups - A devoted husband and father. A man fiercely protective of his loved ones. A successful and mature man employed in the creative arts. A new connection is possible. A man capable of giving and receiving love freely without the reservations of youth. Love lessons have been learned, this man is ready for deep commitment. Appreciation for creative pursuits.


I wished that the both of us would get together.


I got: The Sun - Life (Inversus) There is a minor conflict between you and your lover, but later the conflict will be subsides, just like the clouds temporarily cover the sun. So do not say wondering words to each other, because you two are still in love with each other.


That gave me some hope and strength.


Next: Expect to plunge yourself into some new physical and emotional experiences with someone adventurous.


I really hope that I'll get to see him tomorrow.


And when I do, I will smile and greet him.


This has proven very effective cause the last time I did it to a senior, I became quite okay with that senior.


I shall take the first step.


Tomorrow.


Definitely.